Really need unbiased opinions...
Replies
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communication. compromise. communication. compromise. That is fundamental to a working relationship. If you are concerned about it, tell him, and he is unwilling to make any changes... you then have to decide if you are being unreasonable or he is...0
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You have to know what the most important things to you in a relationship will be. Will you be frustrated by him working long hours and venting to you? Is there not enough quality time? Will this lead to you feeling emotionally neglected? Or will you view the long hours as something you can respect and appreciate that he can provide for you? People say money isn't everything, but having it takes a huge burden off of a relationship. Weigh the pros and cons, and make the best decision for you and your children so you're as satisfied with life as possible.0
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That's a tough one. Right before I was divorced, I met this really great guy. He is a musician and he teaches marching band, gives private lessons, does arrangements for bands and plays professionally. He had 7...count em....7 jobs at one time for awhile! I rarely saw him. He never apologized...he loved his work and I don't blame him one bit. But I had to move on...it was just crazy.
Years later we are still friends but he told me once that he regrets that he couldn't take the time to make me more of a priority in his life. He even proposed to me, but I turned him down. And now that I think back on it, I probably made the right decision for ME.
You have to decide if you can take second place to a man's work. Good luck!0 -
He's met your kids and you have no idea if you want anything long term with him?
Shame.
Oh and the fact that you needed to troll about this.... red flag.
I absolutely get what you are saying... I debated quite a bit about him meeting my kids, but they are older and knew I was talking to someone a lot - I know them and feel like they are big enough to handle whatever happens.
And yes, I will fully admit to posting this topic specifically to get answers... I really am that confused.
First of all... it's your perogative on whether your dates meet your kids or not. Period. I really can't stand it when other people judge others for letting the opposite sex meet their kids. Really? I don't judge you based on the fact that you don't. Sorry... this is just a pet peeve of mine.
I have let my kids meet men I'm dating and talking to... they are not harmed or ruined for life because of it... I need to know if they like him and he can get along with them before I invest too much time in him... that's MY perogative as a single mother... besides... I approach it as "this is my friend..." and it's not like I'm bringing dozens of guys over... but you know what... I really shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone... LOL... stepping off of my soapbox now...
And, what's wrong with posting on the forums and asking for advice? How is that being a troll? I thought a troll was more someone who was looking for trouble or trying to start it.0 -
Just talk to him about it.
My husband goes to work with a smile on his face everyday, works late, comes home, eats dinner, plays w/ kids, watches a show with me and goes to bed. He's tired, yes, he's stressed. I wouldn't not want to be with him because of it.
Sometimes he works extra, and not for money, it's just because he is trying to further himself in his career.
There may be many reasons why your guy worls a lot, unless it's a crack habit, he sounds great. Maybe you're having doubts because you are actually just afraid of the long term and are looking for an excuse. I mean that in a "nice" way. Sometimes women/men do that to justify why they shouldnt be with someone...
Think of why it really bothers you.
Good luck0 -
When I met my (future) wife, I was working about 70 hours per week between regular work hours and being called in. She asked me a few times about it and I explained that I like to have a good savings cushion.
A few weeks before we wed, she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car was totalled.
The insurance company was jerking her around and she was borrowing my old POS Suburban to drive around. When it became obvious that this was going to take longer then a week to get settled, I took her car shopping and bought her a new car.
For cash.
Without any stress.
Granted, it wasn't her dream car but, it was new, reliable, and convertible.
Once the insurance finally settled (four months), the money went back into my account.
After she was expecting our first child, I cut my hours to a reasonable 50 per week.0 -
bump...
did anyone else initially have doubts, but ultimately were glad they gave it more time?
Nope. But I've initially had doubts, ignored them, and regretted that I ignored them.
What is important to you? That's the question you should be asking. It's not even about him right now. Figure out what you want or neither of you will be happy.
Personally, the work thing wouldn't bother me too much. But other things would...0 -
Kind of sounds like you have made up
your mind. Break it off now to save all involved
excessive pain.0 -
When I met my (future) wife, I was working about 70 hours per week between regular work hours and being called in. She asked me a few times about it and I explained that I like to have a good savings cushion.
A few weeks before we wed, she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car was totalled.
The insurance company was jerking her around and she was borrowing my old POS Suburban to drive around. When it became obvious that this was going to take longer then a week to get settled, I took her car shopping and bought her a new car.
For cash.
Without any stress.
Granted, it wasn't her dream car but, it was new, reliable, and convertible.
Once the insurance finally settled (four months), the money went back into my account.
After she was expecting our first child, I cut my hours to a reasonable 50 per week.
Where can I get one of you? LOL
The work thing doesn't bother me at all. I tend to be a work-a-hol-ic even though I don't get paid for extra hours. I'm a teacher. But I put in a definitive 60 hours at the school each week plus about an extra 15 at home each week.
I'm purposely staying single right now... but would have loved to meet a financially responsible man in the past. I was always the one footing the bill...0 -
Please don't get me wrong. It is not like I am some rich dude just tossing money around. I drive an old Chevrolet to work every day and she is now driving a 10 year old Suburban however, it is our THINKING which is straight.When I met my (future) wife, I was working about 70 hours per week between regular work hours and being called in. She asked me a few times about it and I explained that I like to have a good savings cushion.
A few weeks before we wed, she was hit by a drunk driver. Her car was totalled.
The insurance company was jerking her around and she was borrowing my old POS Suburban to drive around. When it became obvious that this was going to take longer then a week to get settled, I took her car shopping and bought her a new car.
For cash.
Without any stress.
Granted, it wasn't her dream car but, it was new, reliable, and convertible.
Once the insurance finally settled (four months), the money went back into my account.
After she was expecting our first child, I cut my hours to a reasonable 50 per week.
Where can I get one of you? LOL
The work thing doesn't bother me at all. I tend to be a work-a-hol-ic even though I don't get paid for extra hours. I'm a teacher. But I put in a definitive 60 hours at the school each week plus about an extra 15 at home each week.
I'm purposely staying single right now... but would have loved to meet a financially responsible man in the past. I was always the one footing the bill...
The Suburban stays parked for most of the week so, we cannot justify purchasing her a new vehicle just to let is sit in the driveway.
My old Car still runs well and while I would LOVE to go out and but a new Camaro, I get stressed with car payments so, I still sleep well and the car is still trouble free so I cannot justify it for myself either.
Every once in a while I look at the bank account and try to reason that I am not having any fun with money just sitting there.
And then something happens like:
Home AC blowing up.
Wind damage to the roof.
Kids need new bikes
Ect, ect.
At that point, I am glad I can dip into the savings and pay for these things instead of stressing.
But again, I am not sitting on a 52 foot powerboat sipping imported vodka.0 -
What if he's working a lot of overtime so he can buy you a ring?0
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Just break up.
You give the best relationship advice :laugh:0 -
It's only been 2 months but you have a lot invested in this. The thing to consider is you have kids which consumes a lot of our time... doesn't sound like he has any other commitments other than work... and he probably uses that to keep himself and his mind busy.... as apposed to working and then spending the rest of his time watching TV or something un productive???
If you are comfortable enough yet I would just ask him about it. I would rather just ask than break up and wonder what the possibilities were. Be upfront- if he's really that awesome than he will understand. If not, you got your answer.
It is far less the actual number of hours that he works (I have kids, that keeps me plenty busy, too) than the fact that every time I talk to him he mentions how exhausted he is and how stressed work is making him.
It's not one job with OT, it's several different jobs with varying demands... he is as busy as he wants to be.0 -
That's a tough one. Right before I was divorced, I met this really great guy. He is a musician and he teaches marching band, gives private lessons, does arrangements for bands and plays professionally. He had 7...count em....7 jobs at one time for awhile! I rarely saw him. He never apologized...he loved his work and I don't blame him one bit. But I had to move on...it was just crazy.
Years later we are still friends but he told me once that he regrets that he couldn't take the time to make me more of a priority in his life. He even proposed to me, but I turned him down. And now that I think back on it, I probably made the right decision for ME.
You have to decide if you can take second place to a man's work. Good luck!
I don't want him to give up his jobs... I just guess I don't see the point of working so much if you don't enjoy it, and don't seem to have specific goal in mind.0 -
I had a lot of doubts with my last bf when we started dating. But we ended up making it official, falling in love. It was a good run. I'm glad I didn't cut it off right away.0
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He's met your kids and you have no idea if you want anything long term with him?
Shame.
Oh and the fact that you needed to troll about this.... red flag.
I absolutely get what you are saying... I debated quite a bit about him meeting my kids, but they are older and knew I was talking to someone a lot - I know them and feel like they are big enough to handle whatever happens.
And yes, I will fully admit to posting this topic specifically to get answers... I really am that confused.
First of all... it's your perogative on whether your dates meet your kids or not. Period. I really can't stand it when other people judge others for letting the opposite sex meet their kids. Really? I don't judge you based on the fact that you don't. Sorry... this is just a pet peeve of mine.
I have let my kids meet men I'm dating and talking to... they are not harmed or ruined for life because of it... I need to know if they like him and he can get along with them before I invest too much time in him... that's MY perogative as a single mother... besides... I approach it as "this is my friend..." and it's not like I'm bringing dozens of guys over... but you know what... I really shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone... LOL... stepping off of my soapbox now...
And, what's wrong with posting on the forums and asking for advice? How is that being a troll? I thought a troll was more someone who was looking for trouble or trying to start it.
Thank you.
I thought about it a lot... and really didn't feel that them meeting my "friend" would damage them no matter what happens later.
This is the first guy I've dated since my divorce, so it's not a situation where I'm parading people in and out of their lives.
I really do feel he's a good guy... I just don't know if he's "the one".0 -
I don't think you've given it enough time. I turned down my now fiancé when he first asked me out over 8 years ago. He has a job where he works 12 hours a day and 4 times a year for weeks at a time it's more than that .... well more. Sure by the time he gets home and works out we don't have much time together but he also is working so much now so that he can provide for when we have a family which is what he's told me. He also gave me the option to leave my job that was making me a miserable human being so that I could be a stay at home fiancé, take care of our house and 5 fur kids. He thought about leaving recently but after talking with one of our friends who's been at his job for the same amount of time that my fiancé has been at his and is barely making more than when he started my fiancé changed his mind. Our friend has a beautiful baby now and wants to make the money now so that his wife can leave her job and so they are comfortable.
I think you need to have a good talk with him and express your feelings but also listen to him and see what he says about the situation.0 -
I don't think you've given it enough time. I turned down my now fiancé when he first asked me out over 8 years ago. He has a job where he works 12 hours a day and 4 times a year for weeks at a time it's more than that .... well more. Sure by the time he gets home and works out we don't have much time together but he also is working so much now so that he can provide for when we have a family which is what he's told me. He also gave me the option to leave my job that was making me a miserable human being so that I could be a stay at home fiancé, take care of our house and 5 fur kids. He thought about leaving recently but after talking with one of our friends who's been at his job for the same amount of time that my fiancé has been at his and is barely making more than when he started my fiancé changed his mind. Our friend has a beautiful baby now and wants to make the money now so that his wife can leave her job and so they are comfortable.
I think you need to have a good talk with him and express your feelings but also listen to him and see what he says about the situation.
See - right there is my problem. I don't want to make a quick decision that I later regret... but I also don't want to lead him on if my feelings don't end up changing.
I DO plan on talking with him about it, and soon... just don't want to hurt him.0 -
I had the same problem with a guy I use to date. He was a diesel mechanic , and worked 2nd shift. The only time I got to spend with him was when we slept. And he would only get up an hour before work, shower and leave. I even took care of his son when he woke up at like 7am. I loved helping out, but It seemed like he didn't really appreciate all the work I did at his place and then I would leave for my job. Then we just stopped being together, I tried to make things work . But he said that he worked too much and didn't have time for a relationship. So we split.
So if your guy works all the time, and your having doubts..then LEAVE!!! Cause everyone else is right the doubt never goes away. And then you end up getting angry all the time cause he is never home, he starts missing family events, blah blah. Two months is long enough to decide weather you want him or not. Cause, nothing will change.
When I met my husband we dated for 3 months and were engaged. But we knew each other for 2years prior to that.0 -
I don't think you've given it enough time. I turned down my now fiancé when he first asked me out over 8 years ago. He has a job where he works 12 hours a day and 4 times a year for weeks at a time it's more than that .... well more. Sure by the time he gets home and works out we don't have much time together but he also is working so much now so that he can provide for when we have a family which is what he's told me. He also gave me the option to leave my job that was making me a miserable human being so that I could be a stay at home fiancé, take care of our house and 5 fur kids. He thought about leaving recently but after talking with one of our friends who's been at his job for the same amount of time that my fiancé has been at his and is barely making more than when he started my fiancé changed his mind. Our friend has a beautiful baby now and wants to make the money now so that his wife can leave her job and so they are comfortable.
I think you need to have a good talk with him and express your feelings but also listen to him and see what he says about the situation.
See - right there is my problem. I don't want to make a quick decision that I later regret... but I also don't want to lead him on if my feelings don't end up changing.
I DO plan on talking with him about it, and soon... just don't want to hurt him.
Have a talk and see what he says then go from there. I am so thankful that I gave my relationship time because my now fiancé is the love of my life but also my best friend. After almost 9 years together we still make each other laugh and have a great relationship
and I know he'll be a great dad. I know the thought of hurting someone you care about is rough but letting things go and having him fall more for you and then calling things off will just hurt him more. 0
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