Tips on saying no for a former restrictive eater

missxlaur · September 2012

Hi MFP friends,

For the last two years I've been healthy. On the right track. Trying to focus on fueling my body, enjoying food, and staying active. But my past was pretty rocky - severe restricting, binge purge cycles, hating my body - you know the deal.

Now that I am healthy and focusing on some slow and steady weight loss, I feel that I have immense trouble saying no to foods because it puts me back in a restrictive mindset. When I say "Ok Lauren, don't eat any bread at dinner tonight," all I can think about is eating the bread and wanting it, and I immediately go and eat it all.

I guess what I'm hoping is that some of you may be able to provide some insight on how to set boundaries for myself for eating, without feeling like I'm reverting back to restrictive mode, and sabotaging myself.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Lauren

Erienneb · September 2012

I have a similar past and definitely the same struggle. If I say "ok don't eat that" my brain instantly is like "but I really want that, it's ok. Lets just eat it" haha.
I have found that distraction is a better tactic, for me. I will drink a flavored water slowly and if I still want something really bad after that, I'll allow myself a small amount. If it's a food you're trying not to eat during another meal, I'd suggest eating everything else first, slowly, becvause that way you'll fill up and that helps the cravings.

missxlaur · September 2012

Thanks! That's great advice. I think distraction will be a big thing for me. Anyone else out there?

jrbb03092 · September 2012

Why not concentrate on allowing yourself a reasonable amount of that food? Have one slice of bread and then remind yourself that there will still be bread tomorrow, you can have some then, you don't have to eat it all now. If you really want a second slice, let yourself have it but again, savour it, eat it slowly, remind yourself it's not the last bread in the world

journalistjen · September 2012

For what it's worth, my advice would be not to say no to any food you really want. Just watch the portions and put a limit on the amount of it you're going to eat. This doesn't work for everyone, because there are foods that I even avoid at times because I know I can't stop at a few bites.

mitch16 · September 2012

Been there, done that--eating disorders included.

I've found that I really had to get into a good mindset to be able to lose the weight that I have... On prior tries I just wasn't committed to it.

That being said, if you are planning on going slow, you really don't have to be completely restrictive... Let yourself have that bread or whatever else you want, but make sure it fits into your calorie count for the day or week. I still eat chocolate every single day. I eat fast food once a week, too. I just don't go crazy on it, make sure that I don't binge, exercise like a maniac to make sure it fits, and stay under my calories on a different day.

SydneyBristowe · September 2012

it's hard work, but take the word 'no' (and by association "don't" and other restrictive terms) out of your mentalspace when it comes to food.

For example "Ok Lauren, don't eat any bread at dinner tonight" could become "Ok Lauren, there'll be bread at dinner tonight so have one small roll" by giving yourself permission to 'indulge' you may find that you don't even want to have it and certainly won't have the urge to eat it all

It'll take more than a few goes to get it right, but I'll bet it took more than a few goes to get healthy in the first place

ellehcimyelhsa · September 2012

I do the same. I started out letting myself have a small portion because I didn't want to be too restricting. I would end up obsessing over it and doing things like eating a whole batch of cookies that my husband brought home.

I tried distraction and limiting, but it hasn't really worked for me. I make dinner and leave everything in the kitchen (our table is in a dining area). I measure out my portions and then my husband takes what he wants. If it isn't sitting in front of me, it helps.

Other than that, I have no advice, just sympathy.

MaraDiaz · September 2012

I have a similar past and definitely the same struggle. If I say "ok don't eat that" my brain instantly is like "but I really want that, it's ok. Lets just eat it" haha.
I have found that distraction is a better tactic, for me. I will drink a flavored water slowly and if I still want something really bad after that, I'll allow myself a small amount. If it's a food you're trying not to eat during another meal, I'd suggest eating everything else first, slowly, becvause that way you'll fill up and that helps the cravings.

Good advice. Except I find downing protein (eggs, steak, or similar) far more effective when I get a carb craving. I have yet to eat a steak for lunch and then run to eat the bread I told myself I won't have for dinner.

I also tend to tell myself that I can have it if I really want it, but wouldn't I rather the scale send me a happy message tomorrow morning instead? But hey, if I want it for dinner in a few hours, if I really want it that bad, okay...by dinner I usually don't.

aligatah · September 2012

I don't know if this is the same, but sometimes when I feel like the elliptical is kicking my butt and I want to quit, I tell myself that I can quit any time. I always keep going until my time is up, but it seems like telling myself I can quit is all my mind needs to hear so it doesn't rebel, complain, and give up. Maybe tell yourself you can have all the bread you want and see what happens -- when you sit down to eat, your mind won't feel like it has to rebel and will say, "Nah, that's okay, I'll just have two ounces of it."

126siany · September 2012

I don't have any personal experience with eating disorders, so I'm sorry if this doesn't apply.

I also cut back on my carbs, but I did it by focusing on my other macros. If I'm trying to eat 1g of protein per pound of lean body mass, which for me is around 110g of protein per day, the carbs fall in line on their own. I'm not so much saying "no bread" as I'm saying "yes" to satisfying other macros. I also try to pre-plan my days as often as possible.

Not sure if pre-planning helps those recovering from an ED or is triggering though. I can see how that could go either way.

runs_in_heels · September 2012

"Why not concentrate on allowing yourself a reasonable amount of that food? Have one slice of bread and then remind yourself that there will still be bread tomorrow, you can have some then, you don't have to eat it all now."

THAT.

i seem to have trouble remembering that (assuming i don't eat the ENTIRE pint of frozen yogurt) it will be there tomorrow.
and shock of shock! the bar will NOT run dry overnight.

funkyspunky872 · September 2012

I did this last night, except when I say no, I mean no. I could feel myself slipping back into restrict mode even though it's been over 30 days since I last restricted, purged, or took laxatives.

Next time I will fill my plate with everything I say no to. Just a little bit of each thing. I find it harder to say no when something's on my plate. :P Maybe it would work for you too. Bread is good for you, and bread is yummy. Bread is fuel too! Try putting a slice on your plate as soon as the bread comes (if you're talking about eating out that is). Or if your preparing dinner at home, add your own slice and put the rest up.

Angie_1991 · September 2012

Last night I ate a roll at dinner and just walked/ran longer on the treadmill.

missxlaur · September 2012

Thanks everyone for your advice and help! These will all be super helpful tips. I think I am going to focus on letting myself know that the food will be there tomorrow, fulfilling other macros (especially protein), allowing myself some small amount - and if I eat it, great, if I don't, also great. I need to remember that no food is off limits - everything just has to happen in moderation.

Tips on saying no for a former restrictive eater

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