Need to rant!

dawnierenee0201
dawnierenee0201 Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
Since I've started MFP, I've made some big changes in the household- some that my husband wasn't very happy about. I've cut out the soda, cook a lot more often (we used to eat out 3-4 times a week and now we eat out maybe once a week) and theres a ton of healthier changes made around here. I started working out 3 days a week and take our 11 month old son for walks and keep him active as much as I can. In return, from all of my hard work, I've lost 15 lbs! With all the changes I've made, my husband has lost 18 lbs without even trying. (I do the cooking and meal planning in our household and he joined my gym membership as well but has not used it yet) Last night, we went to a Japanese steakhouse with some friends we have not seen in a while. The first thing they say is "Wow Charlie, you look awesome! How much weight have you lost? What have you been doing?" He politely thanks them and tells them hes eating healthier. NOTHING was said about my weight loss or my hard work or the fact that he wasn't even trying to lose weight- he's just eating what I cook, as usual. He doesnt even know the tacos aren't ground beef anymore, but lean ground turkey and the wraps are low cal high fiber. He hasn't even noticed that the bread is 35 cals a slice and all the meals at night and for the lunches are all portioned correctly and accompanied with a veggie. And although he knows I've lost weight, the only comment he made was after I told him I reached the 15 lb mark and that entitles me to a massage, and he said 'yea, I noticed something different about you but didn't want to say anything.'

Thank you MFP family for being the support that I need! I'm in this for the long haul! <3
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Replies

  • yroma
    yroma Posts: 74 Member
    It's true that men lose weight easier/faster than the ladies. That said, I wish your husband had given you credit and pointed out your progress to your friends! But, sometimes when one partner is trying to change things up, losing weight, getting healthier--even though these all seem like positives--those changes can feel threatening. Like, what else do you want to change? Maybe you can try to have a conversation with him about it. We all need support on our journeys--one of the best things about MFP. And it would be amazing to get (and give) that support from your husband. Might just take some time. Once he starts to feel better from eating well and losing weight and seeing the things you are accomplishing--he may come around. Regardless, keep up your excellent work--it's happening for you and you're setting an excellent example for both your husband and your son!
  • dawnierenee0201
    dawnierenee0201 Posts: 7
    Thanks for the words of encouragement!!! I just need a little bit of that this morning :) It's so discouraging/frustrating!
  • keekey009
    keekey009 Posts: 13
    Keep up that positive attitude....Just keep smiling,,it will make everyone wonder what you are up too...Do it for your son and yourself. Its finally taken me after years of failure to realise its time to change my habits
  • mirandamayhem
    mirandamayhem Posts: 772
    Thanks for the words of encouragement!!! I just need a little bit of that this morning :) It's so discouraging/frustrating!

    Grrr, I can't think of anything remotely helpful. I'd want to slap him. I think you deserve some special acknowledgement! We know you're doing amazingly! xxxx
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    I know how you feel. My husband and I are dieting together, he's doing Nutrisystem because that worked for him before and I'm just cooking for myself & my son. I feel like the focus is on him. His food has taken over my kitchen, he signed up for Tuff Mudder in May and that's all I'm hearing about. We planned on working out together but now he decided to do the training program that the race suggests which I'm not at all interested in doing. So I'm on my own with food & exercise. Great.
    Whenever we have company or go out the focus is all on him and he is partly to blame there because he feeds into it and will go on for hours. It's annoying. I'm also heavier than he is and any loss I have will not be noticed for a while, way after he's reached his goal weight. We also work together so everyone there is the same way, they'll focus on him and his diet, exercise and act like I'm not even there. I have no escape from it. :/
    I cook for myself and my son, do all the meal planning and what not and it sucks that even though we're making this lifestyle change at the same time, we're not doing it "together". It's pretty hard to stay motivated.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    My husband is not trying to lose weight, but he is a huge support of me. He gives me props and even brags to people and tells me he's so proud of me! I'm sorry your husband is being such an *kitten* :frown:
  • juliette28
    juliette28 Posts: 68
    Not only have you lost 14 pounds!!! but you're also instituting the kinds of healthy changes in diet and exercise that will positively influence your son for a lifetime! Good for you! Take a quiet moment to tell your husband what you need (credit when due... and it definitely is!) and see if he can step up to the plate. I hope he can!:smile:
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    Not only have you lost 14 pounds!!! but you're also instituting the kinds of healthy changes in diet and exercise that will positively influence your son for a lifetime! Good for you! Take a quiet moment to tell your husband what you need (credit when due... and it definitely is!) and see if he can step up to the plate. I hope he can!:smile:

    Absolutely. Be proud of the fact that you're going to be bringing your son up in a healthy way!! Your steps now will ensure he won't struggle with his weight! Be PROUD of that! :)
  • julesribar
    julesribar Posts: 43 Member
    Sounds typical as far as guys losing weight so much easier. As far as your Husband not interjecting about your weightloss....take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes men are just oblivious to that stuff. You should be so dang proud of yourself. I am, and I don't even know you!! Just keep doing what you are doing. :flowerforyou:
  • alarae
    alarae Posts: 263 Member
    You are doing a great job! Keep it up! As for your husband, I would talk to him about it. Tell him how much you are trying and that it would be nice if he could be happy for you. Maybe he is worried about why you are losing weight and what changes it might mean for both of you. Let's face it, men and women do not think about things the same way.
  • angeljamin
    angeljamin Posts: 234 Member
    I totally feel ya!!!!! I'm right there with on all counts!!!!

    We can do it. I have to keep reminding myself that it's about me and not about how easy it is for him.

    Best of luck!
  • emdeegan
    emdeegan Posts: 219 Member
    excess.
  • Keiko385
    Keiko385 Posts: 514 Member
    The least he could of done was given you a little credit for all the healthy meals you put in front of him. My late husband was the same way but he never knew how to take or give compliments, I just let it slide as a guy thing
  • randysbombshellgirl
    randysbombshellgirl Posts: 338 Member
    Oh girl I feel you pain the same thing happened to me. My older sister that I had not seen since I started
    this journey came over my house the other day and says to my husband "gee Randy you look like you've lost some weight". He says "maybe he's not sure but look at Kim". Now she knows I've been trying but she's overweight herself so I'm thinking maybe that has something to do with it. Don't let it get you down you've taken great steps to change your life for the better...keep up the good work!
  • spaztastic13
    spaztastic13 Posts: 229
    Husband's are jerks sometimes ...you are doing awesome keep up the great work we are here for you!!!!
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    God that is frustrating.

    I think the key is what he said - I didn't want to say anything.

    I'm wondering if your friends who commented on him felt the same way. I always feel very hesitant to say something about a woman's weight loss because it's such a touchy subject. Even guy's, but less so. I come from a whole family of overweight folks and one of the things I dread about going home is knowing people will comment on my weight - up or down. So all of us avoid the topic, even when we have something nice to say.

    The only exception is when someone has obviously dropped a lot and basically walks in and announces it.

    You have done a wonderful job for yourself but also your whole family. Keeping everyone healthy and I bet saving a bunch of money too. But yeah, it's a pain to feel it's not appreciated.
  • Pmcfeeters
    Pmcfeeters Posts: 7
    In the past my wife has gone on Weight Watchers and I have just eaten healthier as a result of her buying healthier food. Therefore I lose weight about as quickly as she does. Then after a few months she complains that I am not supporting her by not participating and she quits. So now I am being active in our eating healthy and working out and supporting her, sometimes to my own detriment. Now I am losing weight twice as fast as she is. This has frustrated her more than my doing nothing and losing equal weight. I mention all of this to let you know you are not alone in having to deal with crazy spouses. Get healthy for yourself and forget everybody else. Though you could start mixing large amounts of real butter into your husbands meals.
  • Ubbergirl
    Ubbergirl Posts: 5
    Oh girl, I understand. I've been married for 22 years. Here's what I've discovered. Men want you to do everything for them. And I did, for a while. I have no children, well, except for my husband! What's important to remember, PUT YOURSELF FIRST. If you don't feel good, how can you take care of them!? It will show your children you matter, respect for oneself matters and in turn they will respect themselves too. Also, husbands HATE it when we start changing and there's going to be alot of that in the future. I don't know how old you are, but believe me menopause is a change. So, don't wait to take care of yourself like I did. Make you first. You'll feel fabulous and happy. In turn, everyone else will reap the benefits. Hang in there. One day at a time. Celebrate ALL your successes. It's amazing that you've made so many changes to your kitchen and cooking habits!
  • Windchild
    Windchild Posts: 129 Member
    Not only have you lost 14 pounds!!! but you're also instituting the kinds of healthy changes in diet and exercise that will positively influence your son for a lifetime! Good for you! Take a quiet moment to tell your husband what you need (credit when due... and it definitely is!) and see if he can step up to the plate. I hope he can!:smile:

    This person said it much better than I could have. Keep up the good work for both you and your son. You're doing a wonderful job!
  • 18guyhornet
    18guyhornet Posts: 195 Member
    I'll be the guy that throws himself into the Frey here - It's been said above that guys loose weight faster than women (which seems to be true with my wife and I). However, I think it's also important to note that men loose weight differently. Because our bodies are proportioned differently any little weight loss is more pronounced. I would venture to say if you both lost equal amounts people would notice it on him first. That's what is so frustrating for women I think.
    Thank being said - he needs to encourage you by saying to you "I notice a change in you - good job!" My wife is trailing me on weight loss but I don't miss an opportunity to encourage her and let her know how great she looks! She has lost 22 lbs and looks great but SHE doesn't think there is a difference. Everyone else sees it but her. I think your husband needs to take the opportunity to give credit where credit is due - when someone notices HIS weight loss he should tell them "Thanks. My wife and I have both lost weight because she is keeping us healthier through good eating" or something like that.
    Keep up the good fight - it is so worth it!
  • dawnierenee0201
    dawnierenee0201 Posts: 7
    Aww!!! Thanks everyone! I feel so much more appreciated and not alone in this journey!!
  • yadutwum
    yadutwum Posts: 7
    I cried when i read your rant because i have also experience exactly what happened to you. The moral of the story is that this is a new life long journey that we are all on. We will support each other during our low and our high moments and no one is allowed to get off this forward moving train. We all have decided that enough is enough and that we deserve better. So with that said, continue to do all the healthy things for you and your family while your body continues to transform.
  • PrtteJerseyGirl71
    PrtteJerseyGirl71 Posts: 8
    I know exactly what you are going through, hence one of the reasons why I joined MFP last night. My husband has lost about 51 pounds in the last 4-5 months. He does mostly raw foods. He looks amazing and I try to compliment him as much as I can. I on the other hand have lost 18 pounds and not one thing has been said to me. It's frustrating! I want nothing more than his support. I have been called selfish so many times when I didn't feel the need to be called that. NOW, I am being selfish and doing this for me...spending more time in the gym, and just signed up for a couple classes at the local university to finish my Bachelors...only 39 credits to go!

    I am so proud of you. You are organized, and focused! You are doing great things for you and your family. Most importantly you are teaching your son to eat healthy from an early age. Keep on pushing...YOU can and will do this!!

    I think we have a lot in common, feel free to add me if you would like!!
  • juliette28
    juliette28 Posts: 68
    I cried when i read your rant because i have also experience exactly what happened to you. The moral of the story is that this is a new life long journey that we are all on. We will support each other during our low and our high moments and no one is allowed to get off this forward moving train. We all have decided that enough is enough and that we deserve better. So with that said, continue to do all the healthy things for you and your family while your body continues to transform.

    Love this quote!
  • juliette28
    juliette28 Posts: 68
    Love the quote above!
  • PrtteJerseyGirl71
    PrtteJerseyGirl71 Posts: 8
    NIce to hear a guys side! Wish my husband thought like that! Keep up the great work on your weight loss!
  • skcornett
    skcornett Posts: 169 Member
    Good for you for making changes that impact you and will have a long-term great effect on your family! Congratulations on your success so far, and can't wait to hear how this goes.

    And, just for the record, I would have been completely irritated, too.
  • jadesign19
    jadesign19 Posts: 512 Member
    In the past my wife has gone on Weight Watchers and I have just eaten healthier as a result of her buying healthier food. Therefore I lose weight about as quickly as she does. Then after a few months she complains that I am not supporting her by not participating and she quits. So now I am being active in our eating healthy and working out and supporting her, sometimes to my own detriment. Now I am losing weight twice as fast as she is. This has frustrated her more than my doing nothing and losing equal weight. I mention all of this to let you know you are not alone in having to deal with crazy spouses. Get healthy for yourself and forget everybody else. Though you could start mixing large amounts of real butter into your husbands meals.
    This! It took me 14 years of marriage to realize I'm responsible for my own health and happiness. If you expect compliments from someone who usually never gives them you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If a compliment comes....bonus. If not you always have the support here on MFP and the knowledge that you've accomplished something on your own. You can do this!:drinker:
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    I actually don't think your husband is being a bad guy here. You say he doesn't appreciate all the changes you've put in, but it also sounds like you haven't actually told him. How is he supposed to notice that the bread has fewer calories or how many carbs are in a meal? If you just give him the food, he'll assume it's healthier but can't possibly recognize what exactly is different. I'm not saying you don't deserve acknowledgement, but if the guy is in the dark about what's going on, you can't really expect it either.

    It's also not necessarily true that men always lose more easily than women do. They're often bigger to start with so they see bigger numbers and differences in body fat distribution can make it look more drastic earlier on. However, I can say that my boyfriend (who is a foot and a half taller than me) has a hell of a time losing weight while it's generally pretty easy for me. In the end, you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to compete/compare with someone else. Focus on improving yourself and you'll be able to see those positive changes.
  • DJgettinghealthy
    DJgettinghealthy Posts: 3
    YOU are doing GREAT!!!!! Keep up the great work. I don't know about you but I am a behind the scene person. Let him be out there in the forefront shining like a new dime. We all know men loose wt faster because of their muscle composition however, slow and steady wins the goal every time. When you feel overwhelmed take a walk outside in the sunshine and fresh air. Talk with yourself and get you head back in a positive space. Stress and cortisol are not our friends. He may be shining like a new dime now but you will be the brand new shiny dollar piece in the end. :smile:

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