Helping my Mother.

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hanneberries
hanneberries Posts: 119 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've spoken of my mother a few times here on MFP, and how she's been rather unsupportive of my weight loss. Not that she's tried to stop me, but that she's nagged and nagged and nagged for me to lose weight and work out and diet, that the entire notion of it became unappealing.

Lately she has seen my success with MFP, and therefore asked me to sign her up for it. She weighed in at, when she started, 185lbs, and said she wanted to set her goal to 155lbs, so she only has about 30lbs to lose. We works cleaning a college, meaning she's on her feet all day walking the halls, and therefore I set her profile to active, and told her that she should set her goal loss every week to be about 1lb, maybe 1.5 for the first 5-10bs, but then definitely down to 1, and eventually 0.5. She refused. She wanted it set to 2lbs per week, which, since she has so little to lose, naturally set her to 1200 calories. She said that sounded fine even though I said it was little, and has been doing it for a few weeks now. She's lost about 4 or 5lbs to now, but as it's known, people always lose more in their first weeks. HOWEVER. She every day complains about how she is absolutely starving and wants to eat more, however, when I tell her to adjust her goal, she refuses. She hardly exercises, perhaps a short walk once or twice a week, therefore she doesn't win back any exercise calories either.

A few days ago she said that she wanted to be down 10lbs by her birthday, which is October 8th. Now personally, I think that is unreasonable seeing as she has so little to lose. I have wanting to be down 10lbs by October 21st, but I work out at a gym 5-6 days a week, and eat back only half my exercise calories, ending up with having eaten for the day around 1500-1600 calories. When I told her that I thought it was a lot, she said that she didn't think so, and that she thought the way *I* am doing it to be lazy. I've lost 26lbs since May 18th, and I am very, very pleased with that.

How do I get her to understand that she is almost doomed to fail? Or at least get her to understand that the weight loss so far is mostly water weight, and that it won't continue that way?

Replies

  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
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    I'd say just let her do what she's going to do anyway. You can't make her eat more, or exercise or lose weight slower/faster. Let her try what she wants. If it doesn't work out then maybe she'll take your advice. As of now, just stay out of it. Don't waste your energy. My two cents. :) Great JOB ON THE 26 LBS BY YOU!!! Keep it up! ;)
  • crystal8208
    crystal8208 Posts: 284 Member
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    You can only tell her what she wants to hear. Otherwise she will not listen to anything. Speak your part. If she ignores you, move on. Success speaks louder than anything else. So when you are successful where she is not, there is only one thing she can do. She will admit her way didn't work and ask for help. Or she will moan and complain some more. Either way, it will not hamper you. You are successful. In the end that's all you can control. You.

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • BrainOnAStick
    BrainOnAStick Posts: 126 Member
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    Ha. I think your mom and my mom are kindred spirits. (My mom is one of the most stubborn people I have ever known. She is an overweight nurse who recently decided to start losing weight, despite years of nagging from my father. It had to be done on her terms and no one else's.)

    One thing I've learned lately is that when it comes to weight loss and fitness, there is something new to learn every day. Sometimes people learn it through an article, a discussion forum, or, in many cases, experience. For example, my husband and I get into it MANY times in regard to the best exercise to lose weight. (He thinks it's running because it worked for him. I hate running, love spinning and just mixing it up now and then. We agree to disagree, don't work out together, etc.) In this case, I think your mom may just have to fail. Ultimately, she is trying in a way that seems to work for her (or so she thinks). Her efforts should be applauded both when she fails and when she doesn't. She's trying, which is so much more than what most people ever do. When she fails, she may come to you for advice or tweak her approach on her own. (Learning from one's own mistakes can be a very valuable lesson.) Either way, I am sure you will be supportive one way or another. There is the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." You lead your mom to MFP (awesome!), but you may not be able to make her "drink" in a way that seems acceptable to you. Eh, love and support her anyway and all will be fine. (If anything, maybe her water weight loss will spark her to be even more active and engaged in her efforts.)

    By the way, congratulations on your 26 pounds. THAT is terrific!

    Good luck with this. Parents can be the source of both our greatest joys and sorrows--often all at the same time!
  • TasTam
    TasTam Posts: 84 Member
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    Hanne, I'm in agreement with most all the responses you have received. Since she seems to know so much, let her proceed in the way she thinks is best. All you can do is give her your advice from your own knowledge of what works for you and she can run with it or dig her heels in and balk at your advice and stick to the plan she's doing now. You have done amazing and most importantly, you have done your weight loss in a healthy way and one that's maintainable. I wish you continued success and hope your mother succeeds in the way she sees fit!!!

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