Dealing with grief

I feel your pain and it will get better with time :flowerforyou: My husband died 6 yrs ago and I found walking my dog a great help. I walked for miles it allowed me time to think and it tired me out. It may not seem like it now but it will get better with time. It took me a good two years to get over my husband's death. We had been married for 35 yrs and expected to spend our old age together but it was not to be. Now I have three dogs and a new partner. Allow yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself

my dad also passed away a short time ago. We had a falling out last year and really did not talk the last several months. I have been dealing with my feelings all over the place. Guilt for not talking to him, and maybe if I was there, anger cause of the cause of his death (he was attacked by his cattle) why did he put himself in that danger, sadness, just being pissed off in general.
I'm an emotional eater so I have gained 56 pounds since he passed away. In the last week I have found that exercising really helps. Boxing helps with the anger, workouts like zumba and aerobics helps your mind go else where for awhile cause you are thinking about the movements. Like you I would also have problems with my brain shutting of at night about my dad's death, exercising really helps with that too. I find that I get more of a well rested sleep

Oh man, my heart goes out to you. I am 100% with the posters who have suggested grief counseling. Having that image replayed in your mind continuously is not healthy. What happened to you is serious business, it's one of the worst things you can go through, and dealing with it on your own has to be hard! I think you need to focus on healing your mind and your spirit before worrying about your body...otherwise you're treating the symptom instead of the sickness. I am sending happy, healing thoughts your way and wishing you lots of luck.

I also struggled to fall asleep. My strategy was to try to physically exhaust myself (with exercise) so that I'd fall asleep more easily. But honestly, my sleep was disturbed for about 4-5 months, then it slowly became easier to shut off my brain and to find rest.

I'm with everyone else on this topic. I'm a fairly private person and have difficulty in opening up to people unless I am really close with them. When my dad passed away, it was very sudden and unexpected, possibly one of the best things I did for myself and my younger sister, was getting counseling myself. It is a tragedy, but you don't want to let the loss of a loved one dictate how you live your life, my mother does this and it is detrimental to everyone she interacts with, especially relationships with family.

Don't rush yourself to get over this loss, take it one day at a time, sometimes it's difficult to just get up and moving in the morning in my case. Do what you can, just try to make good decisions, maybe see if your sister wants to go for a walk and talk about everything/life on a regular basis.

Make sure remember the good times with your dad!

What you are describing sounds like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's something that I have dealt with as a Katrina survivor. My therapist has been wonderful, and I took some anti-anxiety medication for a short time.

Really, a therapist can help.

My dad died suddenly three weeks ago. I also was with him TRYING to help the paramedics give him CPR...but he couldn't be saved. Buried him two weeks ago. Still doesn't seem real...like when he's not at the house I think he's at work or something...until it hits me again. I texted him the day before he died...and he didn't respond. He was feeling sick, came home from work, passed out early Friday morning and I came to the house to see him and my mother...just to say hi. That's the last time I saw him...but he was passed out and then stopped breathing when the paramedics came. Very sudden and very surreal. But at least he didn't suffer and it was quick. I think that's why it's still not real. I'm a bit numb to it, actually. You are not alone...and it just plain sucks. I know it's going to hit me...just don't know when. I'm trying to just get to my routine and stay busy...which includes being with friends, playing tennis with friends, working out, going out to eat, etc etc. I also gained probably about 5-7 lbs over last three weeks...but have gotten it under control again. Taking it day to day and really trying to just eat my 1850 cal/day and then maybe my activity calories, if needed. At this point I'd be totally satisfied with losing 2lbs/month.

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on jan 1st this year. I know what you mean by reliving it over and over. The first night after she passed I didn't even want to sleep. I thought I'd have nightmares and literally asked my boyfriend to hold me until I fell asleep. It is truly a devastating thing to go through. It is good that you are now taking care of yourself. It will take a while for restful sleep to come back to you. I think after the 5th or 6th month mark it started to get a little better. One day you wake up and it's not the first thing that goes through your head. Then it's not the last thing that you think about at night.

The only thing I can say in the meantime is to treat yourself well. Take the time to decide what you want to do before your time is up. Promise yourself to strive to reach those goals and make the best of your life. It is times like this that we are faced with our own mortality. Get plenty of sunlight, water, exercise, good whole foods, and time with friends and loved ones.

These things might not help you sleep, but it's worth a shot:

-Try listening to soothing music when you are trying to go to sleep and visualize a peaceful place.
-make sure the room is very dark. The body rests better at night without lights on or coming through windows.
-try eliminating caffeine. I don't get hyper on caffeine, but some people are sensitive to it
-Get your emotions out. Cry if you need to. Write it in a journal if that will help. Keeping anything bottled up inside keeps you tense and less able to be rested.
-Like others have suggested. Try a therapist if you feel that you need one.