HUMILIATED!!!!!!

Options
1234568

Replies

  • Thundermtn
    Thundermtn Posts: 57
    Options
    So tonight my boyfriend took me shopping. He knew I was in serious need of some new jeans ans wanted to spend the evening with me. This started fine with a yummy sushi dinner but when we got to the first store.......
    I walked over the the wall where the jeans were stacked, before going for my size I was reading a sign they had up explaining the body type that best fit each style they offered (which is nice, 'cause I gotta whole lot of junk in my truck, and I'm always looking for pair with extra butt room that doesn't make the waist too loose) ANYWAYS! Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified! What was I supposed to say?! I teared up and felt so embarrassed. I NEVER get embarrassed - I mean EVER (like, once in public I was super sick with the flu and soiled my pants and was not embarrassed - *kitten* happens) but man, oh man, that killed me!
    I mean, I told him that was my size and he felt really bad for saying it and yadda yadda but It destroyed me. I've lost 25 pounds so far! I've been working my butt off to get in shape and be healthy........and in one breath he shredded my self esteem.



    Next time after the jeans section... take him over to the condoms section and then laugh at his size.. that will teach him to mess with you.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    Options
    Obviously he does not have a problem with the size you are. It was a stupid blunder. Can you image your embaressment if you said something so stupid? I would die of embaressment, bright red face and the whole nine yards. I am sure he feels terrible...
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
    Options
    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine

    :flowerforyou:

    That is what children are for! One of my friend's little girl made a picture of the whole family. Everyone was stickfigures except my friend's middle stick was a circle :( She is light hearted so it was ok... but still
  • Levedi
    Levedi Posts: 290 Member
    Options
    Aw, honey that sounds really painful. Sometimes it takes the littlest thing in the world to just rip a hole in our self esteem. The intent behind the comment doesn't change how it feels.

    BUT, like a lot of others have said - you are doing great and making wonderful progress. AND you are beautiful now, already, whether you are a size 0 or a 20+. My guess is that what he said hurt so much because you struggle not to see yourself as fat and unlovely and his comment just pushed you right back into "I'm a whale no matter how hard I try" territory.

    So, go hug your boyfriend and tell him that today you need to hear that you're beautiful and that he sees you working hard. It sounds like he's a stand up guy who really does care about your feelings so he'll say it and he'll mean it.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    Options
    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine
    This +1

    And OP the guy was buying you jeans. He went shopping with you, planned to pay, mightve held your purse and carried the bag out. He did not question your need for more pants or defer going in favor of watching sports. He didn't know how the numbers work. You really wanna plant your hitch and moan flag on this molehill?
  • Alicia7519
    Alicia7519 Posts: 160
    Options
    If this is the first time he has said anything like this to you, let it go. As other forum members have indicated, he hasn't a clue
    FWIW, I had lost some weight and my jeans were fitting good. My husband complimented me, and I mentioned to him that I had lost around 15 pounds. He takes a look at me and asks, Where? I got so pissed off at him. He wasn't trying to be a *kitten*, this I could tell by the look that he had on his face after he saw my reaction.

    Some men don't think about things like this especially if they have never been overweight and unfit. They don't get it. Now, if he continues making comments such as this, then it's time to dump him. Your feelings and self-esteem are more important.
  • oonegative
    oonegative Posts: 47
    Options
    Ya I'll have to agree with people saying men are too honest but nobody wants to hear that.But going shopping with a guy is never a good idea....period! I even hated going grocery shopping with my ex she would stare at items FOREVER..And I would be like "Maybe if ya stare at it long enough it will go on sale!"
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
    Options
    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine
    This +1

    And OP the guy was buying you jeans. He went shopping with you, planned to pay, mightve held your purse and carried the bag out. He did not question your need for more pants or defer going in favor of watching sports. He didn't know how the numbers work. You really wanna plant your hitch and moan flag on this molehill?

    Indeed. You got a gem of a fella, don't lose him. :laugh:
  • tetecia
    tetecia Posts: 75 Member
    Options
    First, if you feel that your boyfriend is attracted to you and is mostly supportive (no offense to the men on here, but men are not ALWAYS supportive in the most appropriate ways, its just how they are wired, sometimes they forget they aren't talking to one of their buddies, and this is our fault too, because we are wired to be a little sensitive sometimes), then don't worry too much about it. Sometimes people we care about do not realize the power of the things they say. Remember, also, that when people hurt us, they are able to hurt us because we gave them the power to do so- meaning because we place value in the things they say and do, they are able to hurt us. If they continue to hurt us, then maybe that is when we have to re-evaluate to determine if they are worthy of that power.

    Second, size varies greatly. Don't let a tag or a number on the scale control you. If you are unhappy with where you are, then keep up your good work towards your goal. If you are happy then don't let it bother you. Rejoice in your daily accomplishments towards your goal and the positives about you. Try not to focus on the negatives. When someone says things that are detrimental to your self image or goal, your emotions are immediately going to sting and hurt. However, force your brain to talk you through letting it go, or you will continue to hear that negative thought for weeks or months. Focusing on this will only make you unhappy and be detrimental to what you are trying to achieve.

    Don't forget- clothes sizes are very variable. When I was at my smallest size I wore typically a size 6 to 8- however, I had everything in pants from a size 4 to a size 13 in my closet that fit. Clothing size is rather irrelevant. At this point I'm typically a size 10 but have one pair of size 14 dress pants because the way my shape is. I also have a dress size 3/4 that currently fits. The tag is not relevant but to our egos. Wear what looks good on you and makes you feel good. Tell your boyfriend it just means you have more junk in the trunk, which gives him more to kiss if he wants to act up :wink:

    ^^^This! i'm sure your BF didn't realize what he was really saying. He most likely was thinking that womens clothes are sized the same as mens. Plus, try to ignore the tag. I have pants in my closet that covers about 5 different sizes, simply because of the style/cut/brand. I think that your BF was just trying to be supportive and just didn't realize what it was he was actually saying.
    either way, great job of what you've accomplished thus far!
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    Options
    Would it have made you feel better if he would have straight up told you you're fat without skipping a beat and having no clue that he quite possibly said something rude? Because that's what my friend at work did to me. It didn't feel good. Our friendship is hanging on by a half cut thread. Cut your boyfriend some slack. He clearly isn't up to par on women's sizes.
  • tinchick
    tinchick Posts: 59 Member
    Options
    Here's the thing about guys. They have no concept of size.

    I work at Catherines. It's a plus sized clothing store. We get guys that come in trying to find something for their wives and they never know what size she is. One time, my boss, who is both petite and all around tiny, asked a man what size his wife was. His response was "About your size". Some guys also claim that their wife is really big and she ends up being only a 1X (which is an 18/20) or 2X (which is a 22/24)

    And then other guys go the opposite direction and think that I am too small to shop there. (I used to be able to fit into the smallest size we carry. I've lost some weight so now most of the stuff is a little too big on me)

    I know that it sucks that he said that, but honestly, it was just a dumb guy moment. Unless they start sizing women's clothing like they do men's, guys will never comprehend what size clothing equals what size woman.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    Options
    Wow, sounds like he really stuck his foot in his mouth. THat sounds like a total bummer, but hopefully one day it will just be a funny memory. On the bright side, you actually aren't a size 20 anymore and you'll never have to be a size 20 again! Hooray for that as it is a huge accomplishment.
  • LiOB623
    LiOB623 Posts: 4
    Options
    Hey, I know how you feel. I'm married and I still don't want my husband to know how much I weigh and though he knows what my sizes are I still cringe on the inside. A lot of times men truly say the wrong thing. I sure hope he apologized (grovelling would DEFINITELY be appropriate), if he didn't, I sure hope that you kicked him to the curb!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options
    It probably didn't feel very good, and I would be embarrassed too at having to tell him that. But I also don't think he had much idea of what he was saying (clearly, as they make clothing much bigger than a size 20-he obviously has no idea what womens sizes are.)

    As a pop quiz, I just said to my husband: "You won't get crap from me no matter what you say, but what size do you think I am?" He said, "I'm not trying to avoid the question, but honestly, I have such little concept of what women's sizes are." I said, "Just pick a number." He said, "I don't know, 5?" Then he wanted to know if he was anywhere in the ballpark.
  • emmie0622
    emmie0622 Posts: 167 Member
    Options
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far

    Congrats on going down a size! Awesome!!!
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Options
    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine

    Bahaha!! Not to mention that women's sizing is completely stupid!
  • tequilasunris3
    tequilasunris3 Posts: 197
    Options
    I'm 190lbs and a size 16 and my best friend is (guestimate) 120lbs and a size 8/10. My boyfriend once said to me 'if she's a size 8, you must be.. does it it go up in twos? ...you're a size 12' lol.
    Men know NOTHING about womens clothes sizing!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Options

    For Christmas one year when my husband and I were first married he bought me a new jacket. Keep in mind I was really skinny at the time and wore a size 4..... He bought me a size 16. The reason? It was closest to my age.

    Boys are dumb. They have no idea how women's sizes work.

    LOL! I love this!
  • donnaann1971
    donnaann1971 Posts: 1
    Options
    Try and look at it in a good way. Mens jeans run in the upper twenties and up. He could have meant he didn't realize they made jeans that small. Men don't understand clothing, etc.
  • banshishi
    banshishi Posts: 197
    Options
    Date older men who aren't as insensitive and immature.


    This also :)

    You are kidding right, date men who aren't as insensitive and immature, yes maybe..older doesn't always mean that, it just means they have a lot more experience at being insensitive and immature.

    I dont really understand why its so upsetting really, I have no concept of what an american size 20 is so maybe thats why I dont understand why its so self asteem destroying! You are the size you are, you are working on changing it.

Categories