"You have lost SO much weight"....

Mrs_Winfrey
Mrs_Winfrey Posts: 61 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
I am having a little trouble with this, and I need some support from you guys!

My MIL, whom I love DEARLY, came over on Sunday for a visit and kept going ON and ON about how I had lost SO much weight. Mind you, I appreciated the compliment, I am very hard on myself and it felt good for someone to finally notice. The problem is, I saw her a week ago, and she said nothing about my loss. And not only that, but I have only lost 6 (SIX) pounds!! I have a naturally athletic build, which I love, but I have never been more than maybe 10 pounds over what my doctor thinks is my ideal weight. I am just wondering how I can learn to accept this. I know she is complimenting me, but it hurt my feelings because it is not as though I was morbidly obese last week or in the weeks before....could my body have changed THAT much and I just can't tell yet?
«1

Replies

  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
    its your MIL... she probably doesnt have anything else to talk about with you, and is trying to make a compliment.
  • grayprae
    grayprae Posts: 109 Member
    Maybe the last time you saw her she really didn't notice b/c she had her on stuff going on or maybe what you had on my Mil has not said anything about my weight loss until I wore a shirt she had given me. Maybe last week she didn't know that you were trying to lose weight, you or you husband could have mentioned it so she felt more incline to say something. Don't let it hurt your feelings
  • Mrs_Winfrey
    Mrs_Winfrey Posts: 61 Member
    I am trying not too, and you are right...the last time I saw her I had on a maxi dress and on Sunday I wore shorts (which were slightly too big since I have lost), so that very well could be it. Just wish she could have complimented, then moved on. Why go SO overboard with it......?
  • grayprae
    grayprae Posts: 109 Member
    if it makes you feel better my weight loss gets over shadowed by my husbands and I get my feelings hurt over it all the time b/c i have worked a lot more at it than him
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    Have you been lifting weights, my friend and I went out to dinner the other day and she said the same thing to me saying that you could so see the difference in my body and face and I haven't lost any weight in the last 2 weeks and I saw her two weeks ago. So my body is changing even if the scale isn't.

    Why get upset when someone is noticing changes in a positive manner.
  • heatherloveslifting
    heatherloveslifting Posts: 1,428 Member
    Yeah, gotta love people who announce you lost "a ton" to a room full of people! :tongue: Just ignore her and be happy!
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    I am trying not too, and you are right...the last time I saw her I had on a maxi dress and on Sunday I wore shorts (which were slightly too big since I have lost), so that very well could be it. Just wish she could have complimented, then moved on. Why go SO overboard with it......?

    Yea, that must totally suck to have someone compliment you on your progress many times over. Man, people are so rude.
  • julieh391
    julieh391 Posts: 683 Member
    She sounds like a weirdo. Just like my MIL. Only mine will never say a thing about my weight loss. I'm down 35 lbs, and nothing yet. And I'm sure after I lose the last 30 she still won't comment. Whatever.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,585 Member
    Maybe she wanted to get some ideas on getting a healthier lifestyle herself? My neighbour stopped me a few weeks ago and did a similar thing - but she was talking about it because her daughter is trying to find something that will help her to lost weight while she works shifts, and has found that things like Weight Watchers isn't working.

    Take it as a compliment and move on :flowerforyou:
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    Could it be the clothes you were wearing flattered your figure more the second time around?
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    I think it's difficult for many of us to take a compliment.

    What she probably means is that the weight loss and your training efforts are noticeable. :drinker: Not that you were the size of a farmyard animal before. :tongue:

    If you have been wearing clothes that now look loose, it's noticeable. If you used to dress in loose-fitting attire and now you are wearing more fitted things, that makes your weight loss more noticeable too.

    Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows it's difficult, and as all women have tried to lose weight at some point, she was proud of you.

    I have trouble taking compliments too. :blushing: When my brother lost the first 25 pounds in his journey, he'd actually leave the room if you mentioned it, he was so embarrassed! It's a common problem.
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
    Her going on and on about it is probably just "her" way of appreciating/admiring you. I doubt she was insinuating that you were huge or unattractive before.

    Everyone is different, my family's way of complimenting me was by saying I look sick. Go figure. :)
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
    Better than telling you that you're off to a good start.
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
    Ive lost almost 40lbs and Im having a hard time when people comment. Especially if its in a group of people and it makes me the center of attention. Maybe your MIL was just trying to encourage you. Maybe she didnt notice last time. I know that I see it on the scale before I feel it on my body/clothes.
  • angimac
    angimac Posts: 145 Member
    People suck

    My mother introduces me to people "This is my daughter. A year ago, she weighed 300 pounds" - and not just people she knows, but even to people she's just met and will never see again
  • julieh391
    julieh391 Posts: 683 Member
    Better than telling you that you're off to a good start.

    Haha ouch!
  • Tara1090
    Tara1090 Posts: 199 Member
    I agree with the others, perhaps she didn't notice last time because of what you were wearing, and once she saw the shorts, that maybe fit you a bit tight last time she saw you in them, she commented. But family members, particularly moms, tend to exaggerate. My mother always tells me I"M TOO SKINNY.. I'm 5'4...123lbs... hahahah

    Dont let it get to you.... you have worked extremely hard to lose those 6lbs.
  • Mrs_Winfrey
    Mrs_Winfrey Posts: 61 Member
    Thanks guys, I guess I will just take it for what it is and not worry about it. I am in fact lifting weights, I am doing cardio and strength training simultaneously...so that could be it too. I guess I have never gotten compliments like that, nor have I really focused this hard on losing weight and toning my body. Thank you again yall....sorry if I seem shallow and/or naive. This is all just very new territory for me!
  • WickedBean
    WickedBean Posts: 244 Member
    I am trying not too, and you are right...the last time I saw her I had on a maxi dress and on Sunday I wore shorts (which were slightly too big since I have lost), so that very well could be it. Just wish she could have complimented, then moved on. Why go SO overboard with it......?

    Yea, that must totally suck to have someone compliment you on your progress many times over. Man, people are so rude.

    It does suck and it always hurts my feelings.
  • sugboog29
    sugboog29 Posts: 630 Member
    I am trying not too, and you are right...the last time I saw her I had on a maxi dress and on Sunday I wore shorts (which were slightly too big since I have lost), so that very well could be it. Just wish she could have complimented, then moved on. Why go SO overboard with it......?

    Could be a combination of what you were wearing then....and she realized she didn't say anything and felt guilty. Don't dwell on it...it's over and done...just say thank you and give her a big hug.
  • GretchenReine
    GretchenReine Posts: 1,374 Member
    People suck

    My mother introduces me to people "This is my daughter. A year ago, she weighed 300 pounds" - and not just people she knows, but even to people she's just met and will never see again

    WOW!!! Do you remind mom that you have a name? Your weight loss is incredible and you should be commended over and over again...but it doesn't define you!!!

    Great job btw!!!
  • Mrs_Winfrey
    Mrs_Winfrey Posts: 61 Member
    I am trying not too, and you are right...the last time I saw her I had on a maxi dress and on Sunday I wore shorts (which were slightly too big since I have lost), so that very well could be it. Just wish she could have complimented, then moved on. Why go SO overboard with it......?

    Yea, that must totally suck to have someone compliment you on your progress many times over. Man, people are so rude.

    It does suck and it always hurts my feelings.

    I feel the same way. When she went over board, it made me feel almost bad about myself (which I thought was a backwards feeling).
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
    A co-worker I've known for close to 20 years came up to me at the opening meeting for the school year and whispered in my ear...

    "You look great! Have you been ill?"

    I was so stunned, I was speechless for a moment. She went on to say 'You've lost so much weight! Was it on purpose?' I very politely told her that I had lost the weight on purpose and had worked hard to do so.

    The odd thing is that I've seen this woman several times a week, every week for the entire time I was actively losing weight. Even odder, I've been at maintenance since March and really haven't lost anything significant for close to six months.

    And WTH is up with 'You look great! Have you been ill?' :grumble: :noway:
  • sicilysclover
    sicilysclover Posts: 173 Member
    I am trying not too, and you are right...the last time I saw her I had on a maxi dress and on Sunday I wore shorts (which were slightly too big since I have lost), so that very well could be it. Just wish she could have complimented, then moved on. Why go SO overboard with it......?

    Yea, that must totally suck to have someone compliment you on your progress many times over. Man, people are so rude.

    ^ I'm with you here I dont see the problem at ALL. Your MIL complimented you! Repeatedly! Take it and be thankful you have a MIL who compliments LOL
  • BrookeNWille
    BrookeNWille Posts: 7 Member
    I completely understand your discomfort with the over-commenting. Just because someone is telling you you've lost weight, it's not an inherently positive comment. To a sensitive person it could be a disguised comment as to what you looked like a week ago. I don't think that making hyperbolic comment about someone's weightloss is ever a positive thing. It can boost someone's confidence, but also has the power to make others feel self-conscious- enter eating disorders!

    To the sarcastic comments above: It COULD be considered rude to harp on someone's weight loss repeatedly (especially when it's to a non-overweight person to begin with.)

    It's more tactful and polite to tell someone how lovely or healthy they look without being overbearing. It's also good you're expressing your feelings about this! Body transformation can be quite an emotional experience :)
  • PaleoRDH
    PaleoRDH Posts: 266
    whatever outfit you had on Sunday........... wear it every day! :love:
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
    This is such a tough subject. I am also uncomfortable with over-commenting. I think most people just want you to know that they've noticed your efforts and think you look fantastic.

    I run into people I haven't seen in a long time and their initial reaction to my "reduced" body size is usually loud and immediate. I suppose it is a bit shocking if you haven't seen me in a while. Usually it is accompanied with, "you are soooo skinny" and "don't lose anymore, now." I usually blush or get uncomfortable!

    I don't know what your relationship with your MIL is like normally, but perhaps she was just trying to express in an interest in something YOU had taken an interest in - your health and fitness. :)
  • rachelmorgan77
    rachelmorgan77 Posts: 131 Member
    Sometimes it is that last few pounds that really are noticeable. My husband lost 100 pounds - but my dad (granted, he's not the most observant man) didn't comment on it until he lost the last 20 pounds. It was weird - like the last 20 revealed a totally different body that had been stuck in this shell.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    She complimented you. Maybe you weren't crazy about the delivery, but nothing she said was rude or condescending.

    Take the compliment. Enjoy it. Be happy someone noticed!
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
    People suck

    My mother introduces me to people "This is my daughter. A year ago, she weighed 300 pounds" - and not just people she knows, but even to people she's just met and will never see again

    ROFL - oh my goodness! She sound really proud of your accomplishment. But man do I know what you mean... she wouldn't announce if you used to have acne as a teenager or if you had a third nipple. :)
This discussion has been closed.

Categories