Fat girl in a swim suit
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Wow, sorry his family sounds so judgmental
I agree with the spray tan before you go. Also, would you maybe feel more comfortable in a tankini or even a one-piece? I've actually seen some reallllly cute one-pieces lately! Then you could feel a little more covered and still look adorable!
But most importantly, remember that it doesn't matter what they think. It's your body and you deserve to love it, not compare it to others. You are gorgeous and if they don't see it, that's their loss.0 -
My mom is a "bigger" gal and she is always going on tropical vacations. She can rock a swi suit lol... But she says what really helps her is getting one with underwire. She said it helped her feel better about how she looked too. And she said they were NOT uncomfortable. ou might have to "invest" in one, but she says theyare worth every penny! Good luck and HAVE FUN!!0
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Hold yur head up,like the runway model you are!!! if yur confident they wont see anything but the fab that he sees in you!
Seriously??? I'm not even sure what to say...
OP... Is his family/mother judgmental, or just unaware? If unaware, she doesn't mean anything by the comments, probably has no idea what 200lbs looks like (so the lady she's talking about is probably MUCH heavier than that), and all you can do is blow it off the best you can. If judgmental, then you have ot start preparing yourself now. Chances are she's going to find something to judge you about regardless, which sucks, but again... not much you can do about it. Do the best you can between now and then with your diet/workouts, and maybe you can turn the conversation from what you aren't to what you've been able to accomplish so far.0 -
Indulge yourself in a new bathing suit! I always have covered my thighs, with a skirted suit, or what they call a swim-dress. You can find them online or in catalogs. As a matter of fact, I JUST saw a Arizona Mail Order catalog that had them on clearance!! Good luck! :flowerforyou:0
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I am never the skinny girl at my family or my husband's family get-togethers. In fact, it's just the opposite. So I used to never wear a suit and always sit on the side with shorts and a T shirt. But finally - after 15 years - I said screw it. I bought some swim shorts and a tankini top and went in the water. Here's the thing... the skinny ones like to lay on the beach, sit in a chair, soak in the sun... etc... but not me... I want to swim in the water, ride the water skis, so the water slides, play with the kids and have fun. So... who really lost out... them...cuz they just lay there.
Tell your BF how you feel and let him know you need and want some encouragement when you are around his family.
Like everyone else said... spray tans work wonders. I have scars all over my legs from surgery and it helps hide those.0 -
I agree with all of what everyone else said... and yeah.. try a spray tan... a couple of times before you go.
As far as swim suits... I love Athleta. I have a couple of the tankini tops with built in underwire... makes the boobs looks fabulous.
Don't let what you think people are saying matter to you. When you do.. well they accomplish more than they deserve. ya know?
You are worth more to yourself and your bf I hope than to be treated like that.
What does he say? Does he back you up?0 -
You're a gorgeous gal, and your boyfriend obviously thinks so too. Try to find a suit that flatters your size - tankinis with skirted bottoms are awesome. Fashion Bug is closing, so if they have any swimsuits left, take advantage of the website's closeout sale. I just bought a size 18 from their store earlier this summer and love it - I've actually gotten several compliments. When you've got a huge gut like mine, that does wonders. I also weigh at least 30 more lbs than you, so hang in there. I'm here for you if you need to vent!
(Note: Tankinis are also great because, as my cousin pointed out, you get the coverage of a 1-piece, but it's far easier to wrestle only HALF a wet swimsuit off if you have to use the restroom! :laugh: )0 -
I'd just like to add my two cents, because my husband and I dealt with his family early on in our relationship. They are all very good at talking about people to OTHER family members, but never to the person they are talking about.
So after we'd been dating a while, I had something that was bothering me and it involved his family. HE talked to them about it and set the ground rules. He'd say, "Joy gets upset when you..." and stand up for me. (Now I tell them myself, but this was back when we were first dating).
Perhaps you could have him talk to his mother, (or whoever the real "head of the family" is--usually the mom LOL) and tell her that you are worried about these things, and have him tell her that he expects her and the others in the family to treat you with respect and kindness and if they have any issues with you they should talk about them to him. At least for now until you develop your own relationship with them.
I don't know..maybe it's not the right solution for you...but it really worked for us. I know the family still discussed us, and our many issues, *grin* but they knew they couldn't cross a certain line and I think it made all of my and my husbands relationships with them more out front.
We going on 28 year of marriage, and his mother and I have a fantastic relationship, and that's not always the way it is in that family.0 -
So to my great delight, after 4 years of dating, my boyfriends family has extended an invitation to me to join them on a family vacation. I really want to be thrilled and over joyed that they are finally coming around on me being in their son's life BUT I will spend a week on a boat in a swim suit with them......I'm a US size 18.....the next biggest girl is his mom, who wears a 6, and then his sister wears a 4. The men, my BF included are all well over 6 feet tall (my man is 6'1" and 160 pounds - and the shortest - though not the most muscled of the pack). If they were all just skinny I wouldnt care - but man oh man can they judge!!!!!! His mother does zumba and is always yalking about this woman who "MUST WEIGHT AT LEAST 200 POUNDS!" and I'm in the corner thinking "so 20 pounds LESS than me?"I can dress my body well to flatter and hide....but there's no where to hide in a swim suit....help!
*EDIT* Im also really self conscious for another reason too....I've been healthier for about two years now but I used to be pretty heavily involved in self mutilation....something my boyfriend knows all about, but his family doesn't. My thighs are covered in scars. That really worries me.
Heh..I worry about that some with some of the exercise classes, logically I know what "they" think doesn't matter, but sometimes I feel self conscious especially when I'm one of just a few big girls in the class and I tend to sweat a lot even if I'm not actually that tired or winded. But ..I figure I need to just keep doing what I'm doing. I've got this fantasy scenario where I've gotten fit enough to really run and I go into the gym and someones like ah fat girl bet she can't do anything and I just get on there and RUN. Neener beyatches.0 -
Look for something called the "Miracle Suit" if you want a slimming bathing suit. I know Eddie Bauer carries them in their catalogue. I'm not sure where else. It takes about 10lbs off (but can be a bit of a struggle to get in and out of LOL). I've had a couple and love them.
Also, I find that if you get a strap that ties around your neck, it accenuates the chest area.
I think the spray tan idea is good to hide the scars a bit.
Good luck. I'm sure you'll look great.
M0 -
Stand with your head held high, Sure if you would feel better having a tan or other comforts before you go do it..but just be proud to be you.. Don't give them any reason to bring you down. Regardless of size, you will be the better person for standing up for yourself and showing some curve without fear of what they think, If they think they can judge you and make you feel inferior then darling, inside they are the biggest, ugliest, meanest blubber whales ever ...and you are the fairest princess of them all, Because you are better than that, you would never be cruel to them.. don't give them the satisfaction.
Remember, it is who we are inside that matters, at least your Bf can see that.. does what anyone or anything else think matter?
:flowerforyou: 0 -
I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriends family are all quite skinny and his mother is very judging. I feel uncomfortable in her presence a lot of the time, because she is about the only one in the world who can make me feel that I'm more like 40 stone, even though I'm not even half of that. She goes on about her needing to lose weight and she's a size 8 UK... And when I have dinner there, I've noticed her giving me extra-large portions for whatever reason but everyone else gets "normal" portions. It upsets me. I can avoid her, but she already dislikes me - So I don't know what way to turn, do I just put up with it? Do YOU just put up with feeling the way you are? My boyfriend knows about my fears and he says it's all in my head, but he's a total mommy's boy, so he is blind when it comes to his mum being anything less than perfect. I wish I could offer better advice, but I seen something about wearing a wrap or a sorong. That'll cover up your legs and may give you a bit more confidence. Also... You should opt for a swimDRESS opposed to the swimsuit, as it leaves more to the imagination I think. It helped my confidence in going to the pool anyways. So go buy yourself something nice, that you're comfortable in and enjoy your holiday
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Boys swim shorts (long surfer style) will hide scars and bulgy bits, and a tankini top with a halter neck is flattering for the top half!0
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So to my great delight, after 4 years of dating, my boyfriends family has extended an invitation to me to join them on a family vacation. I really want to be thrilled and over joyed that they are finally coming around on me being in their son's life BUT I will spend a week on a boat in a swim suit with them......I'm a US size 18.....the next biggest girl is his mom, who wears a 6, and then his sister wears a 4. The men, my BF included are all well over 6 feet tall (my man is 6'1" and 160 pounds - and the shortest - though not the most muscled of the pack). If they were all just skinny I wouldnt care - but man oh man can they judge!!!!!! His mother does zumba and is always yalking about this woman who "MUST WEIGHT AT LEAST 200 POUNDS!" and I'm in the corner thinking "so 20 pounds LESS than me?"I can dress my body well to flatter and hide....but there's no where to hide in a swim suit....help!
*EDIT* Im also really self conscious for another reason too....I've been healthier for about two years now but I used to be pretty heavily involved in self mutilation....something my boyfriend knows all about, but his family doesn't. My thighs are covered in scars. That really worries me.
There are some really great bathing suits, though pricy, that will help you. Buy a tank & skirt to cover your legs. wear a t-shirt and put on sunscreen like crazy & tell them you dont want skin cancer. I understand how you feel. While my husbands mom isnt skinny by any means, shes very judgemental anyway. AND it didnt help that I was thin when i got with my husband. Good luck & enjoy your vacation!0 -
*EDIT* Im also really self conscious for another reason too....I've been healthier for about two years now but I used to be pretty heavily involved in self mutilation....something my boyfriend knows all about, but his family doesn't. My thighs are covered in scars. That really worries me.
I too was into self mutilation for about 12 years and have some pretty nasty scars. And as well, I went on a few boat trips this summer with some nasty self centered people (family) who are all about the perfect body. I was over 300 pounds at the time. My cousin's girlfriend wears those string bikinis. My two aunts had the Gastric Bypass. Everyone was down to the bare minimum. All I could think of was my huge flabby arms, my scars on my upper thighs and wrists and my huge thighs that wiggle like Jell-O when I walked. So, after a few deep cries I decided to buy some capri leggings to hide my thighs. Then I told myself 'Who said they are perfect? Something is wrong with every single one of them.' I thought I'm a good person. I know what it's like to be judged. I won't do that. So, I kept my bathing suit on with my big flabby arms showing and wore those capri leggings. I'm fine with it now.0 -
You are gorgeous. Screw them if they judge...the important thing is that your BF thinks you are hot.
If you need something to make you feel good in a swimsuit, Land's End has been a lifesaver and has so many great suits in extended sizes (women, DD cup, long torso, etc.) I love the mix and match tankinis. They are always having a big sale, too, esp. at the end of summer. Buy a variety of things to try on at home, keep what you love, take the rest back to a Sears with a Land's End Shop in it.
GL!0 -
I have a similar situation with my boyfriend's family. They sit around and talk about everyone that isn't in the room. These people are so judgmental of everyone you wouldn't believe it. I have gone on 2 vacations with his family and have gone to stay with them for a week following Christmas last year. Needless to say, I have decided for my sanity that this is NOT a good idea and is something I will not partake in again. I find myself stressed out and not able to escape them. I don't get to eat a healthy diet when I am with them and I drink too much alcohol to tolerate them. This year's family trip will be minus me and I am looking forward to it as that was my choice. Vacations are only fun if you can enjoy them. Stressing is not pleasurable in my mind.
Just something to think about....0 -
Nobody0
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I can't help but wonder... Is everyone making a mountain out of a molehill here?
This is the first family vacation you have been on with this group of people, why assume they will behave a certain way?
Maybe this is bigger in your mind than it is in reality?
Maybe take a step back, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that this group thinks enough of you to have invited you in the first place.
You've been around them for 4 years, they know what you look like. I know I am also good at hiding my weight under clothing, so swimwear presents a new challenge in that area, but it can be done.
Instead of dressing for them, dress for you! Find a suit (and cover-up) that make you feel comfortable. Something that you feel good in and feel like you can relax in.
I found a swim dress at Lane Bryant that I feel good in. It is a halter top that dips fairly low in the front, showing a bit of cleavage so that part feels kinda sexy to me (good ego boost! lol) and the bottom is kind of an empire waist dress type thing that ends mid thigh. The dress part is not gathered or pleated so it's not too bulky. It is concealing enough that I can wear just that and not feel like everyone is looking at every jiggle.
Take a breath and stop stressing over this or the whole trip will be misserable. Relax, be yourself, and they will see the things that make your sweetie love you every day!0 -
Treat yourself to a spray tan before you go - it'll help hide your scars and make you look slimmer and more toned. And if you hear any comments - don't c0ck a deaf ear - challenge them, politely. Otherwise they'll eat away at you. xxx
This and they make some really cute swim skirt cover ups. Then you'd only have to take it off right before jumping in the water. I have issues with my thighs (skinny or fat) and always wear one. It's got a cute little bow tie in the front and I wear it like a piece of fashion.
On a side note... You're with your boyfriend because he loves you! Hard to do I know, but don't worry about what any of the others think. I'm sure they've got their own flaws (skinny or not!) that they hope others don't notice.0 -
My boyfriends family is also on the overweight side but the self-mutilation thing I can understand. My thighs are also covered in scars and I was terrified about wearing shorts and a swim suit at the cottage this summer.0
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You're probably hotter than you think, and a nice skirted one piece with a sarong will cover up whatever you don't want to show.0
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So here goes nothing - I figure if I can survive the internet seeing it I can survive his family seeing the same thing
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Girl you look HOT!!! Forget what they may or may not say....you are gorgeous.0
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Love the cozzie, you look great. get out ther and enjoy your holiday x0
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Cute bathing suit -- you look great in it!0
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board shorts are every woman's friend who is sel consious about their thighs and WAY more conmfortable! matched with a tankini, and all is well.0
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board shorts are every woman's friend who is sel consious about their thighs and WAY more conmfortable! matched with a tankini, and all is well.
You know, if I didnt have all the scars I wouldn't mind showing of my legs. Sure they're short and chubby but I like them. it's my big ol' tummy that bugs me0 -
Just saw the pic of you in your swimsuit...
yeah, you look just fine. If they can't deal with the scars..screw 'em. black board shorts would still look cute.
or even a bold/bright color. Have fun!0 -
To the OP, I feel a bit weird saying this as I would normally never comment on anyone's appearance/body (as I hate when people do it to me - and there's no way it can be anything but judgmental, whether it's a compliment or not...) - but after reading your first post I was actually quite surprised when seeing the pictures above. I don't personally find any particular size more or less attractive, so that's not the point of saying this, but, anyway, I just want to tell you that you must clearly be much larger in your mind than you look to other people (which is pretty common I'd think). So, three things: 1. If I saw you on the beach your size would not register with me - i.e. I don't think you look 'big', just normal and curvy (not that looking 'big' would be a negative thing, I'm just saying I don't think you do!) 2. That is a great bathing suit on you. 3. You're very pretty, and you have absolutely nothing to hide or be ashamed of. You really look great in that swimsuit.
As for the scars - just hold your head high and try not to think about it. His family might notice them, they might not. They might wonder, they might not. But few people would be tactless enough to say something, so just try not to worry about what other people may or may not think. And remember that most of us have or have had some form of coping mechanisms we'd rather not tell the world about. Not all coping mechanisms leave visible scars, but most people know what it's like to go through a difficult time, and may not, deep down, be as judgmental as one might fear.0
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