Am I being unfair?
SmileeBarbFLA
Posts: 138
My birthday is this weekend. Of course my family asks me where I want to go for dinner and I declined their offer. I simply told them I am really on track now and I don't want to take a chance ruining anything by going out for a big meal. Yes I know, I can order light and get chicken and veggies, a salad or a small steak or something but it's never that easy. Even though I eat well on the outside I'd still be up a few pounds the next day, off my usual routine, and I have to work even harder to work off one meal. For my birthday this year I haven't even planned dinner or any food related activities with anyone. Sure there will be food available but not everything is revolved around dinner plans. I'm trying not to center everything around food where I may be tempted to eat something I'll regret.
My family understands and supports my healthy eating habits but they're a little disappointed in not taking me out to celebrate, which we usually do for one's bday. Money is also tight for everyone so I figure also, lets save at least $100 on dinner out.
Do you guys agree with my thought process or feel I'm being unfair to my family? Just curious on some opinions... :drinker: :flowerforyou:
My family understands and supports my healthy eating habits but they're a little disappointed in not taking me out to celebrate, which we usually do for one's bday. Money is also tight for everyone so I figure also, lets save at least $100 on dinner out.
Do you guys agree with my thought process or feel I'm being unfair to my family? Just curious on some opinions... :drinker: :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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It's your day you should be able to do what you want. IMO
Happy Birthday!:flowerforyou:0 -
I think you're being fair to yourself, and I think your family just wanted to do something special with you. Why not have an alternative like go see a movie or something?
And good for you for sticking to your guns and having self control. I'm not sure I could do it. 0 -
Your day = your decisions. But enjoy it. 0
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suggest an alternative that gets everyone moving. take a workout class together go hiking and a picnic
or just do whatever u want.
you're not being unfair i do not believe0 -
I would probably decline the offer to go out to dinner as well but you don't have to ignore your bday all together. Why don't you offer to cook (yeah, I know it's your birthday why should you cook?) and have everyone come over - or if a family member offers to host a gathering at their house bring a dish, and a board game so that the center is not food. I suggest "cards against humanity" - you'll laugh your butt off!!!
Life is far to short! Celebrate your birthday with your family who clearly love you!!
Happy Birthday :flowerforyou:0 -
Nice choices, I think.
If going to a restaurant is just gonna stress you out - who wants that on your birthday?? It is YOUR day, and it should be all up to you!
PS way to stay on track!!! I would definitely go the all-out birthday binge route and regret it for about a week after :S0 -
I don't think you are being unfair, but at the same time I can understand your family's disappointment. They want to do something nice for you all together, right? So why don't you start a new birthday tradition instead? Do something together as a family such as bowling or playing golf/mini-golf or having a picnic in a park (where you can control the food), or playing frisbee or whatever.
Congratulations on sticking to your plan and also Happy Birthday!!!!0 -
Your birthday = your decision Happy early birthday :flowerforyou: 0
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Why not make a nice birthday meal at home instead, where you control what you have? I am sure you can find a healthy dessert recipe too.0
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Not at all - you are showing amazing willpower!0
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My birthday is this weekend. Of course my family asks me where I want to go for dinner and I declined their offer. I simply told them I am really on track now and I don't want to take a chance ruining anything by going out for a big meal. Yes I know, I can order light and get chicken and veggies, a salad or a small steak or something but it's never that easy. Even though I eat well on the outside I'd still be up a few pounds the next day, off my usual routine, and I have to work even harder to work off one meal. For my birthday this year I haven't even planned dinner or any food related activities with anyone. Sure there will be food available but not everything is revolved around dinner plans. I'm trying not to center everything around food where I may be tempted to eat something I'll regret.
My family understands and supports my healthy eating habits but they're a little disappointed in not taking me out to celebrate, which we usually do for one's bday. Money is also tight for everyone so I figure also, lets save at least $100 on dinner out.
Do you guys agree with my thought process or feel I'm being unfair to my family? Just curious on some opinions... :drinker: :flowerforyou:
Happy Birthday! It is your day but they won't to share it with you. How about a non food get together?0 -
Thanks everyone for the feedback, I'll probably still spend time with them as always, just not around the dinner table.
And thanks for the birthday wishes :drinker: :happy:0 -
I've found it difficult to find how to celebrate events and accomplishments without food, so I feel your pain! As others have suggested, try finding an alternative activity that you can all do. Time with family and friend is really the point of these get-togethers, right? I don't like group movies myself, because there's so little interaction. You could spend the day/evening at a local beach, go mini-golfing, play your favorite board/card game, whatever floats your boat. Re-establish how you celebrate things.
And happy birthday!0 -
Do whatever makes you comfortable and happy. If you can muster the courage, go to a restaurant and check their menu online before you go and plan what you're going to eat and stick to it. Then, be proud of yourself that you lived in the real world and made good choices for yourself. If you're just getting on track and don't feel like you are ready for that, then don't. But it is your birthday and it's nice to have company, so if you go, go for the company and not the food. And tell them strictly no free birthday dessert stuff!
You're only being unfair if you're feeling deprived instead of compromising with yourself and achieving your goal despite obstacles. It can be done! 0 -
The only thing I have to contribute is this:
Thinking of it as "having to work it off" when you take a day off or eat things you wouldn't is a negative way of thinking that needs to change. Don't think of exercise as punishment for eating. You may not enjoy exercise now, but if you think you have to work 5x as hard as punishment for what you ate the day before, you'll get into a vicious cycle and maybe never learn to enjoy it. Food is not a reward. Exercise is not a punishment. They are both integral parts of living, and you're changing your habits and how you relate to them.
One day off will not reset weeks and months of progress. Time off is healthy sometimes.0 -
i like the picnic suggestion. make a round of your healthy food from home, pack it up, take them out to a park to eat. free, healthy, still eating outside. 0
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The only thing I have to contribute is this:
Thinking of it as "having to work it off" when you take a day off or eat things you wouldn't is a negative way of thinking that needs to change. Don't think of exercise as punishment for eating. You may not enjoy exercise now, but if you think you have to work 5x as hard as punishment for what you ate the day before, you'll get into a vicious cycle and maybe never learn to enjoy it. Food is not a reward. Exercise is not a punishment. They are both integral parts of living, and you're changing your habits and how you relate to them.
One day off will not reset weeks and months of progress. Time off is healthy sometimes.
Oh gosh, maybe that came across wrong, I LOVE working out!!! I just meant if I gain a few lbs over a weekend "cheating" which I certainly don't want to do, then its just like being set back a couple weeks. I eat right all week, bring my food to work and enjoy my workouts that's why I'm so hesitant to let one meal negate all good I've done all week.0 -
The only thing I have to contribute is this:
Thinking of it as "having to work it off" when you take a day off or eat things you wouldn't is a negative way of thinking that needs to change. Don't think of exercise as punishment for eating. You may not enjoy exercise now, but if you think you have to work 5x as hard as punishment for what you ate the day before, you'll get into a vicious cycle and maybe never learn to enjoy it. Food is not a reward. Exercise is not a punishment. They are both integral parts of living, and you're changing your habits and how you relate to them.
One day off will not reset weeks and months of progress. Time off is healthy sometimes.
Oh gosh, maybe that came across wrong, I LOVE working out!!! I just meant if I gain a few lbs over a weekend "cheating" which I certainly don't want to do, then its just like being set back a couple weeks. I eat right all week, bring my food to work and enjoy my workouts that's why I'm so hesitant to let one meal negate all good I've done all week.
Physiologically impossible. You might see a "gain" the next day if weigh every day, but the human body can fluctuate up to 5 lbs per day, sometimes more. One birthday dinner cannot physically undo weeks of work, even if you ate way over maintenance calories that one day.0 -
Eat in! It's cheaper and healthier and more private. Me and my family usually do this
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I think you should do whatever you want, its your bday afterall....that being said...I dont think it will KILL you or your diet to splurge on your birthday!!! You need to do this long term..and NEVER going out, seems, well...not at all realistic. But again, its your birthday!
My 2 cents, having lost my mom last year to cancer... FAMILY IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT than one day of eating a salad!0 -
We have a big family and sometimes the celebration is frankly more of a pain than it is worth.
Do what you want.
Maybe you can all go to a movie or something?0 -
I don't agree with you, but that doesn't mean you are wrong. However, just because I am dieting doesn't mean I can't go out and spend time with friends and family. I don't want to wall myself off with dieting. I would have gone out with the family and had fun figuring out how to eat healthy at the restaurant. many restuarants have small plates and will try to accomodate healthy eaters. You should see me order Chinese take out....0
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I think its your birthday so you should be able to chose and doing something together, just not revolving around a dinner table is a great solution! In my family we always tweak it to the birthday person's taste. My dad and I don't really care for cake so he always gets pie on his birthday and I ask for birthday rootbeer floats, lol. No one cares because its the birthday person's day and its more about spending time together on that day.0
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NOT being unfair - and I totally understand where you're coming from. My hub and I are invited often to social events, and EVERYTHING revolves around eating and drinking. It makes dieting difficult sometimes. How about this: Pick a great movie for everyone to celebrate your birthday, sneak in some cal-friendly snacks in your purse, buy a diet drink and the rest of the family can get whatever snacks they'd like! Cheaper than a big meal, and you'll have a great time!0
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I think your doing what's best for you & I think they did want to do something special for you, but it seems everything now days has to be celebrated with a lot of fattening food or dining out. I agree with you. I think people should find a way to celebrate things without food. lol.0
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Your birthday = your decision Happy early birthday :flowerforyou:
Ditto. Glad to hear your family is so supportive.0 -
i would sugest going to a movie with them instead of dinner0
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I don't think you are being unfair. Maybe you could have a celebration at your house with veggies and a light dip, some yummy healthy recipies from dashingdish.com :-) and just visit with each other :-) Instead of birthday cake maybe mini cupcakes I don't think there would be a lot of cals in those iddy biddy tiny ones. Happy birthday by the way 0
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I would probably decline the offer to go out to dinner as well but you don't have to ignore your bday all together. Why don't you offer to cook (yeah, I know it's your birthday why should you cook?) and have everyone come over - or if a family member offers to host a gathering at their house bring a dish, and a board game so that the center is not food. I suggest "cards against humanity" - you'll laugh your butt off!!!
Life is far to short! Celebrate your birthday with your family who clearly love you!!
Happy Birthday :flowerforyou:
Excellent idea! Do something that isnt food centered but allows you to spend quality time with your family. Birthdays only come once a year, they should be filled with family & love
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Thanks again for all the feedback. I have been on this weight loss journey for a few years now. I lost about 50 then once I started going out on weekends and having a little of this and a little of that, I slowly put almost 20 lbs back on and have been struggling to get it back off for a while. I'm finally losing again after overcoming a long, frustrating plateau so that's kind of my reasoning. I'd do great all week, then blow it on the weekends. I haven't been doing that lately by not eating out much or being VERY selective what or where I eat and it's been working. I don't feel deprived at all. I feel happy that I'm finally losing again so its worth it. And to me, like someone else mentioned earlier, it's just the strong willpower I have now. Maybe I'll reconsider and go out with them, I'm not sure yet but I'm just trying for myself to finally do this and do it right. No more of the yo-yo, up and down, up and down.
Not my family as much but oh boy, it will really test my willpower as I'm sure Sat night my friends will want to get me drunk LOL. Only a Michelob Ultra or Rum & diet (or 2) for me :drinker:
My manager at work today commented "you look like you're losing weight" ... made my weekend! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:0
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