"not allowed" to lose any more weight?

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lessofE
lessofE Posts: 15 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I currently weigh 146 pounds at 5'7. In juniors clothes I'm a medium top and size 7 pants. However, my mom doesn't want me losing any more weight (I started at 165 and my goal is 135). She has a skewed perception of what a healthy weight is (she is pretty overweight herself) and is worried because of my history with an eating disorder.  How do I convince her that 135 is a perfectly healthy goal? I really don't want to argue with her every day about this so if she's on my side everything will be easier. thanks :)

Edit: Yes, I'm 18, but barely. I'm still in high school and live at home so my mom does see what I eat for dinner and things. I see why she's concerned, but I'm not going to stop just to appease her, I just want to be on the "same page." Her weight does have something to do with her idea of a healthy weight, she wants me to be 160 pounds.
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Replies

  • wendymaci
    wendymaci Posts: 61 Member
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    what if you talked with your family doctor. If they assured her you'd be healthy then she wouldn't have an argument.
  • kimharper13
    kimharper13 Posts: 33
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    My best suggestion is to talk to your doctor and if he/she agrees with you then have your doctor talk to your mom. If your doctor agrees with your mother than listen to his/her advice.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    take her to the dr. with you. after of course you have had a private talk and check up with your dr, and explaint to the dr. the issues.
  • gaiareeves
    gaiareeves Posts: 292 Member
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    I understand where you're coming from; I have a history with eating disorders myself. I'm currently 127 @ 5'3.5", aiming for 119, but people around me don't want me losing any more weight either, despite the fact that 119 is perfectly within the healthy weight range for my height.

    All you can really do to show her that 1.) it is in the healthy range for your height (as it'd give you a BMI of 21.1) and 2.) you're not losing the weight in an unhealthy way. If she's overweight herself, maybe try and encourage her to embark on the healthy route with you? Maybe by getting her involved with what you're doing it'll ease up her worries over your health, as well as benefit her own.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    also- depending on how old you are and if you live with your mum, its really nun of her buisness
  • vodkoffee
    vodkoffee Posts: 160 Member
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    I'm 5'7" and have the same goal. I don't think it's unreasonable. I do want to say that you look lovely in your photo and I hope you you're happy with your progress so far. :)
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    I'm 5'7" and 130 pounds. 135 would be a BMI of a little over 21. That's right in the center of a healthy BMI. If she's that concerned, have her talk to your doctor. Your goal is a perfectly fine weight for that height. :flowerforyou:
  • Aliciaaah
    Aliciaaah Posts: 379 Member
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    Well, while 135 is within the healthy BMI range for your height (I know, take BMI with a grain of salt), it is on the lower end, and considering the circumstances I'd say she isn't COMPLETELY wrong in being concerned because you look fabulous right now and I'm sure she just doesn't want you worrying about it.

    That being said, I think the healthiest approach that might make you both happy is to work really slowly at it. Don't try to lose those last 10 pounds in two months. Maybe work for 6+ months at having the most amazing body possible. Start lifting weights and eating at a very slight deficit. Assure your mom that you're focusing on having a strong healthy body rather than a slimmer one, and that you aren't focusing on the number on the scale, but rather on having a fit physique. Don't give her the impression that you're slaving away on an elliptical to work off that tootsie roll you ate for lunch.

    All in all, that really is what it should be about at this point in your weight loss, is carving your body to your liking, rather than just trying to get down to a number. I don't know what your mindset is, but try being okay with a higher scale number if you can get your body looking how you want it to.

    I'm sure you'll both be happier this way!
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    Why argue ..just pursue your healthy lifestyle and dont make every pound you lose a public event keep it more private ...you might have to tell white lies but it will benefit you in the end..if you are still overweight and need to lose the pounds...Good Luck...try telling her that your working on toning up
  • californiagirl2012
    californiagirl2012 Posts: 2,625 Member
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    I agree with the advice to get the doctor in on it. Also if the calorie deficit is a nice slow and easy deficit it should be good. You are not at an unhealthy weight but you want to be more at an "athletic" weight. Are you in any kind of sports? Explain to your mom that you want to perform better at your sport, you will if you lost just a little. At 5’7” you can be healthy while within this weight range:
    122 – 155 Lbs. And if you are not in a sport what are you waiting for??? :)
  • falcon367
    falcon367 Posts: 116
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    Trust me, I understand. I had a couple of friends have an intervention with me yesterday. LOL

    They wanted to know "why I'm doing this to myself?" As if this is something like drinking too much ... I looked at them confused as to what they were referring to ... then it dawned on me they were talking about my weight loss. :D

    Some people just don't get it.
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
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    Clearly your mother is just concerned for your health. You admitted to a previous eating disorder and yeah, I'd be worried you're going back to your 'old' ways too as a mom. I don't think it has anything to do with her being overweight (just my opinion). Take it easy on her but if you feel your goal weight is TRULY healthy talk to her, take her with you to see your doctor. Maybe if she hears it from the doc she'll feel better.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
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    Your profile says you are 18 years old. I don't see how it's any of her business. Does she watch you eat every single bite of food every day? How is she in control of your weight loss?
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
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    Maybe she is concerned because of your history that you won't stop at 135. You're her child and she has seen you suffer once already. Maybe she is seeing some old behavior patterns returning? Even if not, she still has emotional trauma of her own that she may not have dealt with, watching her little girl suffer like that before.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    What bodyfat would you be at if you were that weight? I have exactly the same stats and starting weight as you...started at 168 on mfp and am 5'7.
    You can calculate your bodyfat at http://www.freedieting.com/tools/body_fat_calculator.htm
    This will allow you to predict your bodyfat at 135.

    Currently I weigh 160, and my bodyfat is 28.6 (using the handheld device at the gym). Probably if I trim off another 15lbs, I will be at the proper bf% for me....
    Being at home under the authority of your parents is a very special time....and it is limited. One day you will be on your own and will have MUCH more responsibility....including for your own weight. So take advantage of the time you are at home to learn the best possible habits, and your parents are an umbrella over you...they ARE on your side.
    Don't have conflict with your parents over this. Stay under their authority without grumbling....you will always find someone to support you in doing that, although it is not in your best interest!
    With your sweet attitude and gratefulness, they will likely feel more comfortable with your desire to trim down:)
  • Melampus
    Melampus Posts: 95 Member
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    Your mother is overweight in whose opinion? If you have previously had an eating disorder I wouldn't trust your judgement if it was based on how you look rather than on something concrete like BMI. If you don't trust your mother's judgement then you need a third party. Certainly a doctor may be good if you can get his opinion or else someone impartial you both trust.
  • 2hobbit1
    2hobbit1 Posts: 820 Member
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    Clearly your mother is just concerned for your health. You admitted to a previous eating disorder and yeah, I'd be worried you're going back to your 'old' ways too as a mom. I don't think it has anything to do with her being overweight (just my opinion). Take it easy on her but if you feel your goal weight is TRULY healthy talk to her, take her with you to see your doctor. Maybe if she hears it from the doc she'll feel better.

    Good advice here.

    Something to consider - why not shift your focus to strength training rather than weight loss. You can reshape by building muscle. You can build a stronger body more toned body that looks smaller without losing more weight.
    Check out New Rules of Lifting for Women, there is a group here on MFP. Many have actually gained a bit of weight but changed their measurements. That way you get to keep mum happy but get the body shape your looking for.
  • zoeluiisa
    zoeluiisa Posts: 392
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    Maybe she is concerned because of your history that you won't stop at 135. You're her child and she has seen you suffer once already. Maybe she is seeing some old behavior patterns returning? Even if not, she still has emotional trauma of her own that she may not have dealt with, watching her little girl suffer like that before.

    This. It makes perfect sense to me that with your history she would be concerned about you embarking on any diet, especially as you're not exactly over-weight now. I suggest you both go to the doctor together and talk it through with him.
  • lessofE
    lessofE Posts: 15 Member
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    Your mother is overweight in whose opinion? If you have previously had an eating disorder I wouldn't trust your judgement if it was based on how you look rather than on something concrete like BMI. If you don't trust your mother's judgement then you need a third party. Certainly a doctor may be good if you can get his opinion or else someone impartial you both trust.

    BMI wise my mom is consitered obese. My doctor said I was fine at 160, but she too is worried that a "diet" will mess up my recovery.
  • lessofE
    lessofE Posts: 15 Member
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    Why argue ..just pursue your healthy lifestyle and dont make every pound you lose a public event keep it more private ...you might have to tell white lies but it will benefit you in the end..if you are still overweight and need to lose the pounds...Good Luck...try telling her that your working on toning up

    I don't make my weight loss a public affair, but she does see what I eat and can see the weight loss. I prefer not to lie to her. That would be a big disordered eating red flag in her eyes, and will only hurt our relationship.

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