Different Standards for "IRL" Friends?

ValerieMartini2Olives
ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
in Chit-Chat
A few months ago, one of my real life friends joined MFP. She seemed like she was all into it...

for like 3 days. Then she disappeared.

Then she'd log in. Then she'd disappear. Her diary was all over the place when she did log.

Then she didn't log in for like 11 days.

I have a pretty set rule that if you haven't logged in for 7 days (unless I know you're going on vacation or something), then I will just take you off. So I deleted her. That was about a month ago.

She texts me today and asks me if I deleted her. I told her yes I did, but it was nothing personal. I would do it to anyone because to me, it didn't seem like she was dedicated and we didn't have similar goals.

She friggin' blew up at me and got real nasty. I wasn't attacking her. I was simply telling her my opinion and that I would have done it to anyone.

To me, MFP is more than just a calorie counter. It's a whole system like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, or for people like myself who struggle with food addiction, something like Overeaters Anonymous or even Alcoholics Anonymous. If I wasn't using MFP, I sincerely doubt I'd have made it as far as I did. I need active friends who can help me and I can help them be accountable.

So because she's a "real life" friend should I have just let it go and kept her on even though she's just wasting my space?

Replies

  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Well, trying to say this nicely as possible.

    I would not think of any instance(even MFP) where I could consider a real life friend somebody I cared about to be "wasting my space".
    That said, do what you please. If she's never here she may not care.
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
    I wouldn't delete anyone for not logging in. There's Just no telling what's going on in their life. I have friends that log in sporadically and I'm always happy to see them back. When I first started I wasn't as dedicated as I am now, I hope they'll come around and I'll be there for support when they do. I can see why she was offended!
  • shellisugar
    shellisugar Posts: 120 Member
    I have an IRL friend who hasn't logged in in over a month. I have zero plans of deleting her.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Yup I invited a RL friend here. He logged for like 2 weeks consistently and then I ended up deleting him after like 2 months of not logging. Anyone else woulda been gone after a week (unless they say a reason why they're MIA)
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I have real life friends that haven't logged in to MFP for a year, I haven't deleted them yet.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    Well, trying to say this nicely as possible.

    I would not think of any instance(even MFP) where I could consider a real life friend somebody I cared about to be "wasting my space".
    That said, do what you please. If she's never here she may not care.

    She's the kind of person who is only your friend when she wants something.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    I wouldn't delete anyone for not logging in. There's Just no telling what's going on in their life. I have friends that log in sporadically and I'm always happy to see them back. When I first started I wasn't as dedicated as I am now, I hope they'll come around and I'll be there for support when they do. I can see why she was offended!

    If she's ready to come around and be dedicated, she can re-add me and I will be there to support her.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    Well, trying to say this nicely as possible.

    I would not think of any instance(even MFP) where I could consider a real life friend somebody I cared about to be "wasting my space".
    That said, do what you please. If she's never here she may not care.

    She's the kind of person who is only your friend when she wants something.



    Ooooh, then you're probably better off then.
  • WickedBean
    WickedBean Posts: 244 Member
    being as my BFF logs regularly this would never be an issue for me but even if she was sporadic I probably would have left her, but I would have given her a REALLY hard time (jokingly of course) about not being serious and about how she was going to get deleted.

    I do have a 30 day rule - that gets you kicked out of my list if you do not log in for 30 days (one person is exempt from this), but I am pretty picky with my friends so I rarely end up deleting anyone for not logging in I tend to look at it like this - I do not delete my IRL friends if I don't hear from them in 7 days why would I do that to my friends on MFP?
  • Erica27511
    Erica27511 Posts: 490 Member
    I deleted a "real life" friend. And I use friend very lightly. She hasn't logged in for a couple months and I hate seeing those red letters. I'm a little OCD though too. I feel like my MFP friends and I should be moving in the right direction with the same goal.
  • crazy8ts
    crazy8ts Posts: 360
    Well, in real life, I have friends that I don't speak to for months... but they don't stop being my friends... Here, I chat and joke and try my best to support folks, and hope that their intent is to do the same... but in the grand scheme of things, if they fade away... then I don't stress it. Because we're not friends IRL, I don't know what you're going through or why you haven't been around. if you pick it back up, then hey... I'm down to support you again... if not, then not... if my 'real' friends 'disappeared,' I would likely reach out to them to see how they were... 'cause, you know... they're my 'friends'... but since here all of my friends are 'virtual'... and I know nothing more than what they tell me, I leave them be...
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Well, trying to say this nicely as possible.

    I would not think of any instance(even MFP) where I could consider a real life friend somebody I cared about to be "wasting my space".
    That said, do what you please. If she's never here she may not care.

    She's the kind of person who is only your friend when she wants something.
    Ahh I have a friend like that. And honestly, I try not to think too long and hard about her. Sorry she got on you, especially since she's never here. Sounds like you are better off.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Well, in real life, I have friends that I don't speak to for months... but they don't stop being my friends... Here, I chat and joke and try my best to support folks, and hope that their intent is to do the same... but in the grand scheme of things, if they fade away... then I don't stress it. Because we're not friends IRL, I don't know what you're going through or why you haven't been around. if you pick it back up, then hey... I'm down to support you again... if not, then not... if my 'real' friends 'disappeared,' I would likely reach out to them to see how they were... 'cause, you know... they're my 'friends'... but since here all of my friends are 'virtual'... and I know nothing more than what they tell me, I leave them be...
    My best friend in Texas... I last spoke with her in December. I love the woman dearly, but we're busy. Whenever we do talk it's like we never stopped.
  • Treesy72
    Treesy72 Posts: 230
    I deleted my Mom
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    My real life friend actually introduced me to this site and then stopped using it. I deleted her but she doesn't even know since she doesn't go on it. She wouldn't care though.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    meh...i deleted one of my best friends, and my sister....they hadnt logged on in like a month. My friend logged back on and said HEY! and i re added her. Shouldnt be any need for drama.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    I have one IRL friend on here and she's the one that got me here (hi Jess!) she gets a pass. But really - she's never needed it cause she's awesome like that.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    Is it such a big deal that you had to delete her? It's so petty. I don't get why you had to delete her. Maybe if you didn't know her in real life. But you didn't think she wouldn't notice? I would take it personally if I knew the person personally.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    Well, trying to say this nicely as possible.

    I would not think of any instance(even MFP) where I could consider a real life friend somebody I cared about to be "wasting my space".
    That said, do what you please. If she's never here she may not care.

    She's the kind of person who is only your friend when she wants something.
    Ahh I have a friend like that. And honestly, I try not to think too long and hard about her. Sorry she got on you, especially since she's never here. Sounds like you are better off.

    She is a really nice girl and we get along really well, but every time I want to do something with her she's always "so busy." I know for a fact she's not AND she makes her own hours for work. I guess smoking a bunch of weed and diddling yourself is far more important. Funny enough... I NEVER initiate contact with her. She's the one that always messages me first.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Well, trying to say this nicely as possible.

    I would not think of any instance(even MFP) where I could consider a real life friend somebody I cared about to be "wasting my space".
    That said, do what you please. If she's never here she may not care.

    She's the kind of person who is only your friend when she wants something.
    Ahh I have a friend like that. And honestly, I try not to think too long and hard about her. Sorry she got on you, especially since she's never here. Sounds like you are better off.

    She is a really nice girl and we get along really well, but every time I want to do something with her she's always "so busy." I know for a fact she's not AND she makes her own hours for work. I guess smoking a bunch of weed and diddling yourself is far more important. Funny enough... I NEVER initiate contact with her. She's the one that always messages me first.
    My maid of honor is quite like that. I'm a very forgiving person! lol
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    It sounds as though you should have deleted her from both MFP and your real life!
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    My mom doesn't log on much. She is still on my list.
    So are 3 or 4 other IRL friends who log in sporadically or not at all.

    They get to stay. As do people I've met on here that I feel I have a real connection with.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I've deleted my husband and my mother in law before to declutter. They don't care. I'd add them back in a heart beat if they logged in regularly. My husband has been logging in but he only does it to read my updates LOL. He says he likes to catch up on my day that way.

    But I would probably be more up front about it. Not like it matters.
  • theartichoke
    theartichoke Posts: 816 Member
    Pffft. I booted my own husband for not logging in. 2 week rule unless there's a reason. If I'd boot my husband I'd sure as hell boot a friend.
  • jjnt007
    jjnt007 Posts: 302 Member
    I do not delete people for not logging in. When I went on vacation for 9 days several people deleted me but they did not ask if I had a smart phone and I do not so I could not log in each day. You did mention if you knew someone was on vacation you would not delete them so I was just using that as an example. I have deleted someone for posting an almost nude picture to show weight loss. I feel everyone in the world looks better with clothes on. lol Do not let it bother you, just move on from this point and make your own decision.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    My mom rarely logs in but I keep her on my list because she's my mom y'know?
  • SurfinBird1981
    SurfinBird1981 Posts: 517 Member
    I deleted a RL friend, she stopped using it altogether...
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    If you want her in your life, I would have kept her. I can understand why she could have felt judged. Whether or not it was personal to her or you would have done it to anyone, you basically just told her she isn't good enough/doesn't measure up. Any time you set a very specific standard or an expectation for someone, you run the risk of her not appreciating that and telling you about yourself. If you are ok with that, ok. But since you started this thread, I'm not sure that you are.

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