Fat,ugly and embarresing
Sam_Jayne
Posts: 48
Im here to try and lose alot of weight (99lbs to be exact) ive always been a big girl and was bukllied and teased about this when at secondary school.I have no confidence or self esteem and feel like im a total embarresment to my husband and 2 kids.I have been married for 14 years now and i am driving my husband away with my insecurities.He says he loves me no matter what but i have it in my head that he's only with me either 1) something better comes along or 2) because of the kids.Im looking for a load of help and encouragement so if you can help me out please add me.xx
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Replies
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You can do this! You are worth it! We are here for you! :flowerforyou:
Good info on how to get started.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-120 -
Dear F, U and E (which you are not),
First, don't call yourself FAT and UGLY.
OK, you have weight to lose. It's not the end of the world, and there are lots of people out there who are in good relationships, have great jobs, are educated, etc, and are on the heavy side.
Second, get on a program.
MFP is a great start, and you need a good diet that appeals to you, and will work with your lifestyle and budget. Log EVERYTHING you eat or drink. Start now. It is completely enlightening.
This will include some type of exercise. Again, do something physical that appeals to you, and you can do every day with minimum anguish and pain. It gets better, really! You get into it, and see the benefits almost immediately.
Third, get some support -
your doctor, Weight Watchers, a health coach, friends, family, etc., a whole group of supportive, kind and encouraging people around you. There will be a few jerks, but that is their problem, and this does not have to derail you. Focus on the positive.
Fourth, and I mean this with love and kindness:
stop feeling sorry for yourself and do what you need to do. Do it every day, do it for life, do it for love.
All the best, LeeAnn
47 years married, started MFP in March, 2012 with 138 lbs to lose. Doing great, my journey is a joy most days, and I am getting there, by following the advice above. I learned this stuff from my MFP peeps, and reading. There are tons of very inspiring informational books on this subject that have been very helpful to me.0 -
I understand feeling insecure and unlovable. I am sorry you feel that way. I think it is wonderful that you are here and trying to make a change for your health and well being. I am new here and have a long, long way to go. I'd be happy to have you as a friend. We can encourage each other. :flowerforyou:0
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This is a very emotional journey that starts from the inside out. You have to be strong and with thick skin and LOVE yourself, regardless of how you look, weight or feel. I hope you have done a lot of soul searching before starting this process...it can be done, but there will be times your inner cheerleader will have to take over and push you....do you have an inner cheerleader?
Welcome to MFP!0 -
we all feel fat and ugly at times, but from now on you must think positive, no more looking into the abyss!! you have started the first step now to a new you, new because you will have a new outlook with all the experience and humillity of the old you!.. just dont beat yourself up.
When you have a lot of weight to lose it can be daunting and disheartening, dont think of it as a diet, because its going to be a new way of life, one that rewards you every step of the way.
There are lots of people here in the same boat and who can give you help and support!!! what diet are you following?0 -
You can add me if you want...I am on here ALL the time...lol probably too much! Same goes for anyone else0
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YES! you are in the right place for friendship and support. Hop to it love, it can be done. And dont give up, ok? It takes time, but love yourself in the process.0
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You know the greatest thing about being fat? You don't have to remain fat if you don't want to do so. Just make up your mind you want to do it, forget about all that other stuff, and get started.
Fill out your profile honestly and accurately, do your food diary every day and be HONEST in it. LOG EVERYTHING.
Follow the MFP numbers and do the above and you will be successful. Self-confidence will come along with that.
No excuses. Just do it.0 -
I was overweight to the point that the doctor told me I would be in a wheelchair in less than 2 years and that immediate drastic measures were needed. I had gastric bypass surgery 2 years ago and lost 145 pounds. After I had the surgery, my job transferred me to NYC. In moving, I lost all my support team and the doctors and staff that I trusted. I moved 6 months after surgery. I've gained back about 25 pounds and I am now determined to lose those 25 pounds. I just transferred back to Atlanta and back home. All this to say, you can do this. Just set small goals and rejoice as you reach each one. When I was losing, I gave myself a reward every 25 pounds - a nonfood reward. Be good to yourself and take support from everyone who offers it. My life has improved so much it is unbelievable and yours will too. I would love to be your friend. I know you can do this.0
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Have you considered starting an activity that will make you more body-conscious? Yoga did that for me, and if my ankles weren't screwed up I'd take belly dancing. Both will tone you and build muscle (useful!) but both bring you into an appreciation of the strength and grace and power of your body.0
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We are here for you, every step of the way!0
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I am sure you are not all of those things. First of all start this journey for you. 14 years of marriage I am sure has seen some nitty gritties and he is still there. So ignore what you think he is thinking. Start this journey to love yourself again. Start this journey for a longer happier life with your family. Get some counseling and come to terms with the low self esteem.
BTW all of this is very easy to type and harder to do. My marriage is much younger than yours and I feel the same way all the time. I have been able to loose 50 of the 80 I need to loose and am feeling good about me again.
You can do this but it needs to be what you want for you. Good lick in your journey and we are all here to support you!0 -
I'm sorry you feel that way. I have always subconsciously pushed my husband away too, but never about my weight. He's a fat slob like me (lol) but his is his own doing by eating non-stop.
He gets frustrated with me for other reasons, mainly my anxiety. I hate going out and doing anything because I get attacks, he doesn't understand or even try to. It's mainly from another reason, from which I was diagnosed with PTSD, but it's also A LOT because of my weight.
He doesn't understand how it feels for me to be fat because he doesn't care about how he looks, he's okay with being obese and unhealthy. I wasn't fat before the last few years and it's mainly due to my thyroid. I packed on a lot of weight over the years I wasn't diagnosed with being hypo, but I was for almost 4 years.
Anyway, MFP is awesome and a lot of people are very helpful and supportive. You can do whatever you set your mind to
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Welcome - firstly stop with the negative self talk - OK you might be overweight but your here - doing something about it - good on you!
Add me if you like, I am on all the time and log everything. It is working really well for me. I get my *kitten* up out of bed at 5.30 and head either to the gym or Crossfit - it sux but it works.
Good luck and know you can do this, both for yourself and your family!0 -
Look around you. There are plenty of men with overweight wives who have great marriages! Don't make unfounded assumptions.0
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Friend request sent...0
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So many people here are losing weight and just HATE that excess fat.Im here to try and lose alot of weight (99lbs to be exact) ive always been a big girl and was bukllied and teased about this when at secondary school.I have no confidence or self esteem and feel like im a total embarresment to my husband and 2 kids.I have been married for 14 years now and i am driving my husband away with my insecurities.He says he loves me no matter what but i have it in my head that he's only with me either 1) something better comes along or 2) because of the kids.Im looking for a load of help and encouragement so if you can help me out please add me.xx
Myself included.
But hating yourself is something to which you must say NO!!
Nice husband, by the way.
I won't blame my husband about not liking my excess fat, although he told me the same thing(that he loves me anyway).
And I too want to look good for my children and husband.
All this it NORMAL.
But the self-hate is a NO!NO!:noway:
It is NOT phoney to make positive statements about yourself--acquire the habit IMMEDIATELY. No excuses.
Let your husband know that you will no longer be negative in this way, so he can keep you accountable.
And please stop rejecting your husband and children because of your (temporary) imperfections!
They love you, so stop being selfish. Love them back. No excuses:bigsmile:0 -
Be friends with me! I just want to say I love you-I know we don't know each other but I can tell you now that I understand how you feel! People can be jerks, especially about weight (like that's the worse thing about a person!). I want you to know that you clearly are a beautiful person because a man loved you and thought you were his soulmate. I will love to encourage you, because I could use the help too haha, and because healthy should be to make us feel better. I promise losing weight won't give you a strong self-esteem, but deciding that no matter what people say or do you are always beautiful and irreplaceable. (There's never another you on this planet!!!) xoxo, you new fit pal Yasmin
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You have come to a great place, and I would love to be one of your MFP friends!
I have a long way to go, too, and can understand feeling down and insecure sometimes.
But no more negative talk, ok? You are here and ready to change your life. That's exciting and is a great big first step!!!
You CAN do it- let's do it together
I'll send you a friend request 0 -
Hello friend,
First and foremost--the only way to get over this is to STOP (right now) the negative talk. Negativity breeds negativity and will keep you stuck.
You are a loveable person--your husband and two kids prove that. Now, you need to learn to love yourself. YOU are worth it.
I know--all of us here know...it's not easy. We all can easily slip back into negative thoughts at a moments notice. But thinking positive thoughts can help you stay motivated.
Please tap into the support the posters above have offered. Loosing weight is an emotional journey and not for the faint of heart...we are all here for you.
HUGS!0 -
I have alot to lose as well. I have a hubby and 4 kid's. I also know what it's like being teased for being the heavy girl. I have been in your shoes. I know and can relate to how you feel. Try and remember the positive. Don't always beat yourself up for things. Hang in there and just take it day by day. You ARE worth it! It's a hard road but you CAN do it. This is a GREAT site and it's full of wonderful supportive people to help you along the way. I sent you a friend request.0
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I think this is a great post honestly. I think many of us feel that way or did in the beginning of our journey. I am pretty new to losing too and feel this way and I don't know an overweight woman that doesn't or didn't feel that way. if you want send me a friend request and let's all do this journey together. with lots of love and understanding. I am glad to be a part of this community!
I don't know how to change my ticker but I have lost 20lbs so far.0 -
Hey, it's a long journey but start imagining yourself, slim, beautiful and proud. It's the greatest motivator. And as a bonus add "healthy." Good luck0
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Baby, you are big and BEAUTIFUL not fat and ugly.
The big part is most likely more embarassing to you than your family. They know how beautiful you are, trust them on this one. Your husband would not have held onto you so long if he didn't love the real you. Don't push him away, men like that are hard to find.
I've always had to fight the battle of the bulge myself. So I know your pain and am just starting to learn to love the me inside and am on a journey to get to my prepregnancy weight (which was still overweight, but it's a start right?). When you come to peace with yourself and get down to the business of dropping and toning you will realize what your hubby and kids have known all along. Your terrific.0 -
First you need to get rid of FAT and UGLY. You can do this.
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Cheer up...you have support at home which is better than most people. If I were you I would consider setting a realistic goal...aim for losing a pound a week and stick to it. Setting very lofty goals will likely lead to frustration and a sense of disappointment if you can't keep it up. Track your food intake here, start exercising and make healthier choices in terms of trying to enjoy some of the same food tastes but substituting to lower calorie/fat/sodium/sugar options. It's tough, that's why everyone is here, but in the end you'll feel good about yourself as you start seeing progress. Not sure if that is over-simplifying things....but really you probably don't need much more support as it sounds like you have motivation enough. Use those negative feelings by changing them around to become will power to change. Everyone can do it....and if you fall short a little...go download a season of the biggest loser and watch it for extra motivation. Good luck.0
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Friend request sent...
Ditto!0 -
Dear F, U and E (which you are not),
First, don't call yourself FAT and UGLY.
OK, you have weight to lose. It's not the end of the world, and there are lots of people out there who are in good relationships, have great jobs, are educated, etc, and are on the heavy side.
Second, get on a program.
MFP is a great start, and you need a good diet that appeals to you, and will work with your lifestyle and budget. Log EVERYTHING you eat or drink. Start now. It is completely enlightening.
This will include some type of exercise. Again, do something physical that appeals to you, and you can do every day with minimum anguish and pain. It gets better, really! You get into it, and see the benefits almost immediately.
Third, get some support -
your doctor, Weight Watchers, a health coach, friends, family, etc., a whole group of supportive, kind and encouraging people around you. There will be a few jerks, but that is their problem, and this does not have to derail you. Focus on the positive.
Fourth, and I mean this with love and kindness:
stop feeling sorry for yourself and do what you need to do. Do it every day, do it for life, do it for love.
All the best, LeeAnn
47 years married, started MFP in March, 2012 with 138 lbs to lose. Doing great, my journey is a joy most days, and I am getting there, by following the advice above. I learned this stuff from my MFP peeps, and reading. There are tons of very inspiring informational books on this subject that have been very helpful to me.
LeeAnn,
I just need to tell you that your story has brought tears to my eyes. I feel the exact same way she feels and the inspiration that you just gave me has brought me to tears. Thank You.0 -
Good luck on your journey
I think that when you're feeling down about yourself, it's very easy to project what you're feeling onto other people (So you feel embarassed by your size, and you assume that your husband & children must feel this way too) I also think that once you realise that you might be doing this, it gets easier to dismiss those thoughts as you realise it's just your mind being negative and wanting to dwell on the bad things.
MFP is GREAT, because you can keep track of everything you eat, and the exercise you do so easily and you are just more aware of everything that you're putting into your body. I actually find it kind of fun, trying to figure out meal plans that are still tasty and satisfying, but fit into my calorie goal (It's kind of like a jigsaw puzzle)
Also, please - PLEASE do not discount the support and love of your husband! He and the kids can be there and be your major supporters. You know when you've had a bad day, and you probably want to get into some food that you really shouldn't - you can tell your partner and you can have cuddles, or a cup of tea together or something like that. Also, they might benefit from eating better too? I think it gets very hard when you're trying to get healthier but only changing what you eat. I do this with my partner, we eat almost the same but because he is a tall & built kind of guy, I'll give him extra food, or give him some bread or potato with his meal. He also likes cheese on his spaghetti and that sort of thing, whereas I'll go without :P So it is easy to compromise on those sorts of things too.
Working out your meal plans will give you confidence and power within yourself too. I find that because I have the knowledge of which foods I can have for lunch and breakfast - I am able to make better choices about what to eat, especially on t hose days where you just don't feel like making decisions or cooking. (Sandwiches and low calorie cup-a-soups are two of my go-to meals for example!)0 -
U took the first step to join this community, that's definitely a great start! If u ever need any help like workout tips or nutrition, I'll be glad to help 0
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