The Kind of "Support" that isnt support at all...

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  • Rynatat
    Rynatat Posts: 807 Member
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    Excellent job on losing slowly - your body and skin will thank you as you wont have the "skinny-fat" look due to too much loose skin. And if your fam is worried about the bulking up - tell them the only way to do that is if you pound protein & heavy weights and not eat any fats. I eat a good mix of foods, but I also work on muscle at low weights/high reps to build & accentuate what I naturally have (like you, I naturally have a lot of muscle which is why I'm just under 5'6" and 150-155 lbs), and I look healthy now - healthier now than I've ever been.
    They may not understand right now, they may even be jealous that you have been taking a step to being healthier & living longer, but as they see you progress & build on your natural assets, they will realize that being healthy and happy are two of the biggest keys to a long life.

    Don't ever give up - you're doing this for you, for your healthy, for your life. No one else can live it for you, so you need to be comfortable in your skin for you and only you. As you said, this is a lifestyle, not just a change, but a better chance at life. Enjoy & Congrats!!
  • flowergirl73
    flowergirl73 Posts: 153 Member
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    When I received comments like this when I lost weight many years ago I reminded people that they were comparing my new weight with my old (heavy) weight, not with the healthy weight of normal people. They said that was a good point.
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
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    Has anyone ever heard of an intervention when the family comes over and says

    'we know you eat out 3 times a week and don't have time for exercise. We worry you will be fat and spotty from poor health''

    No so why butt in because I obsess about being healthy?!?!

    **rant totally justified**
  • pigbopa
    pigbopa Posts: 16 Member
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    Just keep going to what you want to be. Shrug it off the best you can and remember that this is for you not them.
  • Spartan_Maker
    Spartan_Maker Posts: 683 Member
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    What they said was no doubt rooted in some insecurity, but that doesn't excuse it. It was insulting and bizarre.

    Family or not, I would have turned to them both and delivered the deathblow of insults: "You ought to have higher standards for both me and you."
  • FiercelyBeautiful
    FiercelyBeautiful Posts: 590 Member
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    When I received comments like this when I lost weight many years ago I reminded people that they were comparing my new weight with my old (heavy) weight, not with the healthy weight of normal people. They said that was a good point.

    I totally agree with this! They know me one way that is separate from the real world, its a difficult transition for me much less for them.
  • FiercelyBeautiful
    FiercelyBeautiful Posts: 590 Member
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    Has anyone ever heard of an intervention when the family comes over and says

    'we know you eat out 3 times a week and don't have time for exercise. We worry you will be fat and spotty from poor health''

    No so why butt in because I obsess about being healthy?!?!

    **rant totally justified**

    Ironic isnt it? i Think if they were healthy maybe this would be the opposite scenario but my entire family is overweight so that is the norm. I do love them completely I just want to make that clear, I love and respect my mom; just dislike some of the things she says/thinks lol.
  • JB5349
    JB5349 Posts: 135 Member
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    You look stunning! Congrats on making changes that are going to make sure that you are here for the rest of your life healthy for your babies! (who consequently are absolutely adorable) My Mom does the same thing to me all the time, when I lose weight she keeps harping at me not to gain it, when I have a few grey hairs she says that I need to do something about it and when I do she then tells me that I do not look right. I give I think it is a mom thing to be critical but think that it is loving advice.

    Unsolicited advice but in their eyes loving none the less.... LOL

    You look fantastic and keep doing what you are doing if it makes you happy!
  • brendaschmitt1
    brendaschmitt1 Posts: 218
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    So sorry this happened. I get a lot of weight critizism from my dad since high school and i know how much it hurts because you love your parents and always want their approval but you are doing awesome.

    Just stick to your goal and stand firm with you you want. Dont let your mom stir you to give up or upset you. You feel strongly about this and your dedication to weight loss has paid of because you look great and feel great. Just assure your mom you know what you are doing and you appreciate her concern but you are determined to reach your goal no matter what anybody says. Remind her how great you feel inside and out and how it has changed your life for the better. She should understand and if she does not don't worry about it. Sometimes we have to make ourselves happy and not worry about what moms or dads think or family members think.

    Just blame it on ignorance. That is what I do.
  • MCproptart
    MCproptart Posts: 92 Member
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    I am 5' 6" and 168.4lbs, I am not even at a "healthy" weight yet. These kinds of discussions are discouraging and insulting. I have explained to my mom that since I have never and I mean NEVER been under 200+ lbs since 8th grade that this is an intensive emotional and physical transition. I have had ups and downs but I have continued to work on myself as a whole.

    My goal is 150lbs and I dont think most of you who have been in my shoes would say that is unreasonable at all especially given that, that is on the larger end of the average for my height (I do carry a pretty significant amount of muscle). Anyway, it just hurt and I needed somewhere to vent about it.

    Okay, so I am 5' 6" and right now I am a hair under 155 lbs. at 42 years old and I promise you that I don't look used up! LOL! I would guarantee them that you won't either at the ripe old age of 30!


    I am 5'6" and will be 42 in a few months. When I was 155# the summer between high school and college, the doctor giving me my physical said that I could lose about 5#. I gained the frosh 15, and have never been below 160 since. Christmas of 2008 I was 264. I am nearly 50 pounds less than that now, and I am shooting for 150 as well.

    Your goals are healthy. You are becoming healthy. The people in your life, well, they need some adjusting time. Sometimes people in your life want to "own" your success--they come in at the 11th hour with a few suggestions, and then can magically see themselves as the hero. :grumble: :grumble: You are your own hero. The hero always has a battle with self before she is ready to battle others. Hang in there and be true to yourself. They will come around.:bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
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    As long as you're eating enough and being healthy, you're in the clear. I think you're right, your fam has never seen you at this light of a weight before, and sometimes it will make people uncomfortable to see a loved one lose this much weight (congrats btw!). If it makes them feel better let them know exactly HOW you're losing weight (your calorie deficit, your BMR, all that fun stuff we know). It could put their mind at ease that you're doing this intelligently and safely.
  • lucylousmummy
    lucylousmummy Posts: 348 Member
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    *kitten* 'em all.

    I get spoken to/yelled at/ explain to, all the time by people that have no idea what they are talking about. I was 250 pounds for so long, everyone got use to seeing me that way. I am now 170 pounds, at the upper end of the BMI NORMAL scale, and everyone says I am too thin.

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I am not too THIN. All the complainers are toooooo FAT and basically want me to be fat. I am sure it is the same for you.

    Good luck in your journey and keep on going. You are doing great.

    this exactly lol, ive got 3 friends who have all been discussing me and my weight loss and have come to the conclusion that i have taken it to far now and i'm starting to look ill........ i am still in the overweight bracket, i still have "issues" with various parts of my body (belly and chest mainly), and the only reason that i look ill sometimes is because i have 4 kids one of which has mental health problems and i'm stressed to the eyeballs pretty much 24/7 the ONLY thing that makes me feel better is exercise. i initially got really upset that they were talking about me behind my back then it dawned on me that all 3 of them are seriously overweight, have tried and failed at diets over and over again, and most importantly me succeeding is making them look bad so i've decided to think f**k em too. only i should decide when i have "done" with the dieting and there are only 2 people who i would listen to if they thought i was getting too thin, my husband and my mum

    if you cant talk to them about it and make them see your point of view then i'm afraid your just going to have to learn to ignore what they are saying
  • hugsee
    hugsee Posts: 36
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    I am so thankful for my supportive family. I suffer with type 2 diabetes (both sides of family) and weight related. Then there is the osteoarthritis from lower back down. I have days where the pain is so intense but I have my dog who needs to walk. I dose up on my medication and get my sorry self down to the beach with her and I walk. Sometimes I walk with my sister and her dog coco and that is always good to do. I am so lucky in living around the corner from an amazing beach. Its longer than 4 miles have only managed a there and back once lol.

    We do have a friend though that is a size 10 and she always 'forgets' to eat...yeah right. She is always saying that she needs to drop some weight (god knows where from) I used to be a size 32 (ex partner liked me eating) and I am now in a size 18 and I feel terrific and setting a new goal for a size 16.

    Small goals make it so much nicer when you achieve them. I have also heard there is an aqua robics class near me starting up so will join that too. Anything to shift this tummy hips and thigh fat. All I can say is that since I joined (yesterday lol) I have found it to be an amazing place and wish I had joined earlier.

    Mums do tend to worry and your brother is probably jealous he hasnt got your will power so just say that you feel so good in your skin and that you are avoiding many unpleasant diseases by dropping the weight.

    Hats off to you for doing so well
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
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    I'm lucky in that my parents were incredibly active and fit their whole lives. Even though my mother is about 15lbs overweight right now, she still is in fantastic shape. So when she looks at me losing weight she knows I'm healthy and is supportive.

    The problem with the outside world, I am finding, is that people don't know what "normal" looks like anymore. For example, in the state I live in, ILlinois, a quarter of all people are *obese* and given I think five more years (I cna't remember the study I read to source it) it'll be half. HALF of the people in my state will be not even overweight, but "Obese" so of course to them, a normal healthy person looks thin and sick.

    Remember that you know your body best. You are doing amazing things and when people say things like that take it as a compliment.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    First of all, congratulations on your achievements thus far. You should be very proud of yourself; change isn't easy.

    As for your family, I hope you don't let them bully you off course. I don't know if they don't understand or if they resent you for doing something they can't (or won't), but either way - what is going on in their heads really doesn't have anything to do with you. It sounds like you are making positive changes that will serve you well, so keep doing what you're doing, and MFP will cheer you on when your family won't.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    I know she is trying to show me love but I think my life change makes them uncomfortable.

    You said it. But I doubt her intent is loving - I think it's mostly the discomfort that's showing when your family speaks to you.

    I think I'd be like, "I love you and I know you're trying to help, but I don't know if you realize how insulting it is to hear your comments about my body. I'm really happy with the changes I'm making. If you can't be happy for me, I'd rather just not talk about it"

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