HUMILIATED!!!!!!

ashesfromfire
ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
in Motivation and Support
So tonight my boyfriend took me shopping. He knew I was in serious need of some new jeans ans wanted to spend the evening with me. This started fine with a yummy sushi dinner but when we got to the first store.......
I walked over the the wall where the jeans were stacked, before going for my size I was reading a sign they had up explaining the body type that best fit each style they offered (which is nice, 'cause I gotta whole lot of junk in my truck, and I'm always looking for pair with extra butt room that doesn't make the waist too loose) ANYWAYS! Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified! What was I supposed to say?! I teared up and felt so embarrassed. I NEVER get embarrassed - I mean EVER (like, once in public I was super sick with the flu and soiled my pants and was not embarrassed - *kitten* happens) but man, oh man, that killed me!
I mean, I told him that was my size and he felt really bad for saying it and yadda yadda but It destroyed me. I've lost 25 pounds so far! I've been working my butt off to get in shape and be healthy........and in one breath he shredded my self esteem.
«13456

Replies

  • PunkyG210
    PunkyG210 Posts: 94 Member
    Awww, that's so sad! I'm sure that was a big blow but try not to let it get you down. Like you said, you're working hard and you are down to a smaller size. Chalk it up to male stupidity and be proud of what you're accomplishing for yourself.
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    Men are dumb, no offense. I am sorry it hurt though. Those off hand comments hurt worse!
  • desiv2
    desiv2 Posts: 651 Member
    Aww, well, he didn't realize what it was saying. He feels bad, but honestly, it doesn't make you feel better does it? Just remember what you are doing, and now you are a size 18! Soon you'll be even smaller! You're a beautiful girl at any size. :)
  • mdelcott
    mdelcott Posts: 529 Member
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far
  • womanwithamission
    womanwithamission Posts: 67 Member
    I know how you feel. My husband is " normal" pant 34 and he's 6' 2" . When my twins were first born I hired a lady to help with laundry. She put all of my jeans in his closet... Since my pants are the LARGER ones! Besides all of my other goals, wearing smaller than my husbands is on the top of my list. Hang in there. And congrats on needing a smaller size. P.s. I wear a size 20
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
    I wouldn't let it get to you. Men don't really understand the woman's system of numbers. There system is way different from ours.

    For example, shirts are very, very different due to our curves. We were ordering shirts for women and men the other day (matching patterns for a school shirt so we'd all look real professional on special days at school) and the numbers were totally warped. I ordered an extra large and BOY was it snug. I mean, it's super, super form fitting and barely fit me. I felt bad for one of the guys, he normally wears medium. The medium that came in for him looked like an extra, extra large. The sizes were so off it was amazing. Nowadays, you can grab what you think is your size but the cut, shape, or sewing of the item can make it way off. Guys have it a little easier as they can pick up by waist line and pant length and the stuff is sewn to fit better. We're trying to squeeze into peanut shaped clothing and it's hard to tell if it will or won't work until you get into a dressing room. I now just pick it up and put it against my hips before even trying it on.

    What's important is you've lost a lot of weight. That's fantastic! Be proud! You inspire me and hopefully I'll be doing the same soon. Keep it up and soon enough you'll be 25 pounds even lower. :flowerforyou:
  • PerfectlyThirty
    PerfectlyThirty Posts: 5
    Oh man, that sounds terrible. Wish there was something to say to encourage you, and make it all better. I can think of three specific moments when I've felt like the world crumbled down around me- they had to do with my pant size, my weight, and how I looked in a picture. It's the hardest when it's someone who cares about you too. I will never forget the emotions it brought to me, and I swore I would never eat anything fatty or high-calorie again. Which promptly backlashed into a starve/binge cycle and brought me even further away from my weight loss goal.
    So, keep what you're doing, nothing less and nothing more! Hopefully this unbearable pain will slowly fade off into a dull ache and finally just a faint memory.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    pretty sure most guys don't really know how women sizes work and all we hear in the media and stuff is size 0-4. I didn't know how sizes worked for women until one Halloween I needed to get a dress, so needless to say as 6'1 guy I looked very nice in a size 28 or something like that :-P

    But again, I'm sure he just doesn't know much about sizes, so don't take it to heart. I'm sorry it was an embarrassing moment for you ;(
  • ChanyL
    ChanyL Posts: 41
    I dunno what to say. It must be so horrible to hear such a thing from the one you love. Just remind yourself that you did lose 25 lbs and you will keep on doing so. DON'T GIVE UP!
  • rubyautumn4
    rubyautumn4 Posts: 818 Member
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far

    This. And male idiocy. But congrats on your weight loss!
  • Rawr1978
    Rawr1978 Posts: 245 Member
    my mouth just dropped open.
    a few years back when I was with my ex, he picked up some new clothes for me. I was size 18. He got the size 18 jeans...and size LARGE jogging pants- men's jogging pants. I didn't tell him what size jogging pants I took (medium ladies), and they swam on me. that's when I realized just how heavy I was in his eyes.
  • REDI4CHANGE60
    REDI4CHANGE60 Posts: 170
    As the other poster said, chalk it up to male stupidity. Don't let it get you down. You just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about it. Most guys don't know about women's clothes or sizing. Huggs Sweetie.
  • MCproptart
    MCproptart Posts: 92 Member
    The same thing happened to me in college, but it was 14's then, and a male friend, not a significant other. But still he held them up in the air and made a big deal about it.

    Tonight I tried on a 14, but looked like a stuffed sausage. I did buy a 16 in a dress which I already own in a 20. The 20 is very floppy, and the 16 is just a smidge too tight to wear to work yet, but what a boost to have a size starting in a 1 again!

    You can do this--just make him pay in snuggle & touch time!
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far

    This is what I was thinking =)<3 I just didn't know how to put it.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Men have no concept of women's sizing at all. He probably has no clue what you weigh - you're his hot GF and that's all he knows.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    So tonight my boyfriend took me shopping. He knew I was in serious need of some new jeans ans wanted to spend the evening with me. This started fine with a yummy sushi dinner but when we got to the first store.......
    I walked over the the wall where the jeans were stacked, before going for my size I was reading a sign they had up explaining the body type that best fit each style they offered (which is nice, 'cause I gotta whole lot of junk in my truck, and I'm always looking for pair with extra butt room that doesn't make the waist too loose) ANYWAYS! Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified! What was I supposed to say?! I teared up and felt so embarrassed. I NEVER get embarrassed - I mean EVER (like, once in public I was super sick with the flu and soiled my pants and was not embarrassed - *kitten* happens) but man, oh man, that killed me!
    I mean, I told him that was my size and he felt really bad for saying it and yadda yadda but It destroyed me. I've lost 25 pounds so far! I've been working my butt off to get in shape and be healthy........and in one breath he shredded my self esteem.


    OK, before I read any further, I Gotta Correct something...Can't let you mess this saying up! It Is "Junk in MY TRUNK" TRUNK>>>the END of the car, Big Butt, GET IT. OK, NOW I'll finish reading.


    ETA: I finished reading it. OK, is that all it takes to shred your self esteem, You KNOW you are better than that. ANYONE who can Poop their pants in public and tell the world to Kiss their Dirty Butt has a LOTTTT of Self Esteem and MOXIE! Hey, Your Boyfriend might have said that out of Ignorance because he sho was ROCKIN that size 20 Caboose AND Lovin IT!
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    Men have no concept of women's sizing at all. He probably has no clue what you weigh - you're his hot GF and that's all he knows.

    x2.
  • gypsybree
    gypsybree Posts: 218
    He might have not known that women's sizing is different and he thought that it was 20 inches like in men's??
  • rompers16
    rompers16 Posts: 5,404 Member
    Agree...sometimes they say things without realizing what it means. I'm sure he meant no harm.
  • Skeebee
    Skeebee Posts: 740 Member
    You should have responded like "yeah, they keep making that size since anything lower won't fit in all my awesomeness."

    I went from a 20 to 18, too. We rock. :flowerforyou:
  • amselby81
    amselby81 Posts: 150 Member
    Sheesh, I guess I'm stupid too b/c I've gone in a store before and forgot that I needed a smaller size. Cut the guy some slack.

    To the OP, he didn't mean that you still looked like you needed a 20. He just forgot...like I've done for myself. Just when he gets used to you being in a size 18, you'll be in a size 16 and then he might make the mistake of blurting out, "Size 18!" while you're shopping. Try not to take it to heart. Just forgetfulness.
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
    Hate to be insensitive....but didn't you create this here thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/731787-yes-i-am-fat

    He just had an honest reaction, he did not mean to humiliate you. Plus, what do men know about women's jeans sizes.
  • letstryagainn
    letstryagainn Posts: 1
    my daughter ,shes lostso much weight. but then shes only 14. she asked me when i thought i lookd ok, she says mom are you going to wear that? (i wanted to say to her yes, this is the only thing that fits!!!!!!) cant wait to get started on this program. im tired of being FAT !
  • _JR_
    _JR_ Posts: 830 Member
    Date older men who aren't as insensitive and immature.
  • Agator82
    Agator82 Posts: 249 Member
    Men are dumb, no offense.

    I am a guy, and I can say that women's sizes seem to be the most illogical numbers that exist in the universe, us guys do not get it. Until a few years ago I thought that women's sizes were like men's, so I am sure you would have been offended if he had thought you were a 36. Take it in stride and I am sure he is sorry it hurt, but did you get him to pay for the jeans to make up for it?
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
    So tonight my boyfriend took me shopping. He knew I was in serious need of some new jeans ans wanted to spend the evening with me. This started fine with a yummy sushi dinner but when we got to the first store.......
    I walked over the the wall where the jeans were stacked, before going for my size I was reading a sign they had up explaining the body type that best fit each style they offered (which is nice, 'cause I gotta whole lot of junk in my truck, and I'm always looking for pair with extra butt room that doesn't make the waist too loose) ANYWAYS! Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified! What was I supposed to say?! I teared up and felt so embarrassed. I NEVER get embarrassed - I mean EVER (like, once in public I was super sick with the flu and soiled my pants and was not embarrassed - *kitten* happens) but man, oh man, that killed me!
    I mean, I told him that was my size and he felt really bad for saying it and yadda yadda but It destroyed me. I've lost 25 pounds so far! I've been working my butt off to get in shape and be healthy........and in one breath he shredded my self esteem.


    OK, before I read any further, I Gotta Correct something...Can't let you mess this saying up! It Is "Junk in MY TRUNK" TRUNK>>>the END of the car, Big Butt, GET IT. OK, NOW I'll finish reading.

    ...............oh I'm so very sorry I accidently missed the "n" key while emotionally compromised.....I'll be sure to continue chastising myself
  • AngelsFan91106
    AngelsFan91106 Posts: 111 Member
    pretty sure most guys don't really know how women sizes work and all we hear in the media and stuff is size 0-4. I didn't know how sizes worked for women until one Halloween I needed to get a dress, so needless to say as 6'1 guy I looked very nice in a size 28 or something like that :-P

    But again, I'm sure he just doesn't know much about sizes, so don't take it to heart. I'm sorry it was an embarrassing moment for you ;(

    Listen to this dude. He's totally right. Men have NO idea how women's sizing work. But I still get how much that must've hurt. I'm SO sorry. But I know he didn't mean any harm. ~hugs~
  • tiffanytalbert85
    tiffanytalbert85 Posts: 2 Member
    Do your best not to let it bother you. Just remember that he did NOT think that you were anywhere close to a size 20 when he said that. Guys don't know girl sizes, all they ever hear is us griping about girls wearing double zeros, so they may think the sizes run small. Don't give up on your goal! If you keep working at being healthier and think about it everyday, without beating yourself up, then in a year you'll be happier than ever about yourself. If you stop and give up then in a year you'll for sure be in the same boat you decided to get away from now. Try not to let that comment cloud your initial reason for doing all this to begin with. Random side note, some people are mean. Some random girl and the guy she was with upset me yesterday at a gas station. My boyfriend is a big guy and I love him, and I was pretty big but I've lost 43lbs since January. I can wear a size 14 in some pants now, although they're tight still. They were looking and pointing at us, giggling with each other behind us. I wouldn't have been sure they were talking about us if it wasn't for the reflective glass in the front of the building. She doesn't know I've lost weight and look better than I have in 10 years, and she doesn't care. So I've been trying not to let it bring me down. It's not easy. Either way I'm not going to give up or cry about it. I don't think you should either. And I'm a known crier so that's really saying something :)
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
    Hate to be insensitive....but didn't you create this here thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/731787-yes-i-am-fat

    He just had an honest reaction, he did not mean to humiliate you. Plus, what do men know about women's jeans sizes.

    I'm aware I'm fat - the difference being my boyfriend acknowledging that I'm overweight and him not realizing that people actually come as fat as me!
  • kfarall
    kfarall Posts: 3 Member
    I have two stories here. Once a boyfriend literally asked me what those things were on my stomach, and I exclaimed they are stretch marks and he had them too. I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
    Literally the other night my friend is dating a new guy and they were making out and he was touching her stomach and she was thinking he is going a little far too soon and stopped him and his response was "are you embarrassed of your stretch marks, is that why you don't want me looking at your stomach?" And he wasn't being mean hearted, just honest.
    Bottom line, men are senseless.

Categories