Honest opinions needed

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  • embersfallen
    embersfallen Posts: 534 Member
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    Especially if you are waiting until AFTER her wedding to even get engaged, there is no way whatsoever that that would be stealing her spotlight in ANY way shape or form! You could run off and get married the next weekend, and it would not effect her day at all...so I think she is just being a lil' silly. ;) She might be looking at it through the eyes of all her wedding planning stress, but should try to see this through your heart and desire for happiness as well!

    Best of luck to you, and hope she comes around and acts kinder towards you about it all!
  • treimnitz
    treimnitz Posts: 51 Member
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    I'm getting married this week and my cousin is getting married next fall. She is already planning her wedding. She also got engaged about three months after we did! To add to it, my fiance's family had two cousins get married a month and two months ahead of us. (We were actually the first to get engaged and set the date out of all the cousins getting married! They just all planned their weddings first)!
    Personally, I think your sister is taking it too personal. Nothing was taken away from us at all during the entire time. Everyone in both of our familys has treated us all equally and loves us just as much.
    You are ONLY planning your wedding AND are just as special as she is. Just wait to show off your dress or ideas for your wedding since she is taking it so personal. Wait until the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years) to talk about your wedding details since she seems to be taking it so personal.
  • wbandel
    wbandel Posts: 530 Member
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    She might just be annoyed because she's so focused on her wedding, she doesn't want to think about anyone else's right now. After it's all over and done, she might not have an issue. The real question is, is she important enough to you that you would postpone your own wedding to keep her happy? If the strain on your relationship proves to be more than it's worth, then maybe you should push it back. Trust me, you'll probably half wish you did when you only have a few weeks left to plan it all! (If you do decide to do this, I would start planning right away but keep it quiet.)

    Personally, I don't see anything wrong with getting married months after her. My opinion really matters little to nothing though! It's all about your relationship with her. I also agree with an earlier poster, having two weddings so close could put strain on the guests, so I would be sure that your guests can handle two weddings so close together. Especially if you use a few of the same people in your wedding party, being in a wedding party is expensive! (Edit: just saw you already replied to this.)

    Wanted to add, that I do think you are being totally respectful, and that she is over-reacting. I just wanted to point out what some of the outcomes could be if she were truly upset. She probably wont be in the end, seeing as it's 6 months apart!

    So true! If you can, start planning as soon as possible, even if you can't talk about it. You want as little stress as possible towards the end, specially if your sister may be adding to it.
  • peter236uk
    peter236uk Posts: 140 Member
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    Have a double wedding we did !!
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Your sister is being a spoiled asshat.


    Get married when you want to get married. You're going above and beyond by not getting engaged when you want to.
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    Don't worry about it. Right now she is obsessed with her moment. It's hers. Don't worry-she should get over it in time for you to get married in the spring. Just don't go talking details about your wedding while she's having hers. Just remember-if you're planning to include her in your wedding that you don't want your dates overlapping with her honeymoon and such (dates such as when she needs to get a bridesmaids dress, etc.).
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    You are absolutely not doing anything wrong by wanting to get married next spring. Six months is more than enough time to have passed after her wedding. She's had the spotlight all up until her wedding, and then she will have it for her wedding. If you're not even engaged, no one is going to be talking about your upcoming wedding, and what she doesn't realize is that once the wedding is over, it's over with, at least to the rest of the world.

    I think that it is kind of you to think of putting off your engagement at all. In my opinion, so long as you don't get engaged at her wedding or anything like that, you are free to get engaged whenever.

    My sister and I are two years apart but were only a year apart in school, so we grew up close with lots of the same friends, etc. She and her husband got engaged in March and planned an August wedding. My husband and I got engaged in May (right smack dab in the middle of my sister's wedding planning), which (imagine that!) had nothing to do with her engagement. It was just the right time for us. I remember calling my sister before I even called my parents to give her the news. I wanted her to be the first to know so I could head off any issues at the pass, so to speak. I figured she would not be upset, but I wanted to let her know that I was not trying to steal the spotlight or anything. She was totally cool with it and, since she was planning a destination wedding, she offered for us to get married on the same trip (not on the same day). It was very gracious of her to offer, but I declined because I wanted her to do her thing and for us to do ours. Our weddings ended up about a year apart. There was no jealousy whatsoever; I was her maid of honor, and vice versa.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    My sister is getting married next month. My boyfriend and I have talked and are ready for the next step, but we want to be respectful and not "steal her spotlight" and are not planning on becoming engaged until after her wedding, which she appreciates. However, she doesn't seem to like the fact that we still want to move forward with a wedding next spring, she thinks it's to close to when he is getting married. I'm confused and don't see her logic. Should I put my happiness on hold for her when she will have already had her moment? Is there anything wrong with doing it so closely after? Am I being inconsiderate? I know this can go either way depending on the person so I am open to all feedback. Thank you!!!
    Tell your sister that you don't want to get engaged, you HAVE to get engaged... and you want to get wed before you start showing too much. On second thought, don't say that... It might push her over the edge... :ohwell:

    Ah, don't get me started on the brides who get pissed off because a member of their wedding party had the audacity to get pregnant and "steal the spotlight!" I have spent many hours reading etiquettehell.com, and this is a common theme.
  • laurenkoszola
    laurenkoszola Posts: 101 Member
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    I wouldn't worry to much about it. Like everyone has said once her wedding is over, everything will calm down.

    My sister got engaged about a month before my wedding and it did not steal the spotlight from me at all. She just had a nice little addition to her speech as my maid of honor asking me to be hers when they decide on their big day!

    And her wedding ended up being a year later and conpletely different. She did a destination wedding, while I had mine here in Chicago.

    Everything will work out in the end!
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    You should get married whenever you want. Next spring is a lot of time after her wedding. I think you should go for it and ignore her on the matter cause I think she is just being a bridezilla right now and will be fine after the wedding.
  • amandager
    amandager Posts: 49 Member
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    Thanks again everyone. I am hoping after wedding she will calm down a bit and feel better about things. The only reason I even brought it up to her at this point is because I want her to be apart of it and involved. That kinda means maybe dress shopping now as there can be big lead times on dresses and waiting until after her wedding may be cutting it a bit too close for comfort. Only one thing I would want from her before her day. Maybe I just go with the other sister...
  • geogie54
    geogie54 Posts: 23
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    She's getting married in Oct and you want to get married next year in the spring. You should not feel bad about it at all, I think she probably needs to give her head a shake.
  • Jonesingmucho
    Jonesingmucho Posts: 4,902 Member
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    Pfft!

    Plan for your wedding!

    Be ready to get married the same weekend as your sister just in case...oh I don't know...maybe someone shaves her head while she is asleep. No one will want to waste all the cash and hotel rooms, so step in and get married that weekend.

    Be the bigger person and tell your sister it would be fine if she got married in the Spring on your date.

    LOL

    Good luck and best wishes!
  • hacker1234
    hacker1234 Posts: 225 Member
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    I feel opposite. Let your sister have her big day and celebrate this time in her life and what is waiting a month going to do to you for planning a wedding a year from now. Relax and wait your turn. You would likely want to grab all the attention when your big day is approaching.

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