Am I the only one who GAINED weight during divorce??

No- you are not the only one- but you recognize it, you are eating thru your pain, and it can really do damage long term. Time to nip it in the butt- or you wouldn't be here right? I would start your life plan- and maybe goal #1 is to get a friend to go with you to court. Never let them see you sweat- cry later, but not with your ice cream, cause it doesn't love you back!

I don't know if I'd hit the gym hard core every day-that takes a lot of discipline, and you have to be in the right mental state. But I would start your life plan- call the day of your divorce, day one- and celebrate! You also have your freedom from a bad relationship- its time to take care of you. I was a single mom for years after my divorce, weekends kids were gone were tough, but eventually I realized what a great thing it was, I had this time for me! I did start at the gym- I also called my friends and told them lets get together, let your friends know what you are going thru. And if your friends were all friends of his- well then time to get out there and make new ones.
Now just a way out there thought, but have you ever tried group fitness classes? The latest and greatest workout, especially because you really get to let go and have fun, is Zumba! There are other classes as well but Zumba is a little easier to access at studios or community centers.
Point is- take care of you now- do things for you now- that do not include eating. Don't do what I did- I put on 150 lbs out of being depressed- it has taken years to get it off.
Because your husband does not love you anymore, does not make you unlovable- but recognize that using food to fill the pain is going to cause you such misery in results

This thread has touched my heart. Something you said really inspired me to respond:

But I have faith that this is just a step on the journey and God HAS to have something better in store for me that is worth all this

It made me think of the journey I went on to get to where I am today. It was not a fun journey as being divorced twice by the time I was 33 left me feeling so low with even lower self-esteem. What those two divorces taught me however was to put myself first and invest in myself. I did a lot of soul searching after each divorce, read every self help book of interest and committed to being better and doing better. I learned that I believed so little in myself prior to those marriages that I attracted just the sort of person into my life that I deserved. It took me a while to figure this out - that not believing in or investing in myself would attract those who were the same. They were not worthy of me as I did not value myself - so why should they?

The happy part of the journey is that I married the most wonderful man in the world at age 37. Yes, it took 3 times to attract the right guy to me. It was only after I learned to put myself first, invest in myself and believe that I DESERVED to be with the most wonderful man in the world that he came into my life. I cannot tell you how many times I've looked at Chris and said that these journeys were so worth it...they were so difficult, but they were worth it as I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that things will get better and as long as you make 'you' a priority and know that you DESERVE nothing but the best, then God's plan will play out as it ought to. Take one day at a time, find the joys and beauty in life (I stopped watching TV for 2 years after my 2nd divorce in order to focus on fun, laughter and beauty by only watching films or shows on demand that fit this criteria). Read, read, read - read anything that will lift your spirits. Invest in you - if that is taking a class or getting fit, do it. You deserve the best out of everything in life - how you treat yourself is no exception. :happy:

Good luck and big virtual hugs

Jennifer

Divorce sucks. No way around it. I dove head first into emotional eating and drinking during and after and went up two pants sizes. Awesome.

This is going to take time. Be good to yourself, make the best choice you can for that moment and keep looking forward. And don't forget to honor your feelings. They are yours and you have every right to be angry, sad, happy, irritated, or whatever. Some times it's all in a 5 min roller coaster.

Lean on your friends, family and MFPers. And you have a great profile,photo. I highly doubt you're as old and worn out as you feel right now. You'll get your mojo back, it'll just take time. Be patient and have faith.

she gave birth to a baby girl 3 months after we moved here that looks just like my husband and my youngest daughter, but I was too blind to see it until now...

That is just... :grumble: :noway:

Sounds like you being divorced is going to be a better thing in the long run, even though it sucks now.

You'll get through this! You aren't alone! :flowerforyou:

I was married at 24 years old & the marriage was over when I was 25!. (He was chasing 18 y/o girls... he was 32)
When I moved back in with my parents, I wanted to keep myself busy all the time & be around people so I didn't fall into a depression. So what did I do? Party! ya, fun times... but I ended up gaining 20 pounds from drinking & just eating whatever! I was so upset, clothes started to get to snug... Then just didn't do up at all.

Now its all about YOU!! (And the kids)
Each Day will get better

Like a poster said earlier: Divorce sucks!
I was really lucky that my mom pushed me (demanded basically) to see a counseler when my husband announced that he wanted a divorce. I think my mom was hoping that counseling would help us get back on track. I asked the therapist if he wanted to see me alone or both of us (my husband was willing to go because he thought I needed the help... hmmm...). I ended up going alone and cried through the first session.
After a couple of sessions some of the things he was saying and pointing out sank in. I decided to cast off the old and slip into a new me, the real me. Sounds silly, but I went home and threw away every piece of clothing my husband had picked out for me (I had never felt 100% comfortable in them, but wanted to please him so I wore them), then went shopping. I came home with things that reflected me, the real me, and made me feel happy to wear.

I absolutely hated sending my kids with their dad for the weekend. He is an increadibly irresponsible parent and my kids were only 4 and 6 years old at the time. I would cry when they were gone and worry about them the whole time. And yes, the ice cream would come out, and the super-size fast food meals...
Right at the beginning of my divorce I lost weight. It was 3 months before my ex took the kids for even one day, so I wasn't eating the same. Then when he started taking them for the whole weekend I would spend those weekends eating and laying on the couch with a book. Eventually I realized that this was my time for me and I was wasting it.
How many times had I wished that I could have time for myself over the years? Too many to count! And here I was getting time to myself and I was throwing it away. Sheesh!

I guess we all cope differently and we all have to go through the various phases of coping. You will go through your phases and have to figure out what works for you.
What do you want for yourself? What do you want your kids to see?
I'm hoping that you want your kids to see how strong you are and that you won't let this break you.
I'm hoping that you want your kids to see that even though you cannot make other people do the right thing, you can control how you react to circumstances.No matter what terrible thing your ex-husband does, you can hold your head up and know that his actions cannot pull you down (unless you let them).

Look inside yourself and see if you can't find the woman you want to be and the woman you want your kids to see.

I gained about 30 pounds when I was going through my divorce...I guess it was emotional eating...it was my comfort....Girl, you can get through this!! And GREAT on you signing up for the 5k...my first one is this Monday ( Ekkk!)

.Guess what I just did? I just signed up to run a 5K on October 20th in the competitive catagory for my age! It's 50 days away and I have totally lost my momentum thanks to sitting on my butt in a pile of snotty kleenexes and twinkie wrappers, :grumble: but I think I can get back up to speed by then. Even if I don't place, I will at least have a goal in front of me and when it's all over I will have done something good for myself that I can be proud of.

Plus - it will set a good example for my little girls!

Congrats on the 5k!!! It will do your girls good to see what a strong mother they have! Emotionally... and Physically! You got this!

I haven't been through this, but reading your post made me want to slap the *kitten* out of your ex husband. All I can say is eating crap (not to mention gaining weight) is only going to make you feel worse. If you can, just try going for a walk at first. You made the right move by joining MFP so be proud of yourself for that. Try not to blame yourself for anything, either. I am sure you know all this already but hearing it again can only help (I hope). I am so sorry for what you are going through. Try (for your children) to be a good co-parent with your ex and any bitterness you have towards him, ***** to your girlfriends, not your kids. They will realize all their own he is an ahole, so no need to be the bad guy by being the one to inform them. They will figure it out, trust me.

I gained 50 pounds during the 2 years it took me to get divorced. You are not alone, but it get's better. You will get back to where you want to be. Take your time, and when your ready you will get back in the game

When I went through it, I gained alot of weight. When my daughter died, I gained a whole lot more. Now I'm trying to get my health back in order and live the life that I'm capable of having if I work at it.
I'm an emotional eater so I get it. But what you have to know is that the calories are NOT your friend. They're just a necessary evil at this point.
Just get the stuff that's bad for you and tuck it to one side or to a cupboard that you don't like to reach for and get at it. Make your salad while you're trying to think of what to have for that meal. When you're seriously craving, make sure you have some good higher protein foods around that aren't high in calories and a pair of walking shoes or runners and some tunes with a good fast beat to walk to or jog to or dance to and blow those blues away with exercise.
The best revenge in the whole world is for you to fix the depression, work with your kids to keep them well balanced and strong, to make yourself healthy and to be happy.
You can't fix what's happened except to make yourself strong, healthy and happy. Make a list of things that you enjoy doing. Use it to choose what you can do now, will do later and get on with things starting with a visit to your doctor to get an okay to do them. And get on with making things better for you rather than sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself. It's amazing how it works.