Am I the only one who GAINED weight during divorce??

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  • MayberryMama
    MayberryMama Posts: 42
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    You are all so wonderful! I just want to reach into the computer and hug you all up at once!! You made me feel better, like I am not alone in all this and that people actually do come out the other side.

    I am going to take the advice many of you gave and start to focus on myself and getting healthy and doing fun things for myself when the kids are away. Last night instead of sitting in my lonely house, I did go out and run a few miles and it felt great! And then I treated myself to a hot bath and painted my toes. I woke up this morning and things didn't look so bleak. Now, on Friday when I have to face him in court, I may be singing a different tune! ;) But I have faith that this is just a step on the journey and God HAS to have something better in store for me that is worth all this pain.

    I hope everyone has a great week - thanks for sharing your stories with us, it makes people (ME!) feel less alone!
  • TrimAnew
    TrimAnew Posts: 127 Member
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    I've never been in your situation and hope I never am, but as just a shot in the dark, you could try:
    I have gone from being a beach body coach who runs 5Ks and only shops at the healthfood store, to the chick you see in line at walmart wearing sweat pants and flip-flops pushing a basket full of ice cream, frozen pizzas and cheetos.

    Get a new cookbook and try to make something new every day or at least once a week. That way you have reason to shop for higher quality ingredients and the cooking will take up your time when you're alone. You could also try cooking with friends once a week so that you don't always have to cook for one (when it's his week with the kids). Or cook and freeze meals so that when you do have the kids, you and spend more time with them and less in the kitchen.
    Then I go home to my empty house (because it's "his" week with the kids) and turn on the TV and just eat, eat, eat.
    Pick up a new hobby or class at a local rec center, local college, or gym during "his" weeks if you can. Or schedule in some volunteer work, such as walking dogs at the local pet shelter.
    Dairy Queen is less than three miles from my house.
    So go, but run/walk there. Order something small. Sit and enjoy it. Then run back. Eventually, you can try packing a snack or running a route that doesn't go past the DQ. For example, you could run past a grocery store and get a piece of fruit instead.

    If you don't already keep a journal, you might think of starting one. You could even take it with you on your runs/walks so that you can write in it while you are someplace other than your house.

    If you got the house, spend time cleaning and reorganizing or redecorating. Change the space so that it reminds you less of what was before.
  • megansoriano
    megansoriano Posts: 158
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    I have a lingering "divorce". I left my ex two years ago and he decided to fall off the face of the earth when I kept asking him to sign papers. Two years later he contacted me in a rush to get a divorce because he wants to get married to someone else. Completely over him but I think the lack of closure on the situation and the unaswered questions has led to lots of stress and emotional eating. I love twenty pounds but the past few months I have gained it all back.
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
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    I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sending you cyber hugs and strength. I went through something similar on May 8, 2011. Husband cheated on my with a 25 year-old (I'm 30) and he basically wanted nothing to do with me and the kids. He was so madly in love with this woman who he barely knew. It was approaching our 6 year wedding anniversary. And my son was only one. Madness. Talk about being depressed and feeling utterly alone. It's been more than a year now and I am in a better place, but not fully recuperated and not yet divorced, either. I still hurt and sometimes I am still in shock. Hang in there. Focus all your anger on doing things for yourself.

    This quote motivated me a lot: "Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." Malcolm X

    You've got this, girl!
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
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    When I started talking to my husband about getting a divorce, I gained back about 10 of the 70 pounds I'd lost. I felt like I couldn't talk to him about anything, so I just ate instead.

    I'm so so sorry that you're going through this. I hope it gets better for you as time goes on. You're not alone here! :flowerforyou:
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
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    Been there, done that sans kids. You had the rug pulled out from under you and of COURSE you're going to have an emotional reaction. But, this time is YOURS now. Good for you for running instead of eating! Be good to yourself and be glad that you're not with a man who doesn't respect you. :)
  • sensored44
    sensored44 Posts: 45 Member
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    I've been there!!! Yes, the house is empty and you miss the kids but use this time for YOU. When I went thru that time in my life, I would get so depressed every time my kids walked out that door (they were only 2) and yes, the girlfriend was much younger and yes, so skinny. I finally decided to use the money I was spending on junk food to change my whole house one room at a time. Bought some paint, new sheets, curtains, absolutely EVERYTHING! My kids loved coming home to see what I did and I was so busy I didn't have time to think about all the junk food.
    Just sign those papers and don't look back, it's going to be hard, but this is your chance for a fresh start. This is YOU time. Don't get me wrong, I love having my kids come thru that door on Sunday nights, but I have built in me time starting every other Friday night.

    What a fabulous idea... distraction and change...
  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373
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    Wow, that all sounds so depressing and pathetic. I guess I just need some advice on how to get off this binging roller-coaster and back on track in the midst of what feels like the end of the world.

    Anybody been thru this? How did you survive?

    Hit the gym. Every day. Put on some music. Run your butt off. Elliptical, bike whatever. Really get your heart rate up and keep it there. It will lift you from depression and help you feel better about yourself and your body and give you more confidence. Learn to be a single person again. And try to be the most awesome single person you can.

    I've just come through this myself and I'm not really out the other side. You're in for a rough patch that is for sure, and it will take you time to recover. I don't envy you I sure wouldn't want to go through it again. But take care of yourself ok? Things will get better with time.
  • sensored44
    sensored44 Posts: 45 Member
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    I've been there..

    Use the time to do things for YOU. You are a mom, and were in a long term relationship, so doing things for you was probably last on your list. It's time.. especially when you are on your own to make time for you.

    Develop curiousity about who you are, not as a mother and not as a wife. Take up a hobby that you have always wanted to try. It doesn't have to be exercise based, but it does have to be something out of the house! Once you take the first step... the next is a little easier, and the next easier... until you are wondering how you ever lived any other way...

    Good Luck... and one things for sure, there's a lot here willing to chime in with support and kudos!!
  • rayraex
    rayraex Posts: 50
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    I'm sorry you are going through this. Some people can't eat when they go through extreme stress, others find comfort in eating more. I haven't gone through a divorce, but I, too, tend to eat when I am stressed. I manage those temptations by finding alternative ways to manage my stress besides eating. Instead of sitting in front of the TV drowning my sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, I will go for a run or hit the gym. I find that I eat much less when I am more active because the exercise helps reduce the stress and I feel better about myself. Also, keep yourself busy and surround yourself with support. Connect with an old friend by asking her out to coffee one day. You are stronger than you realize. Be confident and powerful.
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
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    No- you are not the only one- but you recognize it, you are eating thru your pain, and it can really do damage long term. Time to nip it in the butt- or you wouldn't be here right? I would start your life plan- and maybe goal #1 is to get a friend to go with you to court. Never let them see you sweat- cry later, but not with your ice cream, cause it doesn't love you back! :(

    I don't know if I'd hit the gym hard core every day-that takes a lot of discipline, and you have to be in the right mental state. But I would start your life plan- call the day of your divorce, day one- and celebrate! You also have your freedom from a bad relationship- its time to take care of you. I was a single mom for years after my divorce, weekends kids were gone were tough, but eventually I realized what a great thing it was, I had this time for me! I did start at the gym- I also called my friends and told them lets get together, let your friends know what you are going thru. And if your friends were all friends of his- well then time to get out there and make new ones.
    Now just a way out there thought, but have you ever tried group fitness classes? The latest and greatest workout, especially because you really get to let go and have fun, is Zumba! There are other classes as well but Zumba is a little easier to access at studios or community centers.
    Point is- take care of you now- do things for you now- that do not include eating. Don't do what I did- I put on 150 lbs out of being depressed- it has taken years to get it off.
    Because your husband does not love you anymore, does not make you unlovable- but recognize that using food to fill the pain is going to cause you such misery in results :(
  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373
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    No- you are not the only one- but you recognize it, you are eating thru your pain, and it can really do damage long term.

    Not that much. Maybe she is just an emotional eater? It's an emotional time.

    Personally I think a bit of sitting on the couch eating comfort foods while the kids are off with her husband isn't that bad really. When I got divorced I turned to alcoholism, drugs and casual sex with strangers to try heal myself and that is much worse than comfort eating.

    She just needs to channel all that emotion into something positive and keep putting one foot in front of the other until she heals. Gym is a really good place to do that.
  • jennifleurb
    jennifleurb Posts: 97
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    This thread has touched my heart. Something you said really inspired me to respond:
    But I have faith that this is just a step on the journey and God HAS to have something better in store for me that is worth all this


    It made me think of the journey I went on to get to where I am today. It was not a fun journey as being divorced twice by the time I was 33 left me feeling so low with even lower self-esteem. What those two divorces taught me however was to put myself first and invest in myself. I did a lot of soul searching after each divorce, read every self help book of interest and committed to being better and doing better. I learned that I believed so little in myself prior to those marriages that I attracted just the sort of person into my life that I deserved. It took me a while to figure this out - that not believing in or investing in myself would attract those who were the same. They were not worthy of me as I did not value myself - so why should they?

    The happy part of the journey is that I married the most wonderful man in the world at age 37. Yes, it took 3 times to attract the right guy to me. It was only after I learned to put myself first, invest in myself and believe that I DESERVED to be with the most wonderful man in the world that he came into my life. I cannot tell you how many times I've looked at Chris and said that these journeys were so worth it...they were so difficult, but they were worth it as I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

    I guess what I am trying to say here is that things will get better and as long as you make 'you' a priority and know that you DESERVE nothing but the best, then God's plan will play out as it ought to. Take one day at a time, find the joys and beauty in life (I stopped watching TV for 2 years after my 2nd divorce in order to focus on fun, laughter and beauty by only watching films or shows on demand that fit this criteria). Read, read, read - read anything that will lift your spirits. Invest in you - if that is taking a class or getting fit, do it. You deserve the best out of everything in life - how you treat yourself is no exception. :heart: :happy:

    Good luck and big virtual hugs :)

    Jennifer
  • MayberryMama
    MayberryMama Posts: 42
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    Wow - what wonderful outpouring of sweet support and awesome ideas!! I would love to take up painting (Hello- Bob Ross!!) and I used to do Zumba before all this hit and I had to watch the pennies so closely. I am hoping that he will pay child support soon and the little extras like that will be more within reach.

    My support system is back home unfortunately - we moved to TX a year and a half ago to be near his family (and I am pretty sure this new girlfriend - she gave birth to a baby girl 3 months after we moved here that looks just like my husband and my youngest daughter, but I was too blind to see it until now...) At any rate, I think part of the trouble is that if I was back home with my best girl friends and my sister and mom and dad and such, I would have more people to stay busy with. Here I do have a great church family and have made one "best friend" who is very supportive, but you know how you want to be with family during these kinds of situations.

    But, hey, maybe it's okay to just be alone. And you're right, I do sort of like the alone time in a way. I remember just this past spring wishing I could have one or two days to just be by myself without husband and kids pulling me in every direction. Be careful what you wish for!

    Thanks everyone, all of your suggestions mean so much to me. It's one of those times in life when it's hard to be objective and you need folks on the outside to help you see what you need. And who knew that a group of strangers living in my computer would be just what the doctor ordered!
  • yerfgirl
    yerfgirl Posts: 65 Member
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    Divorce sucks. No way around it. I dove head first into emotional eating and drinking during and after and went up two pants sizes. Awesome.

    This is going to take time. Be good to yourself, make the best choice you can for that moment and keep looking forward. And don't forget to honor your feelings. They are yours and you have every right to be angry, sad, happy, irritated, or whatever. Some times it's all in a 5 min roller coaster.

    Lean on your friends, family and MFPers. And you have a great profile,photo. I highly doubt you're as old and worn out as you feel right now. You'll get your mojo back, it'll just take time. Be patient and have faith.
  • michelletolose
    michelletolose Posts: 4
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    Yes a divorce will head you right into emotional eating and drinking. It is the most stressful thing I believe that anyone can endure. Even if it is for ther best for all parties involved. It turns your world upside down.
    But it will get better, This is my second day on MFP and I already feel so much better.
    BTW - I went up three dress sizes. But today is a new day with a new start. Keep strong in your faith :smile:
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
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    she gave birth to a baby girl 3 months after we moved here that looks just like my husband and my youngest daughter, but I was too blind to see it until now...

    That is just... :grumble: :noway:

    Sounds like you being divorced is going to be a better thing in the long run, even though it sucks now.

    You'll get through this! You aren't alone! :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • jzsor12
    jzsor12 Posts: 69
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    You're not the first one to put weight on during a divorce and you won't be the last! If you want to lose weight do it for you, not your husband or whoever this new woman is.
  • Toxictwist
    Toxictwist Posts: 274
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    I was married at 24 years old & the marriage was over when I was 25!. (He was chasing 18 y/o girls... he was 32)
    When I moved back in with my parents, I wanted to keep myself busy all the time & be around people so I didn't fall into a depression. So what did I do? Party! ya, fun times... but I ended up gaining 20 pounds from drinking & just eating whatever! I was so upset, clothes started to get to snug... Then just didn't do up at all.

    Now its all about YOU!! (And the kids)
    Each Day will get better :)
  • PackersFan612
    PackersFan612 Posts: 5 Member
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    I gained when I went through my divorce too, about 60 pounds. And it took me about 10 years until I started really trying to get in shape. I was depressed thinking if he left me, then why would anyone else want me. Everytime I would see him I would be embarrassed because I had gained so much. Then in 2005, I decided I was tired of being lonely and eating myself to death. I wanted to enjoy my life and hopefully meet somebody special. I also wanted to be a good role model for my daughter. I started logging what I ate and exercising, and after only 6 months, I could see a huge difference. Later that same year, I did meet my someone special; however, I have gained a lot of it back - mainly because my current husband and I like to eat out, but since January of this year, I have lost 29 pounds. I am not giving up though. I still need to lose 50 more pounds. That's why I'm on here so I can keep track of what I eat and also get encouragement from other members who have been successful.

    I wish you the best of luck moving on. The worst thing you can do is let him think that he has destroyed your life. Show him that you can still be happy, maybe even happier and healthier without him!

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