Recent Tragedy
UWWYellowbaby
Posts: 22 Member
I started my diet a week ago. I was doing pretty good. Trying to stay on track. I had a plan, I want to stick to it. Sunday night, today is Wednesday, I found my husband of 7 years and father of my two children has been cheating on me for the past 7 months. We've had a pretty rough relationship and I've been as strong as I can be and committed and loyal, but this is my breaking point. I'm lost, confused and have a million and one contradicting thoughts in my head all at the same time. I'm barely able to breath. I've been nauseous 100% of the time so my eating has been dangerous. As in not eating. I'm getting dizzy, I'm tired, but can't sleep b/c my mind is going a million miles an hour. To curb the dizziness I've been eating an orange or drinking water. I can't even lay down with my eyes open b/c I'm so nauseous. I ate a bagel Monday and threw up. I didn't plan that of course. I would never do it on purpose. I'm a food lover, that was why I started this diet/plan. I'm just so stressed I can't hold it in. Does anyone have suggestions of things that I could possibly hold down that would get at least some nutrients in me? It can't be heavy or it will come out, I'm sure. It can't be difficult to make/get b/c I don't have the will or concentration to get that done. Not now. Not 3 days later. Maybe in a week. I have no clue. Support and suggestions needed please.
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Replies
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Firstly, I am very sorry for the pain you must be experiencing. Stress and life has a way of getting in the way of our plans. If you are feeling that sick, I don't really see anything wrong or abnormal with the fact you are having trouble keeping food down. Maybe try some toast, soups, yogurts. Maybe treat it like you "have the flu" since most times we tend to eat easy to digest simple foods. Even gatorade may make you feel better (as far as dizzyness) since it has sugar and carbs that your body can work with.
Try not to cause more stress to yourself by feeling like you MUST stick to your "program". Life happens. Sometimes we all have to take a break, deal with some issues and regroup when we are feeling better. You will feel better physically- I'm sure it is just the initial shock. A few days of eating not-so-great won't completely undo all ur work.
I hope things get better for you.0 -
Maybe one of those meal replacement drinks? I am not real sure.
More important I think you need to talk with someone about this so you can get started working on all those thoughts that are in your head.
This is terrible and I am sorry that you have to go through it.0 -
So sorry for your pain. First go see you primary care doctor, they can give you something for the stress. Now, I am not a pill pusher by anymeans, but you need to get help. You will need to be able to help you and your children get through this. ((Hugs))0
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That's awful. It must be extremely hard for you, and it's understandable you're having a hard time!
Right now you need to be thinking about yourself and your children, if you don't eat for you, eat for them, so you're able to carry on being a fabulous mum to them. And i agree with dvelocity about speaking with someone for help.
You are a strong person, and you can and will get through this! If you want to talk then just message me
Edited to say your children and gorgeous!0 -
Sounds like you've been through some rough times for sure! Basically, you have to come to a place where other people's decisions don't determine your happiness (or lack thereof). I know that's WAY easier said than done, so maybe talking to a counselor would help you. Meanwhile, I agree that maybe the meal replacement shakes could at least get some nutrients in you so you're not getting weaker. You're in my prayers.0
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I am so sorry
Maybe you want to talk to someone, your mom, friend, therapist, but do it when you are ready to. You need to be strong for your children. I haven't a tragedy like you have but sometimes when I feel stressed out I go for a long run. It helps clear my head and I can put whatever pain you have to push yourself. Everyone handles situations differently, you have to find out what works for you. I sent you a friend request if you'd like. 0 -
I am so sorry that you have to go through this! Let me let you know what happened to my mom last year. Pretty much the same situation and she stopped eating. It got so bad that her teeth and hair started falling out and she lost 60 pounds in about 4 months (my mom was not a big woman to start). There was a time when I thought I would lose her. It took her months to be able to eat again.
Get help now! I am not a pill pusher by any means, but this is very stressful situation and you need to be able to function considering you have children. In my mom's case, both my brother and I are grown. She didn't have to worry about us.
I'll be praying for you and your children! :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. There are lots of people who have been in your position and you're not alone...I agree with previous posters, go and see someone - there are lots of people out there to help you talk through your problems, somebody like a counsellor will be able to start coping with your pain.
In the meantime, if you don't want to eat then drink milk - when i had serious glandular fever and couldnt eat for weeks the doctor told me milk is the best thing because you get the calories you need and your stomach isn't completely empty.
Plus it is very hard to throw up.
Peace and Love x0 -
I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you.
Nausea: crackers, anything with ginger (ginger ale, ginger candy, ginger tea?), regular tea, deep breathing, and yoga. Fairly familiar with trying to ease nausea for my daughter's post cancer/surgery symptoms. We even tried those anti nausea wrist bands boaters often use. Stick to the BRAT diet until your stomach settles (bananas, rice, apples/applesauce/toast). You might consider seeing a doctor. I don't know how you feel about medication but you might benefit from some anti-anxiety drugs and there are some meds for nausea that worked for us.
Stress: Have you talked to anyone like a family member, clergy/counselor/lawyer? I always find prayer and meditation helpful. Yoga has helped me get through some really rough times. If you're new to meditation give it time and focus.
I'm sending prayers for you and your family.0 -
See a counselor, ASAP. You need to begin dealing with the emotions you're fighting right now. I speak from experience (my husband was molesting our 11 year old daughter)! A counselor will give you a safe place to vent and start dealing with your feelings and what's happened. You are going to go through the full grief process, but you will come out stronger.
As others have said, it's important that you get nutrition. Try some smoothies or meal replacement shakes, and start adding food back gradually. Eat what you know you can tolerate. I agree, too, that it's probably a good idea to see your primary care doctor; he/she can refer you to a counselor or psychiatrist and one of the doctors can give you something for anxiety and possibly for your stomach, too, to help it settle.
When I went through the situation with my husband, I felt the same way. Food that once held pleasure for me tasted like cardboard. I wanted to curl up in a corner and just die. But I couldn't, because my kids needed me. They needed me to be strong and to pick up the pieces of our lives and find a way to put them together again, albeit in a new configuration. We are two years out from all of that, and while I still have an occasional bad day, life has moved on. The kids are doing well, and we moved to be closer to my family. I know right now it seems like your world has come to an end, but it hasn't. You'll find the strength to move on and be there for your kids. You'll find the strength to let go of what was and look forward to what can be. Be sure to lean on friends and family as much as you need to. If you are religious, lean on your church family; if you don't have one, try to find one. Especially look for a church that has a ministry to divorced people; they will likely be more understanding than some churches. Find a good attorney, too--you have absolute grounds for divorce and will likely get alimony and child support (if the judge has half a brain!).
Feel free to message me if you wish. I know all too well the emotions you're feeling right now. But you CAN survive this!0 -
I have been in your exact same position. When my children were 4 & 6 I found out my (now ex) husband of 7 years was cheating on me... for six months already. I felt like I would die. I remember being in the grocery store and feeling like I was underwater...
Feel free to friend me and PM me if you need to talk...
I will offer this advice - don't worry about your "diet" right now... just worry about getting through this, and about being there for your kids. I can tell you honestly that you will move on, one way or the other, and will be able to focus on other things...
For now, maybe get some meal replacement shakes or something that might be easier to keep down while not having to really think about eating.
Wishing you much strength and peace - M.
One more thing - no matter what reasons he gives you - this is not and never was because of you or something you did/didn't do.0 -
I'm sorry you're going through that. I agree that you may need to see someone over it.0
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You need to breath as in deep breath in, then slowly let it out and again and again, it will help to calm you. But I'm thinking that it will take awhile. It's going to take not thinking about it before you can start to function again. But you have kids you need to be there for so cooking and eating is going to be one of the things you will need to do. But also greiving is a big part of healing, you have to grieve, cry, scream, cry, rage is all a part of grieving. I hope there is someone that can take your kids for a day of this so they don't have to witness it.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.0 -
I've never known anyone who goes through excessive pain and stress like I do. My body shuts down, and I don't eat. Can't eat. Most people overeat and binge. So I do know what you are going through. I am so, so sorry. Same thing happened to me but we were getting married in a acouple weeks when he cheated. But I got over it. Oh, my husband did the same thing. My God, its going to take a lot of time and every day hurting.0
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Hugs to you. I sent you a private message 0
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Ask for help from a friend or family member. You and your children need the help. I've been where you are more than once. It feels like a death in the family. Have someone stay with you that can prepare meals and care for all of you. You will prolong the healing process if you are ill and not sleeping. I agree with the others about seeing your doctor. Get help for the anxiety and for sleep. Even a short term prescription will do wonders for you. There is no need to go this alone. Dieting should be the last thing on your mind right now. You can refocus later when you are stronger. After all......success is the best and (healthiest) revenge!0
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I agree with KMBROOKS, seek a counseling for yourself. You have to hear from a professional that his shortcoming are his to own and not yours. Your children need a healthy mom and friend. I think maybe a good work out would be good for you to. Get out and just walk. It tends to give you perspective and that moment alone to yourself to reflect. He didn't cheat on you for any other reason then his own selfish reasons. Don't punish yourself,health or your children because he is weak.0
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Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.
I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.
The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.0 -
It does feel exactly like a death. That's exactly it. I hate it.0
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I'm very sorry about what has happened. You really need to focus on yourself and your children (don't bad-mouth him to your children-it hurts them, not him). The best "revenge" is doing well and not falling apart. None of us can ever truly control what another person chooses to do; it's not a reflection on you. You can only control you and how you choose to deal with the situation.0
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I am sorry you are dealing with this. I've been in the same situation before. I was married to the father of my oldest daughter for five years, and he was unfaithful and physically abusive, which led to our divorce. I lost a lot of weight after that, because I was unable to eat.
I would recommend something to get you through this rough time--counseling, maybe something for anxiety or depression if you need it. Just to get you over the hump. I am one who prefers natural remedies before I go the medication route (and so far, I've been able to avoid medications by using natural remedies). Here is an article with some information that may be helpful to you:
http://mountainroseblog.com/herbs-heartbreak/
Time will heal. Your life will go on, and you will learn to be happy again. Maybe even better than before. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.
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I started my diet a week ago. I was doing pretty good. Trying to stay on track. I had a plan, I want to stick to it. Sunday night, today is Wednesday, I found my husband of 7 years and father of my two children has been cheating on me for the past 7 months. We've had a pretty rough relationship and I've been as strong as I can be and committed and loyal, but this is my breaking point. I'm lost, confused and have a million and one contradicting thoughts in my head all at the same time. I'm barely able to breath. I've been nauseous 100% of the time so my eating has been dangerous. As in not eating. I'm getting dizzy, I'm tired, but can't sleep b/c my mind is going a million miles an hour. To curb the dizziness I've been eating an orange or drinking water. I can't even lay down with my eyes open b/c I'm so nauseous. I ate a bagel Monday and threw up. I didn't plan that of course. I would never do it on purpose. I'm a food lover, that was why I started this diet/plan. I'm just so stressed I can't hold it in. Does anyone have suggestions of things that I could possibly hold down that would get at least some nutrients in me? It can't be heavy or it will come out, I'm sure. It can't be difficult to make/get b/c I don't have the will or concentration to get that done. Not now. Not 3 days later. Maybe in a week. I have no clue. Support and suggestions needed please.
I have to say I really admire you for wanting to focus on your nutrition and for realizing that not eating IS a problem. You seem to be going through quite the re-birth right now - getting healthy and possibly letting go of a rough relationship. Focus on you, take it one day at a time. Talk about it - as much as you want to. Don't hold it all in and feel like you have to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders.0 -
I know how you feel. It's heartbreaking, especially when you were so loyal and tried to make things work. I had similar symptoms for a good week or so, and the BRAT diet really helped. I also stayed away from caffine. If I'm already upset, it throws me into a full blown panic.
I really recommend counseling. I went in the day after my relationship fell apart, and the therapist gave me great suggestions for dealing with the crisis. It gave me tools for dealing with the aftermath that were extremely helpful. Better to go in right away than try to figure in out on your own, imo.
Also, I don't know what your personal beliefs are, my my faith was my rock during that time. Unlike my ex, I know God will never stop loving me and will never EVER leave me.0 -
Oh honey, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. Eat to stay nourished. When you're ready, I highly recommend this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It was my bible for a while.
Take a look at it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346264149&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+from+abandonment+to+healing
Lean on friends and family; you WILL be grounded once again. :flowerforyou:0 -
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I've been in the same situation before. I was married to the father of my oldest daughter for five years, and he was unfaithful and physically abusive, which led to our divorce. I lost a lot of weight after that, because I was unable to eat.
I would recommend something to get you through this rough time--counseling, maybe something for anxiety or depression if you need it. Just to get you over the hump. I am one who prefers natural remedies before I go the medication route (and so far, I've been able to avoid medications by using natural remedies). Here is an article with some information that may be helpful to you:
http://mountainroseblog.com/herbs-heartbreak/
Time will heal. Your life will go on, and you will learn to be happy again. Maybe even better than before. Hang in there, and take care of yourself.
Thank you for the link! This is great advice as well.0 -
I know how you feel. It's heartbreaking, especially when you were so loyal and tried to make things work. I had similar symptoms for a good week or so, and the BRAT diet really helped. I also stayed away from caffine. If I'm already upset, it throws me into a full blown panic.
I really recommend counseling. I went in the day after my relationship fell apart, and the therapist gave me great suggestions for dealing with the crisis. It gave me tools for dealing with the aftermath that were extremely helpful. Better to go in right away than try to figure in out on your own, imo.
Also, I don't know what your personal beliefs are, my my faith was my rock during that time. Unlike my ex, I know God will never stop loving me and will never EVER leave me.
I do get pretty panicky sometimes, but mostly either mad or sad. I'm going to be reaching out for counseling within the next couple days, HMO doesn't really allow for immediate relief (that I know of), but I'm pretty sure I can cope with what I have right now until I'm able to do that. I know I can b/c of the kids... but internally... I'm a mess.
Thanks for your support.0 -
Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.
I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.
The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.
Where in CA are you? I just moved to CA and I understand what you mean about friends. All my friends are back east...don't have any here yet. It can get very lonely. If you want, send me a friend request.0 -
When you have stomach issues you need a few things to help...try Gatorade and saltines first. When you can keep that down, follow the B.R.A.T. diet...bananas, rice, applesauce & toast.
Try the G2 (low calorie) Gatorade and stick to white rice. I am the queen of stomach issues and sometimes you have to eat like this to feel better. This isn't about dieting right now but getting you to feel better.
Good luck and get yourself to therapy! Then you can feel stronger and focus on your goals and your kids.0 -
Oh honey, I'm so sorry for what you must be going through right now. Eat to stay nourished. When you're ready, I highly recommend this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. It was my bible for a while.
Take a look at it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346264149&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+from+abandonment+to+healing
Lean on friends and family; you WILL be grounded once again. :flowerforyou:
I love reading, it always puts me in a different state of mind. It's relaxing, refreshing and lets me escape. I know this would be more of a self-help thing, but when I exited the military with PTSD, I held onto a book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. It was a lifesaver. I should probably find that one in my book collection too. But your suggestion is very intriguing. Thank you for the suggestion. I really really appreciate it.0 -
Thank you so much everyone. The BRAT diet was a great suggestion and everyone kind of leaned towards that. At least for now I think that's the best food route. I didn't even think of toast or anything simple. I just can't think at all. We have oranges at work all the time, which is the only reason I've had that.
I moved to CA when me and my husband first married, so I have a small group of close friends here, but all of my long time friend, "sisters", and other practically family friends, and my actual family reside in the midwest. So I just feel really lonely even though I have a little support here.
The suggestions for seeking help were good also. I've been on the phone non-stop to get my long distance support, but seeing someone would be good. These are the suggestions I needed b/c I feel so catatonic that basic things don't come to my mind. I'm strong enough to still cook for the kids and make sure their safe, but that's about all I have in me. I was making dinner for them yesterday (trying not to gag from the nausea) but just staring at the wall, letting some of it burn. The kids complained, I said sorry, they said OK and ate it anyways. This is the best I'm doing right now. It's so minimal.
Where in CA are you? I just moved to CA and I understand what you mean about friends. All my friends are back east...don't have any here yet. It can get very lonely. If you want, send me a friend request.
I live in Downey, in the LA area.0
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