HUMILIATED!!!!!!
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That's a bit extreme. It didn't sound like he was teasing her. It sounds like it was an honest mistake. I'm sure he felt really bad afterward.let me see. he took you out to a yummy sushi dinner then shopping right after, then made the remark.
HE IS YOUR DEAD WEIGHT. LOSE HIM.0 -
But he knows you, he sees you, and he loves you, so it's not that he thinks your size is unbelievably big. It's just a number out of context to him. He has nothing to associate it with. I bet if you'd smiled and said 'Yep, that's my size!' he'd then readjust in his mind.
I wouldn't see this as humiliating. It would be awful if it were the other way round - imagine if a guy hadn't yet seen his girlfriend, but knew she was a size 20, and actually assumed that size 20 was smaller. And then met her and said he didn't realise girls came in such big sizes. That would be awful. But in your case, it's just about a number. He's clearly fine with what you actually look like. Numbers don't mean anything. It's you, the person, that matters.0 -
Men are really crap with estimating womens weight and clothes sizes. They have different measurement than we do and are totally confused by our. I have to say that I am not good in estimating men that way eaither. I recently met my friends that live abroad and I have not seen for a year and one of them told me that he was on diet for a while and lost a lot of weight because in winter he hit 100 kg. I was shocked and sdaid soemthing like "100! Wow!" and they both told me trhat for a guy hitting 100 kg is not difficoult and that the other of them is 95 kg now. He is not slim and do cerry few extra kgs but he is nothing out of norm so i was surprised.0
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I think we get our ideas about what is 'big' when we are very young. I can remember in jr. high school I thought that a size 16 was for obese people. I would be so happy to fit into a 16 now.
I know we thought the same way about age. I can remember in jr. high school thinking that 30 was old. I sure as heck don't believe that today!
Your bf obviously had an impression of a size 20 being much bigger than what you really are. I'm sure he thought that there was no way you could be near that size, which is why he went ahead and said what he said.0 -
Dear Men,
I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them
xoxoxo
Sunshine0 -
I'm wondering what happened to the "Yes I AM fat" 'don't sugar coat it' attitude.
you're the second person to make that comment and I'll give you the same reply - there is a difference between knowing and accepting i'm fat (which he does with a grace that I deeply appreciate) and there is being surprise that it's possible for people to exist that are as fat as me.0 -
men can be really insensitive & such j*rks at times :huh:
no matter WHAT, dont let anyone take away your self esteem & confidence. do this for yourself. smile & put your game face back on and keep on going.
eventually when u get nearer to the size u want to be you'll be happier & happier.0 -
I am so sorry to hear that! What was the aftermath of that whole event? Did he apologize???? How are you doing now? Hopefully he learned his lesson and will never, ever again make hurtful comments and cause you to be upset!0
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He didn't mean to hurt you. Cut him some slack.0
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you are beautiful and now a size 18 you will get smaller but that doesnt make you who you are0
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Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.
I actually agree with you. My man is really not an idiot and he actually DOES have a concept of women's sizes. (im slightly obsessed with the plus size modleing industry and he hears and learns a lot about plus size women's fashion from me. He may not have it perfect, like after that comment he said he thought I was a 17 - and womens clothes are all even numbers)
I don't like the men are idiots stance (though, I will admit, men do seem to unintentionally offend women quite often, but i dont think thats stupidity, just different brain wiring)0 -
Juniors sizes come in odd numbers and do go up to 17.0
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Dear Men,
I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them
xoxoxo
Sunshine
:flowerforyou:0 -
For the OP: I'm sure your boyfriend had no idea about women's sizing and how those sizes correlate to real bodies; he didn't mean or want to hurt you.
Your progress so far has been great! If you can, enjoy what you've accomplished--and look at your boyfriend's heart toward you overall and forgive the off-the-cuff comment.
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Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.
I actually agree with you. My man is really not an idiot and he actually DOES have a concept of women's sizes. (im slightly obsessed with the plus size modleing industry and he hears and learns a lot about plus size women's fashion from me. He may not have it perfect, like after that comment he said he thought I was a 17 - and womens clothes are all even numbers)
I don't like the men are idiots stance (though, I will admit, men do seem to unintentionally offend women quite often, but i dont think thats stupidity, just different brain wiring)
You could be right on the wiring, it's an emotions thing, we men are brutally honest with each other, we tell men to dump their girls if the girl says he can't watch the match in the pub with his mates, or tells him to throw out his collection of comics or model cars because they are "junk" or "clutter". Feelings don't enter into it, you suck up the comment and get on with it, women are different, tell them the cat on a soap opera died and they bawl their eyes out. When a man is comfortable with a woman he treats her like his friend, and making crass comments to his friends is hard wired. Sorry ladies, that's just blokes.0 -
Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified!
he obviously cares for you, and he clearly doesn't understand women's sizing. you can't blame him, i don't think WE even understand it (it's truly arbitrary).
don't be upset about it. he didn't mean anything other than he really didn't know that they made a size 20.0 -
I was going to over analyze this, but it really just amounts to a real DOUCHE move on your boyfriend's part.
NO reason to keep him around.
Best of luck to you.0 -
If that is all it takes to shred your self esteem, I suggest working on your inner self.0
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Men are dumb, no offense. I am sorry it hurt though. Those off hand comments hurt worse!
True story.0 -
Dear Men,
I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them
xoxoxo
Sunshine
Exactly.0 -
So tonight my boyfriend took me shopping. He knew I was in serious need of some new jeans ans wanted to spend the evening with me. This started fine with a yummy sushi dinner but when we got to the first store.......
I walked over the the wall where the jeans were stacked, before going for my size I was reading a sign they had up explaining the body type that best fit each style they offered (which is nice, 'cause I gotta whole lot of junk in my truck, and I'm always looking for pair with extra butt room that doesn't make the waist too loose) ANYWAYS! Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified! What was I supposed to say?! I teared up and felt so embarrassed. I NEVER get embarrassed - I mean EVER (like, once in public I was super sick with the flu and soiled my pants and was not embarrassed - *kitten* happens) but man, oh man, that killed me!
I mean, I told him that was my size and he felt really bad for saying it and yadda yadda but It destroyed me. I've lost 25 pounds so far! I've been working my butt off to get in shape and be healthy........and in one breath he shredded my self esteem.
Next time after the jeans section... take him over to the condoms section and then laugh at his size.. that will teach him to mess with you.0 -
Obviously he does not have a problem with the size you are. It was a stupid blunder. Can you image your embaressment if you said something so stupid? I would die of embaressment, bright red face and the whole nine yards. I am sure he feels terrible...0
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Dear Men,
I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them
xoxoxo
Sunshine
:flowerforyou:
That is what children are for! One of my friend's little girl made a picture of the whole family. Everyone was stickfigures except my friend's middle stick was a circle
She is light hearted so it was ok... but still 0 -
Aw, honey that sounds really painful. Sometimes it takes the littlest thing in the world to just rip a hole in our self esteem. The intent behind the comment doesn't change how it feels.
BUT, like a lot of others have said - you are doing great and making wonderful progress. AND you are beautiful now, already, whether you are a size 0 or a 20+. My guess is that what he said hurt so much because you struggle not to see yourself as fat and unlovely and his comment just pushed you right back into "I'm a whale no matter how hard I try" territory.
So, go hug your boyfriend and tell him that today you need to hear that you're beautiful and that he sees you working hard. It sounds like he's a stand up guy who really does care about your feelings so he'll say it and he'll mean it.0 -
This +1Dear Men,
I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them
xoxoxo
Sunshine
And OP the guy was buying you jeans. He went shopping with you, planned to pay, mightve held your purse and carried the bag out. He did not question your need for more pants or defer going in favor of watching sports. He didn't know how the numbers work. You really wanna plant your hitch and moan flag on this molehill?0 -
If this is the first time he has said anything like this to you, let it go. As other forum members have indicated, he hasn't a clue
FWIW, I had lost some weight and my jeans were fitting good. My husband complimented me, and I mentioned to him that I had lost around 15 pounds. He takes a look at me and asks, Where? I got so pissed off at him. He wasn't trying to be a *kitten*, this I could tell by the look that he had on his face after he saw my reaction.
Some men don't think about things like this especially if they have never been overweight and unfit. They don't get it. Now, if he continues making comments such as this, then it's time to dump him. Your feelings and self-esteem are more important.0 -
Ya I'll have to agree with people saying men are too honest but nobody wants to hear that.But going shopping with a guy is never a good idea....period! I even hated going grocery shopping with my ex she would stare at items FOREVER..And I would be like "Maybe if ya stare at it long enough it will go on sale!"0
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This +1Dear Men,
I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them
xoxoxo
Sunshine
And OP the guy was buying you jeans. He went shopping with you, planned to pay, mightve held your purse and carried the bag out. He did not question your need for more pants or defer going in favor of watching sports. He didn't know how the numbers work. You really wanna plant your hitch and moan flag on this molehill?
Indeed. You got a gem of a fella, don't lose him. :laugh:0 -
First, if you feel that your boyfriend is attracted to you and is mostly supportive (no offense to the men on here, but men are not ALWAYS supportive in the most appropriate ways, its just how they are wired, sometimes they forget they aren't talking to one of their buddies, and this is our fault too, because we are wired to be a little sensitive sometimes), then don't worry too much about it. Sometimes people we care about do not realize the power of the things they say. Remember, also, that when people hurt us, they are able to hurt us because we gave them the power to do so- meaning because we place value in the things they say and do, they are able to hurt us. If they continue to hurt us, then maybe that is when we have to re-evaluate to determine if they are worthy of that power.
Second, size varies greatly. Don't let a tag or a number on the scale control you. If you are unhappy with where you are, then keep up your good work towards your goal. If you are happy then don't let it bother you. Rejoice in your daily accomplishments towards your goal and the positives about you. Try not to focus on the negatives. When someone says things that are detrimental to your self image or goal, your emotions are immediately going to sting and hurt. However, force your brain to talk you through letting it go, or you will continue to hear that negative thought for weeks or months. Focusing on this will only make you unhappy and be detrimental to what you are trying to achieve.
Don't forget- clothes sizes are very variable. When I was at my smallest size I wore typically a size 6 to 8- however, I had everything in pants from a size 4 to a size 13 in my closet that fit. Clothing size is rather irrelevant. At this point I'm typically a size 10 but have one pair of size 14 dress pants because the way my shape is. I also have a dress size 3/4 that currently fits. The tag is not relevant but to our egos. Wear what looks good on you and makes you feel good. Tell your boyfriend it just means you have more junk in the trunk, which gives him more to kiss if he wants to act up
^^^This! i'm sure your BF didn't realize what he was really saying. He most likely was thinking that womens clothes are sized the same as mens. Plus, try to ignore the tag. I have pants in my closet that covers about 5 different sizes, simply because of the style/cut/brand. I think that your BF was just trying to be supportive and just didn't realize what it was he was actually saying.
either way, great job of what you've accomplished thus far!0 -
Would it have made you feel better if he would have straight up told you you're fat without skipping a beat and having no clue that he quite possibly said something rude? Because that's what my friend at work did to me. It didn't feel good. Our friendship is hanging on by a half cut thread. Cut your boyfriend some slack. He clearly isn't up to par on women's sizes.0
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