Lose the weight, lose the partner?

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Replies

  • myscheer
    myscheer Posts: 30
    I believe it is possibe. and I mean no offense to anyone in what i say but i think if you lose weight and feel more comfortable. people are always looking for better than what they have.
    i have been with my man on and off for 3 years and finally stable with one another but he loved me at 115kgs and loves me now at 90kgs. but my previous boyfriend didnt. he broke up with me once i gained 10kgs. and i mean it can work both ways i think, we were together for 4 years and if u love someone and if they gain you can leave them then same goes for losing weight.
    it all depends, other factors could come into it too... its a very hard topic! and to all the overweight people and i am one of them. appearance does matter, no matter how much we hide it. you walk past a goodlooking fit man and he will judge you 9 times out of 10 on your look/the size of you and what u wear... its life, very hard topic but weightloss can change a person physcially and mentally. :)
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    Relationships are complicated. I don't understand making a post knocking this woman and paraphrasing her situation for a bunch of strangers to comment on.

    Maybe she's a crummy woman, maybe she's a saint trying to hold something together that's broken for awhile. Post about your own situations and relationship.

    This.... you have not walked in her shoes. It is very unkind of you to post this.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    YES, people are an "easily disposable commodity" in today's world. There are MANY reasons why, two being, (1) Insecurities, (2) Co-Dependency. When a relationship is built on either of these, when the basis is removed the Relationship becomes disposable. Say, if a co-dependent person is that way because he/she views themself as fat, unlovable...and the other co-dependent needs to be "loved" and dependent upon and put on a pedistole... Guess what happens when EITHER one of them LOSES their NEGATIVE perspective. I guarantee that over 60% of today's relationships are Co-dependent in some way. AND when the co-dependency no longer exist for one of them the relationship, out of necessity MUST end. The EX-Fat Chick NO longer views herself negatively and wants to test her wings. I say let her test her wings...she'll either Fly or Nose dive to the ground, either way it is her decision.

    I have learned through experience, don't mess in someone else's relationship, it may NOT be all that you see>>>Good or Bad!
  • misskittyvyxen
    misskittyvyxen Posts: 7
    End of the day - her life, her choice, potentially her mistake, as it is with most people's lives.

    Do I like that she has done this?
    Not particularly

    Am I shocked to hear people do this?
    Hell no! People are '*kitten* coated *kitten* with *kitten* filling.' (1)

    Would I do this?
    Maybe, but my reason wouldn't be attention from other males - it would be based on the willingness of my partner to keep up with my lifestyle. I have left partners for this before, and I will do it again. 'Don't go for 2nd best' (2)

    Quotes
    (1) - Dr Cox, Scrubs
    (2) - Madonna, Express Yourself
  • vblair77
    vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
    Wow...this exact scenario is one of my biggest fears with losing weight. I've been with my husband for 11 years...and in the beginning we weren't AS overweight as we are now (I was pretty overweight but an easy 60lbs less than I am now and he is more than 100 lbs heavier now than back then). Anyway, I don't think I'm a shallow person...but I've caught myself wondering IF we'll stay together when one or both of us loses weight (most likely it'll be me because he really is just happy with himself as he is). I love him so much, but if things like him worrying about my fidelity or trust issues come up, I don't know if we'll survive it. I've tried losing weight before...lost 30lbs once a couple years ago. But I let these thoughts control me and went back to how I was. Its a scary thought though.
  • Sirxx99
    Sirxx99 Posts: 43
    Well for me... fighting started around the 50lb mark also she tried to sabotage my weight loss.... Then at around 75lbs down what seemed like daily accusations of I was cheating even though I was home straight after work and never went out.... Then around 100 lbs our 9 year marriage ended. She said because I didnt wear my wedding ring that wouldnt even fit my thumb anymore. Then I realized Thank god that is over.... I gained a some back then got back on track and here I am thinner and stonger than ever... She is still a royal pain in my *kitten* but I am a better person and am glad she decided to leave me.

    My kids told me she left because I didnt do the dishes. LOL
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    I have to agree. I am even noticing how this could happen. I have been proactive in my health. I eat healthy and work out. My boyfriend does not. I feel a tear between us because of this. I talk about working out and healthy eating and he wants nothing to do with it.


    I don't think for me it is necessarily a problem with attractiveness, but it is the differences we now have.

    It is actual fact that people associate with others that are "similar" in attractiveness.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
    My kids told me she left because I didnt do the dishes. LOL

    Case in point that "what we say is the problem is not always the real issue".

    I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience. I'm glad life is better now.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    This is a fabulous idea. "Honey! Come here a second....."
  • Peteshaped
    Peteshaped Posts: 37 Member
    A relationship is right or it is wrong. It doesn't even need to stay as one thing or the other, our paths meander, cross, merge and divide. If we are lucky we'll meet someone who has a similar path to us and who we can both want similar things at similar times in our lives. Since things change, staying to force something wrong to "work" can be a negative thing. If you're fundamentally not getting your needs met (either side), then why forgo something which means a huge amount to you for the sake of pleasing a forum full of people?

    It comes down to choice. If we let life happen to us, and do not choose to do the things, or to follow the path which we think will make us happiest, then we only have ourselves to blame for living an unhappy life.

    I don't think it's really very fair to judge without all the facts someone else who took a positive (in that they changed their situation, probably in a very personally painful and disruptive way) choice to alter the direction of their lives.

    It takes guts to stand up and change direction, and no, it isn't always the right thing to do. It's not until after the decision is made that you can really determine that though. As the quote goes:

    "never regret anything because
    at one point it was exactly
    what you wanted."

    /Pete
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    People generally gain weight for a myriad of reasons. Many of those are psychological. Anything from depression to self esteem issues. People also make the choice to get healthy for reasons. Frequently it's because they finally dealt with those issues. When a person changes enough to make the choice to live a healthier lifestyle other things about that person are bound to change as well. This can be reflected in personal relationships, jobs, religion or any other aspect of day to day life.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    I was a bit saddened after reading a thread on another weight loss forum. I'll refer to the OP as Jane Doe. For about a year, Jane Doe has been proactive about her weight loss, and finally reached her end goal in June. Now, 30 pounds lighter, she questions if she "really loves" her boyfriend of almost 10 years. He is not overweight but she is finding him less and less attractive, especially, now that other men are showing interest in her. She ends on the note of, "He's a good father to my son, and he's always been there for me but.. the flame is dying.." Are people we love THAT disposable? We get a makeover and suddenly we feel we're entitled to (what we think) is the next best thing? It was really quite a depressing thread. Not sure what kind of feedback she was looking for.. Maybe justification? I don't know. What I do know, is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's greener on the side that we water! I think that's the feedback I ended up leaving her :D

    Thas so sad :( My hubby is in super good shape ( military) and I have gained weight he still loves me and helps me. I can't imagine how I would feel if he decided to leave me because I was not in as good as shape as he is :(
  • LisaDunn01
    LisaDunn01 Posts: 173 Member
    This is a hard thing to judge. Did she "settle" in the first place because she didn't feel worthy or good enough? We're not privy to their relationship so we don't know what is going on there... Is he creating on the relationship to keep the flame alive (e.g., flowers, date nights, etc.)? Is she? It takes two... There are just too many unknowns to make a judgement.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    Somewhere on MFP forums, Someone put up a before and after picture of themselves. It had a quote
    "If he loved me at my worst" (on the before picture)
    "He deserves me at my best" (on the after picture)

    It was really a beautiful post, and I will never forget it because that is exactly how I would like my perspective to be when I do lose my 100 lbs. I sometimes say it to myself when I feel like we are going over some bumps and I automatically assume it has to do with our differences in lifestyle now.
  • CaoimheAine
    CaoimheAine Posts: 195
    People change and feelings do too..
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