My Success Story

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nursing23
nursing23 Posts: 75
in Success Stories
Let me start off by saying it is very hard for me to share my story with people. I trust you guys on mfp as a family.
I have BDD Body Dismorphic Disorder
This disorder changes your perceptions to make you think you are bigger than you are and cause extreme social anxiety and depression.
I would not hang out with anyone anymore because I decided I was so fat I didn't deserve to be cared about by anyone.
I quit my job, I quit my sport, I stopped doing well in school. Life just ended for me because of my obsession with my weight. I was so depressed that I was fat that I would not work out because I had convinced myself I would never change. I was broken. Completely and utterly broken.
April 14th 2012 I decided that I was too disgusting and dispicable to live life anymore. I blacked out my windows in my room and decided to take all the anxiety medicine in the bottle and then all the depression medicine. I layed down crying and was ready to leave my life on this earth.
My 11 year old sister was down stairs singing. I suddenly jumped up and tripping one foot over the other because of the drugs, ran to my moms room and scrame " Mom I don't want to die I just don't want to be in pain anymore!"
I was immediately rushed to the hospital.
God gave me a second chance. I lived.
And ever since that day it has been an on and off struggle to live life.
I have not been motivated enough yet to start working out but now I'm ready.
This Monday August 27th I will start counting my calories and working out. I am ready for my life to truely begin. I am at a stable place in my heart and am ready to be at a stable place in my physical health.
And you know I used to hate people and be so jealous because they were skinny , they got it easy. They had no clue what I went through because of being over weight. But now I pity them because you know what. I have the advantage . Instead of looking at my weight as a burden. Its a gift ! The trials and difficulties I have to go through to be healthy might be the hardest thing in my life. But I get to look back at what I will have accomplished and have a new found strength that those "skinny" people will never have. This journey is precious and I'm extatic to start it. That is my success story. The first of many to come.
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Replies

  • nursing23
    nursing23 Posts: 75
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    Only Encouragement Welcome
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
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    I don't even know where to begin. You are amazing!! The insight that you have is beyond your years.

    I am so glad that you chose "life".

    You are correct, it is a difficult choice, however it is one that will more than likely bring you many pleasures.

    p.s. I cannot imagine anyone that would not write anything negative. Please do not worry.

    Hugs.
  • nursing23
    nursing23 Posts: 75
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    thank you ! <3
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
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    I also noticed that you are new. Welcome. :flowerforyou:
  • ItzPSGina62
    ItzPSGina62 Posts: 99 Member
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    Good for you! Stay connected.
  • sweetpea7441
    sweetpea7441 Posts: 149 Member
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    Your story has made me shiver, thanks for sharing it. Stay strong, you know you can do it, I know you can do it! :-) Feel free to add me as a friend for support. xxx
  • Finally22
    Finally22 Posts: 305 Member
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    Good for you. I hope you are also getting some professional help. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs
  • AeiriMuse
    AeiriMuse Posts: 254 Member
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    I'm happy you decided to stay alive, and on top of that you chose to be a member here. I don't think you have to worry about negativity here.
  • Julietecosse
    Julietecosse Posts: 165
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    I wish you success. It will be diifficult but you can do it. Just hold on to that determination and the love of your family. Sing with your little sister. As Tina sang "things can only get better". We are all rooting for you.
  • Aukeilagirl
    Aukeilagirl Posts: 147 Member
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    I bet that was hard for you to share. Im glad your at a place were your able to share. If you would like to add me as a friend I will support you in any way I can. Good luck on your journey. Im happy GOD gave you another chance at life.
  • venetianz
    venetianz Posts: 78 Member
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    I religiously watched a show called my naked secret, it is about people who have parts of the body that are not normal. Some have lost a lot of weight and are left with extreme saggy skin, some have bigger breasts, etc. I saw an episode about a girl who wanted breast reduction and i there is one thing there that caught my attention. The psychologist said, before any change is made on the body, one needs to change their perception about how they view themselves, One needs to start loving them now, not after you archived your weightloss.

    I can identify with you. At some point i stopped going out with my husband because i felt he deserved better than me. I stopped buying clothes because i felt there was no need to spend money buying tents, Im fat and ugly anyway, and a size 16 dress is not as gorgeous as a size 6 anyway.

    Try starting there. Start by loving yourself, its gonna be a little hard, but get a pair of new ear rings, paint your nails, drink water. Do things for you. Things that will say I love me, do your hair, change your hair color. But invest more in love than in many other things.

    I am not perfect, Im still a size 16, But i now love me, I love the 198lbs me. I love me enough to want a change, i know its not going to be easy, I started working out 2 days ago. My muscles hurt, but its one of those things that i had to do for this body that I love. I love it. I dont like the shape or the cellulite, but i love me enough to want to see change.
  • mirandamayhem
    mirandamayhem Posts: 772
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    This is so brave of you to share xxxx
    Well done for finding that strong part of you to move forward x
  • firedupfriend
    firedupfriend Posts: 140 Member
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    Firstly, a big warm welcome to MFP!

    Secondly, I am so glad that you are still with us. My son took an overdose about 4 weeks ago and thankfully survived.

    Remember the cliche "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" - Your weight is only a tempoary challenge.

    God will keep you strong and bless you abundantly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • donnam40
    donnam40 Posts: 246 Member
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    Hi and Welcome,

    You are an amazing person. Good luck with this journey.

    Donna
  • RunMyOregonBunsOff
    RunMyOregonBunsOff Posts: 862 Member
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    Welcome and thank you for telling your story! I'm sure that there are a huge number of people who had never even heard of bdd before reading this. I'm so happy that you got help in time to still be here with us! I too hope that you are getting some mental health care and that you can make slow but sure progress here. We all need to question what we are doing and make sure that we are not letting what we want lead us into losing weight in an unhealthy way. Be sure that you do that so that you can really take good care of yourself. Try to make little changes slowely that will add up to a whole new lifestyle. That is what is easiest for most people to stick with long term.

    I hope that this made sence...it's past my bedtime. Really though, good luck with your journey to being healthy body, mind and spirit!
  • klick21
    klick21 Posts: 107
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    you are so brave for sharing your story and more importantly for taking these steps forward to change your life is so inspirational. You have my 100% support!! wishing you all the positivity to move forward with your life!
  • bii14
    bii14 Posts: 192
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    keep up the power and be strong :) good luck!
  • walkermom58
    walkermom58 Posts: 86 Member
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    Welcome! It was very brave of you to share your story. I'm glad you are here. You have made a fantastic decision to join MFP. This is a good site to help you reach your goals in a healthy way and find information, challenges, and encouragement along the way. Remember one day at a time! We can do this!
  • Timby1
    Timby1 Posts: 294 Member
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    I'm so thankful for the second chance God gave you, and you accepted. This is not going to be a quick fix, as you know, but you will find many people here that have and are struggling the same as you. Please feel free to add me as a friend - I'd love to encourage you along the way. Blessings, sweetie. :flowerforyou:
  • masumaj
    masumaj Posts: 153 Member
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    Congratulations!!!!

    your story has me in tears of happiness and joy and im not even kidding, immm sooooooooooo proud of you fotr taking this step, welcome to mfp, i've been on here for a while now and i can say that my life has changed with the way i look at things

    SMILE BECAUSE YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!!!!!!
    i hope you have an amazing dayyyyy

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