please do not judge, asking for advice

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Replies

  • LowcarbNY
    LowcarbNY Posts: 546 Member
    i love my husband very much
    Do you really? They why are you untrue to him?
    and i feel so guilty.
    That is understandable
    Im asking you how can i get over this and forget about him
    cut all ties with your trainer, have NOTHING more to do with him. No training, no talking, no coffee chats, nothing. Go to another gym .
    and this obstacle and keep him as my friend (im guessing at arm's length) with out jeopordizing my marriage.
    You can't. You husband will figure it out, if he hasn't already and your sand castle will come crashing down.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    The responses to this are depressing. So if someone has a crush on another person who is not their partner then they will definitely cheat unless they get that crush out of their life? That gives me little faith in ever being able to trust anyone.

    How about this OP, you love your husband and want to spend your life with him, which is why you married him. This crush on your trainer is just that, a crush, you're allowed to be attracted to other people, being married doesn't give you blinders. Just exercise some self control, don't engage in any sexy physical things with your trainer. Enjoy the crush but accept it as just that, a trivial little crush that in no way could ever measure up to the way you feel about your husband. Why would you have a fling with your crush when you have a marriage with the love of your life?
    Right.
    It is not about trust.
    It's about responsibility.
    But when YOU get married feel free to set the parameters where ever you wish!
    However, I will not be giving anyone counsel to mess around with temptation....

    So aggressive!
    I like to think that being with the right person means feeling strongly enough about them that a crush wouldn't be a temptation.

    Perhaps I am naive to think that love like that exists, which really doesn't give me much to look forward to in life if that is the case. What a cruel lesson for me to learn at 21.
    Right again,
    When you get married, you can still have and develop strong feelings for others.
    Now you know!
    And thus the counsel you would get from me is, dont play with that temptation. While it IS normal, don't play with it.
  • Toshiana123
    Toshiana123 Posts: 72
    God always gives us a way to escape, and we have a choice. I would run for the boarder...your marriage is worth more than something that's going to probably last a hot minute...if that! Choose love and not lust. I'll be praying for you! ;0)
  • Solar07
    Solar07 Posts: 83 Member
    Like you even said, its a crush. Just get a new trainer and do your best to forget about it.
  • ExplorinLauren
    ExplorinLauren Posts: 991 Member
    Reverse everything you said... and pretend it is your husband doing this to you.
    Now, what would YOUR advice be to HIM???
    That is what you need to do!
  • Aventuria
    Aventuria Posts: 151
    its not a gym membership, its just a group of friends working out together, he is taking time out to help us (sometimes my husband goes, sometimes not) very tough situation for me really.

    You could also say you want a one-on-one female trainer and not work out in a group anymore to get to your goal.
  • blackbeauty43
    blackbeauty43 Posts: 21 Member
    ok, this is coming from a marriage and family therapist. Indeed you need to limit your exposure to your crush. Also, you need to start engaging in some of the activities with your husband that you used to do frequently in the beginning of your relationship. Often when a married person develops a crush it has nothing to do with the person you have a crush on and everything to do with your longing to feel the magic of a new relationship. Double your quality time with your husband, start dating again and you will forget your crush! ( I had to do this to bring some magic back myself)
  • roohill
    roohill Posts: 87 Member
    Before I put in my two cents, I first want to say, I do not judge you. Ive read all the comments here, and I agree with most of them. But honestly, the one word in your post that sticks out to me , is "guilty" That's a horrible feeling to have. I don't agree with the posters saying you need to RUN FAST to a new trainer... obviously if you plan to act on the crush then sure, I would say cut all ties as much as possible. But id first work on figuring out why you feel guilty, because switching trainers alone probably won't dissolve the guilt you already feel. You said he would never act on it, but does that mean you would? Is that what you feel guilty about? Someone mentioned reminding yourself that "its his job!" I think that's great advice. Maybe telling yourself you are nothing more than a client to him will help burst the intensity of your crush. Thinking someone's attractive and being excited to spend time with them are innocent things, that I wouldn't think anyone should feel overly guilty about. But only you know your intentions, and if it goes further than that in your mind. Be honest with yourself, and your husband. For better or worse. Good luck, sorry you are struggling with this.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    OP herself has said she knows she should get a different trainer and can't seem to do it. But she's chain smoking due to the stress. Don't people see that is more complicated than an innocent, no-risk crush?
  • icandoit203
    icandoit203 Posts: 170 Member
    what excuse do i give? help is appreciated

    No excuse just say that you have chosen to go with a different trainer. No explaination is needed you can be nice thank him for the routines you learned from him. Trainers understand sometimes you try different trainers to have a variety of exercises that is why there is always more than two trainers in a gym. So you can include the exercises into your own routine when you are not with a trainer.
  • Lisah8969
    Lisah8969 Posts: 1,247 Member
    Yes, new trainer...pronto or use the knowledge he has given you and a little research and be your own trainer!!! Good luck

    This! Trying it on your own is a good way of breaking it off with your current trainer and not having to lie or then be seen the next week with a new trainer.
  • Josyurtos23
    Josyurtos23 Posts: 63 Member
    Ok the email was sent to break the training aspect I guess I'll have to take the rest as its thrown to me. Thank you every one for your opinions and support.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Ok the email was sent to break the training aspect I guess I'll have to take the rest as its thrown to me. Thank you every one for your opinions and support.

    Good luck!
  • bob99
    bob99 Posts: 32 Member
    Hmm process of elimination, your options are:

    1. Dump trainer ( with above excuses and limit your interaction with this man. Which is by far the best option but is obviously something you don't want to do.
    2. Carry on until he ( or others realise) and a) he reciprocates and have an affair. B) he doesnt reciprocate you humiliate yourself and your husband.
    3. Tell your husband everything which would prob hurt everyone especially him.

    Which do you want least?
    Good luck x

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