Heeellllppp
barmum
Posts: 73
Seriously mood is just going down hill fast , I'm 19 1/2 stone and have been told I have to get down to around 12 (by Dr who is otherwise offering me no help and no support) Trying the alternate day fasting thing but I keep getting thumping headaches and as I have three hernias I have been told not to do the exercise I enjoy (kick boxing and grappling )
I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this , I'm sick of being in pain and after having people messing me around for the last few days and trying to deal with my son who's 9 and severely ASD , I feel like just throwing in the towel and pigging out and accepting the inevitable
(BTW the only times in the past when I have ever managed to lose weight is when I was working as a builder or when I drop my calorie intake to around 300-500 per day )
I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this , I'm sick of being in pain and after having people messing me around for the last few days and trying to deal with my son who's 9 and severely ASD , I feel like just throwing in the towel and pigging out and accepting the inevitable
(BTW the only times in the past when I have ever managed to lose weight is when I was working as a builder or when I drop my calorie intake to around 300-500 per day )
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Replies
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NOOO! dont give up, you can do it!
Being healthy and feeling great about yourself is WORTH IT.
you deserve it!! you really do!!0 -
Definitely don't give up; that's the worst thing you can do! Why don't you try starting small? I know you said you can't do the exercise you enjoy but how about just going for a 30 minute walk every day? That's better than nothing. Personally I don't think fasting is an effective way to lose or maintain weight long term either; I know it would for sure make me grumpy. Instead of going drastic on cutting the calories do it gradually and I think you'll be way less grumpy (but for sure stay about 1200 3-500 sounds scary low!).0
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Darling, it's very quite simple. Healthy eating is the answer. If you can't exercise, then don't. Though, ANY type of exercise will be beneficial. Walk if you have to. Take your child out for walks. Calm down and set a plan for yourself. My plan is i spend some time writing out each meal that I'm going to have for the week, then I cook & package my meals. Having a plan will keep you on track.0
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I feel your pain, my doctor was hopeless as well. I was referred to the "nutritionist" by my doctor who proceeded to tell me off for eating salads at lunch time because it was "the equivalent of eating two meals" just because it didn't fit into her ideal portions plate. I got the last laugh with her though, after she told me off she said I had a bad attitude and "how do you expect to lose weight if you don't do what I say". Her mistake was not taking my weight before that statement, stepped on the scales and had lost 2kg since the previous week so i looked at her, smiled and just said "that's how" and walked out :laugh:
I started off at 24 stone so I know it is hard to get going with the weight loss, i tried many many times, failed and gave up until I had a switch moment with some pretty severe knee pain which made me take it seriously, but trust me when i say it can be done.
My main advise to you would be:
1. Don't try to make all the changes at once, choose either diet or exercise as your first change and do that first, once it becomes your normal life apply the change to the other area so you do not get overwhelmed by changes.
2. Do not try to lose weight, your body will decide how much fat it wants, we can do things to encourage it but you do not have control over it. What you control is what goes in your mouth and how much you move. For me I set weekly and monthly exercise targets. For example when i walked 100km in one month I earnt a KFC at the end of it, the KFC was the motivator but i had to earn it, which meant the food was not forbidden as it was my choice to get it or not.
3. Walk more, to the shops around the block anywhere as much as you can, those extra calorie burns make all the difference and should hopefully not cause your hernia too much pain.
Good luck with it, feel free to add me as a friend
Rich0 -
Also, fasting is not going to help you at all. You HAVE to eat. When you start fasting, your metabolism slows down. Even when I'm over on my calorie limit, I still eat something for dinner, just to keep my metabolism going. Please do not fast. It's only going to mess up your system0
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Hang in there. It gets easier with time. I need to lose about a 100 pounds and so far so good. I'm not a big fan of fasting. Try following MFP's calorie suggestion for each day. Also, if you can't exercise, walk as much as you can. Good luck.0
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Oh and my opinion on fasting as it was mentioned, ignore that and ignore the 3 meals a day and 6 meal advise you will probably see and follow this simple set of rules:
1. IF you are hungry...EAT something
2. When you are eating pay attention to what you are eating and savour every mouthful, eat slowly and enjoy the flavours
3.When you are starting to feel full...STOP EATING! - You can always eat more if you get hungry later on but over eating is one of the biggest reasons in my opinion for being overweight and it was one of my main reasons, i would take the view of i have cooked it so must eat it
Rich0 -
Oh my, I do feel your frustration and pain. The advice everyone gave you is quite excellent, and very encouraging - I have been feeling similarly hopeless for a while, and enjoy the encouragement and advice I'm finding on these boards.
I started on this website on 1 August, and have been tracking my eats HONESTLY since them. (It's really heopful). However, I am not yet pushing myself to make big edits in how I eat. Why? I'm a very strong proponent of not "shoulding" on myself. I know the edits will come, and they will be things I CAN do, not what I think (or others tell me) I SHOULD do. Baby steps.
One thought: yes, hernias do need to be treated carefully. You might want to discuss having them taken care of proactively, so that you don't have to fuss and bother about how much you can do. It will also reduce the risk of their running into trouble when it's not under your control, and having to endure a messy, lengthy, and risk-laden surgery.
Cheers, and good luck!0 -
My son has ASD too so I'd strongly advice you to give the fasting a miss as you need all your patience and tolerance when dealing with an ASD kid!!! Fasting just makes me irritable and snappy
Can you enlist some friends / family to join you on your weight loss journey with you? Perhaps somebody could watch your son while you go for a walk and get some much deserved (and much needed) head space? I think it could help to look at ways to relax, as stress and tension can lead to feelings of hopelessness and comfort eating. Being stressed out all the time can actually cause weight gain all by itself
Hang in there and don't give up. Imagine yourself a year from now. If you quit, what is that picture like? How do you look/think/feel? Now picture how you will look/think/feel if you didn't quit today. You CAN do it!!!
X0 -
Thank you all for your advice x x I've been on the phone to the Dr and pulled the full Hattie Jacques to demand that actually if he's going to tell me I have to lose weight (should have said , it's a condition of him sorting out the hernias) then he needs to actually sort me out some help so he's reffered me to the nutritionist and the physio to figure out what exercise I can do , I walk a lot already so I need something more heavy duty to help keep the mood under control
I've also phoned my mum and said can she have smallness for an afternoon a week so I can have some space for a bit so hopefully things will pick up a bit x
I'm off to treat myself to some fruit salad because yes I think you may be right about the fasting..0 -
My son has ASD too so I'd strongly advice you to give the fasting a miss as you need all your patience and tolerance when dealing with an ASD kid!!! Fasting just makes me irritable and snappy
Can you enlist some friends / family to join you on your weight loss journey with you? Perhaps somebody could watch your son while you go for a walk and get some much deserved (and much needed) head space? I think it could help to look at ways to relax, as stress and tension can lead to feelings of hopelessness and comfort eating. Being stressed out all the time can actually cause weight gain all by itself
Hang in there and don't give up. Imagine yourself a year from now. If you quit, what is that picture like? How do you look/think/feel? Now picture how you will look/think/feel if you didn't quit today. You CAN do it!!!
X
Good plan because a yr from now I should be graduating (student social worker ..yes gluten for punishment has been said before) so I think I might start putting some money back every time I lose for a really nice graduation dress!!! Oooh now I feel better x0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.0
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You can do this....you need to be healthy (and as un-stressed as you can be) not just for yourself and your health, but for your son. My son is PDD-NOS, and I fight daily with the school, and worry constantly about him. I find that a brisk walk keeps my stress at bay, gives me a pittle peace of mind, AND burns calories along the way.
i'm not a process-oriented person, but I am competitive. I give myself little challenges and have a small non-food related reward system for when I meet those challenges. Just my two cents....0 -
You need a healthy diet of protein, complex carbs, and fats.
You need to eat well over 1200 calories a day (300-500 cals a day is WAY TOO LOW!!)
You need to be eating at a deficit.
You need to be drinking water.
You need to be doing some sort of cardio.
You also need to be lifting/using weights.
If you do all those things you "should" lose weight.0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
yes, "obviously."
....because people that DON'T want help, join this site, take time to type out their story and ask for help. right?
check your ego, toots. have some class. for the sake of all people who ask for help on here, i suggest you take yourself & your attitude somewhere else. geez....0 -
You should not be fasting, or eating as little as 300-500 calories a day, that will throw your body into starvation mode. You need to be eating at least 1200 calories a day in order for your body to burn calories properly. Check the tools out here and find out what your BMR is, you should be taking in as many calories as your BMR.0
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Pull up your bootstraps and just do it. Watch what you eat and walk more.
No one said you have to go to the gym or be fasting to lose weight...in fact, when your body doesn't get enough food, it goes into starvation mode.
Little by little, step by step, mouthful by mouthful and keep moving!
Don't say I CAN do this...say I WILL do this!0 -
Where are your hernias located? Better yet why have they not been repaired? hernias do not fix themselves and can lead to some very scary consequences if left untreated. I have bilateral groin hernias - probably something I was born with. They were not properly fixed on the first round of surgery and I've had one side fixed 3 times now, finally I have a piece of mesh there. I do still have issues with it bothering me. And the one thing I have found that helps - a good cardio workout. Not just a walk around the block, I mean a good 45 minutes and covered in sweat when I am done and it doesn't bother me. You may find it much easier to exercise after your hernias are fixed.0
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That's it!!! Imagine how fabulous you're going to look and feelMy son has ASD too so I'd strongly advice you to give the fasting a miss as you need all your patience and tolerance when dealing with an ASD kid!!! Fasting just makes me irritable and snappy
Can you enlist some friends / family to join you on your weight loss journey with you? Perhaps somebody could watch your son while you go for a walk and get some much deserved (and much needed) head space? I think it could help to look at ways to relax, as stress and tension can lead to feelings of hopelessness and comfort eating. Being stressed out all the time can actually cause weight gain all by itself
Hang in there and don't give up. Imagine yourself a year from now. If you quit, what is that picture like? How do you look/think/feel? Now picture how you will look/think/feel if you didn't quit today. You CAN do it!!!
X
Good plan because a yr from now I should be graduating (student social worker ..yes gluten for punishment has been said before) so I think I might start putting some money back every time I lose for a really nice graduation dress!!! Oooh now I feel better x
Hey, and if you want to PM me anytime, please feel free to. I know what it's like having to take on anything when you're also dealing with ASD at home too - not easy. I'm glad your mother is going to help out. You deserve some time out with everything you have going on.
Ps. Wow, Social Work! Well done you 0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
yes, "obviously."
....because people that DON'T want help, join this site, take time to type out their story and ask for help. right?
check your ego, toots. have some class. for the sake of all people who ask for help on here, i suggest you take yourself & your attitude somewhere else. geez....
the people that really want this, are backing up their words with actions.
There is a very big difference between looking for information, looking for help, and looking to chatter and procrastinate action.
Just because I am willing to state something that isnt sugar coated, does not make me lack class.
Blindly enabling bad behavior however....0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
yes, "obviously."
....because people that DON'T want help, join this site, take time to type out their story and ask for help. right?
check your ego, toots. have some class. for the sake of all people who ask for help on here, i suggest you take yourself & your attitude somewhere else. geez....
the people that really want this, are backing up their words with actions.
There is a very big difference between looking for information, looking for help, and looking to chatter and procrastinate action.
Just because I am willing to state something that isnt sugar coated, does not make me lack class.
Blindly enabling bad behavior however....
Posting on here constitutes as looking for information and looking for help. To understand something, do you not "chatter" about it? Every person on this site has most likely enabled their own bad behavior at one point, correct? Poor personal skills and rudely responding to somebody asking for help, most certainly, makes you lack class.0 -
As many people have said previously. DON"T GIVE UP!!!
Take things slowly, work at your own pace, introduce new things every other day or few days. Keep at it.0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
yes, "obviously."
....because people that DON'T want help, join this site, take time to type out their story and ask for help. right?
check your ego, toots. have some class. for the sake of all people who ask for help on here, i suggest you take yourself & your attitude somewhere else. geez....
the people that really want this, are backing up their words with actions.
There is a very big difference between looking for information, looking for help, and looking to chatter and procrastinate action.
Just because I am willing to state something that isnt sugar coated, does not make me lack class.
Blindly enabling bad behavior however....
Posting on here constitutes as looking for information and looking for help. To understand something, do you not "chatter" about it? Every person on this site has most likely enabled their own bad behavior at one point, correct? Poor personal skills and rudely responding to somebody asking for help, most certainly, makes you lack class.
I disagree.
We have different ideas of what kind of conversation is going on here.
We also have different perspectives on what constitutes rude.
Be well 0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
yes, "obviously."
....because people that DON'T want help, join this site, take time to type out their story and ask for help. right?
check your ego, toots. have some class. for the sake of all people who ask for help on here, i suggest you take yourself & your attitude somewhere else. geez....
No need for the snark, I think. I agree with Toot's sentiment, it won't work unless you WANT the success. She speaks the truth.
I do, however, believe that MFP provides more than enough Success Stories, advice, and motivation to possibly create that spark of "I CAN DO THIS" that she may need.0 -
Hang in there. It get's better.Seriously mood is just going down hill fast ,
Doctor's aren't supportive; they're informative. Look elsewhere for support and avoid the disappointment in your doctor.I'm 19 1/2 stone and have been told I have to get down to around 12 (by Dr who is otherwise offering me no help and no support)
This will pass it you push through it.Trying the alternate day fasting thing but I keep getting thumping headaches
Exercise is relative. We each have limitations for whatever reason and the key is finding exercise that fits within our current ability. Kick boxing is bad (for now)? Try walking. It's a better workout than you think.I have three hernias and I have been told not to do the exercise I enjoy (kick boxing and grappling)
Sorry, but Yoovie is right. Anything that any of us have ever accomplished, we accomplished through adversity and great challenge, even sacrifice. We were able to do it because of our desire, our God given strength to persevere, our absolute NEED to get it done. You can do it. You just haven't found the thing that triggers your desire for it. You will.I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this , I'm sick of being in pain and after having people messing me around for the last few days and trying to deal with my son who's 9 and severely ASD , I feel like just throwing in the towel and pigging out and accepting the inevitable
Your son is a gift to you. He's the most perfect son that you could ever wish for. He challenges you in just the exact way that you need to be challenged, and in meeting those challenges you experience real growth as a mother and as a women. In meeting those challenges you discover that you can do absolutely anything that you need to do.0 -
Where are your hernias located? Better yet why have they not been repaired? hernias do not fix themselves and can lead to some very scary consequences if left untreated. I have bilateral groin hernias - probably something I was born with. They were not properly fixed on the first round of surgery and I've had one side fixed 3 times now, finally I have a piece of mesh there. I do still have issues with it bothering me. And the one thing I have found that helps - a good cardio workout. Not just a walk around the block, I mean a good 45 minutes and covered in sweat when I am done and it doesn't bother me. You may find it much easier to exercise after your hernias are fixed.
Hiya , I have a hiatal hernia, an epigastric one (upper left side of abdomen and about palm size) and an umbilical one. The problem is the Dr is unhappy with doing the surgery unless I lose the weight and the problem is that they were all found in one go after a recent visit to A&E because my son had hit me in the stomach and it was far more painful than it should have been. I've had stomach problems for quite a while but have always been told that its just because I'm fat and if I lost weight it would go away . The Dr basically discharged me saying go away and lose the wieght and don't do what you've been doing for exercise but didn't give me any idea of what I could do . I think thats why I'm struggling at the moment because I always have done a lot of cardio vascular (2 hrs kickboxing a week and 2 hrs grappling + drills at home) which has helped keep my mood high, but having been told not to do that I'm trying to figure out what I can do (apparantly yogas a no no as well :grumble: ) ...If its ok I may well take up your kind offer and keep in touch re that because I don't know anyone else with any clue about what to do :bigsmile:0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
Yoovie , Your right , I don't want to do this , I want my life to be nice and normal and settled with no problems what so ever (but doesn't everyone) I know I have to do this but at the time I was writing the post I was having an 'Ittttsss nnoott fair' moment. Sorry if I caused offense x0 -
You can do it! I DONT THINK FASTING IS GOING TO HELP YOU IN THE LONG RUN!!! If you want it bad enough, eat properly!! lots of raw/steamed veggies. Lean meats and water!
hang in there 0 -
obviously you dont want to do this or youd be listing all the reasons that you CAN instead of all the things in your way.
Yoovie , Your right , I don't want to do this , I want my life to be nice and normal and settled with no problems what so ever (but doesn't everyone) I know I have to do this but at the time I was writing the post I was having an 'Ittttsss nnoott fair' moment. Sorry if I caused offense x
You didnt offend, sometimes we just need a little reverse psychology babe0 -
Bearman
Smallness is the apple of my eye and I will always love him but he's also human , I think the issue I have sometimes is that I get narked at not being able to give him the time and input he needs and deserves because of other people's behavior :noway: Should probably explain that one of the major things that had got me upset was that we got a sofabed so put our two sofas on freegle thinking that yes they should go to a good cause rather than the tip , spent all day washing all the covers etc and making sure they were clean and tidy for the person who wanted them who then never showed up to collect them and didn't contact me to explain/apologize/warn meaning that most of the last few days has been spent dashing around trying to sort out the mess rather than doing enjoyable vacation activities with small and I will now have to spend the rest of the week calming him down from the disruption:grumble: I don't mind being challenged but I tend to think that if someones getting something free of charge then a little politeness might not be an unreasonable request
Other than that , all good points and I will try and follow all the good advice /motivational bottom kicking that I have been given by yourself and everyone else x x0
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