Really need unbiased opinions...
needadvice32
Posts: 10
in Chit-Chat
Okay - so I have been dating this guy for just over two months...
I really like him - he is nice, smart, funny, considerate, hard-working, trust-worthy and basically everything I am looking for. He very obviously really likes me (he's making plans with "us" in mind, talking about long-term, etc.), he's met my parents and my kids (who all really liked him).
The problem is that as time goes on, I'm not sure I see myself with him long-term.
When I met him, he was very open about the fact that he works a LOT of hours... but also said it was a more recent thing (since the beginning of the year) and wasn't something he needs to do. I respect people who work hard and are motivated, but I also would like to feel that family and friends would not take a back seat to putting in extra hours.
The last couple of weeks he seems to be showing that he really might be a work-aholic - he's working even more hours than he was when I met him - and it's to the point that it's pretty much the only thing he talks about. He says he enjoys what he's doing, but every time I talk to him he's saying how stressed and tired he is. When I asked him about it (and teased him a bit about how he said he's not a "work-aholic"), he still said it's not something he intends to do long-term... but it's not feeling that way.
I'm so torn... I really do think he is such a nice guy, and would be a good "fit" for me in a lot of ways... but I also feel like something is missing? I just feel like I don't want to get further into something that may not be what I want in the end... and I sometimes feel like I'm trying to talk myself into liking him more than I do.
Am I being too quick in this decision? It has only been two months... How quickly were you sure you're SO was the right one for you?
I really like him - he is nice, smart, funny, considerate, hard-working, trust-worthy and basically everything I am looking for. He very obviously really likes me (he's making plans with "us" in mind, talking about long-term, etc.), he's met my parents and my kids (who all really liked him).
The problem is that as time goes on, I'm not sure I see myself with him long-term.
When I met him, he was very open about the fact that he works a LOT of hours... but also said it was a more recent thing (since the beginning of the year) and wasn't something he needs to do. I respect people who work hard and are motivated, but I also would like to feel that family and friends would not take a back seat to putting in extra hours.
The last couple of weeks he seems to be showing that he really might be a work-aholic - he's working even more hours than he was when I met him - and it's to the point that it's pretty much the only thing he talks about. He says he enjoys what he's doing, but every time I talk to him he's saying how stressed and tired he is. When I asked him about it (and teased him a bit about how he said he's not a "work-aholic"), he still said it's not something he intends to do long-term... but it's not feeling that way.
I'm so torn... I really do think he is such a nice guy, and would be a good "fit" for me in a lot of ways... but I also feel like something is missing? I just feel like I don't want to get further into something that may not be what I want in the end... and I sometimes feel like I'm trying to talk myself into liking him more than I do.
Am I being too quick in this decision? It has only been two months... How quickly were you sure you're SO was the right one for you?
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Replies
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When you already have doubts the relationship will not work and if you try and try and try you will always have those doubts.. Move on.0
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eh..next !!0
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If his worst fault is that he works too much, well, hey, that's not too bad. Maybe you can ask him to set a specific time period to spend with you...like no overtime on Fridays or whatever.0
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^^ see, that's what I'm wondering... and why I'm so torn.
I just don't want to regret my decision (either way) later...
I think the thing that really bothers me is not that he works so much, but that he then constantly talks about it, and how stressed and tired he is? If you're that stressed and tired, how is it worth it? (bearing in mind, he doesn't need the extra money, just likes it)0 -
He's met your kids and you have no idea if you want anything long term with him?
Shame.
Oh and the fact that you needed to troll about this.... red flag.0 -
well depends...if all of his work is being a greeter at Walmart then uh yeah time to move on
BUT.....
What is he is a genious and is creating something that could make him (and hence you) rich?
THink how greatit would be for you to finally move out of the trailer? I kid, I kid0 -
He's met your kids and you have no idea if you want anything long term with him?
Shame.
Oh and the fact that you needed to troll about this.... red flag.
I absolutely get what you are saying... I debated quite a bit about him meeting my kids, but they are older and knew I was talking to someone a lot - I know them and feel like they are big enough to handle whatever happens.
And yes, I will fully admit to posting this topic specifically to get answers... I really am that confused.0 -
well depends...if all of his work is being a greeter at Walmart then uh yeah time to move on
BUT.....
What is he is a genious and is creating something that could make him (and hence you) rich?
THink how greatit would be for you to finally move out of the trailer? I kid, I kid
lol... see, that's the thing - it's kind of in the middle... he's unlikely to be filthy rich, but he does well, which I know is a huge push for him to work as hard as he does. It's just that $$$ isn't everything, right?0 -
Yep, time to move on. You need to find a real man, you know, one of those unmotivated, unemployed guys that would like nothing better then to sit on the couch and sponge off of you...0
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Yep, time to move on. You need to find a real man, you know, one of those unmotivated, unemployed guys that would like nothing better then to sit on the couch and sponge off of you...
lol... you just described my ex.0 -
bump...
did anyone else initially have doubts, but ultimately were glad they gave it more time?0 -
Just break up.0
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I really like him - he is nice.
I'm not sure I see myself with him long-term.
I also feel like something is missing?
I just feel like I don't want to get further into something that may not be what I want in the end... and I sometimes feel like I'm trying to talk myself into liking him more than I do.
Dont lead this poor guy on - he deserves to have someone who is apesht crazy about him and you are constantly talking to yourself about breaking up with him.
not good.
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A man can just never win. Works too much, doesnt work enough, is to tall, is to short, is to poor, is to rich, i mean honestly when does it stop.
Clearly are convincing yourself to not be with him, because you have other things in mind. So the question really is, why are you with him? Stop asking for opinions, and move on. He deserves someone that makes him happy, and so do you.0 -
Yep, time to move on. You need to find a real man, you know, one of those unmotivated, unemployed guys that would like nothing better then to sit on the couch and sponge off of you...
lol... you just described my ex.
EXACTLY! Our ex's must be brothers:)0 -
bump...
did anyone else initially have doubts, but ultimately were glad they gave it more time?
yes.
when I first met him, my husband was very VERY adamant about the fact that he was never going to get married again. NEVER!!!!
I knew it was a result of his very evil ex-wife. I gave him space and time and patience.
It took a long time, but I am very happy I stayed, because I would have missed out on the bst man ever for me, if I took him at his word on that topic.
We have been married for 6 years.............0 -
It's only been 2 months but you have a lot invested in this. The thing to consider is you have kids which consumes a lot of our time... doesn't sound like he has any other commitments other than work... and he probably uses that to keep himself and his mind busy.... as apposed to working and then spending the rest of his time watching TV or something un productive???
If you are comfortable enough yet I would just ask him about it. I would rather just ask than break up and wonder what the possibilities were. Be upfront- if he's really that awesome than he will understand. If not, you got your answer.0 -
But why does he work that much, and he might not tell you. Maybe it keeps him out of trouble, so to speak, maybe he is saving up for something big. (Hey, overtime rules, and maybe he REALLY wants that boat)0
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Okay - so I have been dating this guy for just over two months...
I really like him - he is nice, smart, funny, considerate, hard-working, trust-worthy and basically everything I am looking for. He very obviously really likes me (he's making plans with "us" in mind, talking about long-term, etc.), he's met my parents and my kids (who all really liked him).
The problem is that as time goes on, I'm not sure I see myself with him long-term.
When I met him, he was very open about the fact that he works a LOT of hours... but also said it was a more recent thing (since the beginning of the year) and wasn't something he needs to do. I respect people who work hard and are motivated, but I also would like to feel that family and friends would not take a back seat to putting in extra hours.
The last couple of weeks he seems to be showing that he really might be a work-aholic - he's working even more hours than he was when I met him - and it's to the point that it's pretty much the only thing he talks about. He says he enjoys what he's doing, but every time I talk to him he's saying how stressed and tired he is. When I asked him about it (and teased him a bit about how he said he's not a "work-aholic"), he still said it's not something he intends to do long-term... but it's not feeling that way.
I'm so torn... I really do think he is such a nice guy, and would be a good "fit" for me in a lot of ways... but I also feel like something is missing? I just feel like I don't want to get further into something that may not be what I want in the end... and I sometimes feel like I'm trying to talk myself into liking him more than I do.
Am I being too quick in this decision? It has only been two months... How quickly were you sure you're SO was the right one for you?
I knew almost immediately my fiance was the guy for me, but that doesn't mean you will. Everyone is different. But if you don't feel it , you don't feel it. It's unfair to lead him on. Also unfair to keep him in your kids lives, have them get attached to him, or develop a relationship with him if you know it's not going to lead anywhere.0 -
No man is going to be the "perfect" man.... If he has a good work ethic, that is great, because most people don't these days. Everyone has doubts, so this one thing shouldn't stop you from seeing him. Just have a real talk with him, not joking, just being honest about the hard issues. If he doesn't like that or gets defensive then you most defiantly know he's not the one. If he loves, adores, and honors you with all his heart, eyes, and mind, then he sounds like a great person. Don't get to petty about the little things, but communication is KEY!
I wish you the best. 0 -
A man can just never win. Works too much, doesnt work enough, is to tall, is to short, is to poor, is to rich, i mean honestly when does it stop.
Clearly are convincing yourself to not be with him, because you have other things in mind. So the question really is, why are you with him? Stop asking for opinions, and move on. He deserves someone that makes him happy, and so do you.
^ this!! And in a humorous turn of events, a man was actually right about something.... for once!! HA!0 -
If the only fault he has is that he works to much, I think you have a winner.
But you have to think that it has only been a short couple of months and these could just be really busy months for him. Maybe he is also trying to work hard now so that he can get to a point where he can slow down and make a family with you.
I believe you should talk with him, because that is the only way a relationship will work.0 -
Well you did say he's "basically everything I am looking for. " And he does get along with your kids and parents" .But, it sounds like you aren't feeling settling down with him. Workaholic is better than a non working bum. Maybe you go for the guys that you end up having to support? Makes you feel more secure when someones dependent on you? Maybe the chemistry isn't right? Who knows. It's only a few months new, so why not stop stressing and enjoy a good man and see where it goes as you grow to know eachother more. Or, do him a favor and back out gracefully now before things go further so he can move on with his life with a woman who is happy with him. So many factors can come in to play. Hard to say. Just be honest with him.0
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On to the next one0
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Talk about it and then make a decision... if it's purely the work thing. X0
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I personally feel it would be best to flat out tell him this. Not simply joke about it, and see what his response is. The fact he simply may not realize how much of an issue it is with you. The fact is, doubts will exist even if you have been married for 40 years and three will be problems then. The best way to deal with this, and really the best person for you will be someone who you can flat out say..."I think you are working too much and it is becoming a problem with me." Good luck0
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A man can just never win. Works too much, doesnt work enough, is to tall, is to short, is to poor, is to rich, i mean honestly when does it stop.
Clearly are convincing yourself to not be with him, because you have other things in mind. So the question really is, why are you with him? Stop asking for opinions, and move on. He deserves someone that makes him happy, and so do you.
Amen!0 -
Two months? And he's talking about plans for the future with "us" in mind? I'd be running... fast and far... LOL but that's me... I'm deathly afraid of committment that early on...
If you are not comfortable NOW with the hours he works and his work habits this early on, honey, I don't see things getting better. Only you can decide how important this is to you and if you want to ignore your ideals and wants and desires... in the long run, would you be happy?... but if he works a lot now... he's going to work a lot later...0 -
My thoughts, talk to him about it, ask him if he'd be ok with giving up so OT, or ask when he intends to slow down at work. And let him know you want to hear about his day, but say, something like, after 530 (just a time, you can pick) no more "shop talk" and you can start on something else. He may be nervous about something, I know some guys that just work a lot to keep their mind of stress and nerves! If he doesn't intend to give up OT or says he'll be done by, say, October, and still isn't then say either let up on the OT or it's not going to work.. you want him to be around you. Like someone else posted, if this is the worst thing so far, you may be able to work it out and be happy!! Best of luck!!!!!0
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I work a lot and my boyfriend works even more. If you care about someone, that's not the biggest obstacle.
You need to ask yourself why you're looking for flaws. If you have doubts, then don't lead him on.0
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