Really need unbiased opinions...
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A man can just never win. Works too much, doesnt work enough, is to tall, is to short, is to poor, is to rich, i mean honestly when does it stop.
Clearly are convincing yourself to not be with him, because you have other things in mind. So the question really is, why are you with him? Stop asking for opinions, and move on. He deserves someone that makes him happy, and so do you.
^ this!! And in a humorous turn of events, a man was actually right about something.... for once!! HA!0 -
If the only fault he has is that he works to much, I think you have a winner.
But you have to think that it has only been a short couple of months and these could just be really busy months for him. Maybe he is also trying to work hard now so that he can get to a point where he can slow down and make a family with you.
I believe you should talk with him, because that is the only way a relationship will work.0 -
Well you did say he's "basically everything I am looking for. " And he does get along with your kids and parents" .But, it sounds like you aren't feeling settling down with him. Workaholic is better than a non working bum. Maybe you go for the guys that you end up having to support? Makes you feel more secure when someones dependent on you? Maybe the chemistry isn't right? Who knows. It's only a few months new, so why not stop stressing and enjoy a good man and see where it goes as you grow to know eachother more. Or, do him a favor and back out gracefully now before things go further so he can move on with his life with a woman who is happy with him. So many factors can come in to play. Hard to say. Just be honest with him.0
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On to the next one0
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Talk about it and then make a decision... if it's purely the work thing. X0
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I personally feel it would be best to flat out tell him this. Not simply joke about it, and see what his response is. The fact he simply may not realize how much of an issue it is with you. The fact is, doubts will exist even if you have been married for 40 years and three will be problems then. The best way to deal with this, and really the best person for you will be someone who you can flat out say..."I think you are working too much and it is becoming a problem with me." Good luck0
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A man can just never win. Works too much, doesnt work enough, is to tall, is to short, is to poor, is to rich, i mean honestly when does it stop.
Clearly are convincing yourself to not be with him, because you have other things in mind. So the question really is, why are you with him? Stop asking for opinions, and move on. He deserves someone that makes him happy, and so do you.
Amen!0 -
Two months? And he's talking about plans for the future with "us" in mind? I'd be running... fast and far... LOL but that's me... I'm deathly afraid of committment that early on...
If you are not comfortable NOW with the hours he works and his work habits this early on, honey, I don't see things getting better. Only you can decide how important this is to you and if you want to ignore your ideals and wants and desires... in the long run, would you be happy?... but if he works a lot now... he's going to work a lot later...0 -
My thoughts, talk to him about it, ask him if he'd be ok with giving up so OT, or ask when he intends to slow down at work. And let him know you want to hear about his day, but say, something like, after 530 (just a time, you can pick) no more "shop talk" and you can start on something else. He may be nervous about something, I know some guys that just work a lot to keep their mind of stress and nerves! If he doesn't intend to give up OT or says he'll be done by, say, October, and still isn't then say either let up on the OT or it's not going to work.. you want him to be around you. Like someone else posted, if this is the worst thing so far, you may be able to work it out and be happy!! Best of luck!!!!!0
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I work a lot and my boyfriend works even more. If you care about someone, that's not the biggest obstacle.
You need to ask yourself why you're looking for flaws. If you have doubts, then don't lead him on.0 -
communication. compromise. communication. compromise. That is fundamental to a working relationship. If you are concerned about it, tell him, and he is unwilling to make any changes... you then have to decide if you are being unreasonable or he is...0
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You have to know what the most important things to you in a relationship will be. Will you be frustrated by him working long hours and venting to you? Is there not enough quality time? Will this lead to you feeling emotionally neglected? Or will you view the long hours as something you can respect and appreciate that he can provide for you? People say money isn't everything, but having it takes a huge burden off of a relationship. Weigh the pros and cons, and make the best decision for you and your children so you're as satisfied with life as possible.0
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That's a tough one. Right before I was divorced, I met this really great guy. He is a musician and he teaches marching band, gives private lessons, does arrangements for bands and plays professionally. He had 7...count em....7 jobs at one time for awhile! I rarely saw him. He never apologized...he loved his work and I don't blame him one bit. But I had to move on...it was just crazy.
Years later we are still friends but he told me once that he regrets that he couldn't take the time to make me more of a priority in his life. He even proposed to me, but I turned him down. And now that I think back on it, I probably made the right decision for ME.
You have to decide if you can take second place to a man's work. Good luck!0 -
He's met your kids and you have no idea if you want anything long term with him?
Shame.
Oh and the fact that you needed to troll about this.... red flag.
I absolutely get what you are saying... I debated quite a bit about him meeting my kids, but they are older and knew I was talking to someone a lot - I know them and feel like they are big enough to handle whatever happens.
And yes, I will fully admit to posting this topic specifically to get answers... I really am that confused.
First of all... it's your perogative on whether your dates meet your kids or not. Period. I really can't stand it when other people judge others for letting the opposite sex meet their kids. Really? I don't judge you based on the fact that you don't. Sorry... this is just a pet peeve of mine.
I have let my kids meet men I'm dating and talking to... they are not harmed or ruined for life because of it... I need to know if they like him and he can get along with them before I invest too much time in him... that's MY perogative as a single mother... besides... I approach it as "this is my friend..." and it's not like I'm bringing dozens of guys over... but you know what... I really shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone... LOL... stepping off of my soapbox now...
And, what's wrong with posting on the forums and asking for advice? How is that being a troll? I thought a troll was more someone who was looking for trouble or trying to start it.0 -
Just talk to him about it.
My husband goes to work with a smile on his face everyday, works late, comes home, eats dinner, plays w/ kids, watches a show with me and goes to bed. He's tired, yes, he's stressed. I wouldn't not want to be with him because of it.
Sometimes he works extra, and not for money, it's just because he is trying to further himself in his career.
There may be many reasons why your guy worls a lot, unless it's a crack habit, he sounds great. Maybe you're having doubts because you are actually just afraid of the long term and are looking for an excuse. I mean that in a "nice" way. Sometimes women/men do that to justify why they shouldnt be with someone...
Think of why it really bothers you.
Good luck0 -
When I met my (future) wife, I was working about 70 hours per week between regular work hours and being called in. She asked me a few times about it and I explained that I like to have a good savings cushion.
A few weeks before we wed, she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car was totalled.
The insurance company was jerking her around and she was borrowing my old POS Suburban to drive around. When it became obvious that this was going to take longer then a week to get settled, I took her car shopping and bought her a new car.
For cash.
Without any stress.
Granted, it wasn't her dream car but, it was new, reliable, and convertible.
Once the insurance finally settled (four months), the money went back into my account.
After she was expecting our first child, I cut my hours to a reasonable 50 per week.0 -
bump...
did anyone else initially have doubts, but ultimately were glad they gave it more time?
Nope. But I've initially had doubts, ignored them, and regretted that I ignored them.
What is important to you? That's the question you should be asking. It's not even about him right now. Figure out what you want or neither of you will be happy.
Personally, the work thing wouldn't bother me too much. But other things would...0 -
Kind of sounds like you have made up
your mind. Break it off now to save all involved
excessive pain.0 -
When I met my (future) wife, I was working about 70 hours per week between regular work hours and being called in. She asked me a few times about it and I explained that I like to have a good savings cushion.
A few weeks before we wed, she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car was totalled.
The insurance company was jerking her around and she was borrowing my old POS Suburban to drive around. When it became obvious that this was going to take longer then a week to get settled, I took her car shopping and bought her a new car.
For cash.
Without any stress.
Granted, it wasn't her dream car but, it was new, reliable, and convertible.
Once the insurance finally settled (four months), the money went back into my account.
After she was expecting our first child, I cut my hours to a reasonable 50 per week.
Where can I get one of you? LOL
The work thing doesn't bother me at all. I tend to be a work-a-hol-ic even though I don't get paid for extra hours. I'm a teacher. But I put in a definitive 60 hours at the school each week plus about an extra 15 at home each week.
I'm purposely staying single right now... but would have loved to meet a financially responsible man in the past. I was always the one footing the bill...0 -
Please don't get me wrong. It is not like I am some rich dude just tossing money around. I drive an old Chevrolet to work every day and she is now driving a 10 year old Suburban however, it is our THINKING which is straight.When I met my (future) wife, I was working about 70 hours per week between regular work hours and being called in. She asked me a few times about it and I explained that I like to have a good savings cushion.
A few weeks before we wed, she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car was totalled.
The insurance company was jerking her around and she was borrowing my old POS Suburban to drive around. When it became obvious that this was going to take longer then a week to get settled, I took her car shopping and bought her a new car.
For cash.
Without any stress.
Granted, it wasn't her dream car but, it was new, reliable, and convertible.
Once the insurance finally settled (four months), the money went back into my account.
After she was expecting our first child, I cut my hours to a reasonable 50 per week.
Where can I get one of you? LOL
The work thing doesn't bother me at all. I tend to be a work-a-hol-ic even though I don't get paid for extra hours. I'm a teacher. But I put in a definitive 60 hours at the school each week plus about an extra 15 at home each week.
I'm purposely staying single right now... but would have loved to meet a financially responsible man in the past. I was always the one footing the bill...
The Suburban stays parked for most of the week so, we cannot justify purchasing her a new vehicle just to let is sit in the driveway.
My old Car still runs well and while I would LOVE to go out and but a new Camaro, I get stressed with car payments so, I still sleep well and the car is still trouble free so I cannot justify it for myself either.
Every once in a while I look at the bank account and try to reason that I am not having any fun with money just sitting there.
And then something happens like:
Home AC blowing up.
Wind damage to the roof.
Kids need new bikes
Ect, ect.
At that point, I am glad I can dip into the savings and pay for these things instead of stressing.
But again, I am not sitting on a 52 foot powerboat sipping imported vodka.0
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