HUMILIATED!!!!!!

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Replies

  • tinchick
    tinchick Posts: 59 Member
    Here's the thing about guys. They have no concept of size.

    I work at Catherines. It's a plus sized clothing store. We get guys that come in trying to find something for their wives and they never know what size she is. One time, my boss, who is both petite and all around tiny, asked a man what size his wife was. His response was "About your size". Some guys also claim that their wife is really big and she ends up being only a 1X (which is an 18/20) or 2X (which is a 22/24)

    And then other guys go the opposite direction and think that I am too small to shop there. (I used to be able to fit into the smallest size we carry. I've lost some weight so now most of the stuff is a little too big on me)

    I know that it sucks that he said that, but honestly, it was just a dumb guy moment. Unless they start sizing women's clothing like they do men's, guys will never comprehend what size clothing equals what size woman.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    Wow, sounds like he really stuck his foot in his mouth. THat sounds like a total bummer, but hopefully one day it will just be a funny memory. On the bright side, you actually aren't a size 20 anymore and you'll never have to be a size 20 again! Hooray for that as it is a huge accomplishment.
  • Hey, I know how you feel. I'm married and I still don't want my husband to know how much I weigh and though he knows what my sizes are I still cringe on the inside. A lot of times men truly say the wrong thing. I sure hope he apologized (grovelling would DEFINITELY be appropriate), if he didn't, I sure hope that you kicked him to the curb!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    It probably didn't feel very good, and I would be embarrassed too at having to tell him that. But I also don't think he had much idea of what he was saying (clearly, as they make clothing much bigger than a size 20-he obviously has no idea what womens sizes are.)

    As a pop quiz, I just said to my husband: "You won't get crap from me no matter what you say, but what size do you think I am?" He said, "I'm not trying to avoid the question, but honestly, I have such little concept of what women's sizes are." I said, "Just pick a number." He said, "I don't know, 5?" Then he wanted to know if he was anywhere in the ballpark.
  • emmie0622
    emmie0622 Posts: 167 Member
    Maybe view it as a compliment, he odviously does not see you as that size. Congrats on the loss so far

    Congrats on going down a size! Awesome!!!
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine

    Bahaha!! Not to mention that women's sizing is completely stupid!
  • I'm 190lbs and a size 16 and my best friend is (guestimate) 120lbs and a size 8/10. My boyfriend once said to me 'if she's a size 8, you must be.. does it it go up in twos? ...you're a size 12' lol.
    Men know NOTHING about womens clothes sizing!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member

    For Christmas one year when my husband and I were first married he bought me a new jacket. Keep in mind I was really skinny at the time and wore a size 4..... He bought me a size 16. The reason? It was closest to my age.

    Boys are dumb. They have no idea how women's sizes work.

    LOL! I love this!
  • Try and look at it in a good way. Mens jeans run in the upper twenties and up. He could have meant he didn't realize they made jeans that small. Men don't understand clothing, etc.
  • Date older men who aren't as insensitive and immature.


    This also :)

    You are kidding right, date men who aren't as insensitive and immature, yes maybe..older doesn't always mean that, it just means they have a lot more experience at being insensitive and immature.

    I dont really understand why its so upsetting really, I have no concept of what an american size 20 is so maybe thats why I dont understand why its so self asteem destroying! You are the size you are, you are working on changing it.
  • crrc78
    crrc78 Posts: 207 Member
    First, congrats on losing 25 lbs - that's truly fantastic.
    Second, I have this theory that has proven to be accurate about 934 times - BOYS ARE DUMB. GIRLS ARE CRAZY.
    Boys have no clue about women's sizes, nor do they understand the BS that we face every day.
    The worst sizing experience I ever had was with my own wedding gown - you'd think they could ditch the old pattern sizes (that make your size like x+6) and make the bride feel good about herself.

    I'm sure he felt like a total *kitten*. Be proud of yourself and keep moving in the right direction!
  • I know it hurt, but try to not let it get to you too bad. Bless'em, most men don't have a clue, and he was so remorseful for what he said to hurt you without knowing he did. Like someone else said, look at it as a compliment since he obviously didn't see you in a "big" size in his eyes. Numbers will keep going down, so just keep on keeping on!
  • I wouldn't let it get to you. Men don't really understand the woman's system of numbers. There system is way different from ours.

    Exactly, we are men and aren''t supposed to know that stuff, unless your a clothing designer.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    I see you've said that you talk about plus sized modeling a lot, but that still doesn't mean he gets how sizes work. If he thought you were a 17, he may have thought a 20 is three sizes up from that. I've mentioned my size to my husband before, and he didn't remember. And our sizes are so arbitrary. When he wanted to know if he was right, I had to explain that it depends on the store and the age range (kids, juniors, or adults.)
  • Darn. I wish you had made a comeback at that moment by stating 'And still sexy, right?'. Before I started losing weight (-10 lbs so far) I did make that comeback remark to someone instead of letting myself get upset. All the male could do was say 'YES indeed'. He's just a friend & my husband thinks I look nice no matter my size. Just remember you are a lovely woman & you'll only get lovelier as you reach the goal you have set for yourself.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • "That's my size. Talk ****, get hit" and be done with it.
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
    Focus on the weight you did lose and the prize you will get when you reach your goal. I CAN happen. It happened for me at age 50 when everyone around me told me to give up this just happens when you get old. I had lots of bad experiences in my 15 years of being obese. I'm glad I never gave up.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    PS: If it helps, he probably feels pretty bad and embarrassed himself. Nothing worse than making a cutting remark and hurting the person you care about. It's like talking about someone and realizing she's standing right behind you.
  • jammet80
    jammet80 Posts: 96 Member
    Oh Honey! That stinks! I would feel crappy too! But I am so sue that it was simply his ignorance. You know how men are! He obviously finds you beautiful and attractive! And you've already lost a size! Great job! Try to put it behind you, you're beautiful!
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
    Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.
    This is completely OT, and I am inclined to agree, but

    Is that a TARDIS you're standing in front of? :O
  • BuckwheatsMomma
    BuckwheatsMomma Posts: 32 Member
    I guess I am missing something!

    Why do you (and others) take it as being something he intended to do to humiliate you!

    Why would he do that?

    Some me simply think in honest terms, and although saying you are a size 20 to him may have only meant that he guessed the correct size! He must like it! Would it have made you feel better if he had said you were a aize10? He was just being real!

    Honey, if all it takes to bring your self esteem down is what this man said to you then you are in bad shape. If this is true then you need to gain some self esteem in addition to losing some weight.

    Apparently he likes you! Stop being so sensitive~
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
    Date older men who aren't as insensitive and immature.


    This also :)

    You are kidding right, date men who aren't as insensitive and immature, yes maybe..older doesn't always mean that, it just means they have a lot more experience at being insensitive and immature.

    I dont really understand why its so upsetting really, I have no concept of what an american size 20 is so maybe thats why I dont understand why its so self asteem destroying! You are the size you are, you are working on changing it.

    I don't see how what he said was insensitive or immature at all.
    It was just a little slip up.
  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
    Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.
    This is completely OT, and I am inclined to agree, but

    Is that a TARDIS you're standing in front of? :O

    I might be a man but I never said I was from this planet. :) As Author John Gray said in his book title, women are from Venus, men are from Mars.
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
    I'm wondering what happened to the "Yes I AM fat" 'don't sugar coat it' attitude.

    you're the second person to make that comment and I'll give you the same reply - there is a difference between knowing and accepting i'm fat (which he does with a grace that I deeply appreciate) and there is being surprise that it's possible for people to exist that are as fat as me.
    But that's not what he said. He said he didn't realize clothes went up to size 20. That's it. He didn't say a size 20 was huge or that you were huge. He didn't say he was surprised people could be as fat as you. YOU'RE putting those words into his mouth. You just said he knows and accepts that you're fat. So what if he's clueless about a size 20? It doesn't matter because he loves you just the way you are.

    Sure, it was kind of brainless to open his mouth and express the thought, but I'm sure it wasn't out of malice. Chalk it up to something ill-timed and let it go. You have a guy who loves you very much, just the way you are, and it's obvious he was just having a foot-in-mouth moment.
  • mcrowe1016
    mcrowe1016 Posts: 647 Member
    I'm wondering what happened to the "Yes I AM fat" 'don't sugar coat it' attitude.

    you're the second person to make that comment and I'll give you the same reply - there is a difference between knowing and accepting i'm fat (which he does with a grace that I deeply appreciate) and there is being surprise that it's possible for people to exist that are as fat as me.
    But that's not what he said. He said he didn't realize clothes went up to size 20. That's it. He didn't say a size 20 was huge or that you were huge. He didn't say he was surprised people could be as fat as you. YOU'RE putting those words into his mouth. You just said he knows and accepts that you're fat. So what if he's clueless about a size 20? It doesn't matter because he loves you just the way you are.

    Sure, it was kind of brainless to open his mouth and express the thought, but I'm sure it wasn't out of malice. Chalk it up to something ill-timed and let it go. You have a guy who loves you very much, just the way you are, and it's obvious he was just having a foot-in-mouth moment.

    Isn't it a good thing that he had no idea you were anywhere near a 20? I am confused about what is humiliating about any of this.