Are looks all that matter?
Hey guys...I am 23, fun, adventurous and have a great sense of humour...am I allowed to say that about myself? :P
My question is...till now no guy has ever shown an inkling of interest in me. I mean...I am not desperate or anything, but is it all about the looks? I know I am not Penelope Cruz or anything(oo la la) but I am not half bad and I can hold a conversation. So why is it that all the people around me who are not...err, fat or whatever get into relationships?
I am always the friend. The great friend who gives good advice about relationships, though I have never been in one. How weird is that?
I am the tomboy...the one who can beat them in drinking, the one who discusses hot girls, etc. Is that the problem?
My question is...till now no guy has ever shown an inkling of interest in me. I mean...I am not desperate or anything, but is it all about the looks? I know I am not Penelope Cruz or anything(oo la la) but I am not half bad and I can hold a conversation. So why is it that all the people around me who are not...err, fat or whatever get into relationships?
I am always the friend. The great friend who gives good advice about relationships, though I have never been in one. How weird is that?
I am the tomboy...the one who can beat them in drinking, the one who discusses hot girls, etc. Is that the problem? 0
Replies
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I am always the friend. The great friend who gives good advice about relationships, though I have never been in one. How weird is that? I am the tomboy...the one who can beat them in drinking, the one who discusses hot girls, etc. Is that the problem?
No man likes to be drank under the table unless you're going under the table with them.0 -
being someone you're not and trying to be like girls who you see with guys will get you laid.
Being yourself and waiting for the right person will get you in a meaningful relationship.
I'd rather be with a tomboy in a heartbeat than an annoying *kitten* barbie dolled "cheerleader" type. There are men out there who will love you for you.
(talking a lot to my wife with this advice, as I snapped her out of not being her when we got together).0 -
being someone you're not and trying to be like girls who you see with guys will get you laid.
Being yourself and waiting for the right person will get you in a meaningful relationship.
I'd rather be with a tomboy in a heartbeat than an annoying *kitten* barbie dolled "cheerleader" type. There are men out there who will love you for you.
(talking a lot to my wife with this advice, as I snapped her out of not being her when we got together).
Aww... this reminds me of a special episode of Blossom.0 -
Girl I hear ya... The sad part is... Yes for a lot of people, men especially since they are more visually oriented, looks are important. But they are not, or at least shouldn't be all that matters... For the D-bags that will dump someone just because they don't look the greatest... they are going to end up sad and alone for a lot of their lives because let's face it... no one is "hot" at 60... time is not on our side...
Maybe trying different things to meet people... The quality of the the guy may be lying in where are you are meeting them.0 -
Have you tried ugly guys? We need love too you know!0
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Its not all about looks.. but they have to be attracted to you to want you so that for sure has weight. But my advice is look in some different places for a man. If all the guys you are around consider you just friend material look somewhere else..0
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being someone you're not and trying to be like girls who you see with guys will get you laid.
Being yourself and waiting for the right person will get you in a meaningful relationship.
I'd rather be with a tomboy in a heartbeat than an annoying *kitten* barbie dolled "cheerleader" type. There are men out there who will love you for you.
(talking a lot to my wife with this advice, as I snapped her out of not being her when we got together).
he is wise.0 -
being someone you're not and trying to be like girls who you see with guys will get you laid.
Being yourself and waiting for the right person will get you in a meaningful relationship.
I'd rather be with a tomboy in a heartbeat than an annoying *kitten* barbie dolled "cheerleader" type. There are men out there who will love you for you.
(talking a lot to my wife with this advice, as I snapped her out of not being her when we got together).
YES!
this!0 -
Have you tried ugly guys? We need love too you know!
Who said you were ugly?0 -
Have you tried ugly guys? We need love too you know!
Amen brotha.0 -
Have you tried ugly guys? We need love too you know!
Even some of us ugly people are taken.0 -
Yes, looks are important, especially in those first stages of attraction.0
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Have you tried ugly guys? We need love too you know!
This is how I feel, lol.
But in all honesty, I think it's a mix of both. The initial attraction is needed for someone to make a move and personality is a secondary thing, until later, when it's the primary thing.0 -
Try the ugly guys, they have lower self-esteem.
Oh wait, or is that fat chicks?
DAMN.
But in all seriousness, yes looks do matter. If I'm not attracted to a guy and think DAMN, GIMME SOME OF THAT, then I damn sure am not going to be interested. Attraction is a must. BUT, not everyone agrees on what they find attractive. It's different for everyone, so just keep plugging along and you'll find someone eventually.0 -
I'm in the same boat as you OP. Seems like a high standard has been set in this day and age and people are brought up being fed the image of the ideal partner that reality very rarely seems to offer, yet they cling onto the notion sweeping potentional great relationships aside waiting for that one prince charming that'll probably never come xD0
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Hey guys...I am 23, fun, adventurous and have a great sense of humour...am I allowed to say that about myself? :P
My question is...till now no guy has ever shown an inkling of interest in me. I mean...I am not desperate or anything, but is it all about the looks? I know I am not Penelope Cruz or anything(oo la la) but I am not half bad and I can hold a conversation. So why is it that all the people around me who are not...err, fat or whatever get into relationships?
I am always the friend. The great friend who gives good advice about relationships, though I have never been in one. How weird is that? I am the tomboy...the one who can beat them in drinking, the one who discusses hot girls, etc. Is that the problem?
Minus the drinking, this is me (well add a few years too)... And yeah, I've struggled with this question. I finally came to realize that while we love people for *who* they are, we start talking to them for *what* that are. And, for all the guys that say they don't want a "high-maintenance" girl, there are a very small percentage that mean they want a girl like us. I think they mostly mean they want a girl who doesn't want to spend time with them other than for, uh, "relations". It definitely gets better with age tho, hon. Sorry I couldn't tell you anything more helpful.
(edited for clarity)0 -
No, looks aren't everything but they do tend to get things started. However looks really only get you to the first date. After that it's all personality.0
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You are only 23, you have your whole life ahead of you.
I have no advice for you, I don't get attention either but I just think staying true to yourself is always the right road to take.
For the record, I am a tomboy too, not really into make up and would rather drink beer and play on the 4 wheelers than shop. I don't think it is a turn off for the guys, if it is we are both in trouble.
Hang in there girly!0 -
Your not ugly0
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Looks are all that matter for teenagers maybe, but not for men looking for serious relationships. Sure you have to be presentable, but if you've got that covered, then maybe you are with the wrong age group? Guys in early twenties sometimes have no idea what they are looking for (as are girls of that age!) so maybe an older guy (late twenties/early thirties) would do the trick? I say this because I got married at 22 and my husband was 30 at the time. Guys in my age group were too boyish in my opinion, and they seemed to have no career plan or financial security... I couldn't deal with that, and then I was lucky and found my all-man husband! Try going to a different hangout alone, and see if having no friends around you will get guys to approach you.
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Try the ugly guys, they have lower self-esteem.
Oh wait, or is that fat chicks?
DAMN.
Thats why where to find the best mouth parties!0 -
I am always the friend. The great friend who gives good advice about relationships, though I have never been in one. How weird is that? I am the tomboy...the one who can beat them in drinking, the one who discusses hot girls, etc. Is that the problem?
Yes. Make a move, show that you're interested, remind them you have a vagina.0 -
Since you refer to yourself as the one who can beat them at drinking and talk about hot girls, it sounds like you think of yourself as the "buddy" type. It's kind of like whatever you fear is what happens. If you think of yourself as the buddy type, you are going to be the buddy type and you are going to end up around the buddy type of men. I always viewed myself as the one girls could come to to talk about their problems, confide in, etc, and that's all I ended up being. Then, I started viewing myself as a catch, someone they could depend on, and really believed that I am attractive, and the girls that were my type naturally started coming to me. I think everyone can be attractive if they do their hair, wear nice clothes that compliment their features, and have an attitude that they are attractive. Think of yourself as a magnet for the kind of guys you are interested in, and see how many of them don't start popping up out of nowhere!0
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Not all guys are just into looks. I want a partner that can lighten up, have fun, likes sex, can keep up with me.
I also want someone who can look after herself and does not need constant pampering and attention. Looks are not everything.
Having said that I cant count how many times I hear a woman say she is "looking for someone tall" and she doesnt mention faithful, compotent, will love me for me etc. so I think woman are just as bad as men when it comes to looks.0 -
being someone you're not and trying to be like girls who you see with guys will get you laid.
Being yourself and waiting for the right person will get you in a meaningful relationship.
I'd rather be with a tomboy in a heartbeat than an annoying *kitten* barbie dolled "cheerleader" type. There are men out there who will love you for you.
(talking a lot to my wife with this advice, as I snapped her out of not being her when we got together).
Aww... this reminds me of a special episode of Blossom.
speaking of blossom, i like Mayim Bialik as Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler much better. random and yes, pointless
as for the subject! Looks aren't everything but they sure make it alot easier to gain attention of the the one you want 0 -
OK, so I don't know you. OK?
I have seen heavier women hanging around less heavy women. I see the less heavier ones getting the men. The heavy one never gets anyone. There is some psychology there. Plus, the pool of men you are pulling from are is the wrong pool. Those men want less heavy women than yourself. You need to hang out with women your size, and hang out with men that want heavier women. I knwo that sounds weird, but it's true. The other thing is, you have to find some interest. What I mean is bar hopping or clubbing is kind of a thing where it's a hot guy / hot girl thing. It's visual. There are other ways though, like get into a fitness club, or biking club, or whatever you are into. You might meet a man that is also working to lose some weight and get healthy, and then right off the bat you have somehting in common.
I think it's just a matter of getting into a different groove with this.
Sorry if anything I said came off offensive as I have no intention at all of coming off that way. I'm just trying to help.
I've seen it among my own friends and it always seemed like the heavier friends (men or women) can't compete with the skinny friends. So, they have to find something different to do to pair up with people.
Again, it could also be a personality thing. Some women I know can't get a date to save their life, and it's pretty obvious why after you get to know them. It has nothing to do with how they look. LOL. Not saying that's you. Just saying...0 -
This is a tough one. Yes.....for initial attraction looks are all that really matter. That initial reaction sets the tone (friends vs. more than friends). Now don't get me wrong you can get out of the friendzone but once you are there it is very difficult. The other thing as other have said is to look at your standards....I can't really see your face in your pic so I can't rate or anything but I find sometimes 5's are interested in 9's 10's and wonder why nobody likes them back........It's not that noone ever will....but it's a lot less likely so it will take longer. All that said.....be happy with yourself.....you will find a guy eventually it will work with.0
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I am always the friend. The great friend who gives good advice about relationships, though I have never been in one. How weird is that? I am the tomboy...the one who can beat them in drinking, the one who discusses hot girls, etc. Is that the problem?
If you are discussing hot girls with men, perhaps they are inclined to think that hot girls is where your interest lies? Chances are there are some great guys who are interested in you but haven't made an overture simply because they think you like women. Imagine you were hanging out with yourself - what assumptions would you make about someone like you?
And remember, men are also fearful of rejection, although our society expects them to "man up". Try showing some subtle signs of interest in someone and see what happens.
I used to wonder why no one ever asked me out, until a trusted girlfriend let me know that my direct personality makes me a little intimidating to men. My answer at the time was to laugh out loud - Me? Intimidating? I'm 5 feet tall, for heaven's sake!! Hahaha! But she was right A little self-evaluation can go a long way...Good luck! 0 -
No. Looks aren't as important as someone's character and personality. Being able to trust someone, feel safe with them, and being able to trust them to be faithful is way, way above looks and size.0
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No....but they do matter.0
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