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Should I let a toxic friend know I am thinking about her?
A few months ago, I ended a longtime, toxic friendship. She was a great friend in so many ways, but she was a drama magnet and it was physically and emotionally draining to hear about all of her issues on a daily basis.
Today is my ex-friend's birthday, and I bought her a gift which I was thinking of mailing to her house. I want her to know I love her and will always wish the best for her, but I do not want to re-kindle our friendship and I don't want to give mixed signals.
I don't know if I should deliver the gift or not... any thoughts?
Today is my ex-friend's birthday, and I bought her a gift which I was thinking of mailing to her house. I want her to know I love her and will always wish the best for her, but I do not want to re-kindle our friendship and I don't want to give mixed signals.
I don't know if I should deliver the gift or not... any thoughts?
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Replies
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gift=mixed signals0
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Return/keep the gift. Send a card stating what you just wrote.
I've never had a toxic friend, so maybe this isn't the best reaction, but I'd just ignore the day. You have moved on.0 -
That'd be giving a mixed signal. You don't send gifts to people you don't want to be friends with.0
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That's pretty mixed.0
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Return/keep the gift. Send a card stating what you just wrote.
I've never had a toxic friend, so maybe this isn't the best reaction, but I'd just ignore the day. You have moved on.
Don't send a card. That's just like sending a card saying "I don't want to be your friend." Kind of mean, don't you think?0 -
Don't send it if you're not wanting to rekindle the friendship becuase it could be seen as a "peace offering" of sorts if you were the one to break the friendship off
unless you send it anonymously0 -
I personally wouldn't send it. And if I were the person in question, I wouldn't want it. If it's done, let it be done. Like a breakup. Its nice that you still care, but giving the gift and running away will just reaffirm that you think she is a toxic person and that won't make her feel good on her bday I don't think.0
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I think you may be opening the door for reinvolvement - unless you want to get into a discussion about why you are no longer interested in spending time with her. It is mixed message to reach out, only to pull away.0
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If you do not want to rekindle the relationship, do not send a gift. If you have moved on, then I am not sure why this is even a consideration.0
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Sending a gift would be a mixed signal.0
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Depends on how the relationship ended. If it ended bad, then I would just ignore the day if you have no desire to rekindle the relationship. If it was just a parting of ways, no harsh words, I agree with peuglow.0
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Just send it, you already bought it, what do you have to lose? lol0
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Return the gift. If you've ended the friendship, it's over. Sending a gift will confuse matters and implies a relationship is still there. If you run into her, be nice and cordial. That's all.0
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Do not even acknowledge the day.0
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It's hard when you miss someone but you know to have them in your life will cause you stress. I recently reached out to someone I haven't spoken to in years because I saw she had a baby. All I wanted to do was say congrats. She however, suggested I add her on facebook. Needless to say I didn't respond to that email because a)I don't want the drama and b) I don't feel like gossiped about. I think it's okay to say "happy birthday" but to do anymore is just sending mixed signals.0
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I wouldn't advise it because if you gave her the gift you would be giving her 'false' hope of becoming friends again.....and that would be very upsetting for her:(0
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that will probably give the impression that you want to patch things up. If you have completely cut off from her than just let it go completely. Esp. if this is someone who's very dramatic.
good luck!0 -
If you don't want to give her mixed signals and you've ended the relationship, I think that should tell you something.0
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I concur that you should keep the gift to yourself and/or return it. I have had friends like that. HAD. Don't look back. Remember: you can not be responsible for everyone else's happiness. It took me entirely too long to figure that out.0
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friends give gifts to each other, non friends do not. don't let unwarranted guilt make you do something you don't really want to do0
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