I need some major motivation.

Ok Sky....you have to want this real bad and stop making all these excuses. You're getting married in a year and trust me that will come fast but you need to do this for YOU! Three kids? You need to get healthy for them. I'm 36 and I had my 4th child at 32 and honestly I've made excuses for 5 years and here I am finally making the best decision of my life and that's to get healthy & fit. I want to be healthy not only for myself but for my kids. I hope to live a long life so that I can watch my kids grow up. I want to know that if my life is cut short it wasn't because of my health. Not only will you become healthy, you will also feel great about yourself. You have to want it bad enough to stick to it. It's hard work but it will pay off. Good Luck!

Set short term goals. Saying "from now on, no junk ,no eating out, work out daily" - stuff like that will set you up for failure. Set a short term goal, like doing the 30 day shred, and just a goal of eating "better'. Choose something during that 30 days to focus on improving. Coffee habit? Daily junk snacks? Ice cream a couple times a week? White pastas and breads? Chips and candy bars? Daily sodas? Pick one or two and just do those, the next 30 add something else and start another 30 day workout goal. And give yourself one meal or one day a week to eat whatever you want. You will eventually find what you want, is healthier food. Because you will find out how crappy you feel otherwise. Of course some people do go cold turkey on all bad food habits and start hard core work outs, but it sounds like you have done that and it doesn't work for you. It sounds like you need a gradual lifestyle change, something you can really live with and love. You do not need to be on a diet. You just need to basically eat healthy, with treats here and there. Use the 80/20 rule. You should like what your eating, or you will not succeed. Your food should be delicous and you should feel good and healthy and more energetic than ever. If you do not feel good about what your doing, you are doing it wrong. Ultimately, you want to limit (not avoid all together if you want to sometimes treat with them), processed foods, refined grains, white flour, sugar and pastas, soft drinks. I personally limit dairy and meat as well, but I think a balanced diet for me includes them a couple times a week. Saying you will never have such and such again sets you up to feel deprived. Just now that you are basically eating a certain way now, but knowing that you generally eat very well, there is room for you to have anything you want every now and then. Go into this knowing you are not depriving yourself of anything. The only exception will be at first, if you are really heavy on crap carbs, you may have withdrawals and that is something to plan for. I know I did. But after that, you don't want the unhealthy carbs as much, so when you do crave them every once in a while, you will not feel bad about indulging, bc you earned it. You can totally do this. This is nothing you can't handle...the question is WILL YOU? You won' always feel like it, you have to make a commitment to do it no matter what. I have to tell myself all of the tie, "No excuses!!" Oh and I have plenty, like the baby kept me up all night, my legs hurt too bad, I have a headache, I was out running errands all day, it's 11pm, ect....but I do not give in, no excuses. You are your own worst enemy. Set yourself up for success by tossing out the things that tempt you, pack snacks and lunches, never leave home without a plan for the next meal, get an accountability partner, read before and after posts regularly and day dream about what yours is going to look like. Have an outfit goal. Mine is a dress at a local boutique. It looks nasty on me right now, I can't wait until it looks good on me and I get to splurge on it. You have to be completely done with this life before you will make the change, how much better do you think life would be if you were healthy and fit? Would it not positively affect every single aspect of your life? Can you think of any reason not to do it? Don't start next week, start making better choices TODAY! Your life really does depend on it. You CAN do it, WILL you?