I have to went.. cry scream blow some steam !!

I'm glad you vented instead of ran to the pantry and grabbed a bag of something horrible - like I might have done. You have a huge group of supporters here. We are rooting for you!

Oh no, I'm so sorry things are so hard right now! And it's okay, everyone needs to vent!!! I know something of what you're talking about -- I was bulimic through high school, and thankfully my family caught me out and I got over it -- but I still carry a lot of that emotional baggage with me five years later. I obsess over calorie count and my weight, I binge on stupid foods, I want to make myself throw up . .. BUT I DON'T. And that's the difference that really counts, more than any number on the scale - the fact that you WERE bulimic, and are NO LONGER bulimic, is the real victory, the rest is just details. So give yourself a break - it's SO HARD to stop that cycle, and you have (YAY!!!!).

Now, on to the PMS food cravings -- this could have something to do with your hormones being more out of whack than they should be. Are you on birth control? It might be time to talk to your gynecologist about trying a different pill. If you're not on birth control, you may want to consider it - having more regular hormone levels could really help! This could also just be something new that you will have to conquer, one step at a time -- if working out doesn't take your mind off it, maybe something else will. Some people on this site talk about using knitting to keep themselves from eating, others go hang out with friends -- what works best for me is to keep myself busy going places and doing things, and just carrying a little bit of healthy food (clementines and cheese sticks are the best!) with me, so I'm not tempted to go buy something. Whatever you do, be gentle with yourself - if you mess up and over-eat, go ahead and record the food you ate, just so you KNOW, and then promise yourself to do better the rest of the day and the next day, and try to keep that promise! I slip up all the time, but the important thing is that OVERALL I'm changing my lifestyle for the better -- and I know it's not going to happen overnight! Keep this in mind, and forgive yourself for "slip-ups" - there's nothing you can do to change the past, and it's a chance for you to make the future even better!

One of the problems I have with "The Biggest Loser" is that what we see on TV falls into a formula -- you don't see ALL of the contestants' days, just the most dramatic, inspiring parts -- so please don't expect yourself to fall into the same formula! You're YOU, and you are not part of a weight loss reality TV show, inspiring though it is.

Jillian is a tough trainer, and I've tried her 30 Day Shred. To be honest, it kicked my *kitten*, and I didn't really feel like going back. I have some other cardio/strength videos that I prefer -- but what I've found is, at least for me, that I don't have much fun doing traditional workout videos or going to the gym at all. Instead, I've been having a BLAST with some dance workout videos I picked up - belly-dancing and burlesque dancing are my favorites right now. They're fun, physically challenging, and I actually start to play and feel pretty sexy when I do them, despite being in sweat pants in my living room. And ultimately, that's what makes a difference for me when I work out -- when I'm playing, not slogging through I video I don't like, I feel good about myself and my progress and want to come back and do it again. Do you have a way you can play? I know hiking is a great option, or soccer or basketball, or bike riding, or dancing, or swimming, or any number of other things - maybe you just need to find that thing that you can fall in love with, just to do it, and that will be the key.

Don't wait around for an "ah-ha moment." Your life and your weight loss is a journey and you may not ever fully understand all of it -- I know I sure don't understand mine!

Keep going, and don't even think of giving up -- you're doing GREAT.

Good luck!!! :flowerforyou:

stressing out can make you stay at the same weight I've found. find something that makes you happy and motivated. find an outlet other than food and excersice. maybe try writing or art. or scrapbooking with friends or a book group. or take a class not related to food or excercise but all the while keeping on your diet and excercise plan. I wish you all the luck in the world and know that you are not alone.

I agree that you should work on your stress levels, if you are stressed you will not lose. I also found this article (http://www.everydayhealth.com/fitness-specialist/fixing-ruined-metabolism.aspx?xid=SendToAFriend) very interesting and informative.
I'm pretty aware of why I eat and why I have the issues with food that I do have. However, my aw moment had more to do with why I want to stay healthy and live for a long time then it did with why I do what I do (it's long and on my profile if you want to read it). I agree you do have to figure out the source(s) but I don't think it's the magic moment that they show on The Biggest Loser. I also think that it's most important to love yourself and the choices you are making then it is to find that reason that makes you run to the chips, or whatever it is at a time of stress or PMS .
Today I was taking a walk with my cousin and she said, "you look great, I can't believe how much weight you've lost" (I've lost 50+ lbs since Jan 09 but 15 of that with MFP) and I actually said, "I know, don't I look healthy?" Rather then, "oh thanks, I guess" or whatever other copout I would have used just a year or so ago. So be proud!!!:glasses:
As far as Jillian's work outs go, which I LOVE and swear by, my cousin is an avid runner and finds 30 Day Shred hard to do! I've talked about 7 people into getting the DVD and the most common response (even from my friend who lost 75 lbs over the past couple years going to the gym for 2 hours a day 6 days a week who is working on getting the baby weight off) is "that is a tough work out!" Don't sell yourself short!!! :flowerforyou: