letting off steam....I'm fed up with Drs
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^ lol
I'm sorry, but I think all of you saying she should fire her doctor are being a bit unrealistic. The doctor is stating the facts. If you want emotional support you go to a counselor, not a doctor. Their job is not the same. The only thing your doctor is going to do is state the facts. You need to lose weight, you need to pay attention to what you're eating, you need to be active. A counselor listens to the tearful sobbing parts and copes with you on the emotional level of how hard the journey is.
You don't "fire" the doctor because they gave you the bad news. Now, if the doctor goes "oh my god you fat lazy slob, don't come in here, get your fat butt out and do some laps" ok, THEN you have a problem. But chances are, they're not about to risk their license and reputation to insult you no matter the case. That's like your doctor saying you have a tumor and you don't like that so you fire them. Yea, you get a second opinion, but if they're right you're going with the doctor you've had longer and are more comfortable with...
Listen to the doctor, keep working, and if you have emotional problems, seek psychological help... not physical.0 -
Let me just add I have lost weight. I lost 5 stone or 70lbs in order to have my first hip replaced last august, so don't make me sound like I haven't tried. I have and for many years. Just feels like the goal posts keep changing. I was told all about my weight last week by my orthopaedic consultant and hence why I have started again this week, that is why my ticker is at 0 I've started again. I didn't go the go wanting her to take pity on me or sugar coat anything I've accepted I need to keep losing weight. My issue was that emotionally I'm not coping and I wanted some emotional help as Im tearful all of the time. I didn't want yet another lecture about my weight I'm being proactive, I'm working on my weight I accept that is the problem. It doesn't make it any easier emotionally.
I too work in the nhs I see patients myself and I just couldn't treat a patient sat in front of me in such a desperate state the way I was treated today. Its about respect and empathy and recognizing what help a person actually needs.
Thanks to most of you for the good advice and support. Others don't be so quick to judge.
Im not judging i am asking question that will allow people to help you.
So can you answer those questions honestly?
I read your profile and this quote was in there "However my other hip is needing the same surgery but I have been told to lose weight first so I desperately need to do this again. "
Does that mean you lost the weight for the first surgery and then you gained it all back and now you need to do it again?
Or is this additional weight loss to the original 70 you lost?
If this is to lose the weight again, then you know what you need to do.0 -
I am so sorry that you hurt. Some people just don't get it... it's not exactly "just eat better and exercise". It is harder than that at times. Big hugs to you.
It's a LOT harder. A study published in the Journal of Pediatrics THIS WEEK showed that girls past age nine and boys past age 12 who are overweight actually eat LESS than normal-weight peers! It is hypothesized that eating more when very young might play a role in later weight problems (and though the overweight children under ages nine and twelve did eat more, the amount was not statistically significant, so clearly more data is needed here) once early adolescence is reached overeating is not necessarily the cause of overweight. So it's likely you already eat less than the doctor, plus you have limitations as to your exercise routine due to your hips, and s/he probably cannot even conceive how big the hill you have to climb is. She needs to find a better doctor who can empathize with the problems she faces.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/09/04/peds.2012-0605.abstract?sid=65efa4d8-2101-4bc5-a1e8-c7773c2728790 -
I'd get a new doctor fast!!!!
That may be what the doctor wants. With the excessive regulations coming down the pipe, more and more doctors will be dumping patients with obvious health problems. Why? Because doctors are going to be penalized based on patient outcomes. If they have too many sick patients the penalties will be higher.
Her doctor was already withholding treatment for the hip. That is unethical, not to mention illegal in many states. But it happens all the time in the UK.0 -
^ lol
I'm sorry, but I think all of you saying she should fire her doctor are being a bit unrealistic. The doctor is stating the facts. If you want emotional support you go to a counselor, not a doctor. Their job is not the same. The only thing your doctor is going to do is state the facts. You need to lose weight, you need to pay attention to what you're eating, you need to be active. A counselor listens to the tearful sobbing parts and copes with you on the emotional level of how hard the journey is.
You don't "fire" the doctor because they gave you the bad news. Now, if the doctor goes "oh my god you fat lazy slob, don't come in here, get your fat butt out and do some laps" ok, THEN you have a problem. But chances are, they're not about to risk their license and reputation to insult you no matter the case. That's like your doctor saying you have a tumor and you don't like that so you fire them. Yea, you get a second opinion, but if they're right you're going with the doctor you've had longer and are more comfortable with...
Listen to the doctor, keep working, and if you have emotional problems, seek psychological help... not physical.
If your primary care physician cannot empathize, s/he is a bad doctor and should be replaced. Period.
The first doctor I had for my cancer did say things I didn't like--and I fired him, because if a doctor can't empathize, he's a lousy doctor. When my current oncologist said I had another tumor, and it was cancer, he didn't say "You know what you have to do here...yadda, yadda..." because that's not his JOB!0 -
I'm not questioning what I need to do, I know what I need to do, that isn't the issue I have raised. I accept I need to lose weight, I've continued to do everything that has been asked of me despite the goalposts always changing. I continue to lose weight regardless.
The issue I have is being treat like an inferior being because I am overweight. It seems this happens on here too.0 -
I'd get a new doctor fast!!!!
That may be what the doctor wants. With the excessive regulations coming down the pipe, more and more doctors will be dumping patients with obvious health problems. Why? Because doctors are going to be penalized based on patient outcomes. If they have too many sick patients the penalties will be higher.
Her doctor was already withholding treatment for the hip. That is unethical, not to mention illegal in many states. But it happens all the time in the UK.
Yeah, I see what you're saying, but NO WAY it's the GP withholding treatment for the hip. A hip replacement absolutely requires a specialist.0 -
THISI dont know where you live but, being the patient - you have the power to choose a different primary care physician. You also have the right to seek the advice of a Specialist as well.
Unfortunately, there is not enough time in the day for any doctor to give the psycho-social therapy to all patients because of the demands of seeing other patients - trust me - I work in a healthcare system of 300+ physicians!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other side of this is, your doctor is advising you correctly. Until you do come to terms with the reality that you do have to lose weight, that surgery will never happen. You are a liability on the surgeon's table in your current situation - they dont want risk losing you on the table because you are in need of having a family.
You really need to consider changing your mental paradigm: stop thinking about all three issues at one time. Instead, you need to focus on one thing. That is all you can humanly do.
Having a baby is not important right now.
Having the surgery is not important right now
What is important right now and should be your primary focus is to lose the weight.
If you willingly allow yourself to get overly consumed, you are consistenly causing the development of cortisol - one of many hormones that will cause you to gain weight/stall any weight loss.
One thing at a time is all you can legitimately handle.
Someone in the thread stated consider a therapist... I will second that suggestion. You definitely sound like you have more underlying things happening that probably could be better handled with a behavioral health counselor.
This is the most sensible thing anyone could say to you right now.
Focus on one thing at a time. Right now is the time to focus on losing weight and quite possibly seeking help for your mental health.0 -
if your doc hasn't recommended a psychiatrist and a hormone panel yet, i'd (1) get a new doc and (2) see my first part of this sentence.0
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I'm not questioning what I need to do, I know what I need to do, that isn't the issue I have raised. I accept I need to lose weight, I've continued to do everything that has been asked of me despite the goalposts always changing. I continue to lose weight regardless.
The issue I have is being treat like an inferior being because I am overweight. It seems this happens on here too.
You're darned right it happens here too. In fact, I haven't been here in months and was only here to post an explanation of that (including the fat discrimination that is always implied is "for your own good") when I came across your, and a couple of other, posts I felt I needed to reply to. And you're not inferior, regardless of your weight and regardless of whether or not you lose it or even attempt to lose it. If your doctor treats you like you are, change doctors.0 -
if your doc hasn't recommended a psychiatrist and a hormone panel yet, i'd (1) get a new doc and (2) see my first part of this sentence.
HEAR HEAR!! THIS^^^^^^^^^
(Though I'd reverse the order--hormone panel, then psychiatrist or psychologist. NOT because you're crazy, because you're suffering, and it's your doctor's job to reduce your suffering.)0 -
I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing this! I will be keeping you in my prayer.
In regards to the doctor, I've found that ALOT of them don't have the proper "bedside manner" to deal with an emotional patient. They seem to be 'bottom of the line' type of people.
Your weight doesn't and won't define who you are! Don't let this get you more down. I've found that being overly emotional leads me to emotional overeating and binging.
(((HUGS))) One step at a time.0 -
I'm just letting off some steam and didn't really know where to post this.
I've been to see my GP this morning as I'm quite down and feel emotional a lot of the time. I'm waiting for my left hip to be replaced but have been told to lose weight first which I agree with, I'm 38 and need fertility treatment to have a family as my husband had leukemia but this has been on hold due to my hips. As can imagine I just feel stuck in a hopeless situation, until I lose weight I can't get my new hip, until I get my new hip I can't have a baby. I know my weight is now my barrier and that's why I'm on here and trying. I went to see my Dr because of how I'm feeling, fed up and tearful a lot of the time and she pretty much made me feel 10x worse. I got a lecture about my weight and was told pretty much its tough and I can't have anything till the weight is lost....I know this that wasn't why I went to her. I just wanted some support and encouragement. Why do drs feel they can just make you feel so small. I was in floods of tears yet she continued lecturing me. So in the end I just got up and walked out.
They make it sound so easy like the solution is so easy and happens instantly. I'm still motivated I'm not going to let her knock me down I'm just letting off some steam. Grrrrrr OK rant over.
Get yourself a new doctor. I know the doc meant well, but... While I agree that weight loss is very important, it is all in the way someone tells you how important it is. I know I'm fat, and I know I need to lose weight, but please be gentle. Take it one day at a time. I was very thin all my life until my 20's, and especially after my dad died over 8 years ago, I packed on the pounds. Food addiction is my achilles heel. It is easy to say, "You need to lose weight", but it is hard for me to lose weight. My mom can eat the exact same foods as I do, and she will not gain a pound and stay a size 4, and I will gain weight... it is so irritating.0 -
hmmm, well, you have been on here since March 2011 and your ticker says 0 lost. I am going to assume from the multiple issues that you have been seeing your Dr regularly and for an extended amount of time.
Given that you want to have surgery and then start a family but you haven't made progress, your Dr is probably giving up.
My Dr has told me several time that she doesn't spend time or energy on patients that don't put serious effort into their treatment.
I don't know all the details, obviously, but without any progress, your Dr has nothing else to say to you.
It may sound harsh, but the next step of the process is you.
Judgmental much?
My ticker isn't accurate either, because I only use the food tracking function. Allow me to quote HER, since you obviously didn't read it:Let me just add I have lost weight. I lost 5 stone or 70lbs in order to have my first hip replaced last august...0 -
If you have lost weight and know what you need to do, then I imagine your doctor was confused as to why you were there.
A medical doctor is there to identify a medical problem, quickly, and fix it just as quickly. If you were there purely for emotional issues and just wanted to cry in her office, you were wasting her time. You need to see a therapist or psychiatrist, as they are set up to devote more time to your emotions and help you make a plan to keep your spirits up (and even prescribe medication if warranted).
If you were honest with your doctor and told her you were purely there for emotional support, then she should have referred you to a psychiatrist or therapist. If you went in and just started crying about how hard life is, then I can't blame her for assuming you were trying to tell her you can't or don't want to lose weight. She shouldn't have yelled at you, but I'd probably be pretty annoyed too if someone showed up and wanted a half-hour pat on the back when I have a case of the flu, a bloody nose, and a mysterious lump waiting for me in the other exam rooms.0 -
If you have lost weight and know what you need to do, then I imagine your doctor was confused as to why you were there.
A medical doctor is there to identify a medical problem, quickly, and fix it just as quickly. If you were there purely for emotional issues and just wanted to cry in her office, you were wasting her time. You need to see a therapist or psychiatrist, as they are set up to devote more time to your emotions and help you make a plan to keep your spirits up (and even prescribe medication if warranted).
If you were honest with your doctor and told her you were purely there for emotional support, then she should have referred you to a psychiatrist or therapist. If you went in and just started crying about how hard life is, then I can't blame her for assuming you were trying to tell her you can't or don't want to lose weight. She shouldn't have yelled at you, but I'd probably be pretty annoyed too if someone showed up and wanted a half-hour pat on the back when I have a case of the flu, a bloody nose, and a mysterious lump waiting for me in the other exam rooms.
A primary care physician is there to reduce suffering. Depression IS a medical problem. The doctor was out of line. The doctor was getting paid for the visit regardless, how dare you suggest her problem isn't as important as those hypothetical patients?0 -
I understand were your coming from. I need my knees replaced & have had to for about 15 plus years but am over weight so they will not replace them & i am to young, I also suffer depression so I eat the wrong stuff.I decided today I was starting again & am determined to lose it this time.If you need someone to talkto as I do please add me.. Good luck0
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If you have lost weight and know what you need to do, then I imagine your doctor was confused as to why you were there.
A medical doctor is there to identify a medical problem, quickly, and fix it just as quickly. If you were there purely for emotional issues and just wanted to cry in her office, you were wasting her time. You need to see a therapist or psychiatrist, as they are set up to devote more time to your emotions and help you make a plan to keep your spirits up (and even prescribe medication if warranted).
If you were honest with your doctor and told her you were purely there for emotional support, then she should have referred you to a psychiatrist or therapist. If you went in and just started crying about how hard life is, then I can't blame her for assuming you were trying to tell her you can't or don't want to lose weight. She shouldn't have yelled at you, but I'd probably be pretty annoyed too if someone showed up and wanted a half-hour pat on the back when I have a case of the flu, a bloody nose, and a mysterious lump waiting for me in the other exam rooms.
A primary care physician is there to reduce suffering. Depression IS a medical problem. The doctor was out of line. The doctor was getting paid for the visit regardless, how dare you suggest her problem isn't as important as those hypothetical patients?
If her problem is feeling depressed, then she needs to see a specialist. That has been said many times in this thread. GPs are there to refer you to a specialist if needed - not a shoulder to cry on.0 -
I'm sorry you are so frustrated! It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Being over weight definitely does not make you inferior. We ALL have issues, it's just really easy to see when weight is the issue. Honestly I would find a new doctor. I had a doctor tell me my cycles were a mess because I needed to lose weight. At the time I was five pounds over my healthy weight range. I worked on it but couldn't lose it. Truly. Anyways I ended up having pcos and a cyst on my ovary that eventually had to be removed. I wanted to go stick my tongue out at that doctor but instead I just never went back to her. I found a great doctor who asked the right questions and listened to my words. Now that I've had three kiddos and need to lose weight again I know how to do it but not because of that doctor. Good luck in your journey.0
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Hang in there! I often feel the same when I see one of my specialist doctors and even when I have seen dieticians in the past. I have found that they really don't understand that it is difficult to lose way all in one hit. It is a slow progress and they really need to support you as this is a big commitment you have made. Best of luck with everything, just believe in yourself because when you do you can do anything!
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