Advice on how to help my mom lose weight?

nsnyeahh · January 2012

I'm on a diet myself, needing to lose 80 pounds. My mom needs to lose around 130 or so to be at a healthy weight. I am motivated, but she's not. I'm concerned about her health, as she has high blood pressure.

Everyday she goes to work (a desk job), I send her with a healthy meal. This includes a breakfast, lunch & 2 snacks. I'm not restricting her really because I give her oatmeal for breakfast (which she loves), a sandwich for lunch (which she would normally eat) with wheat bread & pretzels. Snacks are some fruit and vegetables.

I know she wants to lose weight, just can't stay motivated. She wants to be on a low-carb diet, but after seeing her do this many times, I know she is unable to stay away from carbs for a long time.

Anyways, everyday she gets home, I find her not eating the dinner I already prepared for her, but making an unhealthy meal. & I find out that she went off her diet while she was at work. Last night it was a frozen pizza, when I already made her chicken & brown rice. I can't get her to exercise with me either.

My question is, how can I help her to stay on the diet while she's at work without me monitoring her food? How can I encourage her to exercise with me? Please help me.

nsnyeahh · January 2012

Anyone?

Jeff92se · January 2012

Get her to exercise so she can eat some of the goodies she likes and still lose weight

For_the_Last_Time · January 2012

Honestly I don't think you can. She has to want to do it and she has to want to stick with it.

If anything you doing it and losing weight might motivate her down the road .

lawkat · January 2012

In all honest, she has to really want to do it for herself. Trust me, I have tried to get my whole family to eat healthy and exercise. All they do is ignore me and go about their lives. They have to want to change their life. I know you care about her, but you can cook all the meals you want, when you aren't around, she will eat junk and become a closet eater.

chachita7 · January 2012

She has to want to do it for self... without that inner longing noone can make her. Continue working at yourself and become an example for her, she might join you at her free will.

Elleinnz · January 2012

This is most probably not what you want to hear - but there is not much more you can do other than support her the way you are....
In the end of the day your mother must want it bad enough, to do this for herself - until that day she will most probably carry on the way she is right now....

Before I went on my journey this time I knew exactly what I needed to do to lose the weight, but I never really wanted it bad enough..... It was only when I said "you know what - this is not the life I want to live - and it is only going to get worse" that everything fell into place for me (even though my son had repeatedly asked / begged me to make some changes to my life over a few years)

Have a chat with her - ask her what is stopping her from doing it - but in the end of the day it has to be your mother's choice...

Sharian2012 · January 2012

I agree she has to want it in order for her to accomplish it. When she gets fed up with her declining health then and only then will she be able to start a healthy lifestyle. But keep encouraging her and trying. I am in this same battle with my mother as well. It's hard so I can relate but I can't make my mom do anything she doesn't want to.

CallMeCupcakeDammit · January 2012

Honestly I don't think you can. She has to want to do it and she has to want to stick with it.

If anything you doing it and losing weight might motivate her down the road .

I agree. Would she at least go for a walk with you? Maybe you should show her some of the success stories on here. There are people who have lost over 200 lbs! Exercise would help her tremendously healthwise, and make her feel so much better. I hope you can get her moving!

Jeff92se · January 2012

I find it really difficult to eat to my calorie count every day if I don't exercise.

Get her to exercise and manage her cheat food portions. Then she can still eat them and still lose weight.

j4nash · January 2012

I tried for two years to get my ex to do it. Never worked. Nothing. Motivation, bribes, planning, preparing.. she just refused for some reason to do anything about it. Then one day she started running. Not sure why... but the point is the person has to want to do it. If you want to be successful you need to find the trigger that will get her motivated. It's difficult for someone to change if they have no desire to. She probably doesn't see the benefit or if she does then she is ignoring it. I agree with cahchita7, do it yourself and show her the results and maybe, just maybe she'll see all the work and results that you've accomplished and decide to do it for herself.

1953Judith · January 2012

Your mom's motivation must ultimately come from her. However, I suggest a different approach as you attempt to be a catalyst for her to take a weight loss journey -- suggest that she "reduce sodium" for her high blood pressure rather than "lose weight". It's a slight difference in approach but I think the first may be less intimidating and lead to weight loss as a side effect.

Edited to add: I find it very motivational when adult children are trying to help their parents move to better health. One of the reasons I am so focused on improving my own health is to spare my adult children that worry. When I see posts like those from the OP, it reminds me that children do worry about these things. My positive health outcomes are not just a gift to me but to those who love me.

nsnyeahh · January 2012

Thanks everyone. I'm hoping her seeing me lose the weight will motivate her. Also, we watch Biggest Loser together too, so maybe that will help her?

floshideaway · January 2012

Sadly I have to agree with everyone's answer. Only her can do it. Just like quitting smoking. If you are not mentally ready you are up for failure. Take care of yourself and do not nag her about it. I am facing the same problem with my husband who would benefit from losing about 40lbs, but if I even start mentioning it we get into an argument. I know he would be able to get off his medication for high blood pressure and cholesterol and would avoid for his diabetes to get over the line (he is bordeline right now) It pains me to see that he is slowly killing himself with all the junk just the same way it pains you seeing your Mom on this unhealthy path. Good luck with this issue, the best you can do is set up an example. Add me if you like, I am always happy to get new friends

Snoopy108 · January 2012

Here is my thought on the subject. You cannot make someone eat healthier. My suggestion is to take her to a nutritionist or dietician and maybe they can help her understand what she is doing to her body. My husband was the same way until “someone else” told him what he was doing to his body and how his life span was going to be shortened, only then did he finally start trying to be healthier. For me it was going to class on how to live as a diabetic…scared me silly. But I am not perfect and I slipped for a month or two, but I am back on track and have set up some little obtainable goals. If you like friend me and we can support each other. Especially since we both have loved ones who have a hard time taking care of themselves.

cee134 · January 2012

there is a list of 25 easy diets that work online. Most of which cost money, but if she is willing, then they send her all the food she needs to eat, and that's it, when she see's herself losing weight, that is usually a good motivator.

Jeff92se · January 2012

Incorporate some of the cheat foods into her diet and look at the calorie counts via the week vs per day

Brandicaloriecountess · January 2012

I think SHE has to want it. But if you give her some low cal "junk" food it may help her.

Fiber one 90 calorie browines are good, or other 100 calorie desserts. I eat these so I don't feel like I am depriving myself.

clairer2282 · January 2012

All you can do hun is give her all the information she needs to allow her to make an informed choice, if she doesn't want to read it, or she decides to ignore it, i'm afraid you have to accept it and respect her decision, it is her choice at the end of the day.

Gshields42 · January 2012

Honestly, I've been in the place your mother is in now. I knew that I needed to do something, for a lot of reasons. I had people begging me to do something. I was unhappy with the status quo. Even with all of that said, I just wasn't ready to do it.

It takes a catalyst for you to be ready. Unfortunately, there is no way to know what that catalyst will be, and I very much doubt even that she has any idea what it would be. For some it is seeing their children for the first time, or a doctor diagnosing you with something (making you realize that you are mortal). It might be someone making a snide or rude comment on the wrong day, or a pitying look from someone at just the right time. I even read about one person that went to have dinner with a bunch of friends at a tablecloth restaurant, and realized that he couldn't fit in any chair in the restaurant (he left his friends to their dinner and resolved to do better). That catalyst could be anything, big or small. Could be a specific point in time where things suddenly clarified, or it could be one morning waking up with the resolve as the amalgam of a large number of things. Every person is different, and until they reach that point you are wasting your breath. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink, so the saying goes.

This is a hard journey that requires a lot of willpower, determination, research, and support.

In the meantime you can help mitigate some of the more unhealthy things that she is doing. If you live with her maybe you can keep all the unhealthy things out of the house (use the excuse that you can't handle the temptations). You can give her the easy access to the healthy stuff.

I would recommend that you not go overboard or try to brow beat her. If she isn't ready, she will feel discouraged, guilty, resentful, and unhappy. It will probably drive a wedge in the relationship with you, and she may try to avoid you. She will likely (from what you describe she already is starting to) become secretive and furtive about her behavior, which will make her become even more guilty. If she does reach a turning point, she might be so discouraged that she passes it up and continues in her unhealthy ways.

Be open, be a role model, offer her healthy opportunities (but don't force them on her or bully her, which it sounds like you are doing), and offer support. Give her time to work up to it, and a reason to do it. Maybe one day soon, she will take that step.

Just remember, you can lead a horse to water, but no matter how thirsty it is you can't force it to drink.

kgollaher · January 2012

How frustrated you must feel when you put so much effort into helping her. I can see your motivation comes from a great place in your heart and your expression of love and care for your Mother is "falling on deaf ears" so to speak when she ignores what you've done to help her and eats unhealthy meals. Ultimately though, it is really hard to control what other people do. Some people even revolt BECAUSE they feel like someone is trying to control them even when it's based in love and care.

I wish I could help you but I seem to be in the same boat as you. I too have a Mother that seems determined to destroy her health and ultimately her life with her bad eating habits. I started on the path of trying to help her with information and advice on weight loss and health 3 years ago. She insists that she doesn't eat much but every time we go out to eat she slathers butter on multiple pieces of bread and salts everything, pours tons of fatty dressing on her salads, etc. When I go to her house she has packs of candy on the table next to the chair that she spends most of her day in while watching TV. She is now at the point where she has all the expected illnesses (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.) and is on 16 daily medications, she rides a mobility scooter around her house to "get around" (the house is only 2500 sq. ft, not a mansion), and can hardly walk more than 40 feet without getting out of breath.

I am so sad and even a little angry that she has chosen this path but like you, I'm really at a loss for how to help another human being value their life (and family?) enough to wake up and care about their health. Lately I've come to the conclusion that I will just have to love her in spite of her choices and enjoy the time I do have left with her because I can't change her and if she keeps it up, I will have a too few years left with her. However, only she can control what goes in her mouth.

I hope that you keep up your good choices in spite of what your mom does.

Take care,
Kimber

erdfan · August 2012

That's a good goal you have. Well I would suggest you use this sight for sure..it's wonderful low calorie dieting is great and also low carb but every body is different. There are so many things to help and use out there personally I would suggest cutting out any drinks other than water first....replace with something good every now and then when you really need flavor or bubbles. Then walk together for starters, and build from there. You can diet all you want and you will loose some weight but unless you are active and get some cardio it will all be for naught. Dancing, zumba, water aerobics, walking , elliptical are all wonderful ways to burn fast calories.
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Advice on how to help my mom lose weight?

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