help with dating??

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justjenn1977
justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
in Chit-Chat
so I am single... divorced... mom of three teenagers... good person... kinda cute... and nice... I love being active... and I want to start dating again... I never really dated before I met my husband... we were married for almost 11 years...

I don't know how to do it...

I don't know how to meet a guy...

I don't know what to say when I find a guy attractive...

I don't go to bars... I don't go to clubs... most of my free time is taking my kids on hiking and biking trips because I like to be out in the middle of nowhere... basically I work and I go hang out with my kids...

had a friend suggest I write a personal ad... I don't know how to do that...

I am tired of being lonely... but I don't know how to meet new people!
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Replies

  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
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    You could always date online to begin with. Webcam/ call. Chat... text. etc.

    Ask your friend to help you make the ad :)

    Get out and do more social activities... Church, stuff in the city.

    When you see a guy that you find attractive, just talk. You don't even have to flirt... become friends first. A lot of relationships start off as friendships.

    Good luck :)
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    You could always date online to begin with. Webcam/ call. Chat... text. etc.

    Ask your friend to help you make the ad :)

    Get out and do more social activities... Church, stuff in the city.

    When you see a guy that you find attractive, just talk. You don't even have to flirt... become friends first. A lot of relationships start off as friendships.

    Good luck :)


    I don't know how/where to do online dating...

    I do church... but I am usually hanging out with the teenagers... not so many single adult males in there... I don't know what you mean by "stuff in the city"... what does one do in the city??

    I don't know how to talk to a guy that I find attractive... I kinda freeze up... and get tongue tied...
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    My suggestion, meetup.com. It's a website that has different groups based on interests and where you are located in the United States.

    Since you like to be outdoors, look for groups like that around your area or groups for people around your age that include single folks... and get going.

    You can also meet some pretty neat friends that way too!
  • hydelaa
    hydelaa Posts: 184
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    I know it sounds dumb, but I found my boyfriend of 10 months on plentyoffish.com (plenty of fish)...yes you have to be wiry of perverts and loosers aka those just try to get laid, but I do think there are some great people on there...people who don't have time to go out...That's what I suggest. And it's free :)
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i also recommend meetup. find some groups based on your interests and start going to meet ups.

    if you like being active then look for adventure groups, hiking groups, and related groups.
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    I joined meetup... am looking for groups...

    I still need to figure out how to actually talk to a guy that I find attractive... :embarassed:
  • lmunro5394
    lmunro5394 Posts: 33 Member
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    Oh goodness Jennfrye I'm in the same boat as you! I was married for 20yrs, met my ex when I was 15, so really have NO experience in the dating world!!!
    I get the fear and the becoming tongue tied!
    Since I'm in the same boat as you, I'll just say good luck!!!!!
  • DocCollins_SFA
    DocCollins_SFA Posts: 113
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    You could always date online to begin with. Webcam/ call. Chat... text. etc.

    Ask your friend to help you make the ad :)

    Get out and do more social activities... Church, stuff in the city.

    When you see a guy that you find attractive, just talk. You don't even have to flirt... become friends first. A lot of relationships start off as friendships.

    Good luck :)


    I don't know how/where to do online dating...

    I do church... but I am usually hanging out with the teenagers... not so many single adult males in there... I don't know what you mean by "stuff in the city"... what does one do in the city??

    I don't know how to talk to a guy that I find attractive... I kinda freeze up... and get tongue tied...

    Check out Christianmingle.com
  • MorganLeighRN
    MorganLeighRN Posts: 411 Member
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    Be yourself! That's the easiest way to find someone that is right for you. Ask friends if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Check out match.com or Google dating sites based on your religion.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
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    I joined meetup... am looking for groups...

    I still need to figure out how to actually talk to a guy that I find attractive... :embarassed:

    Say Hello and ask how they are doing. Just start with a simple conversation.
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    Be yourself! That's the easiest way to find someone that is right for you. Ask friends if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Check out match.com or Google dating sites based on your religion.


    I think this may be my biggest issue...

    I have trouble maintaining my "self" when I am with a guy I like... I tend to loose myself in trying to make people happy...
  • DawnEH612
    DawnEH612 Posts: 574 Member
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    I was never good at dating... I always dumped the "healthy" guys and went for the guys that sucked the life out of me, lol! One of mygoaded when I started my journey in November 2011, was to get it "right" with the next guy, not jump right into a relationship or bail out too soon. But like anything, it takes practice to get good at it. I am, maybe for the first time ever, casually dating someone. It feels good to just hang out with no pressure and get to know him.
    Maybe you can meet someone at the gym? Or join meetup.com. There are so many activities... It's really endless. Some are even for single parents and kids are open to come, too. Perhaps join a church or accidentally, on purpose, run into a guys shopping cart at the store or casually ask about a food item he is picking up, like asking if it's good.
    I wasn't even interested in the gym I'm dating, I just needed a spot at the gym... It turned into a few months now!
    Just be you... Relax... If being you doesn't work, then he's no good for you anyway!
  • DawnEH612
    DawnEH612 Posts: 574 Member
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    Be yourself! That's the easiest way to find someone that is right for you. Ask friends if they know of anyone that they could set you up with. Check out match.com or Google dating sites based on your religion.


    I think this may be my biggest issue...

    I have trouble maintaining my "self" when I am with a guy I like... I tend to loose myself in trying to make people happy...
    If that's the case, maybe go to a few groups such as Codependence Anonymous (CoDA). Figure out who you really are first. I had this problem, too.. It's ugly. It really sucked the life out of my and kept the pounds on my body. Something happende to me this time around and I GOT IT! I mean I really got it. Of you don't know who you are or what you want, how can ou ever meet the needs of a relationship and how can that relationship ever be satisfying? It can't.. You will try and try and try until you truly have nothing else to give.. Then you will be angry and resentful... become depressed, isolate and use food to cope... Trust me, ive lived it for 20 years!
    I say DATE YOU for a while.. Get to truly know who you are... Check out one of those meetings and check out this link..

    http://www.coda.org/tools4recovery/patterns-new.htm
  • ChelsoBee
    ChelsoBee Posts: 26 Member
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    Have you ever tried howaboutwe.com? Its a cute site. I did online dating for a while, but had no luck with it. I finally told myself that I was ok with not having someone, and then a few days later I met my now boyfriend where I least expected it. I was at the dog park in our town and my dog ended up jumping on his lap and we talked for a few hours. It definitely happens when you least expect it.
  • justjenn1977
    justjenn1977 Posts: 437 Member
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    If that's the case, maybe go to a few groups such as Codependence Anonymous (CoDA). Figure out who you really are first. I had this problem, too.. It's ugly.


    I think it isn't as bad as a codependence issue...

    but I do tend to not be very assertive about my desires...
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I know it sounds dumb, but I found my boyfriend of 10 months on plentyoffish.com (plenty of fish)...yes you have to be wiry of perverts and loosers aka those just try to get laid, but I do think there are some great people on there...people who don't have time to go out...That's what I suggest. And it's free :)

    I'm glad you found someone on there! I was on that site for a little while and all I got were one sentence messages like "hey you ;)" or "wanna be fwb?" Yeesh.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    Why not find some hobbies of your own without the kids? My top suggestion-volunteering. I met all the guys I've really clicked with while volunteering in some way. I think because its a sacrifice of your time and perhaps money for the good of people who can't pay you back. You might meet some quality guys that way. I sure have.

    In church, you said most of your time is spent with the youth. It might help you grow spiritually to be with more mature Christians in a Bible study...not to mention you could meet someone there.

    Also, when out and about, give guys the chance to approach you. I used to be the kind of girl that would always have a couple of girlfriends with me because I felt awkward being alone. That's intimidating to guys! For example, if you're at church, stand on the patio and just wait to be approached. At the park, sit down on a bench by yourself for a while, and before you know it, someone might ask to sit next to you.
  • sbernardy
    sbernardy Posts: 188
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    I know it sounds dumb, but I found my boyfriend of 10 months on plentyoffish.com (plenty of fish)...yes you have to be wiry of perverts and loosers aka those just try to get laid, but I do think there are some great people on there...people who don't have time to go out...That's what I suggest. And it's free :)

    This is also what I did... we met in winter of 2010.. and we were married 05-14-12... I agree you have to weed some of the losers out.. but I finally found my soulmate... If you have any questions please feel free to PM me :) (Trust me I was super shy)
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    I think it isn't as bad as a codependence issue...

    but I do tend to not be very assertive about my desires...

    Getting to know who you are and what you want will help. E-harmony has a really good method to get you to really think about what's important to you. You don't need to sign up but maybe check the enrollment form for all the questions you should think about.

    Also, best to just have some normal conversations first. Get a feeling for someone. If they tend to talk to you more or seek you out for conversations then you can throw in something about getting together for coffee or like that. Best not to even get in your head that you want a 'relationship' that will just sabotage you. Don't settle. If you meet someone and they don't fit your 'wants' move on.
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
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    My suggestion is to know who you are and exactly what you want. Try to get involved in groups, activities that truly interest you. I find it easier to mingle in social gatherings and slowly get to know someone before the dating thing - I hate dating.

    For me when I was still single and older - I went to single church groups because that is who I am. There is a social group (which the name is escaping me now) that has a lot of local groups you can take part in depending on your interests.

    Good luck to you and be safe.

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