Is weight gain justification for cheating?

RockinBooty89
RockinBooty89 Posts: 69
in Chit-Chat
My boyfriend cheated on me awhile back and he never mentioned my weight gain as reason for cheating, but at one point I talked to his brother about it and he said that was a largely contributing factor? Is cheating justified if their partner doesn't have the same body after awhile?

Replies

  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    people justify all kinds of ****. doesn't mean it's right.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
    This should be entertaining
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
    It's understandable, but maybe not justified. If he wasn't happy, he should have just left.
  • zombie_porno
    zombie_porno Posts: 199 Member
    There is absolutely NO justification for cheating, under ANY circumstances.

    If someone is no longer attracted to you to the point of wanting to stray, they no longer genuinely love you & therefore should end your relationship instead of being unfaithful.

    Any other excuses are just selfish & wrong.
  • YoungDoc2B
    YoungDoc2B Posts: 1,593 Member
    Cheating is something that can never be justified, no matter the circumstances. If you're not happy,just pack up and leave...smh
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    Umm, no. Sounds like you need to move on, he's a douche.
  • chrlslove7
    chrlslove7 Posts: 136 Member
    Hell no. He sounds like a little boy to me. If he was a man, he would have talked to you about it bothering him, before dipping his shlong somewhere else. I hope you didn't put up with that petty crap because you deserve much more than that B.S...
  • charelg
    charelg Posts: 599 Member
    Is this a serious question? Tell him to get lost, lose the weight, then post hot pics of yourself on Facebook. I do think in relationships you should take of yourself and stay in shape, but gaining weight isnt a reason to stray. Don't stay with someone like that, it's not love.
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    :cry:
  • RockinBooty89
    RockinBooty89 Posts: 69
    This happened a few months ago and I'm past it, now its purely a matter of curiosity. I just want to know if there is any weight ( pun totally intended) to that side of the equasion?
  • zombie_porno
    zombie_porno Posts: 199 Member
    Probably some very shallow, sad people will say yes, it is okay if someone gains a ton of weight to cheat on them... but that doesn't make it right.
  • gibsy
    gibsy Posts: 112
    Nope, your boyfriend is a childish *kitten*. If he wasn't happy he could have talked it out with you like a grown up instead of betraying your trust. I really hope you DTMFA.
  • RockinBooty89
    RockinBooty89 Posts: 69
    :cry:

    What is this all about?
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    No.
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
    NO. Cheating is NEVER justifiable, especially for appearances.
    If the weight gain was seriously a problem in his eyes he could have brought it up to you, or just have ended the relationship in a serious and slightly mature manner (I say slightly, just because the reasoning alone I consider to be childish.)
  • ktmmom189
    ktmmom189 Posts: 132 Member
    This happened a few months ago and I'm past it, now its purely a matter of curiosity. I just want to know if there is any weight ( pun totally intended) to that side of the equasion?

    I am 45, married 21 yrs. I was 104 lbs when we got married. At my highest I was 167. My husband still tells me I am sexy and he loves me. That's part of growing old together. I agree with the others he's a douche
  • DocCollins_SFA
    DocCollins_SFA Posts: 113
    You know the answer to this already.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    It is justification...for a douche bag *kitten* hole....A sensible person would sit down tell them they're not attracted to them anymore and work out a solution to resolve it. If the person does not feel like resolving it and prefers to stay that way, then they should leave....far before cheating becomes a factor...I think there are unfortunate circumstances but for the most part I find there's a type of person who cheats...as described in the first part of my post.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    Umm, no. Sounds like you need to move on, he's a douche.

    As a follow up to your boyfriend being a douche, his brother is also a HUGE douche for trying to make you believe it's your fault.
  • dadof2boyz
    dadof2boyz Posts: 156 Member
    people justify all kinds of ****. doesn't mean it's right.

    *this
  • dadof2boyz
    dadof2boyz Posts: 156 Member
    There is absolutely NO justification for cheating, under ANY circumstances.

    If someone is no longer attracted to you to the point of wanting to stray, they no longer genuinely love you & therefore should end your relationship instead of being unfaithful.

    Any other excuses are just selfish & wrong.

    *this too
  • dadof2boyz
    dadof2boyz Posts: 156 Member
    This happened a few months ago and I'm past it, now its purely a matter of curiosity. I just want to know if there is any weight ( pun totally intended) to that side of the equasion?

    *It's likely that you're not really "past it" as you say, because you're obviously still thinking about the reasons why he would do such a thing.
  • dadof2boyz
    dadof2boyz Posts: 156 Member
    It is justification...for a douche bag *kitten* hole....A sensible person would sit down tell them they're not attracted to them anymore and work out a solution to resolve it. If the person does not feel like resolving it and prefers to stay that way, then they should leave....far before cheating becomes a factor...I think there are unfortunate circumstances but for the most part I find there's a type of person who cheats...as described in the first part of my post.

    *Like*
  • AlexandraLynch
    AlexandraLynch Posts: 161
    It's kind of a mixed bag.

    I can understand where someone who enjoys a moderately attractive lifestyle and has that with his wife for the first year or two of the marriage feels cheated when she stops doing the active things they enjoyed, puts on weight, isn't giving a damn about her appearance, and doesn't want to have sex with him.

    BUT. Before you yell.... His first thought should be, "Honey, I have a doctor's appointment for you on Monday at nine am, and I'm taking off work to go with you. " Because it is not fair to blame someone for medical problems. Perhaps she turns out to be depressed, perhaps thyroid problems or adrenal problems.... that's all treatable, if she wants to get better.

    But some people don't want to get better. Why, I don't know, but I've seen it happen before. Perhaps they like being the sick one that the relationship revolves around. Perhaps the medical condition is one that doesn't get better. (Like mine....it's hard to walk a lot with screws in your foot.)

    At that point, I strongly support a discussion about responsible non-monogamy. True, it may blow up in his face and she'll demand a divorce, but I think in many cases it would solve the tension and let them stay together and enjoy the parts of the relationship that do work well. But she may say no, I'm not opening up our marriage and how dare you ask if I approve of you with another woman!

    At that point he either puts up with the situation or gets out.

    I have no patience with cheaters who haven't run through all of the above options and gotten stonewalled on every single one. And even when I concede that they may have a point.... I decided a long time ago that I don't sleep with men whose wives don't know about me. Bisexual polyamorous and kinky does not equal indiscriminate.
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
    Cheating is something that can never be justified, no matter the circumstances. If you're not happy,just pack up and leave...smh

    Preach.gif
  • RockinBooty89
    RockinBooty89 Posts: 69
    It's kind of a mixed bag.

    I can understand where someone who enjoys a moderately attractive lifestyle and has that with his wife for the first year or two of the marriage feels cheated when she stops doing the active things they enjoyed, puts on weight, isn't giving a damn about her appearance, and doesn't want to have sex with him.

    BUT. Before you yell.... His first thought should be, "Honey, I have a doctor's appointment for you on Monday at nine am, and I'm taking off work to go with you. " Because it is not fair to blame someone for medical problems. Perhaps she turns out to be depressed, perhaps thyroid problems or adrenal problems.... that's all treatable, if she wants to get better.

    But some people don't want to get better. Why, I don't know, but I've seen it happen before. Perhaps they like being the sick one that the relationship revolves around. Perhaps the medical condition is one that doesn't get better. (Like mine....it's hard to walk a lot with screws in your foot.)

    At that point, I strongly support a discussion about responsible non-monogamy. True, it may blow up in his face and she'll demand a divorce, but I think in many cases it would solve the tension and let them stay together and enjoy the parts of the relationship that do work well. But she may say no, I'm not opening up our marriage and how dare you ask if I approve of you with another woman!

    At that point he either puts up with the situation or gets out.

    I have no patience with cheaters who haven't run through all of the above options and gotten stonewalled on every single one. And even when I concede that they may have a point.... I decided a long time ago that I don't sleep with men whose wives don't know about me. Bisexual polyamorous and kinky does not equal indiscriminate.

    A. Neither one of us was in great shape when we started dating, and both of us put on about an equal amount of weight at the time he cheated.

    B. There was never a refusal in the bedroom on either of our parts. We were having regular sex, a few times a week at least.

    C. I was not and am still not a couch potato, I was working a highly stressful desk job, he was unemployed.

    These are the facts of the situation.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    I don't think there's such a think like that, I'd call it an excuse, but there's no good reason I'd except for cheating.

    I'm sorry, but if someone is unhappy about the relationship they should either try to sort it out or break up. Cheating is just cowardly and gross, and I would never do that to someone I love.
  • deedeehopes
    deedeehopes Posts: 39 Member
    How disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If someone cheated on you because they don't like your body, then they don't deserve you in the first place.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
    cheating is never justified.
  • RockinBooty89
    RockinBooty89 Posts: 69
    I appreciate everyones input! Although I don't know what to think now, except maybe that I shouldn't have dismissed the notion so carelessly. I personally would and could never cheat, ever, not under any circumstance, its not in my character.

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