Any Adults Who Are Living At Home???

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Replies

  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Would it be any different if the OP was a man? I've met countless girls who would criticize men (who are even younger than the OP) that still live at home. I have a good friend that was online dating and would totally drop a guy if she found he was still living at home and over 30. Actually most women I know would do the same exact thing.

    It seems that women are the first to stick up for another women who still lives at home and are beyond critical when they meet a guy who's doing the same thing.

    Discuss.

    Not so. I wouldn't judge because I don't know what his situation is.
    I live at home right now. I live in the Stockton/Modesto area of California..look up our housing crisis and how bad crime and the economy are here. Stockton declared bankruptcy recently and it sucks azz here. I'm home because frankly I can't afford to even rent in a decent area...I can afford to live on my own in the rude ghetto(we had three homicides in three days), but I won't put my son through that. I pay my share of the bills and I help them out with the upkeep of the house. My father is 82 and can't get up on the roof to clean the gutters etc. I do it. They watch my son while I'm at work and I do the rest. Men will not date me once they find out I live at home, and people look down at me. Guess I would be "cool" if I was homeless?
    So yeah with the economy being the way it is here in California, I would never rule out a man just because he lives at home.
  • cherylhirons
    cherylhirons Posts: 37 Member
    What is family for I would die for my children so I certainly will be there when they are in need! Oh yes and I move my husband and daughter in with my parents, we are finally back on our feet, and will be completely grounded when I can get a job, oh darn because I'm unemployed am I gonna get trashed now, because not being able to contribute financially to my family feels awesome! As for the first poster, do what you need to do to make your future more secure. If your parents are willing! When you get frustrated go workout, I think I ate when I got frustrated:(.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I could never do it!! Not in a million years. Even in desperate times. There's always a place to live for dirt cheap. Or roommates.

    I'm 24. Moved out at 20. I couldn't get a long with my parents for the life of me. And they scare me with how they conduct their lives. I'm way more mature then they are in their 50s.

    We get along great after I moved out! I haven't had any regrets in 4 years.

    I firmly believe you can save money anywhere. We save it by living cheaply, budgeting, and spending less. We do not live deprived lives... nor do we make a whole lot.

    I think that if you have doubts about it maybe you need a battle plan? There's nothing wrong with living at home but if you aren't happy that way then figure a way out to move on or out. Purchasing a house doesn't end all the bills or obligations to save. You still have to keep saving up and paying something... heat/gas, insurance, payment, taxes, and maintenance. You could rent for cheap and still save. Would be win-win.

    If anything, make sure you have a plan for your life. Nothing worse then just being in limbo and not taking advantage of the time you have.
  • pen_thief
    pen_thief Posts: 78 Member
    With the way the current economy is, no one born after Jan. 1, 1980 should be criticized for living at home. It is Generation Y (commonly cited as birth years 1980-1994) that has taken the worst of the current economic downturn. Census data showed about 14.2% of all young people ages 25 to 34 are still living in their parents' homes as of 2011.

    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Middleclass-income-fell-in-cnnm-1748504813.html?x=0

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/10/number-of-adult-americans-living-with-their-parents_n_795185.html

    It is harder for young adults to have independence. Unemployment is highest for those under 30 and the jobs that most 20 somethings have pay paltry amounts compared to the 20 somethings of 20-30 years ago.

    You've got that right. 27 and living at home because of school and emergency surgery medical debt (no insurance because I was in school and could barely afford the shirt on my back). My mom and I are like a team for now. She likes me living at home and we help each other out. We have our arguments but they're rare and we get over them quickly. I drive her to work and do my in-home job while she's at hers (transcription - the pay sucks, but at least I'm putting the English degree to use). I pay rent like you as well. I do a lot of cooking and overall handi-woman stuff. It's really hard out there for single people to even afford a one-room apartment that's halfway decent - especially if you've got any type of debt over your head. I'm talking about single people who can't land the $20 an hour jobs. The ones who gets stuck being waiters or doing what I'm doing because no one's hiring or you've been let go from the good job you had.

    I wish I'd never gone to college so I could at least have a chance on my own. I wish I'd have taken better care of myself in school so I didn't need the gallbladder removal surgery. But that's in the past, so what are you going to do? I've got to find joy in life somewhere, even if it's sitting having a cup of coffee, reading with a candle lit nearby. Money can bring temporary pleasure, but that does not equate to fulfillment with your life. So while I have goals for myself, I won't hate every day of my life and refuse to be happy just because I'm not there right now. It's pretty clear at this point that I'll need a partner to help me with expenses, but I don't believe in marriage for financial reasons. So for now, this is my sitch. I'm neither going to refuse to live nor give up on my goals. I'm just doing what I can for now, and anyone who doesn't approve is free to gtfo of my business.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    I wish I was able to live with my mother, I really need her right now, but of course, I'm on my own completely with my kids, bleh
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    You are NOT alone.

    When I was 20 years old, my then-boyfriend proposed after he finished Navy boot camp. When he completed all of his training and was stationed 700 miles away, we got married and I moved out (at 21) We BOUGHT our own house, with no help. 2+ years later, his father fell extremely ill, so he left the Navy and we moved home and back in with my parents who were just miles from his family. Nine months after we moved home, his father passed away. We moved back to Georgia (from MD) to try to save our house and set up life again in Georgia. Without the military, it was hard to find employment and make ends meet. Jobs were now scarce. We moved back home a second time and have been here now for two years. We live in one of the richest counties in the country and it's near impossible to even find a one bedroom apartment for under $1,000. We're trying... and our goal is to be out by the new year.

    But know there are a ton of people in your situation, it's not easy, and you are not alone!!
  • dottheallison
    dottheallison Posts: 42
    24 living at home. Helped my folks move across the country almost 3 years ago and decided to stay. Doing my best to save money while paying off my car and helping with house bills. Since they don't allow me to pay rent, I also have my mom (who has a disability) on my cell phone plan in case for some reason the phone bill can't be paid and help with groceries and kids where I can.

    It's tough being a family of 8 (I'm the oldest of 6, my next youngest brother just moved back home) in this economy, on top of being in the age range that got screwed to begin with. But I'm workin' on it! I hope this isn't forever, but I'll probably be in my parents house until I pay off my car, figure out how to handle school loans, and decide which side of the country I want to stay on!
  • Smiling_Sara
    Smiling_Sara Posts: 203 Member
    Thank you for all the replies. I will add more tomorrow, but I should say that I make a decent living in my area, and if it was matched with another person bills would not be a problem. I could prob make it on my own, in fact, not prob, I could, but it would be really tight, and I wouldn't be able to save much. I am doing this for my future, to ensure that I can purchase a place with enough of a down payment that my mortgage wouldn't be more than a 1/4 of my take home pay.

    And as to why I haven't saved money previously, I had some credit card debt, and a out patient surgery that cost me over $3000 out of pocket ( with my health insurance that cost me a little over $200 a month ) I wanted to clean up those things and then start stashing money, which I have been over the course of the last several months.

    Thanks for all the comments again everyone. =) I do have a plan, it's not written down, so I should get on that, but I do. I don't plan to just live with my folks forever.
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    Right now, in these trying times I think it has become the norm.

    My daughter and I live with my former in-laws. Yep, you read that right....my former in-laws. I had my daughter at 18, married at 19, divorced at 26. I have a degree in criminal justice and no agency or department has been hiring except interdepartmental changes in nearly two years. I refuse to work fast food or waitress because I want to spend time with my daughter. No sense having a job or career when you never see your family. My ex was lazy....he did sit around all day getting high, drunk, and playing video games. Those were some of the factors in why I left him.

    While living with my former rents can be tough at times, I appreciate everything they do for me and my daughter and in turn I do as much of the house work and lawn maintenance that I can. I take care of their pets while they are at work or on vacation. I do work on occasion and I pay for my own food, gas, car insurance...ect.

    Best of luck...just hang in there. Since you do not have a child or other dependent it wouldn't be too horrible to rent a small one bedroom for a while. If I were to rent I need to find a place that has two bedrooms and allows three dogs. Not easily done for under $2000 a month plus utilities.
  • recoiljpr
    recoiljpr Posts: 292
    My wife and I worked our tails off for years to be where we are now (I worked two jobs and went to college). I know for the first 10 years of our marriage I was working 80+ hours a week at a job out of college I hated; but made really good money at. I missed a lot with our first 3 kids, honestly most of their early life. But, we saved every penny and lived incredibly meekly. Now though, those years have paid off. I was able to move to different job (with normal work hours) and my wife is now able to go back and finish her phd (she is still working as teacher as well) . We are able to very comfortably live now with our 4 kids, and spoil them (and ourselves). Sometimes its about what sacrifices are you willing to make now in order to be at a certain place further down the road. If I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing because of the life it is now allowing us to live.

    I was raised by a single mom living on a Texas teachers salary and I lived my youth with my mom at my Grandmothers house. My wife and I have never have had to live with our parents; but we have had her parents at one point living with us and her brother & his wife. We helped them get back on their feet during those times and they are all doing well now in their own lives. I think family is about helping each other out and being there for each other. If there is a valid need, I don't see a single thing wrong with moving back in with your parents. I know with our 4 kids, we will be the same way.

    That being said, the free room/board/bills, etc will only last as long as our kids are working at moving their life forward (education, job, etc). I think it's only wrong if someone who lives with their parents is not actively working towards a goal but just freeloading.
  • PrincessNikkiBoo
    PrincessNikkiBoo Posts: 330 Member
    bump
  • anaboneana
    anaboneana Posts: 195 Member
    I'm home for the summer from college and I'm 20. It's strange because my parents know that I sometimes go out to drink (yes, underage...) and I feel the need to tell them where I'm going every time I walk out the door, even though they don't ask. I have a very good relationship with my parents though. They're the best - completely understanding of anything and eager to listen to me and give me advice freely about things most people would probably try hiding from their parents (drinking, sex, drugs, silly life hardships, et cetera). I was struggling with major depression throughout my year away at school and developed a stronger bond with my rents over this summer... It's going to be tough to say goodbye, again. lol

    I've come to realize how precious the time I spend with them is. (Then again, I have an older dad who was nearly dead on me a few times over my life.. so I have reason to believe that any day could be my last with him. And, as for my mom... Well, she's my best-est friend.)
  • FoxyMcDeadlift
    FoxyMcDeadlift Posts: 771 Member
    I live at home and im 26. I moved back after my dad died and now im sort of stuck in limbo because my job doesnt pay great and i have no one to live with. Some days its the worst thing ever, other days the best. I dont have any love life prospects and thats the only thing it gets in the way of anyway, so nevermind
  • paris458
    paris458 Posts: 229 Member
    Would it be any different if the OP was a man? I've met countless girls who would criticize men (who are even younger than the OP) that still live at home. I have a good friend that was online dating and would totally drop a guy if she found he was still living at home and over 30. Actually most women I know would do the same exact thing.

    It seems that women are the first to stick up for another women who still lives at home and are beyond critical when they meet a guy who's doing the same thing.

    Discuss.

    I may seem like an *kitten* but yes it is different. As a friend I would understand that you would have to live at home since its hard times, but if you are living at home or dont have a job why are you dating? You cant go to dinner, you cant plan a future so is he just looking to move out of his parents place and into mine?
  • Smiling_Sara
    Smiling_Sara Posts: 203 Member
    Would it be any different if the OP was a man? I've met countless girls who would criticize men (who are even younger than the OP) that still live at home. I have a good friend that was online dating and would totally drop a guy if she found he was still living at home and over 30. Actually most women I know would do the same exact thing.

    It seems that women are the first to stick up for another women who still lives at home and are beyond critical when they meet a guy who's doing the same thing.

    Discuss.

    I may seem like an *kitten* but yes it is different. As a friend I would understand that you would have to live at home since its hard times, but if you are living at home or dont have a job why are you dating? You cant go to dinner, you cant plan a future so is he just looking to move out of his parents place and into mine?


    This may sound contradictory coming from me, but I don't see a difference at all. Why would it be? Just becuase a person happens to be male? I"ve always had the attitude of I pay my own way. ( which is where the condradictory part comes in, since I am currently living at home, but I do pay my parents some money ) I think as long as they have some long term goals in mind, and are not being lazy, I don't see a problem with it. Esp if they are saving, or cleaning up debt to make a better future for themselves.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    Relying on anyone but myself would a million percent suck, you need to get in the game.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Would it be any different if the OP was a man? I've met countless girls who would criticize men (who are even younger than the OP) that still live at home. I have a good friend that was online dating and would totally drop a guy if she found he was still living at home and over 30. Actually most women I know would do the same exact thing.

    It seems that women are the first to stick up for another women who still lives at home and are beyond critical when they meet a guy who's doing the same thing.

    Discuss.

    I may seem like an *kitten* but yes it is different. As a friend I would understand that you would have to live at home since its hard times, but if you are living at home or dont have a job why are you dating? You cant go to dinner, you cant plan a future so is he just looking to move out of his parents place and into mine?
    Ha, so it's totally ok for a woman to be looking to move out of the parents place into a guy's place? What a pathetic attitude.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    What a strange question...

    Isn't your home where you live? Everyone lives at home, unless they are homeless.
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    If you've been living with your parents for a couple of years without paying rent, you should easily have saved $1000 - $1500 a month. By now you should have at least $24,000 for a downpayment.

    If you're unable to save $1000 a month, then I don't see you ever moving out because owning a home cost $1000+ per month (incl property taxes, utilities etc).

    If you're going to continue living there, at least pay your parents a decent rent, they deserve it.

    This
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    You're definitely not alone in it and I think it is becoming even more common again due to high cost of living. That said, you mentioned that you don't want to buy something now because you see your friends struggling. That concerns me a little, because that tells me that you might want to have a certain type of spending lifestyle that you might not be able to keep up with once you own a home. I understand not wanting to be "house poor," but your sanity is worth it. You can find SO many ways to save money that if you can find something affordable I would just make the jump!
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
    Save your money and move out of your parent's home. They have been enablers long enough.
  • dbarchus
    dbarchus Posts: 42
    "I had lost my job, broke my leg and my bf left me with no way to pay for our place. I had to move back with my mom. I stayed there and went to school because it was easier and helped me save money. I just bought a 4plex in december and gave one unit to my mom for letting me stay there all those years."

    Nice way to give back to your parent. Bully for you!!!!
  • TaylorsGranddad
    TaylorsGranddad Posts: 453 Member
    Hi, I currently live with my sister and her husband, I conpletely understand where you're coming from, I'm so grateful that she's letting me live there until I get myself sorted out, but feel a little lost if I'm honest.


    Feel free to add me as I could de with anyone who's in the same situation as me to at least chat to, especially in the evenings, x


    Craig
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    When I graduated from college, I had a really tough time finding a job, and I stayed at home with my parents. I'm 26 now, and still live there. It's frustrating for me, but I needed to save up for a new car, and am now saving up for condo. My parents are happy to have me, and we get along pretty well. There's no shame in it, but I understand how you feel.

    That said, finish saving up and get a condo. If you want one, they're dirt cheap in a lot of places right now. If you can move out, you probably should at 33. (Though, the same can be said of someone who's 26...)
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    i live with my parents but i have 2 kids and i'm single and don't have a job.

    i see nothing wrong with saving money for your future.

    Saving money for your future when you have 2 kids and live at home with no job? Are you going to school or just lacking to be a productive member of society?


    I moved home twice. Once when my life was threatened (my dad had to pick me up from an ambulance at my apartment at 2 am because my son's dad beat my head in) and the other time when my mom was moving from across the state and wanted a roommate to split bills with. The first month I paid the full rent she had no money she kicked me out.

    I don't see a problem with living at home for a good reason but I think there are FAR too many adults living at home because they are lazy.
  • kellyg891
    kellyg891 Posts: 16
    I'm 24 and I live at home with my parents. I moved out briefly, then lost my job and came home. Seriously saddest day of my life and happiest day of my dad's life. He loves that I'm at home. I hate it. I'm saving up money to buy my own place when they move next year. It's a tough situation for all of us. Except my dad, he'd have my sisters and their husbands and kids living with us if we had the space I'm sure! I liked the independence of my apartment but appreciate my parents for letting me come home, unemployed and depressed. The space is seriously the hardest part for me, I'm a very VERY private person and being stuck in a small 3 bedroom house with my parents, 27 yr old sister and a BUNCH of dogs is very hard for me.

    Let me add, I do now have a job I LOVE. I don't live at home out of convenience or beacuse I don't want to move out. I do it because financially this is the best I can do right now. It'd be silly to rush into moving out and then have to come home again in 3 months!
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
    I realize my situation is not normal but I am 31 and live with my mother. I am autistic and am unable to live independently. Personally I don't see why I can't but I've been told that because in many areas my symptoms are more resembling that of low functioning autism than Asperger Syndrome (the official diagnosis) I cannot live independently. My mother is also unable to live independently due to health related reasons.
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
    My wife and I are living with her parents with our 2 children as well. We originally moved in because her dad had cancer and needed help. His cancer is gone but now we've found that rent prices have gone up significantly and we can no longer afford rent. So we're saving to buy a house (which we've figured out can actually be cheaper monthly depending on how much we spend).

    So no...you're not alone. And yes...it does suck.

    Remember to look into the property tax of an area/home even though its not a monthly bill, if its high then sometimes there isn't much of a difference cost wise from owning or renting.
  • nygrl4evr
    nygrl4evr Posts: 196 Member
    I feel your pain. When my exboyfriend and I broke up I couldn't afford to pay rent, support my daughter, and keep her much loved dog either since all the apartments here charge extra fees plus want pet rent every month. I moved in with my long distance truck driver / brother for a couple of years which was great because he was single and on the road all the time so he was hardly ever home. Then the economy went south and my brother lost the house so back to Mom's house I moved because I still couldn't afford to fully live on my own (my daughter's father thinks child support is optional and the courts are always very forgiving before they will actually enforce an order). Let me tell you, going from a 3 bedroom house with a living room and family room and a 2 car garage mostly all my own to 2 bedrooms in my mother's house sucked. I had to pack almost everything away into storage and still we were busting out of our rooms. To top all of that off my daughter and I get along great with my mother as long as we are not living with her, lol... For some reason she thinks I am back in high school again and that I just cannot parent my high school age daughter by myself even though I was doing it for years before I moved in with her just fine.

    I say though stick it out if you can. Try to get out of the house as much as possible. That is what we did and it helped save our sanity really. When you can eventually afford a place of your own it will be well worth it if you can stand it for now. If not and you really can no longer take it then I say try to go. Ruining your relationship with your parents over having a nicer place to live is never worth it because you only get one set of parents and you don't need all the stress. It isn't healthy at all. Good luck!
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    Get out of your parents' home! I am with the girl who said you could have had a good deposit for a house saved by now and if you can't put away at least 12 grand a year you'll never be able to pay a mortgage, utilities, food, car insurance, petrol, internet etc. It's a struggle sometimes, like when something breaks that you're unprepared for... but owning your own home is worth it. Get on your feet and get saving!

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