Afraid to start... but taking the plunge.

Hi MFP

So here I am, finally tired of how I feel and look... trying to figure out if I really belong to this awesome community of people.

BTW: I just finished writing this, and apparently I have a lot to say. Hear me out, I think it's mostly for my psychological well-being!

I've been a lurker for about a year... maybe more. I know it is going to be slow starting for me, because for some reason I need the PERFECT plan before I even begin. I think it's something horribly innate about rather doing nothing than doing something incorrectly.

But, nonetheless, I am here and I am determined to at least begin to eat healthier. Calories in vs calories out, as they say. As I start to eat healthier I'm sure I will begin to feel like I can be more active, rather than hating myself every time I try to do something that resembles cardio.

My stats:
26, Female
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 175/180 depending on the week (I eat A LOT of sodium and not nearly enough water, problem one)
Goal weight : At least 160, preferably 140. I weighed 125 once (6 years ago, because of stress) and did not like how I looked... I have a wide frame and I looked too skinny for my taste. Plus, if I build muscle I won't need to be 125 to be healthy.



Already a pro at:
No soda or diet soda - stopped drinking it 7 years ago, If anything I have root beer every little bit or so, mostly drink coffee (bad, but better than soda)

Low amounts of alcohol - If I drink, it is liquor maybe once a month. So alcohol calories are not an issue.

Have a malfunctioning sweet tooth - hate most sweet things, even artificial, enjoy bitter things
Don't stress eat or boredom eat - it's a little harder when PMS, but I think if I eat better overall I won't feel the need to feed my craving

Low amounts of fast/fried food - I actually dislike fried food, so I will not miss not having it in my diet. Right now I eat a moderate amount of "fast food", but often keep it to the grilled, fruity/veggie parts of the menus.



Need to improve:
Portion control - I feel like I do not eat a lot, but I have just purchased a food scale (which is in the mail on it's way!) to help me be more consistent with my portions

Activity level - I have an awesome road bike... however cardio and me do not currently get along. I often get headaches and extreme angry mood swings afterwards, which turns me off to doing more. I think eating better and more water will help this. In any case, until I work up the nerve to do more cardio without hating myself, I will attempt to do some strength exercises (still need a good set of at home ones to do with 5-30lb dumbbells).

Consistency - I am intermittent with following my desire to eat better... Some days I use my knowledge to make better choices but others I just let it fall by the wayside. I think learning more about portion control will help me passively eat better.

Making my own food - Even though I choose healthier options on fast food menus, I need to start making the majority of my diet home cooked (especially easier once I receive my food scale). I have simple tastes, so I don't need to make it complex... but I hate cooking. So it's something I need to work on

Hate breakfast - I hate eating in the morning. I feel nauseous if I attempt to eat anything within an hour of waking up (especially water), and if it is sweet, I swear I will gag it up. So this leaves me to be prone to salty sandwiches in the morning, just because it is something that I can get down without feeling sick (because I know I need to eat). I need to start making my own breakfasts, which will probably consist of eggs, Canadian bacon and various concoctions thereof.... oatmeal is good too.

Boredom with monotony - I have been on and off exercising the past few years and I stop mostly because it does not make me feel better (after 2 weeks, which I know is the hardest hump to get over) but also because it is horribly THE SAME. I need to find a way to make myself not want to die of boredom when I am doing my activity.

Eating by cravings - By this I don't mean eating because I crave food, I mean eating something specific for a meal because I am craving it... if I am craving broccoli I eat a whole bowl of it... but the next day I might think it looks gross. Often I crave salty foods, cheese, sometimes it is carbs (bread, spaghetti) sometimes it is for something warm, sometimes cold. I pretty much decide my meals based on how my body is telling me it wants at that moment, so I do not think I will do well with preplanned diet plans.

Well, there is my diatribe about myself... thank you all for having this site, I hope I can find the motivation and see changes. I would love to hear your opinions or comments on anything you feel is worthy!