I'm in starvation mode and terrified

kwmarissa
kwmarissa Posts: 34 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So, I went into this diet thinking I could do it the healthy way. You know, clean eating, and exercising. Somehow along the way my mindset got messed up and now I'm terrified of eating over 500 calories. But I'm trying to do that. I've been showing signs of anorexia, and I refuse to be that girl. I don't want to have an eating disorder so I decided it's time for a change. The thing is, I'm so terrified of gaining weight, and getting rid of the scale is not an option for me. I'm terrified. I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. So, what I'm doing is increasing my calorie intake to 1,000 today. And then see how my body goes with that. Then gradually start adding calories until I reach 1400 calories. I need advice though. I haven't even had the energy to exercise. But I'm going to start going for 40 minute walks down the beach, and riding my bike again. Is this a good way to go at it? I don't want to gain weight. I think the weight I'm at right now (133) is the weight I want to be. Will I be able to maintain it? I'm afraid if I see the number go up, I'll go back to starving myself. Please. Any advice? I've already had 400 calories today which is good considering sometimes I won't even have 200 in me until around 5:00.

Replies

  • renkatrun
    renkatrun Posts: 111 Member
    Sounds like you need to find some professional help. I am in no position to give advice for fear of making things worse. But I wanted to assure you that you have been heard! Please find a support group or person who will listen/talk with you with sense and sensitivity! Be good to yourself! Not feeding your body what it needs is not being good to yourself.

    All the best!
  • foleyshirley
    foleyshirley Posts: 1,043 Member
    I personally think you need to seek professional help at this point. You need some perspective on this that you may not be able to fully get here. I do agree with going slow since you have so much anxiety. I applaud you for starting to make changes. Good luck.
  • barkin43
    barkin43 Posts: 508 Member
    Hopefully, you'll be able to increase your intake and get it up to the 1400. I don't know how long you've been at the 500 calorie level, so don't really know if you should immediately double it. I'm sure there will be some nutritional folks who will give you better advice than I could. I personally have never been where you are, so don't know how that feels. I just wish you the best results for your situation.
  • kwmarissa
    kwmarissa Posts: 34 Member
    Hopefully, you'll be able to increase your intake and get it up to the 1400. I don't know how long you've been at the 500 calorie level, so don't really know if you should immediately double it. I'm sure there will be some nutritional folks who will give you better advice than I could. I personally have never been where you are, so don't know how that feels. I just wish you the best results for your situation.


    It's only been since the end of July. Everyone in my family is worried about me. And honestly, I miss the food. I miss being able to eat. I don't miss soda, or junk. I'm okay without that stuff. But I miss eating fruit, and meats without feeling guilty. I could never look at a piece of cake the same way again. I haven't had a cheat day or a cheat meal since I started this.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
    If you seriously think you are heading in the anorexia area see your doctor ASAP. If you're just having the "I've been dieting and I've lost mind for a minute" syndrome I can completely understand. A couple months ago I went on a challenge at the gym to lose weight in an 8 week period of time. I was doing well, but someone in another group was doing better. I kept cutting my calories and doing more cardio and just couldn't keep up with them. I got to a point where I was burning 800+ calories a day exercising and eating 1000 calories a day. It just was not nearly enough food. I literally felt like I was starving. I also felt like there was nothing I could eat.

    I finally just had to get a grip on myself one weekend. Told myselt I was getting crazy. Still I was overwhelm. What I did was get out some old Weight Watcher cookbooks. There were so really good recipes in them. I started cooking out of them with planned leftovers for lunch and over about a 2 week period I slowly got my calories back up to a decent range and was still able to lose weight. I also decreased my exercise to 4 to 5 days a week. I feel so much better and I'm not starving. I still get that twinge to not eat, but I think the not eating enough is what got me into this over weight situation. Well that and a few other things.

    So, take a deep breath. Decide whether you need a doctors help or you just need to take a couple days and regroup.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    Seek professional help. You can ask your regular doctor for counselor recommendations. You can do this!
  • kwmarissa
    kwmarissa Posts: 34 Member
    If you seriously think you are heading in the anorexia area see your doctor ASAP. If you're just having the "I've been dieting and I've lost mind for a minute" syndrome I can completely understand. A couple months ago I went on a challenge at the gym to lose weight in an 8 week period of time. I was doing well, but someone in another group was doing better. I kept cutting my calories and doing more cardio and just couldn't keep up with them. I got to a point where I was burning 800+ calories a day exercising and eating 1000 calories a day. It just was not nearly enough food. I literally felt like I was starving. I also felt like there was nothing I could eat.

    I finally just had to get a grip on myself one weekend. Told myselt I was getting crazy. Still I was overwhelm. What I did was get out some old Weight Watcher cookbooks. There were so really good recipes in them. I started cooking out of them with planned leftovers for lunch and over about a 2 week period I slowly got my calories back up to a decent range and was still able to lose weight. I also decreased my exercise to 4 to 5 days a week. I feel so much better and I'm not starving. I still get that twinge to not eat, but I think the not eating enough is what got me into this over weight situation. Well that and a few other things.

    So, take a deep breath. Decide whether you need a doctors help or you just need to take a couple days and regroup.

    I don't think I'm anorexic. I mean, if I were I'd be able to deny everything. I know that eating 500 calories a day is not healthy. It's not in any situation. So I'm going to get my calories back on track. I weigh 133 and everyone in my family thinks I look sick so maybe, even if I gain a pound or two, I'll be fine. Plus, eating healthy and regular exercise should keep me at my weight. I'm not going to eat junk food or anything, I'm doing the healthy lifestyle. I'm even going to try to treat myself every once in a while.
  • km202
    km202 Posts: 112
    Because your body has been so accustomed to 500 calories, as soon as you increase you will see a weight gain. Don't get scared. It won't be massive and it is just your body's way of responding. Keep it steady and as your body learns that you are going to be feeding it more than 500 calories, it will adjust itself to that.
    Your body has most likely shut down itself in terms of metabolism. As you increase your calories, your body will begin to see that and start your metabolism up again. At this point you should be able to maintain where you are. And your body will be more healthy.
    500 calories is not enough for your body to live on and, like I said, your body responds by shutting down.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can get through this and make a change for the better!
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
    Seek a nutritionist/endocriniologist who specializes in eating disorders.

    You can do it, and likely, yes you will gain a little bit of the weight you lost back on the way to weight recovery. That's what happens when you drastically cut calories and overdo it on the cardio - your body wants to redeposit much of the fat you so quickly lost. Thankfully, your body fat percentage wasn't that high when you began, which is the primary factor as to how much fat redeposition occurs. Also, your body will quickly stabilize so do not freak out. Think of it this way: you may regain a few lbs of fat, as well as water weight, but in the end, you'll avoid the many health issues of chronic caloric restriction: amenorrhea, hair loss, depressed RMR, osteopenia and osteoporosis. One note on decreased bone mass and calcium supplementation - there is a point where calcium supplementation will not increase bone mass density.

    Most importantly, you have to decrease the massive deficit you've been assuming. You do this by gradually increasing calories eaten while reducing exercise. Each week, reduce the deficit by 200 to 300 calories from reducing exercise and upping calories. So you can add 150 calories and reduce cardio by 150 to match the goal of 300 in deficit reduction.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    Sounds like you need to find some professional help. I am in no position to give advice for fear of making things worse. But I wanted to assure you that you have been heard! Please find a support group or person who will listen/talk with you with sense and sensitivity! Be good to yourself! Not feeding your body what it needs is not being good to yourself.

    All the best!

    Listen to her. Really. You are worth it.
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
    Yup you need some professional help. You do need to eat more.

    I was scared to eat when I hit maintenance but that is when I started using MFP to help. Once I knew what my necessary calories were that I could walk the fine line you get when you hit your goal. You can't eat too little because you hurt yourself, you can't eat to much because you backslide. It's a fine line and it was actually easier for me when I had fat reserves because I could simply eat less.

    It is scary when you don't want to backslide. But if you keep on this path you will binge and backslide anyway. Your hunger hormones at your level of leanness are going to drive you to eat like crazy if you keep this up. Is that what you want?

    I would recommend eating exactly what MFP recommends because it's a good ball park. And even though I don't eat back my exercise calories I would say that you should.
  • kjw1031
    kjw1031 Posts: 300 Member
    Hopefully, you'll be able to increase your intake and get it up to the 1400. I don't know how long you've been at the 500 calorie level, so don't really know if you should immediately double it. I'm sure there will be some nutritional folks who will give you better advice than I could. I personally have never been where you are, so don't know how that feels. I just wish you the best results for your situation.

    While you wait for a doctor's appointment, I agree with this - - - expecting to double your calories in 1 day might leave you feeling stuffed. I'd add more slowly, maybe 100 calories a day.

    If you can force yourself not to weight yourself, that would be best I think. You might have an initial gain as you add in calories but you have to think logically - - - there is no way you're putting on fat on a day to day basis from increasing your calories from 500. You're 18 years old and it would probably take 3000 calories a day (or more!) for weeks to gain even 1 pound of fat.

    Try to think with a logical brain and not with emotion.
  • iluvco3
    iluvco3 Posts: 98 Member
    You are to be commended for recognizing that your eating pattern is unhealthy. If there is ANY way you can stay off the scale, please do so, and if you are serious about wanting off this track of unhealthy eating, you will do whatever it takes. I agree that professional help is what you need now. Have a professional (meaning someone trained to work with those with eating disorders) guide you with the best way to add back calories.


    Good luck and again...it is so good that you recognize this as a problem.

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