body image.. denial...

mccbabe1
mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
in Introduce Yourself
just a random post I guess.. but im realizing more and more.. that ive been in DENIAL.. of my wt! last 5yrs.. after gaining 50 lbs in an unhappy short lived marriage.. and havent lost it all yet! and was already about 30 #'s or so over where I should b :indifferent: anyway.... im 5'4" and started mfp at 231 and am now 222(just one month in now).. and i started at size 18 and now size 16... and idk.. i think i never really saw my 'actual' size... until recently.. sounds weird.. but like a reality check since being on here.. and seeing peeps before and 'now' or after pics.. and a lot of peeps starting at my size..and im like do I look like that?! ugh anybody get what im saying or am I just coo coo? lol... :indifferent:

Replies

  • heretoloseit95
    heretoloseit95 Posts: 78
    Congrats on the weight loss and You're not coo coo at all :) , I weighed almost 176 at my heaviest and i was sure on my way to 200 pounds, I was doing a great job at not taking care of myself, always thought it was ok, that i'm still thinner than alot of people, kept eating and thought nothing was wrong. I'm not that big but looking back, i was BIG! I thought to myself I will just lose it all when i get older, too many excuses blah blah blah. Found MFP through google, It has been like a wake-up call, this site has helped so much, definitely a great tool to stay on track and i'm 150 pounds right now but i still have some more to lose :)) Good luck!
  • cbendorf13
    cbendorf13 Posts: 87 Member
    Definitely in denial as well. Stress, bad living situations can make you lose yourself. I realized looking at pictures when I started that I was really, really fat. I knew it but didn't really choose to recognize it. Love to look at my pictures for motivation to keep going. Keep taking snap shots and admire who you are. You are 10 years younger than me and started toward your goal. Wished I had seen this before but happy I am doing something now.
  • simonlcube
    simonlcube Posts: 73 Member
    This website might help with understanding real body image.

    http://www.mybodygallery.com/search.html?height=5+4&weight=220&pant=any&shirt=any&zphoto=Large&new=1

    Link is for yr height / weight. Good luck with the rest of your weight Los. :-)
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
    You're not the only one. I caught on recently when my sister moved in and I pulled her size 2 pants out of the dryer and held them up against mine. All I could think was her's looked like they belonged on a little kid and then I realized that my smallest size had been a 6 when I was in my 20's. It's amazing what you refuse to notice. The other one that caught my attention - photographs. It's pretty hard not to notice that I was double the size of my sisters (it didn't help having my 6 year old nephew telling me I was fat).
  • mccbabe1
    mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
    You're not the only one. I caught on recently when my sister moved in and I pulled her size 2 pants out of the dryer and held them up against mine. All I could think was her's looked like they belonged on a little kid and then I realized that my smallest size had been a 6 when I was in my 20's. It's amazing what you refuse to notice. The other one that caught my attention - photographs. It's pretty hard not to notice that I was double the size of my sisters (it didn't help having my 6 year old nephew telling me I was fat).

    aww wow.. yeah.. well try not to compare yourself to a size 2!! thats not even close to 'average' for a woman!!... but I know what you mean... aww I'm sorry about your nephew saying that.. kids just say anything they think.. and yeah if hes seeing his size 2 mom then his mind would go there!... good that your on here and trying!!...it would be hard to have such small sisters... i have 2 sisters.. and were all bigger women.. around 200 pnds lil less lil more..so i cant imagine if my sis was size 2!! i would prob compare too though if i was u.. but idk.. i have no desire to be a size 2 actually! lol.. i have too much T and A haha.. figure.. i just wanna be healthy and at 150 pnds..and curvyhealthy/active.. feelin good...:bigsmile:
  • mccbabe1
    mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
    Definitely in denial as well. Stress, bad living situations can make you lose yourself. I realized looking at pictures when I started that I was really, really fat. I knew it but didn't really choose to recognize it. Love to look at my pictures for motivation to keep going. Keep taking snap shots and admire who you are. You are 10 years younger than me and started toward your goal. Wished I had seen this before but happy I am doing something now.

    hey friend!!!.. and thank you.. yep never to late to get healthy and loose wt.. and feel good. you inspire me on the 'home page'.. down 30#'s is awesome:drinker:
  • clarechieri
    clarechieri Posts: 60 Member
    Hi your not alone I started off at about the same weight as you but as I had been big my whole life never thought much of it. Now I'm at my goal of 140lb I'm the most critical I've been of myself I've ever been but I put that down to not wanting to go back to where I started.

    Good luck with your journey :)
  • JULIEANNAFIFER
    JULIEANNAFIFER Posts: 1
    I have just started this myself just signed in and joined. I have always struggled with my weight and I was reading about denial, that's me!!! I lost 62 lbs and just stalled, I had went to the doctor to ask what I could do. The doctors told me to put my body into shock and stop exercising for a week. I would exercise 4-5 hours if not more a day. So I listened 1 year later gained all the weight back plus. Started to workout again 4 weeks ago. I am doing rip60, I like it because every week is a different CD so I don't get bored. My husband redid a bedroom in the house and set it up light my own little exercise room. I am also trying relaxation exercises and meditation to releive some stress. I am hoping this will help keep me honest and keep me going.
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
    Ironically, my sister's body frame really fits a size two. She's just built that way. Ultimately, I'm heavier boned like on my dad's side which means that I just need to get down to a size 8 or a 6 (eight is best) and I'll look pretty healthy. A size two would make me look anorexic. But, it is pretty shocking to see the two sizes next to each other. Ugh.

    Oh, I'm trying something my friend told me to do. I stay close to the calories assigned (like within 100 calories) by Myfitness pal AND I eat no more than 500 calories at a sitting. Basically, I do small meals. Supposedly, that will kick start your system. She's lost a ton of weight doing that and I just started about 10 days ago and have already seen some weight drop off. :) It's worth a shot. I know it's helped me feel less hungry to spread the calories out. But, you do still have to plan it out in advance.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    I was in total denial!

    This time last year, I bought a bunch of new clothes online, and when they came- none of them fit. And it wasn't like they were tight, they looked teeny tiny and the pants didn't make it higher than mid-thigh. WTF happened? I had no idea that I had gained so much weight! It was crazy! I was really pissed, but I kept the clothes, determined to fit in to them eventually. It wasn't until this April that I decided to do anything about it. Just about a week ago, I pulled out the container with the clothes, all still with tags on them, and they finally fit! It's awesome! Once you get past the denial, and get to work, you'll be successful. Just the fact that you made this post tells me you're on your way. :flowerforyou:
  • Veronikitta
    Veronikitta Posts: 30
    If you're coo-coo, I'm cookier because I only see myself fat in pictures, and in the mirror, I see myself normal. According to evidence, I'm obese :'( Hopefully I won't see "myself" until I'm a little deflated!
  • cbendorf13
    cbendorf13 Posts: 87 Member
    This website might help with understanding real body image.

    http://www.mybodygallery.com/search.html?height=5+4&weight=220&pant=any&shirt=any&zphoto=Large&new=1

    Link is for yr height / weight. Good luck with the rest of your weight Los. :-)

    Love this
  • tourettte
    tourettte Posts: 142 Member
    I know how you feel. Had the same problem for years. I'm not sad reality kicked in. I love it.
  • dovek11
    dovek11 Posts: 94 Member
    I have read a lot about this and none of us are kooky! It seems we have a image planted in our brain somewhere, of what size we are. Whether we go over it or under it, we still think we are 'that size'. Its rather normal.
    I was there, thinking I was smaller than I was. Now I am the opposite! I think I am bigger than what I am. Ironically, (or maybe not ironic) I have lost before and when I regain, I come right back to the image in my head.

    I have read many books that suggest we use visualization to change that imagine implanted in our mind.
    Close our eyes and imagine our body at the new size. First off they say the mind will help the body get there, if we do this daily. That what we think we are, we are.
    But they also say if we retrain our mind to see us at the lower weight, we are less likely to regain.
    I am working on it now, I figure it sure can't hurt!
  • Tickarik
    Tickarik Posts: 5
    I think everyone is in some form of denial or another.
    I've been in denial about how serious it can get. I've a condition with my knee's that they can dislocate at will. I didn't even care when I was putting more weight on and how much damage it can do to my knee's I could end up in hospital needing surgery but instead I just thought, nah it's fine I'm not THAT big I'll loose is one day.
    I have allways thought of myself as fat, even when I was 11 years of age so I came to accept that I was fat for life.
    Looking back at some pictures from my childhood in recent years I realised that when I thought I was fat I actually wasn't and I could see the weight pile on as I looked through the years.
    I was in an unhappy relationship for 6 years, the first 3 of it were ok but the last I was stuck because I didn't know what it was like to be alone and single anymore and I was so close friends with the guy I didn't want to hurt him.
    I got out of that and I did well, I gained some confidence and though I hated being single, I gained a social life.
    Things got worse, I was kicked out from home and then through this my heart got broken by some (I realise now ****head) guy. I was probably the heaviest I've been. Jobless, homeless and sleeping on a friend of a friends couch.
    It all came to a head when one of the housemates and her mother tried to kick me out onto the street blaming me for anything that had gone wrong in their lives, I had a slight mental breakdown and through my grandmother my mother was able to learn what state I was in and come collect me.
    Since then I've got a job and I've been loosing weight ever since, I've yoyo'd a few times, that's natural it's not going to be easy I'm not fooling myself. I've lost and stabelized but I try my best to keep myself postitive about it.
    Now I've got a lovely boyfriend who in a way keeps me motivated to keep loosing the weight until I reach my goal. He's admitted he prefers smaller girls, and I don't want to loose him for my own selfish greed for food.
    I still look at myself and think I'm fat, I still don't like my body and wish I was slimmer, but every now and then I just remind myself how far I've come.
    We all control our lives and our bodies, it's our own choice what we make of it. Accepting it and dealing with it is something most people don't have the courage and strength to do.
    So to everyone on here.... sorry for sending you to sleep with a mini life story and well done and Good luck with becoming the person who you want to be, and for being the person you already are ^_^
  • fitnhealthymama2
    fitnhealthymama2 Posts: 33 Member
    Yes! I've been in denial myself. More so looking in the mirror, vs REALLY seeing myself in photos or videos. Just the other day I took my start of the journey "before pics" and wow - it was a reality check. But, we're taking the steps to go in the right direction.
  • Miribg
    Miribg Posts: 149 Member
    I totally understand where you are coming from!! I didn't realize how much I ATE until I came on here. One of the reasons why I wanted to loose weight was because I saw my sister in law who I hadn't seen in like three years and my first thought was "My gosh she is huuuge" we got to talking about weight and she only weighed 4 more pounds than I did :sad: I was avoiding mirrors, cameras and I was miserable. I am still having a hard time with it :explode: I still feel as big as I did 46 pounds ago :mad: I can see it on the scale and I can see it in pictures and I feel healthier but in the mirror I can't tell the difference :frown: It's all in my head I tell myself. I just don't want to get to my goal weight and not be happy and let this run my life.
  • BiggyFuzz
    BiggyFuzz Posts: 511 Member
    Denial is a silent killer if you really think about it

    You getting on MFP is nice kick in denial's nuts. It'll be a hard journey but at the end the only denial you'll have is when you look in the mirror and see all the hard work you put in; you're going to say to yourself, "OMG, no way that's me"

    :-)
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    Didn't see mine either until I went from a14/16 down to an 8.
  • mccbabe1
    mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
    I think everyone is in some form of denial or another.
    I've been in denial about how serious it can get. I've a condition with my knee's that they can dislocate at will. I didn't even care when I was putting more weight on and how much damage it can do to my knee's I could end up in hospital needing surgery but instead I just thought, nah it's fine I'm not THAT big I'll loose is one day.
    I have allways thought of myself as fat, even when I was 11 years of age so I came to accept that I was fat for life.
    Looking back at some pictures from my childhood in recent years I realised that when I thought I was fat I actually wasn't and I could see the weight pile on as I looked through the years.
    I was in an unhappy relationship for 6 years, the first 3 of it were ok but the last I was stuck because I didn't know what it was like to be alone and single anymore and I was so close friends with the guy I didn't want to hurt him.
    I got out of that and I did well, I gained some confidence and though I hated being single, I gained a social life.
    Things got worse, I was kicked out from home and then through this my heart got broken by some (I realise now ****head) guy. I was probably the heaviest I've been. Jobless, homeless and sleeping on a friend of a friends couch.
    It all came to a head when one of the housemates and her mother tried to kick me out onto the street blaming me for anything that had gone wrong in their lives, I had a slight mental breakdown and through my grandmother my mother was able to learn what state I was in and come collect me.
    Since then I've got a job and I've been loosing weight ever since, I've yoyo'd a few times, that's natural it's not going to be easy I'm not fooling myself. I've lost and stabelized but I try my best to keep myself postitive about it.
    Now I've got a lovely boyfriend who in a way keeps me motivated to keep loosing the weight until I reach my goal. He's admitted he prefers smaller girls, and I don't want to loose him for my own selfish greed for food.
    I still look at myself and think I'm fat, I still don't like my body and wish I was slimmer, but every now and then I just remind myself how far I've come.
    We all control our lives and our bodies, it's our own choice what we make of it. Accepting it and dealing with it is something most people don't have the courage and strength to do.
    So to everyone on here.... sorry for sending you to sleep with a mini life story and well done and Good luck with becoming the person who you want to be, and for being the person you already are ^_^

    wow!!!! dont ever be sorry.. for a 'comment/post' and suggestions and yes a mini life story! lol..:bigsmile: thank you for taking the time to respond to my post! wow you have def been through some rough times! and you have come out on top!.. keep going.. and thank U again :drinker:
  • mccbabe1
    mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
    This website might help with understanding real body image.

    http://www.mybodygallery.com/search.html?height=5+4&weight=220&pant=any&shirt=any&zphoto=Large&new=1

    Link is for yr height / weight. Good luck with the rest of your weight Los. :-)

    Love this

    me too
  • windycitycupcake
    windycitycupcake Posts: 516 Member
    WOW i had the same experience. I gained almost 60 pounds this year and was in complete denial of it the whole time. I was convinced that nobody noticed and trying to hide it with clothes. Yesterday I tried to put on anything, my baggiest item, anything and realized nothing fits, even my "baggy" clothes are too tight to wear outside! I went to the gym today and started using myfitness pal today. My fingers are crossed.
  • misslady72
    misslady72 Posts: 37 Member
    I was in denial. Started out at 261..wore a 18/20. Thought I was pretty and I wore nice clothes so I felt can't be that bad. But I also avoided the camera. When I finally saw what I really looked like (the rolls of fat, the muffin top, the back boobs) I could have cried. Now on the other hand, I have lost 72 pounds. And I still see myself the same....until someone takes a pic. Then I am shocked because it doesnt look like me. Its called "body dysmorphia". We can't see ourselves basically. I want to make sure I keep a good image in my head because I sure dont want to go backwards!

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