So I have this friend......

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Taneil27
Taneil27 Posts: 253
edited December 2024 in Chit-Chat
And she is not supportive. At first I thought all the pizza ordering and the buying of chocolate cake ahead of time before I came over was to be nice. Yeah, not so much. I have told her countless times about wanting to lose weight and be healthier, but she doesn't care to notice. And it's very frustrating. I haven't seen her in 3 weeks, on purpose, and it hurts me because I feel like if I see her, it is going to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I have the willpower and strength to say no, but she like guilt's me into it, ya know? Like for example, Last time I was over, she had this leftover lava cake with hot fudge and caramel with a side of icecream. I said I didn't want any (of course I did) but she made it anyway and came and sat right next to me and handed me a spoon. (Yeah.... 600 calories later) :sad:

She is overweight and always complains about her weight but she doesn't do anything about it. I have tried to help her, like getting her one month free at the gym I go to, and to help her with her eating and stuff, or to try and play the wii fit games when I am over, but she just makes up excuses. She recently went on this atkins diet thing, (the no carb one) and I warned her about it, and tried to give her advice but she just got mad and did it anyway. And then today, a week later, she goes out to eat for chinese. I ask her "Giving up already?" And she says "How often do you see fat chinese people?" :noway: I have been keeping my opinions to myself because what's the point?

Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. I care about her a lot, but I can't be around people who don't want to see me succeed, and try to sabotage all I have done to meet my goals.

Help!!

Replies

  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    Sad to say but perhaps she is threatened that you are losing weight. Perhaps, it's more comforting not being the only overweight friend.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    Sorry, that post didn't actually have any help in it.

    Hmm... if it were me I would be really firm with her & say you are serious about losing weight & being healthy. Tell her she is more than welcome to do it with you. You can support, encourage and push each other. And tell her if she doesn't want to do it with you at the very least she needs to be supportive and not offer you junk.
  • country91
    country91 Posts: 77 Member
    Tell her exactly that. your changing your lifestyle and her offering you a mountain of calories/sugars etc isn't supporting you. Its sabotage!! If she can't support you than maybe you should find some new friends, it is sad but true. That or try and deal with her eating crap and say no when she trys to feed you some. lol :)
  • BioShocked89
    BioShocked89 Posts: 330 Member
    Maybe instead of meeting her at each other's houses, you could meet her at the park, and take a leisurely walk? That way, you burn some calories and she has no temptation food to offer.

    I have three friends that say they want to lose weight, so I get where you're coming from:
    #1. Is about to get married in 10 months, and she's been exercising with me, and seems inspired. (YAY!)
    #2. Constantly goes up and down on the scale, always complains and makes plans but never follows through.
    #3. Is morbidly obese like me, and wants to lose weight. Has a gym membership and goes maybe once or twice a week. But at the same time, she constantly posts on Facebook about eating at Texas Roadhouse.

    As for friends two and three, since they never seem to want to work out, when I hang out with them I make sure to do something that makes us either move or at least keep us away from the cookie dough. A walk around the park or mall, a trip to the movie theater and passing on a visit to the snack bar.

    If you just cannot get her out of the house, try eating meals BEFORE you go over there. Make yourself full on good stuff. OR bring over a low-calorie desert recipe that you know she'll love, and make it together. Don't tell her it's low calorie until after she's tried it.
  • Unknown
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  • GeekyGoddess
    GeekyGoddess Posts: 119 Member
    It sucks, but sometimes you just have to cut strings with people. The strings I had to cut where not with people involving food, but other damaging things to my health. I did it, it sucked for a while, but I am much happier and better off after doing so.

    This.
    When I decided to stop being a sloppy drunk, I left all my sloppy drunk friends behind.
  • Cupcakehippiemommy
    Cupcakehippiemommy Posts: 457 Member
    All I can say is company loves misery, you need to lead by example and stick to your guns when you say no.If it is still too hard for you cut your losses and move on.Good luck doll!
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
    Only visit her on your cheat day. Problem solved. lol
  • xNJAx
    xNJAx Posts: 170 Member
    Could you just be honest with her about your feelings? Tell her you're serious about staying on track and being healthy and that you'd really appreciate her supporting you by not offering you desserts etc. If she continues, explain that you don't want to stop seeing her, but if she can't support you like you've asked you'll have to stop going over there because your health is important to you. If she cares enough about you the risk of losing you should stop her in her tracks, even if your polite request doesn't. If that doesn't work, unfortunately there's not much else you can do but follow through on it and leave her unsupportive and sabotaging ways behind [unless you have the will power and determination to say no to dessert by then...hehe! :) ].
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
    I think she honestly doesn't get it. I had friends who were very well-meaning but simply didn't understand the ins and outs of trying to change your lifestyle. They'd try to make things healthier when inviting me for dinner but didn't realize how many calories were in what they were making.
    Or would offer that I should allow myself to splurge once in a while - which I agreed with, but it truly has to be once in a while and it can't always be when I'm with them - a work lunch, a night out for someone's birthday, it all adds up.

    I'd have a serious talk with her and then offer to hang out with her doing things other than eating together. Active things - go for walks or bike rides, go shopping together, even if it's window shopping, check out a museum. If you must eat together, you invite HER over and cook something healthy. Or eat out where you can choose your own meal.
  • Taneil27
    Taneil27 Posts: 253
    Thanks everyone..

    Well I will take your advice and really give her a heart to heart. If that doesn't work, then I don't know. I don't want to lose her friendship, but then again friends are supposed to be supportive. I like the one idea of only going over to her house on my cheat days, but I shouldn't have to do that, you know? Ugh.... :grumble:
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Just break up.
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