Having a hard time accepting things. Please Help.

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WeatherGirl88
WeatherGirl88 Posts: 41 Member
in Motivation and Support
I posted this in a group forum that I'm in, but I'm just really freaking out and I really need someone to help.


So I'm almost 5'9 and a month ago I hit 106lbs. Please tell me that that isn't okay. I'm 110lbs now but I'm away from the camp I went to (unrelated to weight gain, but I was forced to eat a lot there) and I'm not eating as much anymore. I should still be gaining weight, but I'm pretty sure that I'm going to slip back down to 108 again, if I'm not really careful.

The thing is, I just can't accept that what I'm doing is wrong. I *know* it, in my mind, but something else is just nudging me, constantly, saying that there's nothing wrong with weighing what I weigh now, because I feel okay. I'm still eating a lot-- I never let myself go hungry. I just eat low calorie foods, and I exercise a ton because.. it makes me feel good.

I'm finally trying to admit to myself that I do have a problem. But it's so hard. My parents always tell me that I look 'gross' or 'disgusting' and that doesn't make me feel good, but I look at myself in the mirror and I think I look fine. Not overweight, not underweight- I'm happy with where I am.

I just need to convince myself that I do need to change. I really don't want to gain weight... it just doesn't seem right. I've been thin my whole life, and gaining weight is something I told myself I'd never do. A lot of my family members struggle with being overweight, and I've never had to worry about that, but I don't want to either. I'm also afraid that if I start gaining weight I won't be able to stop. Because... after all... 110 isn't that low of a weight, is it? I have a small frame.

And then... the other problem I has is that no one can relate to this. My mom, a psychologist, just dismisses it as some 'disorder' that I need to 'get over.' I feel like the second you tell people that you have something like this they just tag you in their mind as someone really weird- it doesn't make sense to them, it's not something they can understand. And to other people-- well, in the health world, with doctors and all-- you're just a unit.

Ugh. I'm so sorry. That was so long. You get so many cookies if you read it all.

Somebody talk some sense into me. Please.

Replies

  • WeatherGirl88
    WeatherGirl88 Posts: 41 Member
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    Maybe? *bumps & pokes thread*
  • LatentColors
    LatentColors Posts: 36
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    110 Lbs seems a little underweight for someone who is 5"9', but I'm not an expert in weight health, so I don't really know for sure. It sounds like you might have an easier time with gaining some weight if you slowly eased into it. Maybe slow down your exercising just a bit, not completely ending it, and eating a little bit more in the day. I think that you would have to think of it just like someone trying to lose weight, but backwards.

    If your parents are calling you gross and disgusting, I think you need to have a talk with them. Maybe try and explain to them that you want to gain a little bit of weight... see if you can pull in their support. While it's not required, I'm sure their support and understanding would really boost your mood and help you a bit more.

    I don't know if I helped at all, but good luck, hun. Best wishes your way!
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
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    110 lbs seems very very low for someone of your height!

    Are you getting any other help and advice with your body issues - a counsellor or a good friend? I think there's maybe underlying issues here that we don't know about.
  • WeatherGirl88
    WeatherGirl88 Posts: 41 Member
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    Thank you! I think the weird thing about my parents is they know I want to gain weight. Actually, I have to. Doctor's orders. :P But... maybe it's their way of 'motivating' me? I don't know. It's pretty weird. Thank you, though!

    And @Melaniecheeks- No. :P I kind of wish I could, but my friends don't really believe that there's anything wrong/ don't know what to say. Not too fun, but life.
  • shirley_beans
    shirley_beans Posts: 65 Member
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    Your BMI is 15.7, which is considered underweight. The medical recommendation for a woman of your height and weight is between 129 - 169 lb. I'm sure you're already beautiful, and your parents should not be calling you gross! However misguided their comments are, I'm sure they stem from concern over your health. Gaining weight is usually associated with negative emotions, but I guarantee you will feel stronger, healthier, and more confident if you gain 20 lb (just think of the benefit of added curves!) That being said, you want to gain weight the healthy way-try incorporating healthy fats such as those from olive oil, avocados, nuts, and peanut butter. It would probably be best to seek advice from both a counselor (to address body image) and a nutritionist (to help you gain the weight in a healthful manner). Good luck on your journey :)
  • Lunakatrina
    Lunakatrina Posts: 7
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    I second everyone else and encourage you to find a councilor and maybe even drag your parents along to help them realize what they're saying and how important it is for you to gain weight
  • SuperstarDJ
    SuperstarDJ Posts: 440 Member
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    I'm so surprised that your friends are not worried about you. Are you hiding your weight loss under baggy clothes? At that weight and height, your BMI is 16.2, which is definitely not healthy.
    My BMI is 16.5 (I acknowledge I have anorexia nervosa). I had my labs done a few weeks ago and I am anaemic, have a very low blood glucose level, my kidneys are under pressure, my bone marrow is depressed so I have low while cell count, low red blood cell count and low platelets, heart rate and pulse have slowed down, body temperature is very low.... and on and on it goes. Please visit your doctor and have him/her check you out.

    What worries me more is your thinking. You want to lose more, think you look OK at this weight, which would certainly raise major red flags to me. Please seek out real time help. I have had AN for 20+ years - it does not just go away by itself and gets progressively worse.

    Wishing you all the best.
  • melzteach
    melzteach Posts: 550 Member
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    A couple of things...I think that at 5'9" and 106-110 is not healthy, even for someone with a small frame. It sounds like you're saying you have an eating disorder or did I interpret wrong?

    Keep in mind that you're a woman and women are supposed to have some curves. I'm sorry that your parents are making such negative comments but I'm sure they just want to snap you out of it and get healthy. Disorders and lots of illnesses are hard for people to understand. My best friend and mother in law have fibromalagia (sp?) and some people think they;re just being lazy when it's acting up and they should be more active...it's not that simple.

    That's good that you eat low calorie foods but if you exercise a ton you should be getting plenty of protein and complex carbs. BTW, how much is "exercising a ton?" Make small changes a little at a time. Too much too quick might be hard for you. You might try decreasing the amount of time you exerci. Cut out a few minutes and gradually decrease your workout time. Maybe work up to having at least one day of non-exercise. If you continue to struggle you may need to see a professional.

    Good luck to you!
  • yocando
    yocando Posts: 101 Member
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    Hi there~
    It's wonderful you posted this. And reading through replies, you've received sound advisement.
    It's true- it does sound like you are underweight for your height. More importantly, it sounds like you could benefit from the help of a trained professional who's expertise is in either eating disorders/body disorders and how to manage an appropriate diet for a person of your height and age, etc...
    I agree that your parents condescending commentary is inappropriate and hurtful and though it may be well-intentioned, it's not something you should have to endure. You need to protect, preserve and strengthen your esteem around your weight/body issues....

    I encourage you to seek out the support and guidance of something who is a qualified, trained professional. There are many out there in this field who aren't... so be discerning in who you select to help you. You need to be able to trust and relate to this person...

    Again, it's wonderful you posted here.... I wish you the very best.... truly, I do!
    Brenda

    PS--you sound very sensible to me... we all have issues, sweetie... it's not just you.... everyone has areas that they need help with...you have the courage to bring it up and seek out help..... that's an act of strength and courage... not an act of being insensible.... :)
  • Gingeeee
    Gingeeee Posts: 28
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    Hi WeatherGirl,

    I can relate to the way you feel, maybe you shouldnt stress yourself out so much, take baby steps, one day at a time. If your Mom is a Psychologist, I am sure she is trying to help you, and I am sure she loves you very much. Maybe you should take some time to think about why you would have such a hard time accepting this. The real you is not just what your body looks like, or the image you see in the mirror, its the person you are on the inside, it includes your heart, mind, soul, and spirit. The person you are on the inside seems to know that what your Mom is telling you is right. Sounds to me like your heart and mind want to listen to what your Mom is saying, because deep inside you know she is right. Afterall, she raised you into the beautiful young lady that you have become and I am sure you have trusted her throughout your life. Your Mom and the Doctor just want to make sure your healthy and strong, and able to take on the world out there. Life can be difficult and demanding sometimes these days and you have to be tough. Sometimes if we resist something so much, it confuses us and then it makes it more difficult to accept.
  • MeganDominique
    MeganDominique Posts: 229 Member
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    according to the body fat calculator ( obviously i dont know you waist and wrist size though so its a estimate) you are only holding what your organs need....its not a good place to be you could cause yourself serious serious organ problems! not trying to scare you but you need to fattan up hun. i went and zipped over to mybodygallery.com and theres only 3 girls that have that size for pictures and they look far to thin. Eat some bacon :) haha
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I think your parents need to see a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. They should not be saying those things to you, though they probably think it's helping.

    The problem with an eating disorder is that you will look "fine" or even overweight to yourself even when you're extremely underweight.

    I'm guessing you're quite young, and it isn't necessarily unusual for someone very young to be very thin naturally and without even trying. But it sounds like YOU think you're doing something wrong, so you probably are. In that case, no, it is not OK to weigh 106 pounds (or 110 pounds) at 5'9". That makes a BMI far lower than 18.5, which is the lowest it should be.

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