Need advice on a work issue please

rbn_held
rbn_held Posts: 690 Member
in Chit-Chat
Actually I wouldn't even say I need advice as much as I just need to talk to someone about this issue and I can't talk to anyone at work about it. I have worked at the same place for about 4 years and all the people I work with are great and I love my job. But for the past or so months I have noticed feelings building towards my boss, and I am pretty sure it is mutual. I mean it's not like we would ever do anything because I am in a serious relationship and he is married so that is not the issue. I am against any form of cheating and even sometimes when I am at work and we are just talking I feel bad (probabaly guilt for having these feelings in the first place). Then I think well if you are thinking about him then that is a form of cheating also but it's hard to shut your mind off from certain thoughts. I am just wondering if it would be best to start looking for a different job before it gets harder to work together and starts getting uncomfortable. Like I said I love my job but think it would be best for everyone involved if I moved on. Has anyone ever been in this situation before? If so, how did you handle it?
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Replies

  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    GET OUT. GET THE F OUT OF IT NOW.

    You're skating on thin ice, imho. Especially if you're having trouble controlling your thoughts.
  • Linda_Darlene
    Linda_Darlene Posts: 453 Member
    Holy Cow! Stay away from him! Picture him smelly, with a wart on his nose, get a transfer, whatever you have to do. Nothing good could come this.
  • rbn_held
    rbn_held Posts: 690 Member
    Thanks. Thats what I keep telling myself. Just think I needed to hear it from others.
  • JolieJemmaMomma
    JolieJemmaMomma Posts: 54 Member
    Yes i would leave. Think of everyone involed your family, his wife (possibly kids). At least you are realizing it is inappropriate and not acting on those feelings. I give you lots of credit for that :)
  • tarag8100
    tarag8100 Posts: 60 Member
    It's going to be hard to do - but WALK AWAY.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    In my experience, jobs and coworkers you love are very hard to come by, I don't think I'd leave a job I really like to avoid someone I'm attracted to, but that's just me. You've already said nothing will happen, remind yourself of that, picture him in sitting on the toilet, tell yourself he leaves laundry on the floor, etc.. I can't see giving up a good working situation because you have a crush.
  • 02tods
    02tods Posts: 126 Member
    I've experienced this in the distant past, only not my boss but a coworker. What did I do about it? Absolutely nothing...except for telling myself nothing was ever going to happen. The feelings passed within a short time, and life went on. (Thankfully). I really like the idea of picturing him on the toilet...good one!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    Wait it out. Unless he makes a pass at you.

    Do you know for sure he has feelings for you? Has he said "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!" or is it something that you're assuming? I wouldn't go so far as to quit my job unless he makes a pass at you. Chances are good it's just a feeling that's going to pass.

    A little personal but are you having issues with your SO at home? And by this I mean is there something that's making you unhappy which is making you look at another man in a different light? Maybe seeing qualities in him that you can't see in your SO any more?
  • rbn_held
    rbn_held Posts: 690 Member
    No. Me and my SO are doing really well. I think that is were the guilt comes into play. Even though nothing will happen I still feel a little guilty for the feelings in the first place.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    No. Me and my SO are doing really well. I think that is were the guilt comes into play. Even though nothing will happen I still feel a little guilty for the feelings in the first place.

    I'm going to press back a bit on this.

    So if you and your SO are doing SO well, why are you looking over the fence?
  • rbn_held
    rbn_held Posts: 690 Member
    Thats a good question and I wish I could answer it. I really have no clue. I have never been in this situtation before. That's why I think it would be best to move on. When it first started I though, Oh it's just a little crush and it will fade, but that was 8 months ago. I would have thought it would have faded by now. And I definately don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    Wait it out. Unless he makes a pass at you.

    Do you know for sure he has feelings for you? Has he said "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!" or is it something that you're assuming? I wouldn't go so far as to quit my job unless he makes a pass at you. Chances are good it's just a feeling that's going to pass.

    A little personal but are you having issues with your SO at home? And by this I mean is there something that's making you unhappy which is making you look at another man in a different light? Maybe seeing qualities in him that you can't see in your SO any more?

    I have noting constructive to add. just wanted to thank Jennie for the imagery "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!"
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 236 Member
    In my experience, jobs and coworkers you love are very hard to come by, I don't think I'd leave a job I really like to avoid someone I'm attracted to, but that's just me. You've already said nothing will happen, remind yourself of that, picture him in sitting on the toilet, tell yourself he leaves laundry on the floor, etc.. I can't see giving up a good working situation because you have a crush.

    I agree with this! Jobs and great coworkers are hard to come by.

    Picturing him on the toilet, picking nose and eating it and starting to notice all his flaws instead of the things you like about him are all good ways to get yourself over this crush. I don't know about anyone else, but I've changed my desire about certain foods this same way.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    Wait it out. Unless he makes a pass at you.

    Do you know for sure he has feelings for you? Has he said "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!" or is it something that you're assuming? I wouldn't go so far as to quit my job unless he makes a pass at you. Chances are good it's just a feeling that's going to pass.

    A little personal but are you having issues with your SO at home? And by this I mean is there something that's making you unhappy which is making you look at another man in a different light? Maybe seeing qualities in him that you can't see in your SO any more?

    If your boss makes a pass at you, you do *not* quit your job. The proper procedure if your boss makes a pass at you is to contact HR.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    Thats a good question and I wish I could answer it. I really have no clue. I have never been in this situtation before. That's why I think it would be best to move on. When it first started I though, Oh it's just a little crush and it will fade, but that was 8 months ago. I would have thought it would have faded by now. And I definately don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship.

    But if you like your job and your coworkers then why quit?

    Honestly there must be something underlying that you're not seeing that's causing an attraction to your boss. It could be just one little thing that you wished your SO did that's making him seem awesome and sexy.

    Also, back to the original post, what makes you think that he's feeling the same way too? All kidding aside has he done anything to make you feel that way? Chances are the mutual attraction could be in your head.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    Wait it out. Unless he makes a pass at you.

    Do you know for sure he has feelings for you? Has he said "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!" or is it something that you're assuming? I wouldn't go so far as to quit my job unless he makes a pass at you. Chances are good it's just a feeling that's going to pass.

    A little personal but are you having issues with your SO at home? And by this I mean is there something that's making you unhappy which is making you look at another man in a different light? Maybe seeing qualities in him that you can't see in your SO any more?

    If your boss makes a pass at you, you do *not* quit your job. The proper procedure if your boss makes a pass at you is to contact HR.

    Ah, true. I didn't realize what I said.
  • cakelady69
    cakelady69 Posts: 228
    If you stay, be very very careful. I have seen this go bad before. It has gone 2 ways.

    1. One girl and guy keep flirting. Guy asks girl out. Girl says no, then guy ends up getting girl fired because she turned him down.

    2. Girl and guy keep flirting. Feels get built up. One finally acts on feelings. Other person finds something they can't live with about their s/o and acts on their feelings. Many peoples lives are devastated and you are possibly out of your job.
  • tismyhardbody
    tismyhardbody Posts: 100 Member
    I think sometimes it feels good to think others find you attractive and you them as well.
    It will pass. What you should do is shower your lover with tons of attention, talk to him all day and focus all your energy at home. Feel the feeling? Call your partner as soon as you can and have fun with HIM!
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Just quit.
  • TheAncientMariner
    TheAncientMariner Posts: 444 Member
    I certainly wouldn't leave. Instead, focus more of your energy on your husband and try to figure out perhaps what has you looking over the fence in the first place. Avoid any playful banter with him and just keep communications strictly professional. Since no one has specifically said to the other "I want you... NOW," then it's still just speculation. You seem like you're strong enough to do what's right. Rise to the challenge, meet it, and conquer it. There is nothing to it but to do it! Good luck!
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
    You don't trust yourself. What happens if you quit, find another job, and discover feelings for another boss? Everywhere you go, there you are.

    Stop making eye contact unless he's discussing work with you. Avoid him when you can. When you find yourself thinking of him or these feelings, start thinking of something else.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
    Been thre done that but not with a coworker and its a bad recipe in the making. I do not knwo wha thte rght answer is but trust your gut
  • tismyhardbody
    tismyhardbody Posts: 100 Member
    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.
  • ellebish
    ellebish Posts: 50 Member
    I agree with "great jobs & co-workers are hard to come by", if you know nothing is going to materialize then it will pass. It is a little workplace crush, nothing more.

    Don't quit, especially if you love your job!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Wait it out. Unless he makes a pass at you.

    Do you know for sure he has feelings for you? Has he said "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!" or is it something that you're assuming? I wouldn't go so far as to quit my job unless he makes a pass at you. Chances are good it's just a feeling that's going to pass.

    A little personal but are you having issues with your SO at home? And by this I mean is there something that's making you unhappy which is making you look at another man in a different light? Maybe seeing qualities in him that you can't see in your SO any more?

    If your boss makes a pass at you, you do *not* quit your job. The proper procedure if your boss makes a pass at you is to contact HR.

    There you go - bait him into making a pass at you. After that, report it to HR. He gets fired and you get to keep your job. Done and done.




    this is a joke of the Joke Broadcast System. If this were a serious thought, it would be followed by ridiculous amounts of irate posts chastising me. This is only a joke.
  • rugbyphreak
    rugbyphreak Posts: 509 Member
    find an imperfection in your boss and just focus on that over and over. if you only slightly dislike his shoes now, focus on them constantly and soon you'll hate them and it will, or at least should, take your feelings away pretty fast.
  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
    People who follow their feelings are in and out of relationships quickly. Your crush can last for a couple of years, but your brain should tell you that you are looking through "rose colored glasses", and your SO relationship is commited and real. Also, there's the little issue of VOWS to consider where his marriage is concerned. Don't cause devastation to another woman, or their children. If you are getting vibes from him, set the boundary and never, ever put yourself in the position where you are working alone with him. Keep in mind some guys are always trolling for vulnerable women. Don't be that girl.
  • tnjackso1
    tnjackso1 Posts: 312 Member
    Play with fire and you will get burned... Deal with the issue of why you are even entertaining such thoughts if you are happy. If you don't deal with it now no matter what you decide your issues will still be there. It may not be the boss next time but a different co-worker.

    Sometimes the issues we fail to deal with creat an image in our minds and covers of the behaviors of others to the point we are wearing rose mary shades and whatever and whomever can just come across as attentive, sweet, and handsome...but o baby, take off those shades and they will be the biggest jerk, nasty, and most unattractive person you've laid your eyes on..

    You owe it to yourself and the person your in a relationship with to deal with your issues now!
  • motown_groove
    motown_groove Posts: 30 Member
    Did you look at each other the same way before you lost 25lb? Or is this the new figure that's attracting his eye, and his attention attracting your eye??
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.

    Unless you are a mind reader, you are likely to be wrong at least some of the time. Yes, there are certain signs, there is also a very, very powerful thing called wishful thinking. Sorry honey.

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