The way I look Thick or Thin

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

I am 5 foot 9 inches and I got down to 161 a few months back from 181 and I absolutely loved it! What I didn't love is all the negativity from my family and friends on how I looked. They said I looked anorexic or that I looked like I was doing drugs. I told them that they are just so used to seeing me plump but when you see how their face looks so disgusted when they look at you or like they think you might have some type of illness really made me feel self conscious. But I felt so much better in my clothes and my PT (physical training... I'm a soldier) was so much better that I improved all my PT scores and earned a PT Patch. But still everyone's comments were haunting me in the back of my mind. Unfortunately I got up to 172.8 and decided to get back on MFP and try to lose this weight again no matter what anyone else thinks. Oh and may I add that I have always been considered overweight by the Army weight standards but this time I wasn't and I loved that!

So my question is all how do you all deal with people's criticism on how you look after your weight loss. Do you have negative criticism or positive influences. Honestly the only positive influence I have in my life for weight loss is MFP. Sad but true. Stories? Comments?

pooleekylie · September 2012

Firstly, I looked at your photos and you look amazing. Don't ever let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.

As for how to deal with criticism--you don't have to deal with anything. The way I see it, it's your eyes that have to look in the mirror everyday. If you like what you see then it doesn't make a difference what anyone else sees. How much do others' opinions of you really influence your own self-worth? For many people the answer is a great amount, but I don't think it should account for anything. My best advice is to be impervious to any negative comments and revel in the good ones.

Ever since I started lifting weights I've had to listen to a thousand comments from family about how I'm going to end up looking gross. My boyfriend has flat-out told me that the veins that stick out in my arms are disgusting. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I think they're cool, so I'm going to keep lifting.

Anyway, you're lovely don't let anyone drag you down. And thank you for your service!

melodiclyrics · September 2012

Look at most of your friends and family - do you find they're overweight? If so, it could be kind of a culture shock for them to have a "thin" person in their midst. They may also be uncomfortable because it highlights their personal struggle with weight loss. A lot of people can be negative/critical when they're jealous or they feel discomfort (because it highlights their lack of success in the same area).

All you can do is what is best for you. If your PT scores improved - awesome! If you felt better - AWESOME. What matters is what you think, because it's YOUR body, not theirs. It's not okay for them to say those things to you - it's not like you would ever fire back and say "well, you look fat and bloated, etc etc."

I would evaluate the friends you have if they can't be supportive of the lifestyle change you have made. Family is more difficult, but you just have to tell them that you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for you.

Good luck!

Onaughmae · September 2012

I find that when people react negatively to me they are usually overweight as well and I think maybe a little bit of the "green-eyed monster" lurks in those statements. The key here is that *you* felt better and felt your life was improved...and that is all that matters. Your family will eventually come around, if not, that is their issue...not yours! Do what is right for you! And also...thank you for your service :flowerforyou:

newhabit · September 2012

you look great. i just checked out your pictures. you look very fit and healthy. are a lot of the people in your family used to seeing overweight people? if they are, they may find someone who is healthy and fit to look too small for them. i hear that a lot too from people who are overweight and have no desire to change. but i am in a healthy weight range for my height so i don't let it bother me. i'd rather look like i do now than gain back the extra fat to make someone else happy.

kristen6022 · September 2012

If find it hard to believe you look anything but awesome. I'm 5'11 and 147 and I don't look "anorexic or on drugs". You have to find the weight you are happy with. The weight that you feel great at. I every once in awhile get the "too thin" comments from people that got used to me at 170-180 but I typically ignore them because I know I'm healthy.

MuddyEquestrian · September 2012

The only usual negative reactions I get are from people who are either overweight or very unhealthy and unhappy with themselves. I just try to remind myself that this is for ME, and not to please other people. You look amazing, and you're HEALTHY, that's all that matters.

Rennae9 · September 2012

Well.... I am about to go visit my family. They are all over weight except my Dad. I have lost 26lbs and I know for a fact I will hear the comments of, "Oh you can't loose much more weight!"

Sadly I have my replies already thought out. They will begin something like this, "Well I am pretty sure you think I am to skinny because you are all overweight. The majority of the people around you are also. Therefore seeing someone who exercises every day and eats healthy is going to be a bit strange to you."

I might just provide my BMI my BMR and maybe my TDEE for them and print out my journals from MFP so they can actually see how much I do eat. (smiles evil grin) I am eating at about 1800 calories a day. I am close to my goal so loosing less than half a pound a week is fine by me.

I am not sure if your family is overweight or not but I know that is the reason why I get such negativity from some of my family. I just read what I wrote and can't believe my family is like that. In reality it is usually just the two overweight sisters who say the things about getting to skinny. I think sadly it is a jealous issue. ( And no I am not one of those skinny *****es who think they are better than everyone either..)

Go for what you want! I have my goals set and I will achieve them regardless of the negativity of my family.

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

Firstly, I looked at your photos and you look amazing. Don't ever let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.

As for how to deal with criticism--you don't have to deal with anything. The way I see it, it's your eyes that have to look in the mirror everyday. If you like what you see then it doesn't make a difference what anyone else sees. How much do others' opinions of you really influence your own self-worth? For many people the answer is a great amount, but I don't think it should account for anything. My best advice is to be impervious to any negative comments and revel in the good ones.

Ever since I started lifting weights I've had to listen to a thousand comments from family about how I'm going to end up looking gross. My boyfriend has flat-out told me that the veins that stick out in my arms are disgusting. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I think they're cool, so I'm going to keep lifting.

Anyway, you're lovely don't let anyone drag you down. And thank you for your service!

Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I really shouldn't let them influence me. But your right! I'm gonna do what's right for me regardless of what anyone says.

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

Look at most of your friends and family - do you find they're overweight? If so, it could be kind of a culture shock for them to have a "thin" person in their midst. They may also be uncomfortable because it highlights their personal struggle with weight loss. A lot of people can be negative/critical when they're jealous or they feel discomfort (because it highlights their lack of success in the same area).

All you can do is what is best for you. If your PT scores improved - awesome! If you felt better - AWESOME. What matters is what you think, because it's YOUR body, not theirs. It's not okay for them to say those things to you - it's not like you would ever fire back and say "well, you look fat and bloated, etc etc."

I would evaluate the friends you have if they can't be supportive of the lifestyle change you have made. Family is more difficult, but you just have to tell them that you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for you.

Good luck!

Yes indeed alot of them are overweight and eat like crap!! I felt amazing at 161 and I'm not gonna let them influence me and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong when in all actuality I'm not. I have voiced that I want to get down to 155 and so many people are pretty much screaming at me NO! Ya know? My mom has diabetes and high blood pressure and I don't want that. Oh and yes she is overweight too. When I came back from Iraq (even though I was 168) I had high blood pressure and I knew I needed to do better for myself.

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

I find that when people react negatively to me they are usually overweight as well and I think maybe a little bit of the "green-eyed monster" lurks in those statements. The key here is that *you* felt better and felt your life was improved...and that is all that matters. Your family will eventually come around, if not, that is their issue...not yours! Do what is right for you! And also...thank you for your service :flowerforyou:

Your absolutely right!! That's their issue! Not mine! Thank you for the positivity!

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

you look great. i just checked out your pictures. you look very fit and healthy. are a lot of the people in your family used to seeing overweight people? if they are, they may find someone who is healthy and fit to look too small for them. i hear that a lot too from people who are overweight and have no desire to change. but i am in a healthy weight range for my height so i don't let it bother me. i'd rather look like i do now than gain back the extra fat to make someone else happy.

Thank you. I think they might be used to looking at overweight people. I've said I'm in a healthy weight range and they always say that it's not accurate or that's not for regular people. I look at them in confusion. Ya know? I'm gonna keep doing what I want to do and that is to get to 155 and be healthy.

nikkishai · September 2012

Honey, all that matters is how you feel about yourself. Period. If others' comments are not supportive or constructive, then it's just noise that should be ignored. Just smile and nod, and keep doing you boo boo!

MamaBearRoars · September 2012

You look great to me! not sickly or anything like that!

gabriellejayde · September 2012

A couple of years ago, I had lost 100lbs. I was in the hospital to get my gall bladder removed, and my best friend came to visit me. We have always both been overweight. She said that she was worried about me, because I looked anorexic.

I'm 5'5" and I weighed 148lbs.

I said I'd be the heaviest anorexic and that she's just not used to seeing me thin.

So now she's had gastric bypass and has lost something like 130lbs. At first, I looked at her pictures and thought she looked terrible, but then I realized she looks great... I'm just not used to it and if i met her for the first time, I'd think she was thin and beauitiful.

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

If find it hard to believe you look anything but awesome. I'm 5'11 and 147 and I don't look "anorexic or on drugs". You have to find the weight you are happy with. The weight that you feel great at. I every once in awhile get the "too thin" comments from people that got used to me at 170-180 but I typically ignore them because I know I'm healthy.

I love to hear from women who are as tall as me or taller!! You have 2 inches on me and you are 147! That gives me hope!! Thank you!

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

Honey, all that matters is how you feel about yourself. Period. If others' comments are not supportive or constructive, then it's just noise that should be ignored. Just smile and nod, and keep doing you boo boo!

I love it!! Thank you so much!! I sure will!!

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

You look great to me! not sickly or anything like that!

Thank you so much!! That makes me feel better because of course I question myself.

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

A couple of years ago, I had lost 100lbs. I was in the hospital to get my gall bladder removed, and my best friend came to visit me. We have always both been overweight. She said that she was worried about me, because I looked anorexic.

I'm 5'5" and I weighed 148lbs.

I said I'd be the heaviest anorexic and that she's just not used to seeing me thin.

So now she's had gastric bypass and has lost something like 130lbs. At first, I looked at her pictures and thought she looked terrible, but then I realized she looks great... I'm just not used to it and if i met her for the first time, I'd think she was thin and beauitiful.

Exactly!! Now if I can just get everyone else to get used to it. Well, regardless they are gonna have to cuz I'm gonna keep on my mission to get to 155. Thank you for the support.

MFPBONNIE · September 2012

I hate sounding mean but I've been in this world a long time, a lot of the comments are made from jealousy of how dam good a person looks.

loveYOUmore319 · September 2012

Thank you so much for all the positive support and by the way did I mention that all of you look amazing!! It's the negative criticism messes with your mind and sometimes gets you to think that maybe you are too skinny and sick. I didn't have anyone to really talk to about this with because they all are pretty much against my weight loss. Thank you for reassuring me to keep going.

mrsna · September 2012

You look great! You can't let what others think dictate your life. My mother comments about my weight no matter what it is. If I am on the heavier side she can hardly be in the same room with me without saying something. I lost a lot of weight and she started saying to me, "You're so thin. Are you eating?" I was healthy and active. I just had to realize that, although her tactics were totally wrong, she really only wants the best for me. Just listen and then move on with what you know you have to do. Choose to think the best of people and do what is right for you. Keep up the great work!!

wifealiciousness · September 2012

If find it hard to believe you look anything but awesome. I'm 5'11 and 147 and I don't look "anorexic or on drugs". You have to find the weight you are happy with. The weight that you feel great at. I every once in awhile get the "too thin" comments from people that got used to me at 170-180 but I typically ignore them because I know I'm healthy.

I love to hear from women who are as tall as me or taller!! You have 2 inches on me and you are 147! That gives me hope!! Thank you!

In which case hello! I'm 5ft 10 in and weight 158 ish. I was up to 165 which was big for me... Would like to get under 150lb, but I'm muscley!

DoomCakes · September 2012

Are the majority of people in your family overweight? Maybe they're jealous. Haters gonna hate. lol. Do what YOU like, and do it for you! Better to be in shape and have them think you're "skinny" then feel bad about the weight gain. As long as you're not dropping down too far or seeing bones, you're good! Oh, and of course as long as you're eating and doing it right

islandnutshel · September 2012

I looked at your profile pics because I don't know what weight someone of your height and build should be. I don't know what weight you were at in those pics, but you look fantastic, and healthy, even glowing.
I think the family doesn't like how your new body looks compared to what they see in themselves, when they look in the mirror.

I come from a family that alway tolk me I have the "Tucker" build. "built like an irishman" It is true that us ladies have shorter bodies, with hips and short torso's, and wide shoulders, but when I got passed the extra pounds I found that these features gave me wonderful curves. I don't think the family liked me changing their family image. So at first I got negative comments. But my family is in the end very supportive because it is healthy.
Focus on your health changes instead of looks. Tell them how much easier you find it to do your job. To get out of bed and have great energy. Maybe their focus will change.
I think you look awsome.

jayliospecky · September 2012

A lot of it has been said, but I agree that from your profile pics you look great. A lot of us have gotten conditioned to think heavier looks normal. And if your family is on the heavy side, then they may not want to think of themselves as "too heavy," they'd rather think of you as "too thin."

I think you look great, although since you don't have a close-up of your face, I am curious what you've been eating, and if you've been doing this in a healthy way. Sometimes if we aren't eating a healthy diet, it can show up in our faces, whether it's the condition of our skin, or the color of our skintone, or increased bags under our eyes. Just something to consider. Sometimes nurses and other medical-type people do actually pick up on subtle changes in our faces that come from a deficit of some kind in our diet.

From what I can tell, though, you look healthy to me. But it's something to keep in mind.

areufnkiddingme · September 2012

Look at most of your friends and family - do you find they're overweight? If so, it could be kind of a culture shock for them to have a "thin" person in their midst. They may also be uncomfortable because it highlights their personal struggle with weight loss. A lot of people can be negative/critical when they're jealous or they feel discomfort (because it highlights their lack of success in the same area).

All you can do is what is best for you. If your PT scores improved - awesome! If you felt better - AWESOME. What matters is what you think, because it's YOUR body, not theirs. It's not okay for them to say those things to you - it's not like you would ever fire back and say "well, you look fat and bloated, etc etc."

I would evaluate the friends you have if they can't be supportive of the lifestyle change you have made. Family is more difficult, but you just have to tell them that you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for you.

Good luck!

Yes indeed alot of them are overweight and eat like crap!! I felt amazing at 161 and I'm not gonna let them influence me and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong when in all actuality I'm not. I have voiced that I want to get down to 155 and so many people are pretty much screaming at me NO! Ya know? My mom has diabetes and high blood pressure and I don't want that. Oh and yes she is overweight too. When I came back from Iraq (even though I was 168) I had high blood pressure and I knew I needed to do better for myself.

I'm 5'9" too and I can tell you right now that I am definitely not anorexic when I am 161- you can't even see ribs, just a nice, shapely figure! You're doing great and don't let haters get you down.

nikkishai · September 2012

Thank you so much for all the positive support and by the way did I mention that all of you look amazing!! It's the negative criticism messes with your mind and sometimes gets you to think that maybe you are too skinny and sick. I didn't have anyone to really talk to about this with because they all are pretty much against my weight loss. Thank you for reassuring me to keep going.

And that's EXACTLY why I'm on here far more than Facebook!!! I need like-minded people to learn from and gain/give support.

megleo818 · September 2012

Thank you. I think they might be used to looking at overweight people. I've said I'm in a healthy weight range and they always say that it's not accurate or that's not for regular people. I look at them in confusion. Ya know? I'm gonna keep doing what I want to do and that is to get to 155 and be healthy.

I have been noticing recently that folks seem to have two categories of body type: model thin (which is what they see in advertising, with bones all poking out) or "regular" (which is what they see waddling around Walmart). Why is it that the REAL regular (healthy BMI -- just plain fit) doesn't seem to register on people's radar? Why does everyone who's not busting out of their stretch pants automatically belong in the anorexic box??

It seems your friends and family need to understand that rolls around the middle and a butt that barely squeezes into a movie seat are NOT "regular". Just because you can buy size 26 clothes at Target, that doesn't mean being size 26 is "regular". If you're comfortable with it, you can say something like, "Sorry, but I was FAT before. Now I'm healthy. I can't grab a handful of fat anywhere on my body anymore -- can you say the same?"

Editing to add that I have a pitt/lab rescue, too. His name is Jack and he's the greatest!

Good luck, thanks for your contribution to our country, and keep strong!

mrau719 · September 2012

I looked at your pics--you look amazing!!!

gauchogirl · September 2012

From your photos, you are absolutely looking fit, healthy AND gorgeous and I'm sure all those negative comments stem from THEIR insecurities. Do not waste one second worrying about them. As far as how to handle it, I would come up with a standard reply as answer. And I would just repeat it, if they come back with another statement. They'll get the idea that you aren't putting any stock in what their OPINION is. Respond with something like "I appreciate your need to comment on MY appearance, but since it's MY body , I hope you can understand that I know what's best for me to be healthy and strong."

And THANK YOU for your service. My son-in-law is in the Army and I hear about his morning PT. Tough stuff and you just keep doing what you gotta do to take care of yourself the way YOU know best!

edited to add, my daughter is 5'9" also and her "fighting weight" (as a college level volleyball athlete) was about 145-150. She felt and performed best there. When she stopped playing (married the Army guy, LOL) she got up to 160-165 and was not happy with how it felt. Your goal weight for your height is totally appropriate!

The way I look Thick or Thin

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