please someone help

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greengalloway
greengalloway Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
I am new here, just signed up, living in a new city, new state, and I know no one except family. I was always very very thin, I am almost 6' tall and never weighed more than 115 lbs. Within the last 4 years I have packed on 100 lbs, even typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I don't have a good support system, my fiance is a wonderful man, but he works often and can't be there for me "all the time." My family never ceases to remind me what I "used to be" and how bad I look now. My wedding is in less than 2 months, and I have failed to lose even a pound. I am terrified of distant relatives who have not seen me in years coming to the wedding, I am so nervous of what they might think and say about my weight I can't even sleep at night. I am a 30 year old woman who is a nurse, my fiance is a physician assistant, I know this behavior is not normal, but I cannot control it. I can't even bear to purchase a wedding dress, because I cannot find a dress that covers enough of my body to my liking. Please, if anyone can offer advice or has been in a similar situation, please help. Oh, and before anyone suggests "don't invite the judgemental people" the most judgemental ones of all are my mother and grandmother...can't get out of that one. Also my fiance does not want to elope. Weddings are supposed to make you happy, but I am in pure misery.

Replies

  • econut2000
    econut2000 Posts: 395 Member
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    First off, congrats on getting married. You're right....this should be a happy time for you and I know just how you feel. Because of a health issue I have put on 65lbs in a short period. My fiance and I had a commitment ceremony last September - due to my health and lack of funds for the proper wedding we had planned - and I was horrified when I saw the pictures of myself. That being said, I've only lost minimal amounts of weight and already feel 1000 times better about myself! You've put all this planning and effort into this day. Don't let something like your weight bring you down! You aren't going to lose 100lbs in the next 2 months....there's absolutely no way...this isn't the Biggest Loser, nor should it be. However, if you start eating healthier and add a bit of exercise into your life it will give you a bit more confidence about yourself - I promise!

    P.S. The dress I wore for our commitment ceremony was strapless and I wore a sweater over it. I wore it again about a month ago sans sweater! Way to go confidence!!! :wink: You can do it too!!!!
  • thedancingleper
    thedancingleper Posts: 158 Member
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    I was thin all of my life up until around 4 years ago when I gained 70+ pounds in around 6 months (thanks to medication). I can't say I've discovered the magical way out of this, but I sympathize with you. Part of the problem might be that as a naturally thin person you didn't watch your diet very carefully and now that your metabolism has changed, it's catching up with you. That and medication were my two downfalls.
  • greengalloway
    greengalloway Posts: 5
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    I have no health problems or medication that caused my weight gain, sadly its all because of me. And yes, its because all my life I was so thin yet I ate sooo much. Every single day for lunch the same thing, 4 tacos and a large soda. Not to mention all the junk I ate all day long between meals. At first I loved the gained weight, because I suddenly had boobs and a butt, but then people started the comments "are you sure you want to eat that?" "Maybe you should try a gym". Ect ect. I have joined so many gyms, but its a waste of money, because I have such social anxiety. I always hear people say "when you really want to lose weight, you will make up your mind and you will". But, its all I've wanted for a long long time, and it never fails, monday-Thursday I stick toa. Diet, then I slip up, and the next 4 days I binge so badly it ruins any progress I've made. I've tried antidepressants, therapy, prayer, simple work outs, hard work outs.....every day I cry and I know I'm making my fiance just as miserable as I am.
  • greengalloway
    greengalloway Posts: 5
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    I am just hoping there are other plus size brides here who can offer advice and support, I am a size 16-18 and its such an ordeal trying to find a dress. I always had this idea my mom would want to see me try on dresses, she would cry, ect ect. My mom acts embarassed when I ask for larger sizes and every single dress I try on she says "doesn't cover enough" or the typical "doesn't flatter my type of body". I just get tired of constantly being reminded how bad I look.
  • marc8686
    marc8686 Posts: 199 Member
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    I am new here, just signed up, living in a new city, new state, and I know no one except family. I was always very very thin, I am almost 6' tall and never weighed more than 115 lbs. Within the last 4 years I have packed on 100 lbs, even typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I don't have a good support system, my fiance is a wonderful man, but he works often and can't be there for me "all the time." My family never ceases to remind me what I "used to be" and how bad I look now. My wedding is in less than 2 months, and I have failed to lose even a pound. I am terrified of distant relatives who have not seen me in years coming to the wedding, I am so nervous of what they might think and say about my weight I can't even sleep at night. I am a 30 year old woman who is a nurse, my fiance is a physician assistant, I know this behavior is not normal, but I cannot control it. I can't even bear to purchase a wedding dress, because I cannot find a dress that covers enough of my body to my liking. Please, if anyone can offer advice or has been in a similar situation, please help. Oh, and before anyone suggests "don't invite the judgemental people" the most judgemental ones of all are my mother and grandmother...can't get out of that one. Also my fiance does not want to elope. Weddings are supposed to make you happy, but I am in pure misery.

    if you are serious about a life transformation.......new permanent exercise regimen, new permanent nutrition changes, etc etc then shoot me a message and add me as friend. i have over 100lbs to lose too, and have found some AMAZING helpful mindset and tools that are assisting me in losing well over 100. im 15lbs into it currently.

    marc
  • sophieclarev
    sophieclarev Posts: 55
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    I was a plus size bride and yep, it was awful. My new husband didn't even call me beautiful on our wedding day. I adore him and he has stuck through thick (and now getting thinner) with me. There are dresses out there that will fit you and at your height you will look amazing. Gorgeous face by the way!
    There are two tracks of thought you could go with here.
    1. This is the day you are marrying your best friend. It is a commitment of love and weight has nothing to do with it. The wedding is not important only the marriage is.
    2. You don't want your wedding photos to be of you at this weight so put it off for a year and really work it off.
    Either way just remember it is the marriage not the wedding that counts.

    Good luck Sweetie
  • DawnEH612
    DawnEH612 Posts: 574 Member
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    If you haven't already tried, maybe you can tell your mom and grandmom how you really feel when they pass judgement on you. I know being brutally honest is hard sometimes, but they clearly have no problems with dishing it, so the should be able to take it, especially if it comes from a ace of healing for you.

    The next time they make a comment, perhaps you can tell them, "Mom and grandmom, no one is more painfully aware of the weight I have gained. I do not need anyone else to remind me of how I have let myself down, let alone how I have let you down. I am sad, disappointed, depressed (or whatever your feeling about your weight) at my situation and I could use someone positive support from you both during this time. It is obvious that I will not lose my weight before the wedding but I fuse to let something as trival as my recent weight gain negatively impact my happiness surrounding my upcoming nuptials. I want you to be a part of it and I want you to be happy for me, proud of me and support me... But if you arent to able to do so, sincerely, than I will go alone.

    I know it seems direct, but if you speak about how you feel and wat you plan to do whether they change or not, they are more apt to change their behaviors. Trust me, it works!

    Good luck and keep us posted. And HAPPY WEDDING... Be happy!!!!L
  • PrincessMiriamele
    PrincessMiriamele Posts: 25 Member
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    I'm not sure I can offer any useful advice but I just wanted to reply because I do feel for you. Is there any way you could postpone the wedding for a while? Would you want to? Not to give you time to lose weight, but to give yourself time to feel happier before walking down the aisle.
  • Jestframes
    Jestframes Posts: 2
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    I was a plus size bride myself. size 22 to be exact. I remember when I was a size 16-18 and I thought I was HUGE, but then again I remember being at my prom thinking I was FAT and I look at the size of my dress back then and it was a size 6! So I feel you completely. I have an amazing husband but of course he would like for me to lose weight not for superfical reasons but for my health. I'm totally new to this and I've never signed up for something like this but I'm ready to make a change. I wish you luck and would love to become friends on here who support eachother. P.S I got my dress at David's Bridal on clearance for only $99 and then sold it for $250 on craigslist! I'm a bargain shopper so if you need any tips on the wedding let me know! Good luck and god bless you and your soon to be hubby.
  • greengalloway
    greengalloway Posts: 5
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    Lol, I know EXACTLY what you mean, I remember when I had to buy a pair of size 12 jeans and I freaked out, now I'm a 16-18 and may even have to buy a 20 dress. I have tried Davids bridal, my problem is my wedding is very small/simple, only 20 guests or so, and I don't want a "formal" wedding dress, hoping to find something simple with sleeves, and I've been searching everything, including craigslist! I laughed sooo hard when I read you re-sold your dress, because every time I see someone selling a dress on CL I think "I bet she got that sucker for 99 dollars and she's selling it for 400". Lol, but good for you, that's smart shopping! I am gonna request you as a friend :)
  • greengalloway
    greengalloway Posts: 5
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    Princessmiria, my fiance has offered to postpone the wedding another year, but we are in a rush to have me under his medical insurance. Although he himself is basically my personal doctor, I have gone too long with no insurance for dental, ect.
  • VanessaHeartsMasr
    VanessaHeartsMasr Posts: 727
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    Try Bridesire.com. They have really cute and inexpensive plus size wedding dresses in all different styles.
  • apocalypsepwnie
    apocalypsepwnie Posts: 373
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    I was a size 22-24 when I got married. My marriage was a joke and I was big but even when I look at my photos now 20kg/44 lbs I still think I look beautiful because I remember how incredible I felt that day.
    I wore strapless and my bridal coordinator said that bigger brides were the prettier ones. I'm sure she said that because she was trying to get my cash but it sure worked!

    Stop taking your mum with you. If she can't say anything nice do not let her have a choice with what you wear. It's not her wedding and if it upsets her then she is just a nasty person and nothing will make her happy. If your weight is her biggest problem then let her deal with it.

    Lose what you can but don't stress about the rest. Your partner is marrying you.

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