Eating Disorders (asking for help, not condoning them!)

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ittyXbittyXbritty
ittyXbittyXbritty Posts: 73
in Motivation and Support
Before you reply to this post, please do not get upset that I am bringing up this topic or ask me for "tips" because I am not "pro-ana" or "pro-mia" in any way.

I can't help but wonder if there are any other people on here who are like me and are (and I say this loosely) bulimic. No, I have not been diagnosed, but I have several friends who were concerned about me that sent me links to the DSM-IV criteria for diagnosing an eating disorder, and lo and behold, I fit the criteria for a full-fledged bulimic...I KNOW I can't be the only one struggling, so maybe if anyone else has this struggle, we can be friends on here or something. I just kinda want to kick this thing in the butt before it's too late and I end up in inpatient or something. (My mom has given me til the end of my first semester to "clean up my act" (incidentally, is several things that need to be cleaned up) or else she's sending me to a psychiatrist)

Basically, I want to recover and learn how to eat properly and diet/exercise properly again. Despite the media's glamourizations of eating disorders, there is nothing "beautiful" about forcing yourself to vomit your food. So, I would like to enlist the help of supporters to help me out a bit, and in return, I will help you in anyway I can.

But like I said in the top line, PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME FOR TIPS OR HOW TO BECOME BULIMIC OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
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Replies

  • petite_boleyn
    petite_boleyn Posts: 144
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    Can't help you learn how to eat properly, because I have ED-NOS myself. (Bulimic tendencies with anorexia mainly) But just letting you know you're not alone. Not by a long shot.
  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
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    You are definitely not the only one who struggles with this. There are many groups of users here that aren't sharing tips or pro mia, but instead a shoulder to lean on and understand the issues you feel.

    You can use the group search function to find the many different options. I also sent you an invitation to one of the groups that has helped me.

    You are really doing good for yourself by trying to kick it and get on the right track. Try not to beat yourself up if it takes a few tries and failures. Just keep trying.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
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    why are you scared to see a therapist?

    that would help you a lot.
  • deadbeatsummer
    deadbeatsummer Posts: 537 Member
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    I don't but I have dealt with many ED friends online before.. just take each day as it comes. deep breaths, and focus on being good to yourself.
  • rose_mortem
    rose_mortem Posts: 147 Member
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    When I started using MFP, I was only eating 600 calories on a good day. Once I increased to 1200 (only by eating ice cream and all other no-no foods) I lost weight by magic. I know it sounds backwards, but try to eat more, and keep it down! No purging. It destroys your esophagus and is so bad for you.

    Feel free to add me, and good luck with recovery x
  • hs1956
    hs1956 Posts: 16
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    Reconsider the therapist. There are therapists who specialize in helping people with eating issues. I really benefited from therapy and wish I had been involved in it at your age instead of waiting til I was 22. Your college probably has a therapist that focuses on helping students with eating issues. Eating disorders are quite common on college campuses; some colleges even have support groups for those in recovery. You have taken the first step in acknowledging your problem and reaching out.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
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    I agree with Cara....why are you scared to see a therapist? I was anorexic in high school and my friends helped me but I didn't feel confident enough to even try to lose the weight I put on for fear of relapsing until I saw a therapist and realized my depression, anorexia, and self-destructive behaviors were caused by anxiety. Once I addressed that, I became happy mentally and soon I will be happy physically.

    If you are trying to recover, you can add me for support, but I am honest, and will point out any ED-NOS behaviors. Just remember I HAVE BEEN THERE. My body was to the point that it rejected food. My friends would force me to eat and I'd HAVE to throw up (I didn't force myself; food literally made me ill). There is hope but you have to REALLY want to be better because it takes a lot of hard work to get there.
  • Pezko
    Pezko Posts: 4 Member
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    I wish you the very best. Anorexia is currently wrecking my life. I've been using this site to make sure I eat 1200+ calories and limit my exercise.

    Try not to be reluctant about seeing a doctor or therapist. I very strongly recommend seeing a psychologist or social worker for therapy and a psychiatrist, GP, or nutritionist for medication and to check blood work. I've needed all of them and they've been crucial in getting me this far.

    Is your mother sympathetic? Does she understand you have an illness and that it's very different from needing to "clean up your act"? You might want to show her some websites or pamphlets or have her sit in on a doctor's session with you.

    Do you get easily triggered into wanting to purge? I just want you to be comfortable on the boards here -- the most innocuous posts sometimes make me want to restrict even more.

    Big, big hugs to you and everyone else suffering with an ED!
  • petiteLady89
    petiteLady89 Posts: 198 Member
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    I struggled with anorexia when I was a young teen. I have had thoughts of not wanting to eat over the years, especially with having two children and gaining 50lbs with each. My motivation is just wanting to stay healthy for my boys, show them what healthy is by eating right and exercising. I also know that not eating enough is only going to hurt me.

    I've just been doing a lot of research over the last three years on how to eat healthy and just try my best to put that knowledge to use everyday. I still struggle with no feeling hungry a lot, especially when I am stressed (or pretty much any emotion), but wanting to be healthy is what keeps me going and lets me make a conscious choice to fuel my body properly.

    I'm not sure if this is similar to bulimia, but I can relate with the struggles with food. Since I have found MFP, I religiously add EVERYTHING I eat. The good and bad. It might not be healthy, but at least I am trying to be the healthiest I can be. If you're going to exercise please make sure to fuel your body! The 1200 calories MFP recommends, in my opinion, is not a good number for everyone. I would recommend you find your BMR and TDEE number and start there. Even if you start at TDEE, you will still lose weight. Make sure you do not go below your BMR.

    In the beginning I was eating the recommended 1200 calories and not eating back my exercise calories and felt very weak and tired all day. I am slowly working up to eating at my TDEE. I know there is something emotionally blocking me from eating so much, but I am working on it every day.

    Also, what really helped me is going to an impatient clinic when I was younger. Followed by a outpatient clinic. We met with a nutritionist and took different workshops to learn about our ED's.
  • SlimReggieBack
    SlimReggieBack Posts: 121 Member
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    Drink water eat a fiber bar you will be full for 3 hours you wouldn't want to eat trust me.
  • skonly
    skonly Posts: 371
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    I agree with Cara....why are you scared to see a therapist? I was anorexic in high school and my friends helped me but I didn't feel confident enough to even try to lose the weight I put on for fear of relapsing until I saw a therapist and realized my depression, anorexia, and self-destructive behaviors were caused by anxiety. Once I addressed that, I became happy mentally and soon I will be happy physically.

    If you are trying to recover, you can add me for support, but I am honest, and will point out any ED-NOS behaviors. Just remember I HAVE BEEN THERE. My body was to the point that it rejected food. My friends would force me to eat and I'd HAVE to throw up (I didn't force myself; food literally made me ill). There is hope but you have to REALLY want to be better because it takes a lot of hard work to get there.

    You should get help. Start by seeing a Dr. who can refer you to a therapist in your area. If you do not want your mother involved maybe ask a counselor or even look up a hotline number, I'm sure there is one. If you have a problem and need help, get help. Nothing wrong with it. You already admit you do so be proud of yourself for that big step.

    I think you will find support on forums but really need one on one therapy. You mentioned there is more to cleaning up your act other than the ED. I think therapy would be your best choice. There are usually reasons that lead to ED's and other things that may need to be addressed. Most of the time we aren't really aware of why we do things that are so bad for us, the true cause of what drives us to it. Don't be afraid. In my eyes, getting to the bottom of anything should be a relief. If you learn why you do certain things it helps you stop.
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
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    While not bulimic, I have been seeking counselling for binge and compulsive eating. Having a support system of like-minded friends is great, but they aren't trained professionals, and I urge you to seek out a qualified ED counsellor. It is the best thing that I ever did for myself, because my own counsellor has helped me retrain my thought patterns through baby steps... steps that I would have been too disorganized, and not objective enough, to see and then take for myself. I am more mindful of how I eat, I don't polarize foods into "good" and "evil" categories as much, and a lot of the subconscious bingeing "trances" that I used to go into are NO MORE! I'm in recovery, just checking in with my counsellor once a month, for our last couple of sessions, and I'm on my way to a healthier body.

    Please don't look at seeing a mental health professional as a negative thing. A substantial portion of the population could either highly benefit from such services (yet doesn't seek them out), or has already sought them out. It's nothing to be ashamed of or to dread. I'm sure that, given your awareness that you have a problem (and kudos on recognizing that you have one), you will have great success at recovery, with the help of an ED counsellor.

    As you are in college, and also 18, I'm sure that your campus has some resources for this sort of counselling (check with Student Services), or you may have coverage through your parents' health plan, if they have one. Also, while I never developed the purging side of this to become bulimic, I get the bingeing mentality as well as have been through a lot of depression/anxiety/body image issues when I was your age. I've also been through the stresses of college, during my culinary training. Feel free to add me or send me a message if you need someone to talk to.
  • sunnygirl87
    sunnygirl87 Posts: 40 Member
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    I went through inpatient treatment for bulimia. While I was there, I learned about using alcohol, exercise, etc all for the same thing; self medication. If you could straighten yourself up by yourself, you certainly would have, I promise. There are many reasons for the disease, chemical brain differences, emotional, spiritual. Don't kick yourself. We are lucky to live in a time of internet information connections. The one thing you can do for yourself is find a professional who treats eating disorders. It is serious. You cannot do this alone and frankly, you deserve the care and consideration of a support group/treatment. Over Eaters Anonymous is a good start. Whether you have any of the many variations, you have the same underlying needs. You deserve a full, love filled life, aside from the control eating disorders/addictions has over your future. I hope the best for you. You are not alone.
  • ittyXbittyXbritty
    ittyXbittyXbritty Posts: 73
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    To basically hit all the main points here:

    I'm afraid to see a therapist because I have spoken to people who have recovered and a lot of them have told me they had to gain weight...which honestly, scares me. Like, I can't really put into words how much it scares me. I've beat myself up over gaining even a small half pound. I don't like seeing that number go up at all...partly because I am VERY short and I feel as if I wear every morsel of food I consume. So, there's that...which is also kind of ironic, because bulimia doesn't make you terribly thin...actually, the fluctuations are absurd...which further drives me into beating myself up over it.

    My mom isn't that sympathetic, to be honest. She once told me how she was "anorexic for two weeks, then stopped because there are more important things" which made me realise she doesn't actually understand what an eating disorder is...and she's the type that won't listen to logic because she has her own preconceived notions on things. She also doesn't know I purge, she just knows that there are many times where I won't eat. But, as I said, there is more than one thing she wants me to "clean up." To also reiterate how little she understands/sympathises, she sees people with eating disorders as the type who want attention. She doesn't realise that what I see in the mirror is not what she sees and keeping my food down is an actual challenge and I don't want attention for it. Actually, I think I was honestly happier when no one else knew.

    Also, I have never been able to figure out my triggers. I would like to be one of those people that can say "oh yeah, it's when I see a photo of a model" or something, but it's not. I have purged at school, at home, at friend's houses once or twice, at the mall, etc...I really do not know what makes me want to do this. I'd say it's because I think I eat too much and I'm too fat, but that's more or less the central dogma of an eating disorder, anyway.
  • claricecollins
    claricecollins Posts: 54
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    I've been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for almost a decade now and I'm in a full swing program to get my life in order. IF you want someone to talk to and help you through tough and not so tough days, add me. Your best day in an ED is far worse than your worst day in recovery or therapy.
  • Helloitsdan
    Helloitsdan Posts: 5,564 Member
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    I can point you in the right direction as to how much to eat and an idea of what the weight fluctuations would look like.

    Feel free to PM me if you are interested.

    Ive got 3 women who are recovering EDs and are doing very well.
    They are building muscle and learning how food works in their systems.
    This takes away a lot of the fear of food by teaching simple lessons about p-ratio and how overeating works.

    I'm no doctor but when it comes to diet plans I can certainly help.

    Hugs!
  • Jenloma
    Jenloma Posts: 77 Member
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    I've seen others on this site with the same situation. My only eating disorder is EATING TOO MUCH.
    But I would say to exercise and burn your calories.
  • huskergirl0731
    huskergirl0731 Posts: 12 Member
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    I see a therapist weekly for depression and PTSD. I know my problem is nothing like you are going through, but I can understand being afraid to go to therapy. I will say this, give it a try. I know it seems scary, but it can make a world of difference. Here are a few things I tell others that are considering treatment.

    Be patient - Therapy takes time, but it is time well spent.
    Be prepared to work - It's not going to be easy. You will have bad days, but that's okay! Also, I found that by reading articles, books, and forums that I have a better understanding of what I am going through and that I'm not alone in my struggles.
    If after multiple sessions you don't like your therapist, look into seeing someone else. I know a few people that stopped treatment because they didn't like their therapist.

    A good therapist will help you work through your fears, give you tools to cope and help you learn your triggers.

    As far as your mom goes, she will never truly understand what you are going through. The best thing you can do is worry about getting yourself better. If you decide that therapy is an option you are willing to try, you can ask your therapist if your mom can sit in on a session (when you are comfortable). Your theraprist may be able to help her have a better understanding of what you are dealing with. I did this when my mother visited earlier this year. She had been worried that I was going to go off the deep end. I wanted her to understand that I am better (like 200% better than I was 2 years ago) and that I am a strong and capable woman. Yes, PTSD has changed me, but it no longer rules my life!

    Best wishes to you.
  • JennyLisT
    JennyLisT Posts: 402 Member
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    I would actually highly recommend therapy. I know some therapists who actually specialize in working with individuals who have eating disorders.

    As someone who has been through therapy, though not for an eating disorder, I can honestly say that the help I received is invaluable.
  • filomenae
    filomenae Posts: 110 Member
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    You are not alone! I got out of treatment not too long ago and while I hated it, it was necessary because I had been engrossed in my ED for 9 years. You can friend me :) I am recovering.. I have slip ups and bad days, but I'm working on it. You have to fight it, one moment at a time, one battle and victory at a time.

    Also, I highly recommend professional help. If recovery wasn't difficult, it wouldn't be called recovery. I have tried over the years to stop on my own, but it would never stick and I'd always slip back into my old ways.. It's scary and it's hard, but it is possible and will get better over time.

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