Fat girl in a swim suit
ashesfromfire
Posts: 867 Member
So to my great delight, after 4 years of dating, my boyfriends family has extended an invitation to me to join them on a family vacation. I really want to be thrilled and over joyed that they are finally coming around on me being in their son's life BUT I will spend a week on a boat in a swim suit with them......I'm a US size 18.....the next biggest girl is his mom, who wears a 6, and then his sister wears a 4. The men, my BF included are all well over 6 feet tall (my man is 6'1" and 160 pounds - and the shortest - though not the most muscled of the pack). If they were all just skinny I wouldnt care - but man oh man can they judge!!!!!! His mother does zumba and is always yalking about this woman who "MUST WEIGHT AT LEAST 200 POUNDS!" and I'm in the corner thinking "so 20 pounds LESS than me?"I can dress my body well to flatter and hide....but there's no where to hide in a swim suit....help!
*EDIT* Im also really self conscious for another reason too....I've been healthier for about two years now but I used to be pretty heavily involved in self mutilation....something my boyfriend knows all about, but his family doesn't. My thighs are covered in scars. That really worries me.
*EDIT* Im also really self conscious for another reason too....I've been healthier for about two years now but I used to be pretty heavily involved in self mutilation....something my boyfriend knows all about, but his family doesn't. My thighs are covered in scars. That really worries me.
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Replies
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Hold yur head up,like the runway model you are!!! if yur confident they wont see anything but the fab that he sees in you!0
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well, you can either do it, and be judged.. or not wear one, and sit there with jeans and tshirt on.0
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hahahaha oh if only. No, I know they say not very nice things about my weight behind my back.....I'm confident (its hard not to be when youre fabulous
) but its hard if you're SURROUNDED by ill judgment and youre dressed in an exposing manner 0 -
Sounds like mom can be a "little" judgemental. Before you go talk to your boyfriend about your insecurties and once you get on that boat maybe you can bond with momma by asking her to teach you some zumba, I hear it's a lot of fun. I would also suggest working on your tan before you go..Have a great time!0
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Wow, sounds so much like my life when I was with my first husband. His entire family was tiny, skinny and I was a large marge. He loved me no matter what, but them, they were so mean to me and made it pretty clear. I never felt comfortable around them. The only time they accepted me was when I lost weight but I developed an eating disorder. If you are confident with who you are that is all that matters. You don't have to live with them. As far as what to wear, lands end has some really cute suits - like a swim dress or even a tankini with a skort with the built in bottoms. A lot of the suits now have slimmers in them. Other than that, your honey knows what you look like and loves you just the way you are. Your size does not define who you are. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. LOL0
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Treat yourself to a spray tan before you go - it'll help hide your scars and make you look slimmer and more toned. And if you hear any comments - don't c0ck a deaf ear - challenge them, politely. Otherwise they'll eat away at you. xxx0
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Talk with your BF about your fears about your weight and their behavior/comments and as for the scars wear a wrap if you can?0
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It takes a certain amount of obsession to lose weight and keep it off. Sounds like your boyfriend's mom's there. It's unlikely she's saying those things with the intention of hurting your feelings, she's probably just a bit thoughtless.
So remind yourself that that's what it is when she goes on about it. Don't flinch when you hear something that could be interpreted as an insult (it's probably not meant that way) - be gracious instead. (Change the subject if you must, or find a way of participating in the conversation that takes it in a different direction.)
At the same time, make a point of remembering that you're actively doing what you need to do for your own health and well-being. (edit: yeah, ask her for advice if it comes to it, she'll be flattered. Careful not to let her turn you into a project, though. Her judgements might shift a bit if she knows you're working towards something she values.)
Wear what makes you feel and look good. Stand tall. Confidence can make people forget a thousand things.
And enjoy the holiday! No point, otherwise
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have you tried on a wrap around? something that covers your thighs? its a cute way to dress up a suit...0
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If it was me I think I'd make an excuse to not join them during that particular event - we all feel happier with clothes on, and as you say you dress to suit your shape so of course you would feel vulnerable out of those clothes. Its great though that they have invited you its just a shame you feel they will also judge you - thats not fair of them to do so. I hope this wont knock any of your confidence and you don't let worrying about this spoil the vacation. Chin up girl, your boyfriend loves you for who you are and also he loves your body, thats all you really need to know, sod the rest of them! 0
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Also try to make sure you have some time to yourself, or just with you and your boyfriend--you'll be better able to keep your cool and stay confident if you have time to recharge away from behavior you find stressful.0
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I used to have the same issue. Try out a skirted one piece, or a skirty bottom if you're feeling adventurous. Wearing a wrap-around as previously mentioned when you're not in water ought to conceal everything.0
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Talk with your boyfriend let him know how you feel. Then if the family has something rude to say just nicely tell them that they can not talk about you like that. Also wear that suit with pride you have earned that right, the world is not all a size 6 and your boyfriend of 4 years loves you the way you are. I would go shopping find some cute summer dresses and when not in the water maybe wear a really cute wrap around the waist. But don't spend this holiday fussing about them, have fun and enjoy the sun.0
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I am so sorry you are feeling so anxious about the trip and I can totally relate! Try not to let them have so much power over you though. I did that as well and it just ate away at me to the point of panic attacks when around them. I finally just said you know what I am not going to let them control me like this and if they can not except me that is just their loss not mine. The scars on your legs you should not be ashamed of by any means, you are such an amazing person to overcome that and it shows just how strong you are! Have you spoken to your boyfriend about these feelings?
As far as bathing suits go, Have you looked at Torrid? They have some really cute ones that have skirted bottoms so it's more coverage.0 -
You can get some lovely wraps, sarongs and other beach gear to wear over a bkini, that will cover but still be quite light. You can still look incredibley chiq....0
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Ok....this is a bit anti social thinking, He is your boyfriend, his family is his family. You dont really have to go on vacation with his family, especially if u dont feel confortable with the program. Family dinners are good enought, they dont really have to see u in a swimsuit , besides, its good that u both do things without eatchother.0
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If u dont feel 100% happy and relax arround them, u dont really have to go ....0
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Okay, just an idea. I am a big girl with cottage cheese thighs.... What I wear to the pool for the bottoms are actually exercise shorts that go 3/4 the way down the thigh but are form fitting and made of the same or similar material to the swimsuit. It also doesn't look half bad and I feel more comfortable around people in them. Just a thought.
Theresa0 -
I used to have the same issue. Try out a skirted one piece, or a skirty bottom if you're feeling adventurous. Wearing a wrap-around as previously mentioned when you're not in water ought to conceal everything.
You can also search for "swim dress" on sites like Amazon. I used to think the swim suits with skirts looked like old lady or mom suits. But on the other hand I wanted something to cover me more when I was at my highest (but making progress on my way down). I found a cute one piece swim dress where the "skirt" actually starts at an empire waist line instead of at the natural waist. The chest area was a blue halter top and everything below that was black. It was straight sided instead of pleated like the "mom-suits". It was a bit long in the torso for me (I'm only 5 foot tall) but no one could tell because the skirt part hit my thighs just below where a mini skirt would (if I wore mini skirts), so no one could see that the under part was a bit too long/loose. It had some control top feel to it, which helped as well. Now it didn't make me look like a size 6 when I was really a 14/16, but it was definitely the most flattering thing I could find for my figure. I felt good in it and my family thought it was cute too. I also got a nice cover up tunic to wear when I wasn't in the water (with sleeves, empire waist, a v neck, and that came down to just above my knees--which hubby thought was really attractive).
As for the scars... if anyone comments, which if they are polite they won't, sometimes admitting what caused them isn't so bad.
Something like, "I used to be so _____ (self conscious, embarrassed) about ______ (my weight, my grades, the fact that someone I trusted hurt me when I was young, etc) that I did things I regret in my attempt to deal with it. It's taken a lot of hard work for me to get to a better place like where I am now. I know they/my scars look bad, and I wish I didn't have to be constantly reminded of that time every time I look at them, but I can't erase the past--only learn to be stronger for the present. It really bothers me when other people notice them, because it brings back those old feelings/memories of ____ (shame, pain, being judged, etc). But your son/my BF, has been so amazing. He helps me ____. I have a long way to go to be where I want to be, but I'm so happy to have made so much progress already. I've already ___ (lost X lbs, gone X months since I last hurt myself, learn to love myself, etc). I'm really looking forward to ____ (Tip: If you toss in some flattery here then it takes the attention off you and puts it on them. Inflate the other person's ego. aka, I'm really looking forward to ...being able to wear an outfit as cute as yours.)"
It's a hard answer to give (trust me), but it shuts down the curiosity factor that an answer like "I don't really want to talk about it" creates. If you lay out the facts your way, then there is less for them to speculate about when you aren't around. Plus it puts the asker in the position to feel bad about being nosy/rude for bringing it up in the first place.0 -
Tummy control swimwear is awesome if you can find any! I have a tummy control swimsuit that makes me look at least a size smaller.
You could also try to get a longer suit....like the one Olympic athletes wear that goes to above the knee?
Or wear surf shorts?0 -
Right try the following:
- spray tan
- nail extensions to lengthen fingers and detract (will also make you feel good)
- floaty maxi dresses
- sarong wraps
- costumes with skirts attached
- kaftans
Good luck - your other half loves you......we think you are cracking and if his family judge you.......well......don't invite them to the wedding (if you have one!!!!!!).
Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are - by the sounds of it a survivor.
Xx0 -
Ok this is what I do. I got a nice, flattering women's halter for my swimsuit top, then a pair of men's swimsuit trunks for my bottom. The trunks went to my knees and kept everything covered up. The bulk of my fat is in my bum and thighs, and they are very very jiggly...there is NO WAY I'd wear a regular women's swimsuit out in public, especially in front of my in-laws. This allowed me to feel comfortable swimming.
I've lost 50 pounds so far since January (started MFP in June) and have had to get a new suit. Same deal, women's top and men's bottom, just a lot smaller. When I reach my goal weight (130 pounds) I'm going to get a bikini top and boy shorts bottom 0 -
This is why I wear swimdresses where the skirt comes down to the knees. I went to a pool party with all my skinny gorgeous college friends and I always felt like the odd one out because I can't wear a two piece. So yeah, just find a suit that flatters you and you should be fine. Although I have called people out on comments like that when I was over 200 pounds. Usually what they say is, "Oh but you wear it well!" Like a shirt or something. *sigh* I don't get people.0
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Swim-dresses or tankinis with skirt bottoms are the answer. The men's bottoms are a great idea too.
That said, you're not going to have fun if you're worried about what they're thinking, no matter what you wear. Forget about it and enjoy your vacation - their judgments have absolutely no effect on you if you don't let them.
If all else fails, give them something positive to judge you by - how much fun you are to be around! What a great sense of humor you have! How nice of a sandcastle you can make! How much you love to swim! How happy the two of you look together! There's a million things that define you and make you special, and your weight doesn't have to be one of them. :flowerforyou:0 -
Treat yourself to a spray tan before you go - it'll help hide your scars and make you look slimmer and more toned. And if you hear any comments - don't c0ck a deaf ear - challenge them, politely. Otherwise they'll eat away at you. xxx
^ Agree on the challenging them politely. Do not let these people bring you down, especially not to your face! No need to be rude or anything, just don't let them be either.0 -
sounds like you are more comfortable in your own skin than your bf's mom! she probably talks that way about the bigger lady in the zumba class because she is insecure herself. you are on mfp so i'm guessing you're taking the right steps to get healthy, that is what matters. as long as you make healthful food choices and care about your health in the long run, a little extra curvature is nothing! get yourself a lovely, sheer wrap or cover-up so you can still flaunt your curves, but disguise the scars a bit. personally i've always liked scras - they usually have a good story to go with them! i never understood why people are so obsessed with getting them removed. that's what makes us human. if we all looked like barbie that would just be boring. i would like to hange the title of you post to "fab girl in swim suit"0
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Treat yourself to a spray tan before you go - it'll help hide your scars and make you look slimmer and more toned. And if you hear any comments - don't c0ck a deaf ear - challenge them, politely. Otherwise they'll eat away at you. xxx
^ Agree on the challenging them politely. Do not let these people bring you down, especially not to your face! No need to be rude or anything, just don't let them be either.
<-- NO ONE can make you feel inferior without your consent My boyfriends family is also difficult - to the point where they won't even bother to take down pictures of him and his X wife so all I see when I go visit are pictures of them together. He is a very slender guy also but honestly I have given up caring what they (or anyone else) think about me. You are on the journey for your self, not for them. 0 -
wear whatever you feel hottest in. you know your body better than we do and you know what cuts look best on you. his family shouldn't even be a factor, as long as you feel comfortable just enjoy yourself.0
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They know what you look like.
Try a whole bunch of suits on and find a few you really like and are confident wearing.
Enjoy0 -
50's pin up style one pieces are very in style right now, and extremely flattering. 6 months after giving birth (in a few days) I have to go to a wedding at the cayman islands. I doubt I will be ready for my 2 piece again so I am totally planning on rocking one of those. As far as the scars, I doubt anyone will notice and I certainly hope they wouldn't ask about them. Get a spray tan, a bikini wax, shave your legs and HAVE FUN. Who cares if your boyfriend's family thinks your fat? Are you nice, a good person, fun to be around? If 'being fat' is the only negative thing they think about you, than sounds like it could be a lot worse. Your man loves you. He thinks you're sexy. So go and have fun and look adorable in your bathing suit.0
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