Thin is the new sin?!
jenneal89
Posts: 243
When did it become socially acceptable to be mean to people for being thin? My 'friend' accused me of being way too thin--not the case--but would this same person bat an eye if I was too fat? No. I've worked hard to lose weight after my daughter was born. I was 205lbs after gaining 65lbs during pregnancy and I'm now 122lbs. At 5' 6" this is a good weight for someone my height. No one said a word when I gained so much weight during pregnancy or when I gained 30lbs a few years before. I do p90x and eat enough healthy food. I'm not dieting just changing my lifestyle.
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My family get onto me all the time :grumble: ....
But they are all 3-4 stones overweight so I put it down to jealousy :bigsmile:0 -
You are on the low side of being within a healthy BMI, but that's not really something to take too seriously. As one site I visited, you could have great muscle mass and therefore your BMI would show as overweight.
Having looked at your pictures, you look very proportionate, but your ticker looks like you want to lose another 8lbs and I personally think this is too much.
But, in terms of your friend saying you've lost too much weight, they might just be concerned that you will carry on losing and fall under the spell of thinking you are still too fat and therefore lose more and more until it becomes unhealthy. And really think about HOW your friend pointed out that they thought you are way too thin. Was it intended as horrible, or was it really not horrible and more concern?
I showed a picture of me to someone when I weighed 9stone 7lbs (many years ago!), which is the top end of a healthy BMI for me, and I was told I looked ill. It's all perspective really.
If the comment really was horrible, it's probably just jealousy.
Good luck!0 -
I believe there is such a thing as too thin, *but* that's between a person and their doctor. And even if they are deemed unhealthily thin by their doctor, that's no reason to judge them for it. Even if it's for reasons such as eating disorders, that doesn't make the person who is thin disgusting - they're just a person who isn't at their healthiest, which is something of which most people are guilty anyway.
Alas, it's just very, very easy for people to judge. Matter of fact, it's easier to judge others than to judge oneself.0 -
Over 60% of the adult population in the UK are overweight or obese. The truth is, fat is the norm now, so people at a healthy weight are now in the minority. So yeah, jealousy.0
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You are on the low side of being within a healthy BMI, but that's not really something to take too seriously. As one site I visited, you could have great muscle mass and therefore your BMI would show as overweight.
Having looked at your pictures, you look very proportionate, but your ticker looks like you want to lose another 8lbs and I personally think this is too much.
But, in terms of your friend saying you've lost too much weight, they might just be concerned that you will carry on losing and fall under the spell of thinking you are still too fat and therefore lose more and more until it becomes unhealthy. And really think about HOW your friend pointed out that they thought you are way too thin. Was it intended as horrible, or was it really not horrible and more concern?
I showed a picture of me to someone when I weighed 9stone 7lbs (many years ago!), which is the top end of a healthy BMI for me, and I was told I looked ill. It's all perspective really.
If the comment really was horrible, it's probably just jealousy.
Good luck!
I don't really want to lose more weight just tone up and lose an inch from my upper thighs. I lose weight in that area last due to genetics (thanks mom lol). My friend asked me if I had an eating disorder and said my bones are sticking out. She accused me of sitting around eating celery all day! (which I do not) I've always been thin as I have a fairly high metabolism but it's slowed down a tad as I've gotten older. When I was 13 years old I weighed 90lbs and was 5'4" and ate like a pig. Other kids asked me if i was anorexic the too but wasnt. In fact, I struggled eith eating too much and unhealthy food. Now, I am also quite muscly from lifting weight and doing ab work.
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As long as you think you are a healthy weight, not too thin, then forget what anyone says. 9/10 times it is down to jealousy.0
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I think everyone gets this at some point. I'm 145lbs now (10.5st approx.) and I used to be about 18 stone. I have around 15-20lbs to lose until I'm at my desired weight... when I tell people I want to lose around another stone, they say "you'll be too thin," or "there'll be nothing of you" or "you look fine now" etc.
As nice as they think it is to say, it's actually pretty annoying. It's not about how I look -- at least not for me -- it's about being healthy. Eating carrot sticks and celery all day isn't going to make you healthy, so goodness knows where people get that idea from.
It's the conventional view on 'diets' I suppose.0 -
We seem to live in a world where it has become socially acceptable to be mean to anyone for any ridiculous shallow reason. Does it make me old to long for the days when you just didn't say anything if you didn't have something nice to say???0
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We seem to live in a world where it has become socially acceptable to be mean to anyone for any ridiculous shallow reason. Does it make me old to long for the days when you just didn't say anything if you didn't have something nice to say???
I agree. I understand being concerned but no need to be mean! That makes you nice, not old 0 -
We seem to live in a world where it has become socially acceptable to be mean to anyone for any ridiculous shallow reason. Does it make me old to long for the days when you just didn't say anything if you didn't have something nice to say???
Nope...I wish it was still like that
Went to Egypt on hols a few months ago and the majority of British people there were overweight and a lot of them were young too..we only get one life and think we should live it how we want, if someone wants to be heavy it's up to them...although I think it's sad when people have so low self regard for themselves that they can't be bothered to eat healthily and move a bit.
I was 11 stone at school, I'm only 5ft and I was MISERABLE but when I left school I lost tons of weight and felt much better0 -
I hear ya, it seems it's fine for people at work to get on my case for refusing a cake etc as according to them i'm too slim (I'm not underweight) but if I was to say to them don't eat that cake since you're overweight I think I'd be ostricised!0
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Like it's been said above, it's probably jealousy. People don't like seeing other people look better than they do, it makes them feel insecure!!0
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I hear ya, it seems it's fine for people at work to get on my case for refusing a cake etc as according to them i'm too slim (I'm not underweight) but if I was to say to them don't eat that cake since you're overweight I think I'd be ostricised!
Exactly!0 -
Jealousy brings out the nasty in people.
I know it's a cliche saying "they're just jealous" but it is true.. You don't critisise someone for being fat because it's not often (I know some people are different than others) that people are jealous of a fatter person's body.
People get jealous when you have a killer body 0 -
I hear ya, it seems it's fine for people at work to get on my case for refusing a cake etc as according to them i'm too slim (I'm not underweight) but if I was to say to them don't eat that cake since you're overweight I think I'd be ostricised!
So true....And it makes me so mad when people refer to whatever you eat as being on a diet, and asking why you are on one.... It's like no one wants to be healthy anymore, and you're looked down on if you do by some!0 -
And the worst has to be when people are trying to make you drink alcohol.. Like the other day I went to a BBQ and I had diet lemonade and was eating the salads rather than the burgers and stuff..
Someone I know who I haven't seen properly since I've lost weight was then telling me I was being boring because I didn't want to waste calories on alcohol.. And because I wasn't eating fatty burgers.
I wish sometimes people would just leave it. As you can see from my profile picture I'm definately not wasting away!0 -
People should use some tact, but I don't think it's always jealousy. Thin people are desired in most societies, and so people don't realize they could be hurting you for calling you too thin or getting on you about not eating the cake (that last is usually both insecurity and thinking they are being complimentary.) Most just think they are expressing concern or even paying you a compliment. Also, being thin is something that for most takes some work. People assume you are thin because you are trying to be and want to be. That's another reason they feel comfortable to make sure you are not taking it too far. (At the end of the day, I would personally much rather be *****ed at for being thin than made fun of for being fat--which still happens to people much more than thin people think it does.)
On the other hand, most people don't want to be heavy and don't think others "should" be. Most don't try to be overweight, so people feel a lot more awkward making a comment because they are afraid of hurting the person or because they don't want to seem like they are judgmental. Finally, most people assume that most people who are overweight know they are.
I'm not saying it's ok to pick with anyone, but those are my reasons for thinking it's not always about jealousy.0 -
It can take people a very long time to change their mental picture of you. They are used to seeing you with either more weight on you or pregnant, so every time they see you you look very different to them and they are still surprised. Eventually, they replace their mental snapshot of you with your current appearance, but it takes time. Maybe that's what's happened here?
It doesn't justify nasty comments though!0 -
This is something I just don't get. When I used to be slim (oh, those were the days...) people used to say things like "have some, you need it, you're all skin and bones" when they got the cake out and I refused. But nobody would ever dream of saying "hey fatty, is that a good idea?" when I reach for the cake now that I've put loads back on!
Grr!0 -
Actually, as someone said if 60% of the population is overweight, it could be jealousy of someone they saw looking like them lost weight, but...then again. They could be genuinely concerned. If everyone they see is almost all overweight and the few they see who are skinny are model or actors (known for some bad diet and exercise habits to get to extreme weights in some cases), then their concept of what a *healthy* normal person looks like is probably screwy, if you think about it. If most cases you know visually are overweight friends and relatives or overly skinny people they see on TV, then they could be concerned you're getting and eating disorder--because they don't know what healthy diet and exercise look like.
Though I'm sure they're just having image issues--either for themselves or their perception of what you look like.
Just sounded like an interesting sociological question--if the majority of the population is overweight, how does that effect visual concepts/perceptions of what a healthy weight *looks* like.0 -
This is something I just don't get. When I used to be slim (oh, those were the days...) people used to say things like "have some, you need it, you're all skin and bones" when they got the cake out and I refused. But nobody would ever dream of saying "hey fatty, is that a good idea?" when I reach for the cake now that I've put loads back on!
Grr!
LOL! Yup, it's a total double standard. Ah well, that's because they think food=love. Sadly, not eating said food=you don't like them or whatever. Find a polite way to decline--if they don't know you very well, just tell them you're diabetic.0 -
Jealously my dear, plain and simple.
unless you're ribs are hanging out and you eat a small carrot a day, if you're happy and healthy, then good for you
dont get me wrong, i'm jealous too lol
but in a good sort of "go you! i wish i was at that point" type way.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Someone I know who I haven't seen properly since I've lost weight was then telling me I was being boring because I didn't want to waste calories on alcohol.. And because I wasn't eating fatty burgers.
Yeah, been there. I don't drink because it makes me sick (though I do love a glass of wine occasionally- but I chose when, not them) and I LIKE salad- its always been my favourite food. I was always underweight as a kid and a teen, luckily I never had any problems apart from not gettign a bust till i put a stone in weight on. I am nearing the end of my weight loss and am starting to get comments about being too thin- tough! I've still got loose flesh that i want to replace with muscle- but most people (including men) tell me to settle for being 'normal' and that trying to get a body like e.g. Jillan Michaels is stupid. They tell me that there is more to life than healthy eating and exercise..... like eating burgers and watching DVDs.....mmm yeah- never gonna happen, mate. There is more to life than healthy eating and the rest of my life is much better because of them. End rant.0 -
I hear ya, it seems it's fine for people at work to get on my case for refusing a cake etc as according to them i'm too slim (I'm not underweight) but if I was to say to them don't eat that cake since you're overweight I think I'd be ostricised!
excellent point!
i am still rather over weight, but i am happy for my freinds that have lost weight, and think its as much an insult to say "get some cake down you, you're skinny" as it would be for them to say to me "dont touch that cake, you're too fat!"0 -
Same thing happened to me at work told me I was anerexic ect ect ect. My mom even told me I was getting too skinny I have just recently hit my acceptable weight range and I would like to still redujce my BF percentage. I think people just need to feel good about themselves and when someone is doing something to improve themselves it makes those people have to take a look at themselves. I told them if they think im looking that way they should hit the gym with me in there Im still fat that helps to keep me motivated. Well ok maybe not fat but not fit.0
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To be fair, part of it is that they are concerned. It is scary when someone you care about loses a lot of weight very quickly. At first you are like YAY! You're doing great! But then it feels like they're going so fast you worry that they have an eating disorder or they're weight loss is getting out of control.
You compare them - not to an ideal weight for someone their height - but to who they used to be.
Only a jerk harasses a pregnant woman for eating too much. And gaining 30 pounds over two years isn't that fast.
Most of us get fat slowly. But when one of my sisters gained 100 pounds in a year just from overeating - yes, we all hassled her about it. She'd been skinny skinny all her life and literally doubled in size. It was scary. You've done the opposite.
Congratulations on your weight loss. I'm sure you've worked really hard for it. And you look great.0 -
Actually, as someone said if 60% of the population is overweight, it could be jealousy of someone they saw looking like them lost weight, but...then again. They could be genuinely concerned. If everyone they see is almost all overweight and the few they see who are skinny are model or actors (known for some bad diet and exercise habits to get to extreme weights in some cases), then their concept of what a *healthy* normal person looks like is probably screwy, if you think about it. If most cases you know visually are overweight friends and relatives or overly skinny people they see on TV, then they could be concerned you're getting and eating disorder--because they don't know what healthy diet and exercise look like.
Though I'm sure they're just having image issues--either for themselves or their perception of what you look like.
Just sounded like an interesting sociological question--if the majority of the population is overweight, how does that effect visual concepts/perceptions of what a healthy weight *looks* like.
That is a good question! And you make a good point. I think the health line might be getting a bit blurred between anti-thin and pro-curvy campaigns. You don't e to be a stick--curvy is great but if you're 500lbs, you arent just curvy or big-boned 0 -
My response to anytime some one tries to get me to eat anything I don't want under the guise I am "too skinny" is…. "Oh, I ate all my lifetime share of that already, in fact, I ate them up too soon and that is why I had to go on a strict program so there is plenty left for everyone else"
But seriously, I would never urge anyone to eat/not eat. The ownership of what we eat/don't eat lies with each individual. I use to think that the weight ranges were ridiculous. Now I realize that my body and bone structure at 5'8" is individualized for me. Those ranges are important to honor. I have six inch wrist bones and my work out buddy - same height has 8"… she looks incredible at 145, I am happy at 133.
I do think have a bit too much southern hospitality in me, and offer food as part of entertaining (business, home, out) - but if someone tells me no thanks I know no means no and to move on. And to make sure healthy choices are there, at least when the food selection is within my control.0 -
To be fair, part of it is that they are concerned. It is scary when someone you care about loses a lot of weight very quickly. At first you are like YAY! You're doing great! But then it feels like they're going so fast you worry that they have an eating disorder or they're weight loss is getting out of control.
You compare them - not to an ideal weight for someone their height - but to who they used to be.
Only a jerk harasses a pregnant woman for eating too much. And gaining 30 pounds over two years isn't that fast.
Most of us get fat slowly. But when one of my sisters gained 100 pounds in a year just from overeating - yes, we all hassled her about it. She'd been skinny skinny all her life and literally doubled in size. It was scary. You've done the opposite.
Congratulations on your weight loss. I'm sure you've worked really hard for it. And you look great.
Thank you. When I said I gained 30lbs 2 years ago, I gained that much in 3 months
I would sit down at night and eat an entire batch of no bake cookies for dessert after devouring a large pizza. Not good! 0 -
When did it become socially acceptable to be mean to people for being thin?
It's been socially acceptable for years. I guess you don't see it until you become thin. Twenty years ago, when I was a very thin teenager, the other kids at school used to tell me I was too skinny, and that I was anorexic (I wasn't!), and all this was seen as perfectly socially acceptable. I then told one girl that she was fat, and I never heard the end of it - I'd apparently committed the cardinal social sin!
I've seen people say on forums that whenever they are out with their children and they see a thin person, they immediately tell their children that this person looks awful, ugly and unhealthy. Their reasoning is that they don't want their kids to grow up with the idea that they need to be underweight to be beautiful, and potentially get an eating disorder. It seems a bit of an extreme reaction to me, and isn't exactly helping with the overall idea of accepting people regardless of their size! I think people have lost the common-sense understanding that people really are naturally very different shapes and sizes, and that this is okay. Of course, there are people who are unhealthily fat or thin, for a whole variety of reasons, but ostracising them isn't exactly helpful!0
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