Just over a year on MFP w/ pics!

As of today, I have been using MFP for just over one year...but the truth of the matter is that my weight loss "journey" began in the summer of 2009.
As of my last weigh-in, I have lost approximately 84lbs since my heaviest weight (44lbs of that has been since August 2011).
My current BMI is 24.7 and at my heaviest it was close to 38.
In the summer of 2009, I started buying size 18 clothes, which disturbed me greatly, but I still believed I was doing a pretty good job of hiding how big I'd gotten from the world. Then I saw a picture of myself wearing one of the outfits I believed best "hid" things and...well, I was very wrong.

This is how I looked at my heaviest, which was 256lbs (I'm 5'10" btw):



ummmmm....just, don't even bother asking what I was doing in this picture...



eta: Idk why these pics are cut in half and I'm too lazy to investigate. It's Photobucket's fault. I HATE photobucket...

So, it was a few months after these that I saw the picture of myself that effed my mind up and decided I needed to do something right away. In July/August of 2009, I slowly began cutting calories, improving my nutrition, and then after a few months I cut out all processed foods and grain products. By the end of October, I had lost 40lbs and (even though the following picture is from May of 2010, the 40lbs is still gone) looked like this:



Basically, not much visible difference (aside from a crappy haircut) after losing FORTY pounds!!! Why did I even bother sharing this pic? For all my fellow tall ladies who might be feeling frustrated by the fact that a short gal can lose 10lbs and see a huge difference. Frankly, it just doesn't work that way for us so...be patient: it WILL happen, I promise!!

Anyway, that last picture was taken 1) on my dad's wedding day (we like to keep it casual--shut up!) and 2) at the beginning of a more than year-long slalom to emotional rock bottom, which...brings me to MFP.

So, on August 1, 2011, I made a major life decision that would eventually get me to where I am today, BUT that began with a lot of pain, misery, anger, etc. Initially, I lost my appetite and noticed that I lost a few pounds along the way. Sadly, I first came to MFP for not the best of reasons: I hoped the involuntary weight loss could continue voluntarily AND tracking food was the main thing in my life I felt I had control over (not a healthy mindset at all--I don't recommend it).

After a few weeks of traditional dieting, I found myself really angry one day. Now, since August 1, 2011 I had pretty much been angry all day, every day, occassionally (read: often) mixing it up with some good old-fashioned tears, whining, and feeling really sorry for myself (but through all of this knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd made the right decision, no matter how painful--this is key), so to say that I was EXTRA angry this day is really something. And the anger was set off by something really small like someone slightly bumping my toe with their foot while we stood on line at the supermarket (my first thought was "Imma KILL dis b*tch"...I didn't! Or did I...? No, no. Didn't. I swear). I happened to be on my way to the gym already (I'd joined up the week before and gone a few times, but hadn't really gotten much from it), so I thought "I've heard literally working off your anger can really help, so what can it hurt to try?" And I did. I went as hard as I could, which honestly wasn't hard at all, and finished my workout.

No change.

Then, on my way to the car, something curious happened: I wasn't angry anymore. Not only that, I felt...good, physically and mentally. So, from that point on, I got in the gym or out for a walk, etc. 6 days a week, every week. I continued refining my eating (initially I had just cut calories, but over time I started paying SERIOUS attention to nutrition, and since about May of this year, I've again cut out nearly all processed foods and grain products) and...

I'm stronger than I've ever been. I have more energy than I've ever had. I have more muscle definition than I've ever had (and I used to lift in high school when I rowed--but nothing like how I beast now). I'm now officially the same size that I was at my thinnest in high school (size 10, 149lbs) but...I'm roughly 23lbs heavier than at that time. My skin, hair, and gums look the best they've ever looked (thank YOU, good nutrition!), I have the most confidence I've ever had in my whole life, and I'm just generally happy (though to be fair, those last two points are only partly due to my physical changes--I've also been making TONS of mental and emotional changes as well in this last year).

This is how I look currently:






And for the record, I am NOT on a "diet": I have made a lifestyle change, which I believe is the only way to lose weight and keep it off. Sometimes there are plateaus, sometimes I have to kick my a** out of bed to go work out, and sometimes I really just want to eat several pounds of the most terrible fast food ever (well, not too often anymore...), but I just do what I gotta do. When I inevitably "fail" or have a bad day, I forgive myself and move on: life is TOO short to get caught up in going over calories, or being frustrated with the scale. Newsflash: no one gives a damn about it but you, so stop giving a damn and just do something about it. Give yourself a break.

I'm in this for life, so if you would like to support and be supported by me, send me a FR--I don't discriminate (unless you're an idiot--I will absolutely be forced to judge you for that. Just keepin' it real...)! Also, I like to laugh and have fun, so let's amooze each other!

Thanks for reading.