letting off steam....I'm fed up with Drs
Midgetgem74
Posts: 40 Member
I'm just letting off some steam and didn't really know where to post this.
I've been to see my GP this morning as I'm quite down and feel emotional a lot of the time. I'm waiting for my left hip to be replaced but have been told to lose weight first which I agree with, I'm 38 and need fertility treatment to have a family as my husband had leukemia but this has been on hold due to my hips. As can imagine I just feel stuck in a hopeless situation, until I lose weight I can't get my new hip, until I get my new hip I can't have a baby. I know my weight is now my barrier and that's why I'm on here and trying. I went to see my Dr because of how I'm feeling, fed up and tearful a lot of the time and she pretty much made me feel 10x worse. I got a lecture about my weight and was told pretty much its tough and I can't have anything till the weight is lost....I know this that wasn't why I went to her. I just wanted some support and encouragement. Why do drs feel they can just make you feel so small. I was in floods of tears yet she continued lecturing me. So in the end I just got up and walked out.
They make it sound so easy like the solution is so easy and happens instantly. I'm still motivated I'm not going to let her knock me down I'm just letting off some steam. Grrrrrr OK rant over.
I've been to see my GP this morning as I'm quite down and feel emotional a lot of the time. I'm waiting for my left hip to be replaced but have been told to lose weight first which I agree with, I'm 38 and need fertility treatment to have a family as my husband had leukemia but this has been on hold due to my hips. As can imagine I just feel stuck in a hopeless situation, until I lose weight I can't get my new hip, until I get my new hip I can't have a baby. I know my weight is now my barrier and that's why I'm on here and trying. I went to see my Dr because of how I'm feeling, fed up and tearful a lot of the time and she pretty much made me feel 10x worse. I got a lecture about my weight and was told pretty much its tough and I can't have anything till the weight is lost....I know this that wasn't why I went to her. I just wanted some support and encouragement. Why do drs feel they can just make you feel so small. I was in floods of tears yet she continued lecturing me. So in the end I just got up and walked out.
They make it sound so easy like the solution is so easy and happens instantly. I'm still motivated I'm not going to let her knock me down I'm just letting off some steam. Grrrrrr OK rant over.
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Replies
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I am so sorry that you hurt. Some people just don't get it... it's not exactly "just eat better and exercise". It is harder than that at times. Big hugs to you.0
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Go to a therapist if you want someone to listen to you talk about your feelings.0
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A few questions for you:
1. How long have you had o lose weight?
2. How much have you lost?
3. What are you doing to improve your situation?
4. Did you expect the doctor to sugar coat the instructions of what you need to do?
5. I see you joined in March 2011, it has been over a year since you joined, I assume you made absolutely major changes in that year plus time frame.
6. If you did not make major changes in that time, why are you blaming the doctor for why you feel small?0 -
I don't like Drs either. I got shouted at one once when I said I didn't think my anti-depressants were working. I really feel for your situation - it's really hard when you just need a bit of support and they give you a lecture. It's not like you don't know what you are facing after all!
I think you can lose weight even with limited movements - could do you some arm weights, or some gentle yoga and skip the leg bits, or go for a gentle swim? If you create a deficit, you will be able to lose without too much exercise, although it might be slower.
Good luck with it. Add me if you like
xx0 -
Im so sorry to hear that your doctor had made you feel that way... however, there are lots of people on here that will be more than happy to offer support to you through your weight loss journey, and you can add me if you like.
I know not all doctors are like this, but, I kind of know how you feel, I can go to see my doctor about anything and will only ever get a lecture about losing weight and 'getting my BMI into the healthy range' rather than any solution to what I went in for in the first place! its so frustrating.
good luck with everything xxx0 -
I went to a Dr once to have a problem checked on, and she told me the first thing they had to do was check and see if I had cancer. When I started to cry (I had many other problems going on at that time as well), she slapped me on the leg and shouted, "You'll be fine!" Seriously? You just said cancer, right? Needless to say, I never went back to her. I think that sometimes Drs get emotionally hardened by having to deal with sick people and a broken health care system all the time.0
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Don't let your doctor get to you that way! A doctor/patient relationship should be based on trust and respect, and from the doc's point of view, understanding your suffering. If I would be in that situation, I would look for a different doctor who understands better.
Or maybe a doctor isn't really the key to loosing weight for you. Have you tried a dietist?
Other that that, you have the biggest motivation one could ever ask for when it comes to losing weight! Keep that in mind, and you'll get there in the end... one day at a time
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I dont know where you live but, being the patient - you have the power to choose a different primary care physician. You also have the right to seek the advice of a Specialist as well.
Unfortunately, there is not enough time in the day for any doctor to give the psycho-social therapy to all patients because of the demands of seeing other patients - trust me - I work in a healthcare system of 300+ physicians!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other side of this is, your doctor is advising you correctly. Until you do come to terms with the reality that you do have to lose weight, that surgery will never happen. You are a liability on the surgeon's table in your current situation - they dont want risk losing you on the table because you are in need of having a family.
You really need to consider changing your mental paradigm: stop thinking about all three issues at one time. Instead, you need to focus on one thing. That is all you can humanly do.
Having a baby is not important right now.
Having the surgery is not important right now
What is important right now and should be your primary focus is to lose the weight.
If you willingly allow yourself to get overly consumed, you are consistenly causing the development of cortisol - one of many hormones that will cause you to gain weight/stall any weight loss.
One thing at a time is all you can legitimately handle.
Someone in the thread stated consider a therapist... I will second that suggestion. You definitely sound like you have more underlying things happening that probably could be better handled with a behavioral health counselor.0 -
I'm sorry that you are facing so any challenges and that you're feeling so terrible.
Physicians vary greatly in their expertise at noting or working with mood disorders. Some are very helpful and others have no clue at all. Sounds as though yours falls into the latter category.
I'm not familiar with the workings of the UK healthcare system. Do you have to start with your GP when seeking an appointment with a therapist? Or can you make an appointment on your own? It sounds as though a therapist might be better-suited to assisting you with your emotional challenges.0 -
I dont know where you live but, being the patient - you have the power to choose a different primary care physician. You also have the right to seek the advice of a Specialist as well.
Unfortunately, there is not enough time in the day for any doctor to give the psycho-social therapy to all patients because of the demands of seeing other patients - trust me - I work in a healthcare system of 300+ physicians!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other side of this is, your doctor is advising you correctly. Until you do come to terms with the reality that you do have to lose weight, that surgery will never happen. You are a liability on the surgeon's table in your current situation - they dont want risk losing you on the table because you are in need of having a family.
You really need to consider changing your mental paradigm: stop thinking about all three issues at one time. Instead, you need to focus on one thing. That is all you can humanly do.
Having a baby is not important right now.
Having the surgery is not important right now
What is important right now and should be your primary focus is to lose the weight.
If you willingly allow yourself to get overly consumed, you are consistenly causing the development of cortisol - one of many hormones that will cause you to gain weight/stall any weight loss.
One thing at a time is all you can legitimately handle.
Someone in the thread stated consider a therapist... I will second that suggestion. You definitely sound like you have more underlying things happening that probably could be better handled with a behavioral health counselor.
This is the most sensible thing anyone could say to you right now.
Focus on one thing at a time. Right now is the time to focus on losing weight and quite possibly seeking help for your mental health.0 -
Hang in there!! Today is the First Day of the rest of your Life. The weight came on SLOWLY, and it will go away slowly, too. Small consistent changes WILL get you to your Goals. Just keep Logging On, and Tracking your Food & Exercise.
If you do need a 'Real' Person to talk things over with possibly a Pastor or Good Friend? If Virtual Friends/Listeners will help you won't find any better Friends than MFP Pals. Many of them have been exactly where you are!
:flowerforyou: Good Luck!!0 -
I'd get a new doctor fast!!!!0
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I'm sorry she hurt your feelings and upset you. Doctors are not the best at that, but it's also not their job. Their job is to make sure we're healthy and well, and if you're overweight, sugar coating it won't work. It's like, if your parents consistently say "you're not overweight, you're just big boned" or "you're normal". They tell you those things, you grow up thinking that, and next thing you know you have all this extra weight because they didn't once say "perhaps you should watch what you eat" or "I think you need to get some exercise in."
But the other thing is, in part you know it's so true but you don't want to hear it. I'm sorry it was harsh for her to say that, but sometimes Doctor's need to say that in situations where the patients life and quality of life, are going downhill due to being overweight. I'm sure they are not gentle with pre-diabetics, high blood pressure, etc. patients. Mine was not exactly miss bag of sunshine with me when I first started seeing her. She bluntly said "do you know what my first bit of advice to you will be?" I just looked at her and said "let me guess, lose weight?" bingo. I knew that because I've KNOWN it. But I took it with a grain of salt. She lightened up a bit because my only health risk right now is high cholesterol. But yours are a bit worse.
Don't take it as her being harsh and hard and unsupportive. She wants you to do better so you can live the life YOU want to live! You need to go out there and keep in mind, what's more important, doing nothing and eating foods that taste good now, or that baby you and your husband want? If the baby is more important, you need to assess every step for how to lose that weight. Don't do a fad diet, just eat better, eat your calories, and work out as much as you can. Start small, go strong as you get strong.
I would say if you haven't lost weight it could be a medical problem, but it sounds like you've had evaluations so I'm sure any of those would have been found. Just keep your head up and focus on your long terms, the baby you want, your future family, and a healthier sexier you.0 -
Wow. It might be time to fire your doctor. Remember that they work for you, not the other way around. What you need is treatment for depression, not a lecture. If this was your GP, you might want to talk to your OB-Gyn. I did fire a doctor for not paying attention to what I was telling him. It was one of the most liberating things I have ever done.0
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if i have misread it then i apologise in advance, did you go to the doctor because you are feeling down and tearful? if this is the case then i really think you should find a new doctor as this one is not being helpful or supportive, you are already aware that you need to lose weight to have a hip replacement, you already no you need a hip replacement to have fertility treatment so these shouldn't be knew news to either you or your doctor, you must feel like you are under great pressure and a doctor treating you like that to me is unacceptable, i appreciate that doctors dont have enough time to mollycoddle every patient that walks through the door but when someone who obviously needs help/support comes in if they are unable to provide help at least point them in the right direction of where to find it not give lectures that make the patient feel worse. hope things start to get easier for you and you get the help you need x0
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I feel for you! You need a hug! Hang in there! You can do it! I'm 67 years old with health problems and a bad hip and knees and back. I do what I can and have lost weight. I had a therepist that I hated! She almost killed me with the drugs she gave me to take! For some reason I think women doctors scare me and are mean! It's true we need to be told the truth and what we need but if she didn't see how your feeling why did she get so in-your-face??? I have a male doctor and he is very nice and easy but he did tell me to lose the weight but he was still nice about it. I have a female doctor for women type things like checking breasts and the pap smear but she is a good one.0
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hmmm, well, you have been on here since March 2011 and your ticker says 0 lost. I am going to assume from the multiple issues that you have been seeing your Dr regularly and for an extended amount of time.
Given that you want to have surgery and then start a family but you haven't made progress, your Dr is probably giving up.
My Dr has told me several time that she doesn't spend time or energy on patients that don't put serious effort into their treatment.
I don't know all the details, obviously, but without any progress, your Dr has nothing else to say to you.
It may sound harsh, but the next step of the process is you.0 -
I dont know where you live but, being the patient - you have the power to choose a different primary care physician. You also have the right to seek the advice of a Specialist as well.
Unfortunately, there is not enough time in the day for any doctor to give the psycho-social therapy to all patients because of the demands of seeing other patients - trust me - I work in a healthcare system of 300+ physicians!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other side of this is, your doctor is advising you correctly. Until you do come to terms with the reality that you do have to lose weight, that surgery will never happen. You are a liability on the surgeon's table in your current situation - they dont want risk losing you on the table because you are in need of having a family.
You really need to consider changing your mental paradigm: stop thinking about all three issues at one time. Instead, you need to focus on one thing. That is all you can humanly do.
Having a baby is not important right now.
Having the surgery is not important right now
What is important right now and should be your primary focus is to lose the weight.
If you willingly allow yourself to get overly consumed, you are consistenly causing the development of cortisol - one of many hormones that will cause you to gain weight/stall any weight loss.
One thing at a time is all you can legitimately handle.
Someone in the thread stated consider a therapist... I will second that suggestion. You definitely sound like you have more underlying things happening that probably could be better handled with a behavioral health counselor.
This is the most sensible thing anyone could say to you right now.
Focus on one thing at a time. Right now is the time to focus on losing weight and quite possibly seeking help for your mental health.
^^^^^
If you spread yourself too thin, you won't get anything accomplished. Make a plan and attack it with all you've got. Life can be very overwhelming, but never forget you are in control and you have the power to change your situation if you truly dedicate yourself to doing so.
We have support systems, family, etc, but in the end, it all comes down to you and your own actions and choices. You are strong enough if you allow yourself to be. Best of luck.
*Can't believe all the people saying 'fire the doctor'. It's not the GP's job to coddle her. 'Lose the weight to get what you want' is the kindest advice s/he could have given OP, whether she was ready to hear it or not.0 -
I went to my doctor of 7 years (well she was a recent new doctor but I had seen her a couple of times) because I just wasn't losing weight. She looked how much I should be eating told me and when I said I am doing all of that stuff. She said well you must be doing something wrong. (BTW I have changed doctors since) I gave up since then gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. Now I have lost 10 lbs and have stalled again. I don't care this time. I am sticking to it. I am working out harder this time and eating the right amounts and eating good food. Doctors don't know everything. They hardly know anything really. Every time a report comes out on weight and the body it contradicts what was said in the last few years. I am going with calories in versus calories out. I don't know why my body has stalled but I will not give up. Just keep at it. Think about how great it will be to have a baby! Keep pictures of babies around. Buy some baby clothes. Do anything to keep you motivated to eat the right way. You can do it! Also change doctors!!
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Let me just add I have lost weight. I lost 5 stone or 70lbs in order to have my first hip replaced last august, so don't make me sound like I haven't tried. I have and for many years. Just feels like the goal posts keep changing. I was told all about my weight last week by my orthopaedic consultant and hence why I have started again this week, that is why my ticker is at 0 I've started again. I didn't go the go wanting her to take pity on me or sugar coat anything I've accepted I need to keep losing weight. My issue was that emotionally I'm not coping and I wanted some emotional help as Im tearful all of the time. I didn't want yet another lecture about my weight I'm being proactive, I'm working on my weight I accept that is the problem. It doesn't make it any easier emotionally.
I too work in the nhs I see patients myself and I just couldn't treat a patient sat in front of me in such a desperate state the way I was treated today. Its about respect and empathy and recognizing what help a person actually needs.
Thanks to most of you for the good advice and support. Others don't be so quick to judge.0 -
^ lol
I'm sorry, but I think all of you saying she should fire her doctor are being a bit unrealistic. The doctor is stating the facts. If you want emotional support you go to a counselor, not a doctor. Their job is not the same. The only thing your doctor is going to do is state the facts. You need to lose weight, you need to pay attention to what you're eating, you need to be active. A counselor listens to the tearful sobbing parts and copes with you on the emotional level of how hard the journey is.
You don't "fire" the doctor because they gave you the bad news. Now, if the doctor goes "oh my god you fat lazy slob, don't come in here, get your fat butt out and do some laps" ok, THEN you have a problem. But chances are, they're not about to risk their license and reputation to insult you no matter the case. That's like your doctor saying you have a tumor and you don't like that so you fire them. Yea, you get a second opinion, but if they're right you're going with the doctor you've had longer and are more comfortable with...
Listen to the doctor, keep working, and if you have emotional problems, seek psychological help... not physical.0 -
Let me just add I have lost weight. I lost 5 stone or 70lbs in order to have my first hip replaced last august, so don't make me sound like I haven't tried. I have and for many years. Just feels like the goal posts keep changing. I was told all about my weight last week by my orthopaedic consultant and hence why I have started again this week, that is why my ticker is at 0 I've started again. I didn't go the go wanting her to take pity on me or sugar coat anything I've accepted I need to keep losing weight. My issue was that emotionally I'm not coping and I wanted some emotional help as Im tearful all of the time. I didn't want yet another lecture about my weight I'm being proactive, I'm working on my weight I accept that is the problem. It doesn't make it any easier emotionally.
I too work in the nhs I see patients myself and I just couldn't treat a patient sat in front of me in such a desperate state the way I was treated today. Its about respect and empathy and recognizing what help a person actually needs.
Thanks to most of you for the good advice and support. Others don't be so quick to judge.
Im not judging i am asking question that will allow people to help you.
So can you answer those questions honestly?
I read your profile and this quote was in there "However my other hip is needing the same surgery but I have been told to lose weight first so I desperately need to do this again. "
Does that mean you lost the weight for the first surgery and then you gained it all back and now you need to do it again?
Or is this additional weight loss to the original 70 you lost?
If this is to lose the weight again, then you know what you need to do.0 -
I am so sorry that you hurt. Some people just don't get it... it's not exactly "just eat better and exercise". It is harder than that at times. Big hugs to you.
It's a LOT harder. A study published in the Journal of Pediatrics THIS WEEK showed that girls past age nine and boys past age 12 who are overweight actually eat LESS than normal-weight peers! It is hypothesized that eating more when very young might play a role in later weight problems (and though the overweight children under ages nine and twelve did eat more, the amount was not statistically significant, so clearly more data is needed here) once early adolescence is reached overeating is not necessarily the cause of overweight. So it's likely you already eat less than the doctor, plus you have limitations as to your exercise routine due to your hips, and s/he probably cannot even conceive how big the hill you have to climb is. She needs to find a better doctor who can empathize with the problems she faces.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/09/04/peds.2012-0605.abstract?sid=65efa4d8-2101-4bc5-a1e8-c7773c2728790 -
I'd get a new doctor fast!!!!
That may be what the doctor wants. With the excessive regulations coming down the pipe, more and more doctors will be dumping patients with obvious health problems. Why? Because doctors are going to be penalized based on patient outcomes. If they have too many sick patients the penalties will be higher.
Her doctor was already withholding treatment for the hip. That is unethical, not to mention illegal in many states. But it happens all the time in the UK.0 -
^ lol
I'm sorry, but I think all of you saying she should fire her doctor are being a bit unrealistic. The doctor is stating the facts. If you want emotional support you go to a counselor, not a doctor. Their job is not the same. The only thing your doctor is going to do is state the facts. You need to lose weight, you need to pay attention to what you're eating, you need to be active. A counselor listens to the tearful sobbing parts and copes with you on the emotional level of how hard the journey is.
You don't "fire" the doctor because they gave you the bad news. Now, if the doctor goes "oh my god you fat lazy slob, don't come in here, get your fat butt out and do some laps" ok, THEN you have a problem. But chances are, they're not about to risk their license and reputation to insult you no matter the case. That's like your doctor saying you have a tumor and you don't like that so you fire them. Yea, you get a second opinion, but if they're right you're going with the doctor you've had longer and are more comfortable with...
Listen to the doctor, keep working, and if you have emotional problems, seek psychological help... not physical.
If your primary care physician cannot empathize, s/he is a bad doctor and should be replaced. Period.
The first doctor I had for my cancer did say things I didn't like--and I fired him, because if a doctor can't empathize, he's a lousy doctor. When my current oncologist said I had another tumor, and it was cancer, he didn't say "You know what you have to do here...yadda, yadda..." because that's not his JOB!0 -
I'm not questioning what I need to do, I know what I need to do, that isn't the issue I have raised. I accept I need to lose weight, I've continued to do everything that has been asked of me despite the goalposts always changing. I continue to lose weight regardless.
The issue I have is being treat like an inferior being because I am overweight. It seems this happens on here too.0 -
I'd get a new doctor fast!!!!
That may be what the doctor wants. With the excessive regulations coming down the pipe, more and more doctors will be dumping patients with obvious health problems. Why? Because doctors are going to be penalized based on patient outcomes. If they have too many sick patients the penalties will be higher.
Her doctor was already withholding treatment for the hip. That is unethical, not to mention illegal in many states. But it happens all the time in the UK.
Yeah, I see what you're saying, but NO WAY it's the GP withholding treatment for the hip. A hip replacement absolutely requires a specialist.0 -
THISI dont know where you live but, being the patient - you have the power to choose a different primary care physician. You also have the right to seek the advice of a Specialist as well.
Unfortunately, there is not enough time in the day for any doctor to give the psycho-social therapy to all patients because of the demands of seeing other patients - trust me - I work in a healthcare system of 300+ physicians!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other side of this is, your doctor is advising you correctly. Until you do come to terms with the reality that you do have to lose weight, that surgery will never happen. You are a liability on the surgeon's table in your current situation - they dont want risk losing you on the table because you are in need of having a family.
You really need to consider changing your mental paradigm: stop thinking about all three issues at one time. Instead, you need to focus on one thing. That is all you can humanly do.
Having a baby is not important right now.
Having the surgery is not important right now
What is important right now and should be your primary focus is to lose the weight.
If you willingly allow yourself to get overly consumed, you are consistenly causing the development of cortisol - one of many hormones that will cause you to gain weight/stall any weight loss.
One thing at a time is all you can legitimately handle.
Someone in the thread stated consider a therapist... I will second that suggestion. You definitely sound like you have more underlying things happening that probably could be better handled with a behavioral health counselor.
This is the most sensible thing anyone could say to you right now.
Focus on one thing at a time. Right now is the time to focus on losing weight and quite possibly seeking help for your mental health.0 -
if your doc hasn't recommended a psychiatrist and a hormone panel yet, i'd (1) get a new doc and (2) see my first part of this sentence.0
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I'm not questioning what I need to do, I know what I need to do, that isn't the issue I have raised. I accept I need to lose weight, I've continued to do everything that has been asked of me despite the goalposts always changing. I continue to lose weight regardless.
The issue I have is being treat like an inferior being because I am overweight. It seems this happens on here too.
You're darned right it happens here too. In fact, I haven't been here in months and was only here to post an explanation of that (including the fat discrimination that is always implied is "for your own good") when I came across your, and a couple of other, posts I felt I needed to reply to. And you're not inferior, regardless of your weight and regardless of whether or not you lose it or even attempt to lose it. If your doctor treats you like you are, change doctors.0
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