Honest opinions needed

amandager
amandager Posts: 49 Member
in Chit-Chat
My sister is getting married next month. My boyfriend and I have talked and are ready for the next step, but we want to be respectful and not "steal her spotlight" and are not planning on becoming engaged until after her wedding, which she appreciates. However, she doesn't seem to like the fact that we still want to move forward with a wedding next spring, she thinks it's to close to when he is getting married. I'm confused and don't see her logic. Should I put my happiness on hold for her when she will have already had her moment? Is there anything wrong with doing it so closely after? Am I being inconsiderate? I know this can go either way depending on the person so I am open to all feedback. Thank you!!!
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Replies

  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
    She's being ridiculous. She may calm down after her wedding, though.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    Next spring is fine. You'll have MONTHS in between the weddings. Her day is her day -- once the wedding is over, she needs o let the attention move on and live her life.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    Yeah, she's probably just in bridezilla mode. As long as you wait until after her wedding (and honeymoon) and let them get all settled down, she most likely won't care any more! If you guys are ready you deserve to take that step :)
  • 2012Mich
    2012Mich Posts: 91 Member
    I think it's wonderful that you are respecting her and not getting engaged in the middle of her moment. But I think it's unreasonable for her to ask you to postpone your intentions of getting married.
  • Alarista
    Alarista Posts: 77 Member
    She should be grateful you are waiting to get engaged officially. It seems fine, she gets her "day" not her decade
  • xo_Sarah_xo
    xo_Sarah_xo Posts: 308 Member
    So she has become a "Bridezilla" it seems. I think it is very considerate of you and your boyfriend to wait until after her wedding to get engaged. You should totally enjoy her "big day" next month and congratulate her appropriately. You should then do what YOU need to do...and that is do what makes YOU happy. Does she generally try to dictate your life or is this a first???

    Overall, I think she is being a bit of a bully and after her wedding then you should completely ignore her opinion on this matter.

    Good luck and congratulations TO YOU for finding that special someone...:wink:
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    IMO, she doesn't own the 6 months before and after her wedding.
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    I think it's wonderful that you are respecting her and not getting engaged in the middle of her moment. But I think it's unreasonable for her to ask you to postpone your intentions of getting married.

    This exactly.
  • xo_Sarah_xo
    xo_Sarah_xo Posts: 308 Member
    So she has become a "Bridezilla" it seems. I think it is very considerate of you and your boyfriend to wait until after her wedding to get engaged. You should totally enjoy her "big day" next month and congratulate her appropriately. You should then do what YOU need to do...and that is do what makes YOU happy. Does she generally try to dictate your life or is this a first???

    Overall, I think she is being a bit of a bully and after her wedding then you should completely ignore her opinion on this matter.

    Good luck and congratulations TO YOU for finding that special someone...:wink:
  • KaidaKantri
    KaidaKantri Posts: 401
    I think she's being selfish and ridiculous. Your wedding will be about 6 months away if she's getting married next month and yours next spring. IMO, from what you have stated she sounds like she doesn't care about your happiness, and if she's saying your selfish to have a wedding that soon because she wants to be in the spotlight, is she REALLY in love with the man she's marrying, because if she was, then you getting married in 6 months from now wouldn't be that big of a deal.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Do what you two want to do. It's not up to her when you get married.
  • selig0730
    selig0730 Posts: 509 Member
    you should announce it a month after the wedding and at least 3 months after the wedding so this way she still get the spotlight but after that its ok...she doesnt own the next 6 months and more
  • amandager
    amandager Posts: 49 Member
    So she has become a "Bridezilla" it seems. I think it is very considerate of you and your boyfriend to wait until after her wedding to get engaged. You should totally enjoy her "big day" next month and congratulate her appropriately. You should then do what YOU need to do...and that is do what makes YOU happy. Does she generally try to dictate your life or is this a first???

    Overall, I think she is being a bit of a bully and after her wedding then you should completely ignore her opinion on this matter.

    Good luck and congratulations TO YOU for finding that special someone...:wink:

    This is a first. She has never tried to dictate my life which I even more surprising.
  • waronmyfat
    waronmyfat Posts: 322 Member
    can you say bride zilla ... just do what you want who cares what your sister says get married when you want !
  • emmie0622
    emmie0622 Posts: 167 Member
    I think it's wonderful that you are respecting her and not getting engaged in the middle of her moment. But I think it's unreasonable for her to ask you to postpone your intentions of getting married.

    Totally Agree!
  • xxnellie146xx
    xxnellie146xx Posts: 996 Member
    IMO, she doesn't own the 6 months before and after her wedding.

    Agreed. You are holding off your engagement until after her wedding, she shouldn't dictate when you get married.
  • WickedBean
    WickedBean Posts: 244 Member
    I think it's wonderful that you are respecting her and not getting engaged in the middle of her moment. But I think it's unreasonable for her to ask you to postpone your intentions of getting married.
    Yup this. You are respecting her by not getting engaged until after her wedding, and by waiting until next spring you have plenty of time between weddings.
  • heddylyn
    heddylyn Posts: 173 Member
    My younger sister got married 3 and a half months after me and it didn't bother me. My parents on the other hand were a little strapped for cash that year. :laugh: My older sister announced her engagement at my college graduation party, that annoyed me a bit but what can you do? It sounds like you are trying to be respectful and fall vs. spring is plenty of time between weddings in my opinion.
  • bizorra
    bizorra Posts: 151 Member
    You are the best sister ever for even taking "her spotlight" in to account!
    I'd say just be respectful of how stressed out she's going to be and just not talk about it with her until after her day.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    So she has become a "Bridezilla" it seems. I think it is very considerate of you and your boyfriend to wait until after her wedding to get engaged. You should totally enjoy her "big day" next month and congratulate her appropriately. You should then do what YOU need to do...and that is do what makes YOU happy. Does she generally try to dictate your life or is this a first???

    Overall, I think she is being a bit of a bully and after her wedding then you should completely ignore her opinion on this matter.

    Good luck and congratulations TO YOU for finding that special someone...:wink:

    This is a first. She has never tried to dictate my life which I even more surprising.
    Then she's probably just got the bride crazies -- if it were me, I'd just not mention it anymore, and continue to make my plans. If she's not normally a control freak, she'll probably calm down about it after the wedding.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Yep, just don't talk to her about it for now, and make your plans. She is being unreasonable. If she still has an issue with it after her wedding is over, there's nothing you can do about it. That's really silly for her to want to postpone your wedding so far after her wedding is already over. Since this is a first for her, she'll probably realize that after the wedding is over and life goes back to real life. People aren't going to spend the next six months thinking about her wedding.
  • amandager
    amandager Posts: 49 Member
    Thanks everyone!! So I guess another question would be do I wait to make announcement once it's happened (engagement)? Especially if we want to plan for four months later? I mean we can move forward with planning right now and just not talk about it.
  • Alemap25
    Alemap25 Posts: 4
    It seems to me that the respect you showed for her is one way only.
  • nelsoji
    nelsoji Posts: 79 Member
    I guess i will be the voice of opposition here somewhat. It is certainly not unfair of you to get married a few months after your sister, it is what it is with that, but just think about what its going to do to any family that has to travel to both weddings.

    So its not an issue - but don't be upset if some of your extended family is unable to make the wedding. I have been on the other side of this and had to hear complaints about an entire years worth of vacation money was used on two family weddings.

    So again - do whatever you want for sure - agree with the others there - but understand that its not just your sister that is affected by a wedding 4 months after hers!!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    I would announce both the engagement and the wedding about a month or so after her wedding. That way people have time to plan.

    I wouldn't worry about extended family being affected. You can't plan around everyone. Whether or not you were getting married, someone else in their lives would be. Sometimes it just happens. A couple of years ago was the Year of Weddings in our lives, and both sides of the family and friends were getting hitched (and then having babies.) It's life. Even if your sister hadn't gotten married, not everyone could afford to come in from out of town.
  • taylor5877
    taylor5877 Posts: 1,792 Member
    I think you're on he right track...don't steal any thunder, and move forward with engagement/wedding plans after her wedding.

    I wouldn't worry about sore feelings if done that way...you've got to live your life too.
  • bahacca
    bahacca Posts: 878 Member
    I had intentions of getting married, but I didn't control the engagement at all. You holding off on getting engaged AND announcing it so she can have the spotlight to herself---you deserve a medal.
    I'd plan it all out now to allow more time, maybe even book the place if it is popular, etc, but wait to announce, etc until a month or so after. Just be prepared if you and your BF have been together a while for everyone and their dog at her wedding to say "So who's next? Are you two gonna get married now?"
  • beach_please
    beach_please Posts: 533 Member
    I think it was it was the respectful thing to do to delay announcing your engagement until after her wedding but I really don't see how you getting married next Spring is too close to her wedding? That's ridiculous. Go ahead with your plans. She's being a control freak.
  • binglebandit
    binglebandit Posts: 531 Member
    I've known sisters that got married before in the same summer (possibly even month, but I don't remember). I think it's fine to announce it shortly after her wedding (maybe give her a month) then start planning for the Spring.

    I got married about 9 months after my older sister. Really I didn't pay any attention to what she was doing, that's just the time that worked best for me and my husband. She advised I wait a bit longer, but that was because she thought no one would want to travel across the country again so soon (which they didn't, but I didn't care). If you're worried about something like that, then put it off, but otherwise I don't think it's a big deal.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    Several months in between weddings should be just fine, especially if you take care not to copy any major aspects of her wedding. If you had the same colors or same dress, that would understandably be infuriating to her. Otherwise, she needs to enjoy her moment in the spotlight and then move on and focus on having a good marriage. Can't be the blushing bride forever.

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