My boyfriend isn't supportive

My first husband constantly told me how fat I was but never supported my in loosing weight. Who does the grocery shopping? If it is you make small changes for instance buy no salted butter instead of salted butter. Buy olive oil instead of veg oil. Do some research on things you can change. Eat small portions of what he cooked and add a salad with it. Make sure you are doing this for you and not because you want him to see "hot body". Keep a journal and write about your feelings and why you want to lose weight. Everyday come up with a reason why its just for you:) Good luck and find a friend who is supportive. Tell someone what you are doing!!

Seems like the most important weight you need to lose is HIM

Well Said! You can do it, don't let him stop you. Keep up that great attitude!

Maybe he likes your shape the way it is?

Hes is probably insecure and afraid that when you lose weight you're going to leave him because you will be one of the "skinny hot girls" and you will have new self esteem. Or he is a jerkwad.

This.

If you're living together and he is cooking for you, I don't think you should just go 'dump' him as others have suggested. That doesn't seem very adult.

I assume he has a good reason for his behavior, I bet he is paranoid/insecure you will lose interest in him if you become 'hotter' etc.

Have a good chat with him.

*hugs*

Everyone loves to jump to the extreme "Dump him" because it's not their life to screw up. People don't know your situation, how long you've been dating, what gets said, what connection or type of relationship you have, etc. Most people that go "Dump him!" wouldn't even do it themselves. So lets be realistic. 1)Talk to him and figure out if he is insecure. Just cuz a guy is insecure, doesn't mean he's a bad person or doesn't care for you. Maybe he just needs to be warmed up to this new concept and then he'll change his ways. 2)If it becomes clear that he just wants to control you and he refuses to understand or support you, THEN progress to the dumping stage. But first things first, you need to talk to him and figure out why he is acting the way he is. You're coming here because obviously you care about him enough that you want to keep him in your life. If he was just some random guy, you'd have already dropped him. Maybe he's just ignorant of what's going on. People don't always see how they themselves are behaving in situations and it takes a frank discussion to wake us up. I wish you the best.

People often offer excuses and reasons why people act like this. They frequently see it as an "all or nothing" situation. As someone who tolerated a controlling, emotionally manipulative spouse for 10 years, separated for a year, and then reconciled and turned things around, I have some valuable advice:

It doesn't matter if he supports you. Would it be nice? Yes. Is it necessary? No.

Do what you need to do.

"I'm going for a walk now."

"Oh, I'll go with you. Wait until this TV show is over."

"Sorry, I need to get this done or it won't happen." Put your shoes on and go.

If he is upset afterwards or tries to start a fight, don't engage. Don't apologize. Don't make excuses for yourself. Don't feel guilty for doing what you do.

Buy your groceries and cook your own food. If he gets upset, that's his issue and not yours. If he is upset afterwards or tries to start a fight, don't engage. Don't apologize. Don't make excuses for yourself. Don't feel guilty for doing what you do.

Fitness and health (specifically yours) is not his priority. It is not your place to change his way of thinking and/or being, nor is it his place to change yours. It is about co-existing in a mostly peaceful way. His issues belong to him. Your issues belong to you, and obviously you are actively working on yours. Stay the course and stop worrying about him. (...and yes, I totally get that he will TRY to make your life miserable for doing this.)

Easy as that.

Either he will get used to your new way of being, or he will make you progressively more miserable until you decide the relationship is not for you. You may need to walk away, but I would not recommend constantly threatening to do so unless you are absolutely willing to walk away and be done.

I draw a lot more lines in the sand than I used to. My husband now understands that I WILL walk away if he makes me miserable all the time, so he has finally learned to back off and peacefully coexist.

Here are some questions for you to think about. How long have you been together? Is he over all kind, loving and supportive but this is just something that he is having a hard time with or is he only there for you when it's convenient for him to be. Are you his biggest priorety or is he his only real priorety? How does he react when you are upset about something from work or when somebody (other than him) hurts your feelings?

If the answer to these questions are over all positive, then sit down and have a talk. Find new recepis together. Give him a 10 minute warning that you are going on your walk or tell him that you will be walking at X time every night from now on...if he wants to join you he can but if he isn't ready then just give him a kiss and get out the door.

If the answer to my questions were making you sad to think about, then I think that you had best make plans to move out and move on with your life. Everybody should be loved and respected by their partner. The best thing that my ex ever did for me is want a devorce...after I had a chance to get over the shock and look at my life, I knew how good it was for us to be apart. Then he wanted to work it out, I said that I just couldn't do that and he ended up on anti-depressants and I ended up with a wonderful man that treats me like a partner and does everything that he can to give me the things that I need and want in life. I feel spoiled. I try to spoil him too though.

Seems like the most important weight you need to lose is HIM

Agree! I had co workers who were way over weight and got them knocked up so they would have a hard time loosing the weight. They did that because it was okay for the guy to cheat and look at other women but she wasn't allowed to look at other guys. Guys weren't allowed to look at her. I think its time to find a guy who is supportive but that's me.

The fact that you are still with him and not leaving him, says to me that you are struggling with your insecurities and self asteem, or the fella dispite his insecurities isnt a bad boyfriend, its easy for everyone to say ditch him, but if you feel like you cant cope on your own then you are going to be looking for a magic bullet to cure it...there isnt one, If you dont want to leave him, then learn management techniques, make him feel awesome about himself, learn to speak to him in a manner that makes him feel like you are doing everything you do for him, his reactions are so classically insecure. sadly its is a self feeding cycle the more he tightens his grip the more he feels the resentments the more he feels insecure...break the cycle by using a bit of gentle manipulation. I assume there are positive reasons you are with this man..so pick up on the positive. Try helping him with the cooking, and therefor having more say about what goes in, dont just shut it down to I wont eat what you cook I am gonna make my own..insecureties come from not feeling good enough, so make him feel like he is the centre of the universe and he will loosen his grip.

The only thing that is untenable is if he is violent..if you sneak to avoid the unpleasant arguements thats one thing if he is violent then I am with everyone else get out.

Jamesbiz - that is an awesome reply!